Help... I''m about to give up!

[malga]

This is my first time here, so I''ll give a quick intro. I have been with my bf for almost 6 years (in October)! We have lived together for the last 3 years and 1.5 years ago we got our first "real" house together. We have a dog. We have a good relationship that is going down hill fast. I am so frustrated!!! All of our friends are married and working on having children and we are not even engaged and many of them started dating after we did! He says he wants to get married "someday," but I''m really starting to freak out. I''m 27 years old and I really want to have children. I''m considering leaving because I just don''t know what to do.

 

[robbie3982]

Hi Malga,

Welcome to Pricescope

. I''m sorry that you''re going through a tough time. Have you talked to your bf about how you feel? I think sometimes guys don''t get how much of a difference the ring and the ceremony mean to us.

 

[malga]

Yes I have. We have talked about it a lot. In fact, I''m driving him nuts about it. I feel like the conversations don''t get us anywhere different. He gets annoyed with me, he thinks I should understand that maybe he isn''t ready at the same time as me. But, I feel like "oh my god, I have been really patient!"

 

[robbie3982]

Have you talked about what it is exactly that he''s not ready for? FI used to say that a lot before we got engaged.

You''ve been together almost 6 years, you have a house together, honestly, marriage isn''t going to change much. You need to make him figure out what he''s not ready for.

Maybe once he thinks about it logically and realizes that marriage isn''t going to change everything in his world, he''ll realize that he doesn''t have anything to be scared of.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

You might want to read the posts by "alwayswaiting". She''s going through the same thing. It is very sad when it becomes apparent that the guy is comfortable with the way things are and has no desire or incentive to marry. IT sounds like you need to be honest and say that if marriage and children are not in his plans for the near future, you really need to move on with your life and move out even though you love him. That will either cause him to realize he can''t live without you, or he can. You really need to know which it is.

 

[KimberlyH]

I think the best thing you can do is to make it clear that you love him, that you want to be married and if he isn''t aiming for the same goals than he needed to share that with you in X amount of time (to be determined by you, but don''t be unrealstic and say 1 week) so that you can decide what is best for you and what your next move is and then DROP IT. There is no more surefire way to make him crazy and push him away than to constantly harp on him about this. He knows you want to be engaged, for whatever reason he''s not there. Allow him that and the time to truly reflect on his wants and needs without constantly reminding him that you aren''t satisfued. That will only push him away. And while you are waitng for him to figure things out, take some time for you. Establish or pursue your hobbies, enjoy your life. Your world should hinge on whether or not you marry him or anyone else.