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Help me keep my sanity

Autumnovember

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
4,384
Please, PLEASE help me keep my sanity. I'm on the brink of going totally crazy.

It might come off bratty but here we go:

This coming weekend SO and I are celebrating our 3 yr anniversary by attending 3 baseball games over the weekend where both of our favorite teams are playing each other and spending the entire weekend in the city.

Since I've been disappointed many times before, I really tried to not get my hopes up about this weekend being *it*.

There are 3 weekends left in July. I am busy for the following weekend after this one passes.

He's been asking me how in the world he is supposed to figure out how to get this proposal recorded (I asked him from the very very very beginning that I wanted it recorded on camera because I'd love to look back on it and relive it at anytime). I suggested he call my best friend and she would be able to help him out somehow.

He gladly accepted the suggestion, and called her. An hour and a half later he calls me and tells me he now hes it squared away. PERFECT!

He then goes on to tell me not to make any plans for the last weekend of July because my best friend told him she wanted to come up and go out in Manhattan. Uhhhh...??? No. My best friend would never ever make plans to come see me/spend the night at our place without asking me first what I'm doing that weekend.

That weekend, I wanted to spend it with him alone because it is his birthday earlier in the week.

So basically my crazy LIW mentality took over and I FREAKED. I asked him why in the world he would make it so obvious. I asked why he was waiting another 3 weeks to do this as I've been waiting 8 FREAKING MONTHS ALREADY. I told him I do *NOT* want a proposal in front of my best friend as I'd feel insanely awkward! I also told him that I truly would like to rip my hair out or shave it.

I got off the phone with him because I was clearly fuming and I didn't want to say anything else that I'd regret later.

He called me back a little later and told me I ruin every single surprise and how he wasn't even going to do it that weekend or something. I'm not sure what surprise I ruined considering I still have NO clue as to whats going on especially considering that he said it wasn't going to be that weekend anyway.

In my opinion, (and excuse my language) stop ****ing with my head. It's not cool. And now I'm annoyed, not excited like I have been.

I hope my whole story since I joined in April has been a nice learning experience for someone out there.

Perhaps I'm out of line, maybe he is out of line...I'm not sure.

What I do know is that I am NOT a happy camper. I very seldom get so angry that I just want to burst into tears, but this situation was one of them.

In about an hour I will recollect myself and keep it cool but currently I'm anything but that. He sucks badly at planning anything and its always been my strong point. He has had 8 WHOLE MONTHS to have this down and figured out. Am I asking for so much?

end vent.
 
Wow. That is insanely long...sorry!
 
it's ok.. you need to let it out. Let it all out on us, but not on your SO. :bigsmile:

how is it possible for him not to propose in front of your best friend and have your best friend record the whole proposal?

I wanted mine to be recorded too. My bf said... no.... a few times. Oh well, I'll live without that as long as he'll propose. :naughty:
 
beezygal said:
it's ok.. you need to let it out. Let it all out on us, but not on your SO. :bigsmile:

how is it possible for him not to propose in front of your best friend and have your best friend record the whole proposal?

I wanted mine to be recorded too. My bf said... no.... a few times. Oh well, I'll live without that as long as he'll propose. :naughty:
Click to expand...

My thoughts exactly Beezy, You can't have it both ways (public and recorded vs. private).

You know it's coming soon, so just try to relax, it'll be special and amazing no matter how he does it, recorded or not
 
I'm confused-who's supposed to do the recording? Won't a recording ruin the intimacy of the moment?
 
Clarification----

There are TONS of ways to have it recorded besides having someone we know do it. There are videographers for that purpose. Theres the baseball games we're going to where it would ALREADY be recorded.

I told him that if getting it recorded meant it had to be done in front of people we know then to just forget about the entire recording thing and I'd live without it.
 
lulu said:
I'm confused-who's supposed to do the recording? Won't a recording ruin the intimacy of the moment?
Click to expand...

No I was hoping it would be sometime during the weekend (especially the baseball game because I'm cheesy and like proposals like that)

I could do away without the recording, I'm more annoyed that I have to wait AGAIN. I'm ANNOYED of waiting. I've waited 8 entire months.
 
Yeah, I'm a little confused, along with everyone else. You told him you wanted it recorded, he asked for suggestions, you suggested your best friend.

Then, he goes and (seemingly) makes the arrangements, just how you suggested. And now you're mad at him? The poor guy can't win.
 
No. Let me clarify again. I suggested he call my best friend so that she can give him some ideas on ways he can do it (her and I talked about this) such as hiring someone to do it that is a professional (I know of people who have done this).
 
Got it.

Still, cut the guy some slack. I know all of us girls could probably come up with the PERFECT proposal in 3.7 seconds. All that should matter is, at the end of the day, you're engaged to the man you love.
 
