Help me choose a venue...kinda long!

[AllieLuv83]

I am having the darndest time choosing between two venues. They are both very very different (apples and oranges) making it extremely hard to choose. Please help.

Venue one:

Promises to keep, Derry NH

Pros:A very nice function hall, has nice gardens for a ceremony, can set up an outdoor bar. The wedding consultant was very nice, the food is flexible and you can choose from a variety of options and add-ons, can have a cash bar (this is a pro because some of DF family suffer from alcoholism and would take advantage of an open bar)

Cons: Booze is expensive for two bottles of wine on each table and one champagne toast it will be about $1000. Seems beautiful but a bit stuffy and unoriginal to me. I always invisioned something different for my wedding.

Venue two:

The Endicott Estate, Dedham MA

Pros: Beautiful location, very interesting history, you can bring your own caterer, you can bring in your own alcohol, different (what I always wanted), nice rooms for people to mill around and mingle in.

Cons: Have to deal with more vendors, (caterer, linen and chair rentals, bar tending services), have to have an open bar no cash bars allowed (people in DF family will be sh** faced all night long), worried about everything running smoothly, dancing is not done in main ballroom but in the music room of the house.

 

[bee*]

Personally I would pick the first venue and try and decorate it or jazz it up to my style. The reasons being that for me a nice wedding coordinator is something that is high on my list due to the fact that you will be dealing with them so much, good food is always a plus, nice gardens and an outside bar is also somthing that would appeal to me. The thoughts of having to get my own caterer etc isn''t something that I would like.

 

[doodle]

i''m forewarning you now that i am highly opinionated and never censor, but i don''t mean to offend, so here goes nothing! all other issues aside, i have always been told that doing a cash bar is considered rude to your guests because a wedding reception is kind of like your and your parents'' way of thanking your guests for attending your wedding, so it''s almost like charging a cover charge to attend your wedding. if you''re worried about certain people falling off the wagon, so to speak, at your wedding, having to throw $5 to a bartender won''t stop them either. in fact, it gives people less room to be able to cut them off because they paid for the drink. my wedding is going to be a somewhat similar problem in that aspect because i''m 24, and at my age, most of my friends are still in their party phase, so we''re having a limited open bar of wine, beer, and a signature cocktail in the hopes that narrowing the options might also narrow the imbibing. also, we are instructing our bartenders to limit consumption to certain times (for example, closing the bar an hour before the end of the reception so people have time to sober up) and we''re giving our bartenders carte blanche to cut off anyone who has had too much. i had the exact same situation as you, though: one venue was GORGEOUS, but we had to hire all of our own vendors, while the other was all-inclusive but expensive and stuffier than i had wanted. we went with the first venue, and even though we had to hire our own vendors, A) we were able to choose people we were really comfortable with instead of just going with the house vendor, and b)our venue''s owners were really helpful with recommending vendors who had worked there before and that they knew were reputable. also, our venue doesn''t have a planner or anything, but they do have a coordinator who is in charge on the day of to make sure things go okay then. as for the separation of the ballroom from the music room in the second option, that''s kind of a bummer, but depending on your crowd, it could be great. it''d make sure your great-aunt doesn''t get tackled by a plastered cousin trying to do the chicken dance, haha. anywho, i know this was a really long reply, but just throwing out as much as i could. i hope this was helpful, and if not, my apologies!! good luck, and let us all know what you choose!

 

[zoebartlett]

I have never been to Promises to Keep but I have been to the Endicott Estate. I know that Promises to Keep is a popular wedding venue around this area but personally, I'd choose the Endicott Estate, hands down. It's gorgeous! If I remember correctly, it has an old-fashioned elevator. I'm not sure why, but that sticks out in my mind for some reason. The grounds are beautiful. If I was looking at venues in MA, that would be on my short list.

I hope you don't mind me posting links, but this may help others give their opinion:

Priomises to Keep: http://www.promisesnh.com/
Endicott Estate: http://www.endicottestate.com/index.htm

ETA: it sounds like you WANT to like Promises to Keep but you really love the Endicott Estate. The EE would be that different type of place you said you've always envisioned. It sounds like a winner to me. It does sound nice to have everything done at one place, which is what PTK would offer, right? That's a plus for that venue. For me, that wouldn't be the deciding factor though. I'd still choose the EE. I'd work with the coordinator at the EE, or if possible, hire a wedding coordinator to help with the planning.

