Help me keep my sanity PLEASE!

[ycenvy]

First, congrats to all the ladies who have been engaged over the last couple of months and DUST to those who are still waiting.

Ok, here comes my dilemma. My BF ended up buying a ring either close to or on Valentine's Day, and I was totally not expecting it. After he told me he bought the ring I was trying to get him to send me pictures of it and to tell me what it looked like, and he was teasing me by sending me close up shots and sending me pics of very unusual rings because he didn't want to show me. But then I'm like maybe it's good if he doesn't show me so I decided I didn't want to see it anymore. Well, I went over his house before work earlier this week like I always do and he asked me again if I wanted to see the ring and I told him no. He kept asking me to look at it and I told him that I didn't want it to ruin the surprise but he wouldn't take no for an answer so I finally said OK. The ring is so pretty; I took pictures of it on so that I would have it to look at until he proposed. Now, this is where the problem comes in at. He wants to wait two years to propose. Yes, you heard me right, two years. Two years is when he graduates from dental school, but to me this is not a valid reason to wait to propose to me. I've tried to figure out why he thinks he has to wait two years, and I've mentioned that even if he went ahead on and proposed we would still wait to get married until he is working because I know that's important to him. I've also tried telling him that if he waits that long the excitement might not be there like it is now, and all he said was he would still be excited LOL... I told him before he showed me the ring that seeing it would make me more anxious, and it has. I just don't know how he expects me to keep my sanity and not get so impatient about wearing the ring. This is what every, well, almost every, girl dreams of, and I would actually be able to plan the wedding legitimately if I had the ring . Nothing I've mentioned seems to make sense enough for him to get him to change his mind and not wait that long. And I'm all out of ideas.

Has anyone else been in a situation similar to this, where their guy has held onto the ring for a very long time? I just don't know how anyone could stay excited after waiting so long. I'm thinking about deleting the picture I have on my phone since it makes me so sad to look at it knowing it's going to be two years before I get to wear it. I've only told my coworker about it, and I told her the same day because I couldn't contain myself LOL. Last night I finally told one of my sisters so I could get her opinion, and of course she thought he was kinda crazy too for wanting to wait so long, but all she said was that I'm going to have to be patient.

I think I just want to hear that I'm not crazy for thinking about this too much or that if one of you were in my shoes you would be losing your mind too...

 

[Amys Bling]

He can propose and then you can have a 2 yr engagement- it def would be torture for him to have the ring and show you and then not get it for 2 years!

 

[Enerchi]

YIKES! He has bought it, he has shown it to you, you have photos... and now he's not going to propose for 2 years? Yup - I'd be losing my mind with that plan!

I guess I can't understand why waiting till graduating requires also waiting for an engagement. Get married post graduation - plan it for 6 months post grad, if that's reasonable for you both, but I guess I just don't "get" the point of waiting for a proposal.

Hoping the best for you, ycenvy!

 

[maebelle]

Maybe he doesn't realize that people tend to stay engaged for a year and a half (at least around me) and that two and a half years to three wouldn't be an unreasonable engagement period? Do you have any friends who are wedding planning? I think sometimes guys assume that once you get the ring the hard part is over (which is not the case)

I wouldn't push him too hard, but I'd have an honest conversation about how long he wants to be engaged after waiting the two years. Maybe you can whittle it down to a one year wait, two year engagement?

 

[Amys Bling]

Maybe he doesn't realize that people tend to stay engaged for a year and a half (at least around me) and that two and a half years to three wouldn't be an unreasonable engagement period? Do you have any friends who are wedding planning? I think sometimes guys assume that once you get the ring the hard part is over (which is not the case)

I wouldn't push him too hard, but I'd have an honest conversation about how long he wants to be engaged after waiting the two years. Maybe you can whittle it down to a one year wait, two year engagement?

this. I think you should have an honest conversation about it. Establish how long of an engagement you would want to be able to plan and save money- and if you say 1.5 years-2 years to him maybe he will realize that prosposing now doesn't mean getting married immediately.

 

[ycenvy]

@ Amys Bling - I think he is going to go crazy too...he's already told me he looks at it everyday...that ring is too pretty to not be on my finger

@ Enerchi - we have a wedding date of 2.7.15 picked out. It probably will change to something sooner though, probably to the fall of 2014...

@ maebelle - at first I WAS NOT ok with the idea of a long engagement, but now that he has the ring I would rather have the long engagement than to wait for it two years later knowing the ring is there. I have a sorority sister who is getting married later this year who had a two year engagement, but I don't have any other friends who are getting married that had a long engagement.