Hey Autumnnovember! I can understand your frustration, especially since you are the 'planner' of the two of you. I also am this way, and I know it's very tempting to want to make sure that every detail is just so. I don't think you are crazy, but I do think you are a bit high strung right now because you are going through some worst case scenarios in your mind. That's perfectly normal. I wouldn't get too upset with him (my FF isn't much of a planner either) but perhaps be more specific in suggesting a plan. And remember, you are just suggesting!

Here is an idea: Depending on where he is going to propose, have him go there early, set up a tripod where he would like to get down on one knee and make sure it's well hidden. Turn it on, and have someone keep an eye on it so that it's not messed with/stolen. The person is there solely to record and protect the video. They will see him propose, from a distance, but will in no way be involved. Once you say yes, they stop recording, take the camera and tripod home with them, and give it to the two of you later. That's the plan I suggested to my FF because I also would like a recording, but want it to be private ;))
 
Mashira said:
Hey Autumnnovember! I can understand your frustration, especially since you are the 'planner' of the two of you. I also am this way, and I know it's very tempting to want to make sure that every detail is just so. I don't think you are crazy, but I do think you are a bit high strung right now because you are going through some worst case scenarios in your mind. That's perfectly normal. I wouldn't get too upset with him (my FF isn't much of a planner either) but perhaps be more specific in suggesting a plan. And remember, you are just suggesting!

Here is an idea: Depending on where he is going to propose, have him go there early, set up a tripod where he would like to get down on one knee and make sure it's well hidden. Turn it on, and have someone keep an eye on it so that it's not messed with/stolen. The person is there solely to record and protect the video. They will see him propose, from a distance, but will in no way be involved. Once you say yes, they stop recording, take the camera and tripod home with them, and give it to the two of you later. That's the plan I suggested to my FF because I also would like a recording, but want it to be private ;))
Click to expand...


Thanks for understanding!

I don't want a perfect proposal or anything. Its just frustrating because he has known the *one thing* I have wanted from the very beginning and he knew I left everything up to him. I don't understand why he has waited all the way until NOW to try to figure out how he can be sneaky about someone recording it. As I said before, I know of people who got professional photographers involved that were able to capture some amazing memories for the couple to share without the person being proposed to even knowing. They LOVE those pictures/videos to this day and love to look back on them. I just thought it was a very lovely idea and wanted the same for myself FOREVER. I'm more upset that I have been waiting so long for this and it feels like I'll be waiting another 3 weeks. I've tried to remain really calm about this/keep myself busy and entertained during this very long waiting period. I have given him hints about how I would really like a baseball proposal because its cool how coincidental it is that both our teams are playing against each other on our anniversary weekend celebration, and how cool it would be because it would already be recorded since it'll be on the jumbotron. I strangely do not want to be proposed in front of my family or anyone I'm close with because I would feel weird. Being proposed to in front of strangers...and many of them doesn't bother me one bit. I actually like it. I know that I will *love* whatever way he proposes and none of this will matter 3 weeks from now, I'm just venting. He told me he could surprise me so much more if the recording wasn't involved. I let him know if the recording was a huge issue for him to just completely forget it and that I'd move on.
 
There is a SLIGHT possibility (ok, my intuition says it's a bit bigger than slight actually) that he is doing exactly what mine did - until I had a complete meltdown. He tried to throw me off with a three week timetable after he already had the ring for a little while. He'd planned it all along for the last week of March, but kept telling me that it'd be by the second week of April - which I was NOT thrilled about.

Anyhow, the bottom line is this. After 8 months, you need him to give you a bit more information so you can calm down. 3 weeks may not seem like long, but when you're in the home stretch of a long journey things can get very emotional, very fast if you think it's going to be drawn out to the last minute (zomg couldn't imagine EIGHT months of that, you poor girl). My suspicion is that you feel really angry that he's given you a time frame, and SEEMS to be planning to use every last day of it.

What helped me a LOT was asking him to give me just the WEEK that it would happen, and nothing more. That's 7 whole days of insanity, but it's livable vs 21 of them. He told me, and I immediately felt better because I could relax. Did it ruin the surprise or specialness of the proposal? Nope, not one bit. Did it make me feel like I had a *tiny* amount of control because I asked him, and he told me? You bet!

Hang in there...but as a final word, you may want to apologize to your BF. It wasn't wise of him to play the "mind games", but you KNOW his heart is in the right place. He's trying to surprise you, and he has a plan that he's excited about. He just didn't know how his distraction technique (if that's what it is) would set you off and he's probably pretty angry with you right now because from his perspective, he's busting his arse to do something special for you and you just stomped all over it, ruining how he feels about the whole thing...which is actually what he's doing to you by drawing it out and making you go crazy. Argh! :(sad
 
amc80 said:
Got it.

Still, cut the guy some slack. I know all of us girls could probably come up with the PERFECT proposal in 3.7 seconds. All that should matter is, at the end of the day, you're engaged to the man you love.
Click to expand...

