I met K years ago when we were interns. He and I became good friends almost immediately. I developed a crush on him which later turned into an emotional attachment. When he wasn''t at work, I felt miserable. When he called me at home, my heart would jump. When he talked about other girls he was dating, I got insanely jealous.
I did all of these things without his knowledge because at the time I was dating someone and I honestly never thought he was into me. I figured that if he was, he would show it in some way. (i.e. He''s just not that into you)
He moved out of state and I stood with my then boyfriend. When K moved, I moved on to another job and he found my work email address from a mutual friend. He contacted me and, even though it was probably a year after I had last seen him, my heart was filled with joy. We chatted via email every day for 2 years. I could feel those same feelings I was having for him but knew he didn''t feel the same way for me.
Then my boyfriend proposes. I loved him and I said yes. I can''t explain the feeling. I loved them both, but my boyfriend was here in front of me and we were building a life together. But I always knew deep down that I loved K so much more. The emotional connection I feel for him is something that I''ve never felt for anyone.
When I told K I was engaged, he told me his heart was broken. I couldn''t believe it. He had never said anything to indicate that he was interested in me in any way other than as a friend. We talked. I confessed how I felt about him in the past but didn''t say that I still felt the same way because it felt wrong too while wearing the engagement ring of another man that has loved me for a very long time.
Our conversations stopped pretty much immediately after that last email. We have sent each other random emails here and there just catching up with each other. His last email was to tell me that he is now engaged. I didn''t feel jealousy so I thought I was finally over him and it made me happy because I am now married and I want my life with my husband.
Today K sent me another one of his random emails to catch up. In it he said:
If I get married in (City) would you come? It would probably be next year, in February, but I just wanted to give you a heads up.
It has been 3 hours since I have received this email and cannot stop crying. I''m not going to respond. It''s obvious I cannot attend his wedding when I feel this way. And I can''t tell him why I won''t attend because that''s not fair to him.
I guess I''m just venting. But how do I move on from this? How do I go to my beautiful home that I built with my loving husband who has been an absolute wonderful person to me and sleep next to him that night knowing that I''ve spent a good portion of my day crying over the loss of someone I never had?
I did all of these things without his knowledge because at the time I was dating someone and I honestly never thought he was into me. I figured that if he was, he would show it in some way. (i.e. He''s just not that into you)
He moved out of state and I stood with my then boyfriend. When K moved, I moved on to another job and he found my work email address from a mutual friend. He contacted me and, even though it was probably a year after I had last seen him, my heart was filled with joy. We chatted via email every day for 2 years. I could feel those same feelings I was having for him but knew he didn''t feel the same way for me.
Then my boyfriend proposes. I loved him and I said yes. I can''t explain the feeling. I loved them both, but my boyfriend was here in front of me and we were building a life together. But I always knew deep down that I loved K so much more. The emotional connection I feel for him is something that I''ve never felt for anyone.
When I told K I was engaged, he told me his heart was broken. I couldn''t believe it. He had never said anything to indicate that he was interested in me in any way other than as a friend. We talked. I confessed how I felt about him in the past but didn''t say that I still felt the same way because it felt wrong too while wearing the engagement ring of another man that has loved me for a very long time.
Our conversations stopped pretty much immediately after that last email. We have sent each other random emails here and there just catching up with each other. His last email was to tell me that he is now engaged. I didn''t feel jealousy so I thought I was finally over him and it made me happy because I am now married and I want my life with my husband.
Today K sent me another one of his random emails to catch up. In it he said:
If I get married in (City) would you come? It would probably be next year, in February, but I just wanted to give you a heads up.
It has been 3 hours since I have received this email and cannot stop crying. I''m not going to respond. It''s obvious I cannot attend his wedding when I feel this way. And I can''t tell him why I won''t attend because that''s not fair to him.
I guess I''m just venting. But how do I move on from this? How do I go to my beautiful home that I built with my loving husband who has been an absolute wonderful person to me and sleep next to him that night knowing that I''ve spent a good portion of my day crying over the loss of someone I never had?
You had many times you could have taken another road... you could have ended your engagement, you could have fessed up how you felt... but you did none of those things because as much as you yearned to travel down that road and see where it would lead you, you wanted your FEET to be on the road you''re on now much, much more.
300x240.png)