The other thing is that he would be happy with a courthouse marriage, and if we did that then we could get married sooner, but I just don't want that. I want him to see me in a beautiful wedding dress and have my father walk me down the isle. I think because I want what I want the idea of something other than a wedding and a reception does not please me.

 

[audball]

I know of several LIWs that had as much as a year (or wait). The one that always comes to mind for me is Trillionaire who's now husband held onto the ring for just over a year before proposing.

I think it comes down to what is important to both of you AND compromise. Not talking about what you feel you're comfortable with will lead to resentment.

I agree with some of the previous posters, try and find out WHY he wants to wait. Try to find out if there is any more to it than the "I want to finish school". It is a completely legitimate reason, but you both need to get it out in the open and come to a compromise/agreement on what you are both comfortable with.

Goodluck! It's tough. My BF and I found a killer deal on a diamond and setting and decided to jump on it. We'll have the completed ring a minimum of 6 months before we'll be ready to use it, if not closer to a year+...

 

[Sun-Shine]

It sounds to me like that ring is burning a hole in his pocket! A man holding onto a ring for two years is the exception not the rule... If I was a betting woman, he won't make it past summer break In the meantime congrats on the gorgeous ring! Take it all in, even the thrill of waiting, who knows the next time you will experience this kind of anticipation!

 

[Enerchi]

It sounds to me like that ring is burning a hole in his pocket! A man holding onto a ring for two years is the exception not the rule... If I was a betting woman, he won't make it past summer break In the meantime congrats on the gorgeous ring! Take it all in, even the thrill of waiting, who knows the next time you will experience this kind of anticipation!

I like this way of thinking You're right - enjoy the anticipation. Maybe this is the way to be rather than wishing your future to come too soon... Hmmm.... good thought SunShine

(Still think it's a bit harsh to let you see it and know he has it but still make you wait...)

 

[ycenvy]

It turns out things might be happening sooner than I thought! Me and BF had a conversation last night, just talking randomly about things we wanted and what our priorities are. I don't want to get into too many details, but basically we are going to compromise on things so we can do what makes the most sense for us financially, which will mean having the wedding sooner but not having exactly the type of wedding I have been wanting. So there are still several things we have to work out as far as what we are going to do, but I can definitely say the original idea of the proposing two years from now and getting married in 2015 are out the window. Things will be happening much faster and I'm so excited that I'm going to be marrying the man of my dreams!

 

[MrsDrP]

It turns out things might be happening sooner than I thought! Me and BF had a conversation last night, just talking randomly about things we wanted and what our priorities are. I don't want to get into too many details, but basically we are going to compromise on things so we can do what makes the most sense for us financially, which will mean having the wedding sooner but not having exactly the type of wedding I have been wanting. So there are still several things we have to work out as far as what we are going to do, but I can definitely say the original idea of the proposing two years from now and getting married in 2015 are out the window. Things will be happening much faster and I'm so excited that I'm going to be marrying the man of my dreams!

What are you compromising on? I hope you are not sacrificing the big dream wedding you have always wanted. If you want a fairytale wedding with a reception and a big dress, then you should have it, even if it means waiting longer. That is your special day! And it will only happen once, so do it the way you want it!

There are certain things that you shouldn't compromise on, and I think that's one of them. If you are in love and going to be with this man for the rest of your life, would it really hurt to wait a little longer to get exactly what you want?

 

[MisakiChan]

If I were you, I'd probably be just as excited as impatient as you are right now. However, on second thought, I would not make major sacrifices in order to be married sooner.
Perhaps I'd prefer a long engagement and taking my time preparing the wedding of my dreams...Of course, it's completely up to you!
Good luck!

 

[Sun-Shine]

I totally agree it would be hard to see the ring... But from the sounds of things she won't be waiting much longer

 

[maebelle]

I like that they are compromising! She *both* wanted to get married sooner and have a big wedding. She will be getting married sooner and having a bigger-than-he-wanted wedding (She said he wanted a court house wedding!)

Looks like talking about it worked out very well for you, ycenvy!

 

[ycenvy]

I'm not compromising on a big wedding, that was never my goal and even if we did have the wedding after he was working it still would be small with under 100 people. Our biggest priority is to keep his student loan debt as small as possible, as well as overall debt, so by compromising I mean details within the wedding itself, such as not getting a certain dress I've had my eye on or choosing a different photographer. The most important thing is us being married and not the material things that make the wedding. This gives us the chance to achieve some of the financial goals we have set while still being able to have a ceremony and not a courthouse wedding.