 

[AllieLuv83]

Thank you Zoe, you hit the nail on the head I love EE and really want to love P2K. All the extra work with all the vendors scares me a little bit and we are working on a budget so a wedding planner was never part of that. I am sure it will all work out. I just need to get some more quotes from caterers.

 

[Octavia]

Allie, if you have to bring your own alcohol at Endicott Estate, is it possible for you to do only an hour of open bar (and limit it to whatever alcohols you want -- even down to a couple specialty drinks) during cocktail hour, and then just wine with dinner and/or champagne toast? If you limit the amount of alcohol you buy and bring, then the family members in question won''t be able to get smashed but you won''t be violating any rules, either. If you really love that venue, it might be a happy medium for you. Of course, that doesn''t help with the extra vendor issue...but it''s something to consider!

 

[AllieLuv83]

Octavia, I am not sure if I can only do an hour open bar (I am pretty sure I cant) it has to be open bar all night long because of town regulations on accepting money for drinks or something. can limit it to beer, wine and some mixed drinks.

 

[Octavia]

I was more thinking that if you only brought enough alcohol for one hour of cocktails/hard drinks, then when it ran out that would be it. Not that you would charge for drinks after the hour elapsed. I'm sure the liquor store or venue coordinator can tell you about how much alcohol is normally consumed in a one-hour period for your number of guests. When the cocktail hour is up, then it's just wine and beer until they're gone, and then the bar shuts down. It's not ideal, but if you're out of alcohol, people can't really keep drinking...

ETA: I think ladyciel was posting at the same time I was, and she said it better than I did!

 

[ladyciel]

Date: 3/30/2008 7:12:55 PM
Author: AllieLuv83
Octavia, I am not sure if I can only do an hour open bar (I am pretty sure I cant) it has to be open bar all night long because of town regulations on accepting money for drinks or something. can limit it to beer, wine and some mixed drinks.

I think what Octavia meant is only an hour of full (open) bar. Then, the bar closes completely except for soft drinks, etc. The only alcohol served is wine/champagne provided at the dinner table or by waiters during dinner or for the toast. When it''s gone, it''s gone. It can''t possibly be illegal to only offer a limited amount of booze - you aren''t charging for it, you''re just making it unavailable.

Overall, I''d go for EE. You might actually be able to SAVE money by bringing your own caterer and alcohol, even though it''ll take a bit more planning. Also, you''ll save on decorating costs that you might otherwise rack up trying to make the other location more to your liking.

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Allie,

Just out of curiosity, are you considering other venues as well, or have you already narrowed it down to these two? Where else did you look? I''m always curious to see what venues around New England people have looked at.

 

[AllieLuv83]

I have looked at seeminly a gazillion venues (I am out of state and saw like 9 places while home for Easter).

We saw the Whittemore-Robbins house in Arlington Ma
The Gore Place in Waltham
The Codman Estate in Lincoln
The Griffin museum of photography in Winchester
Lake pearl lucianos in Wrentham
Promises to Keep
Searles Castle
Brookstone event center
House of Seven Gables in Salem

Haha, those two were my favorite that we narrowed down to!

 

[AllieLuv83]

You know I considered doing that (buying a limited amount) but I feel like its just not fair to the other 97 people attending who are responsible adults that three people at the wedding cannot control their drinking.

 

[doodle]

something else that occurred to me: i think the standard markup for alcohol at most venues is 400% (no, that''s not a typo), so if you''re working on a budget, being able to bring your own alcohol saves you a LOT of money, and most caterers and alcohol suppliers will help you figure out how much to purchase. the first venue we looked at charged $138.50 for a 750 mL bottle of captain morgann!!! just an additional thought. both places are really pretty, but i especially love the second. you''d wind up with some really great pix from a venue like that!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I would go with EE too. It is beautiful and I suspect you can get better food since there is competion. I grew up with alcoholics so I know how you feel. My cousin did drink tickets and gave fewer to the alcoholics than everyone else. Since everyone knew the ones who had a problem, they didn''t share their tickets with them.
Another option is to only have beer and wine/champagne since it would make it easier to control alcohol consumption without making everyone feel they are getting cut off.
I know it isn''t fair to everyone else, but consider that have three unpleasant drunks won''t be any better for the rest of the guests.
I know my caterer has agreements with rental places so I don;t have to deal with them, just my caterer and the alcohol which does make it easier. Some caterers will even cover alcohol and decorations, so keep that in mind. There are also day of cordinators you can hire if you need them.