It's not really about having the perfect proposal. I don't WANT the perfect proposal. It's just frustrating that he has known the *one* thing I wanted involved his proposal for over 8 months now. I merely suggested my best friend as a source to help him come up with some ideas. Her and I did talk before and we both agreed maybe getting a photographer would be the best idea because I would never figure it out since there are always people walking around the city with cameras.

I really was hoping he would not ask me for any suggestions/ideas because of the situation it created.

He does not have anyone close to him who would be able to give him ideas/suggestions so I understand that I am the first person he comes to. I just wanted to avoid being involved in the process...
 
You explained word for word exactly how I feel. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I will apologize to him. Part of the reason I got off the phone was because I didn't want to be mean/him see me completely melt. I rather just have a meltdown in my own presence :D

Thank you again, and I will take your advice. Although he might not agree to giving me the week because he'll say it'll "ruin it"


Thanks again (I feel like I can't say it enough)
 
He just called. I apologized to him if I was cramping his style and explained why I was frustrated. He told me it's fine and he thinks that I ruined it because he had to tell me it wasn't going to be that weekend. I told him he was doing me a big favor by telling me it would be within two weeks and that I'm actually still pretty much in the dark (I really am because I can't even begin to imagine what he has come up with) and that nothing is ruined.
 
well... you told him you want it recorded.. and he said.. ok. Maybe you should just leave it at that. If he does find your best friend to help him record it, that's fine. As long as he doesn't tell you "oh your best friend is recording it," then you wouldn't know she's there. I don't know if I'm making any sense at all. oh well... :lol:
 
beezygal said:
well... you told him you want it recorded.. and he said.. ok. Maybe you should just leave it at that. If he does find your best friend to help him record it, that's fine. As long as he doesn't tell you "oh your best friend is recording it," then you wouldn't know she's there. I don't know if I'm making any sense at all. oh well... :lol:
Click to expand...


No no you are haha. I told him we shouldn't talk about it anymore and he agreed. Its all in his hands now.
 
good girl *pet pet* :lol: j/k

I gave up asking my bf when he's gonna propose. My excitement is fading away.......................................
 
Guess I came in too late but dont fret Autumn... we girls just arent made for anticipation!!!

Aww Beezy dont let your excitement fade away... you are going to be the happiest LIW on here yet when your BF proposes and you have your picture perfect Tacori just how you want it!
 
AN: stop trying to control it all and just plan a cute outfit. Seriously. Let go.
 
autumn you have a right to be frustrated...it has been a long wait for you. i don't think you're bad for getting mad at him because you are right he has had 8 months to plan! but you gotta remember guys aren't as good at planning these things (or at least not all guys are) and hopefully he is planning something awesome to make it super special for you :) anyway now that you know it is in next 2 wks just go like monarch said, cute outfits and nails :-D
 
I have since calmed down (like I said I would) and apologized to him again. All is well.

There are only 5 days it could happen (I only see him on weekends currently because of class)....3 of those days I'll be wearing my baseball clothes :)...as for my nails...they're painted and ready to go. My other 9 fingers are ready to be jealous :)
 
well if youre wearing baseball clothes you can have cute hair and makeup :-D
 
and its OK to not be super calm and collected here, that's what LIW is for!!!!
 
its ok autumn november..

we all need to rant sometimes, theres nothing wrong with that, thats what were on here for.. (however, the one rant i had was taken completely out of hand and i totally regret posting it) but anyways..

my boyfriend isnt the best planner either and im wondering how hes going to pull off our engagement, but i totally relate with u on being a little ticked or this getting under ur skin!.. its coming soon.. relax sweetie! enjoy it while u can! :) at least thats what everyone is telling me haha.
 
monarch64 said:
AN: stop trying to control it all and just plan a cute outfit. Seriously. Let go.
Click to expand...


BIG ditto.

I'm a planner to (also see control freak) but some things you just need to accept that they are not in your control and let go.
 
I'm glad you already feel better about this. Just think: it's coming *really* soon! :naughty: I love seeing other LIWs vent on here. It reminds me I'm not the only one! :bigsmile:

I wanted to add that a week ago, my BF told me it will be within a couple months. I know he's been working on it, and honestly I think he's already bought the ring. He might be waiting for it to be set, but I think he either already has it or will any day now. And he's not the kind of guy to hold onto it long after he has it - he'll probably propose pretty soon after. We have some things coming up in the next couple weeks, and I'm almost certain it might be during some of those events!

So I just wanted to say that I envy you for knowing it will be one of those five days. Every time I hang out with my BF right now I think it could be that day. We're pretty low-key, like, he might just get down on one knee while we're watching tv or something. I feel like my nails have to be immaculate all the time right now, LOL!
 
Just a quick update since that day---


Everything is fine and we haven't brought up the whole topic since then. When we were at the baseball games he told me he regretted not getting more info about how to propose there and get it on the jumbotron but told me that i'll love what he has planned. We had an awesome weekend. I thought I'd be crazy disappointed if he didnt do it there, but I'm actually not at all. Not one bit.
 
ok well hopefully next weekend!!!
 
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