 

[FrekeChild]

I chose EE.

FYI, if anyone is charging you 400% of the price of any liquor, that's called highway robbery. The normal markup on any alcohol is 100%. The bottle costs $7, it should be priced at $14

Now if we start talking soft drinks, the markup can go up to 4000%. Seriously, a soft drink costs about 5 cents for a 12 ounce drink. So even if it costs $2, they're making 3900% profit.

Sickening yes?

ETA: my math might be a little on the iffy side, but you get the picture.

 

[karasue91]

i vote for EE too!!! i like more unique venues too, and after dealing with so many stupid rules at my venue, the idea of being about to choose my own caterer, linens, chairs, dishes, glasses, silverware, etc would be wonderful!!!

do you have any pics of the 2 venues??

 

[AllieLuv83]

I am sorry Karasue, I do not have my own pictures but someone posted the links to both sites earlier in the post. I feel like things are coming together nicely. I am pretty sure we will end up going to the Endicott Estate. I really want to be able to play some lawn games on my wedding day, I am addicted to bocce and croquet!

 

[karasue91]

Date: 3/31/2008 8:42:42 PM
Author: AllieLuv83
I am sorry Karasue, I do not have my own pictures but someone posted the links to both sites earlier in the post. I feel like things are coming together nicely. I am pretty sure we will end up going to the Endicott Estate. I really want to be able to play some lawn games on my wedding day, I am addicted to bocce and croquet!

sorry, should have read!!! hands down, endicott estate. no question! it will be so gorgeous. why can''t they have giant mansions on huge estates for rent in calgary????

 

[Dreamgirl]

My question is, if you are concerned about relatives drinking too much, why not just 86 the alcohol and then you wont have any worries. ?

 

[AllieLuv83]

Well my fiances family consists of 8 uncles and aunts (first uncles and aunts as in sisters and brothers of his mother) The three alcoholics are his mothers two brothers and sister. I don''t think I could invite the other 4 siblings and not them...I just would not feel right about it!

 

[AllieLuv83]

OOops I read that wrong..."get rid of the booze all together?" whhhaaaat! That is unthinkable! Just Kidding...I am not sure that it would fly, we have many young friends and many people coming from oot of town (california, florida, ny, nj, etc.) They are expecting to have a good time

 

[Selkie]

Allie, I realized I never replied to your question in the earlier thread about other waterfront venues in MA, sorry! But it sounds like the Endicott Estate is a great choice for you anyway. It''s beautiful, and as a historical building, it looks much more interesting than Promises. Have you talked to the people at EE to find out if they have a list of possible caterers and vendors? That might make your life easier.

 

[AllieLuv83]

Selkie, I have talked to a million caterers and it seems as though most are waaaaaay over my budget. Is there any room for negotiation when it comes to catering? Most places are like $500-$1000 over what I want to spend

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 4/1/2008 1:40:47 PM
Author: AllieLuv83
OOops I read that wrong...'get rid of the booze all together?' whhhaaaat! That is unthinkable! Just Kidding...I am not sure that it would fly, we have many young friends and many people coming from oot of town (california, florida, ny, nj, etc.) They are expecting to have a good time

Yeah, just a suggestion. I see your point though. But, I think when I get married I may do away with it completely. I just feel it's an added expense that isn't really necessary. Plus I don't think Im interested in the one guy who gets completely wasted and takes all the attention away from me. haha! I guess we will see when my time comes. But to each his own.

 

[Selkie]

Date: 4/1/2008 3:58:28 PM
Author: AllieLuv83
Selkie, I have talked to a million caterers and it seems as though most are waaaaaay over my budget. Is there any room for negotiation when it comes to catering? Most places are like $500-$1000 over what I want to spend

Yes, definitely. The larger, more well-known caterers might not be as flexible and a lot of them have minimums, but smaller local places are often willing to work with you if you say straight out, "This is my budget, what can we do with it?" You may also need to consider a buffet instead of a full service dinner. We used a place in Haverhill called Creative Buffets, and we fed 50 people for around $22 each. Good, tasty food, and a lot of it. I have a list somewhere of other MA caterers I'll try to dig up.

 

[Selkie]

Check out this caterer: Wildflour Catering. Endicott Estate is on their list of venues, and a friend of mine used them for her wedding. They are very reasonable, and flexible in their pricing.

 

[AllieLuv83]

Thanks selkie, if you find those caterers can you please let me know and maybe you can email that list to me? That would be awesome!