Help with etiquette question?

[klavigne]

Are there any "rules" that state I need to buy my finacee a gift for our engagement or is the ring enough? I''ve heard of the girl buying her finace gifts before but I''m not sure what proper etiquette is. What are typical gifts to give your SO after an engagement?

 

[E B]

Date: 3/6/2006 3:50:27 PM
Author:klavigne
Are there any ''rules'' that state I need to buy my finacee a gift for our engagement or is the ring enough? I''ve heard of the girl buying her finace gifts before but I''m not sure what proper etiquette is. What are typical gifts to give your SO after an engagement?

I''d think the ring is enough. I gave my fiance a gift because he''d spent so much on mine (not to mention he planned the sweetest proposal) but I wouldn''t have expected anything more than the ring from him. If your proposal includes a gift (a photo album of you two, etc.) that''d be okay, but don''t think you need to go and get her a necklace, or something else as extravagant...unless you want to.

 

[klavigne]

I sent her flowers the next day thanking her for saying yes and making me so happy, which she must have liked becasue she called me crying to say thank-you for sending them.
But I found out from her brother that she''s planning on buying me a nice watch as an engagement gift. So now I''m wondering what is appropriate/etiquette?

 

[E B]

Date: 3/6/2006 3:58:52 PM
Author: klavigne
I sent her flowers the next day thanking her for saying yes and making me so happy, which she must have liked becasue she called me crying to say thank-you for sending them.
But I found out from her brother that she''s planning on buying me a nice watch as an engagement gift. So now I''m wondering what is appropriate/etiquette?

You bought her the ring (and flowers), and she''s buying you the watch. If you want to buy her another gift, then by all means. But I don''t think you''re expected to...the ring was the engagement gift.

 

[klavigne]

That would be a fantastic gift any guy would love! I guess I''m worried that if I don''t get her something and it''s expected of me I''ll be looked down on by her friends and family. I''m just wondering if anyone knows about tradition/etiquette? I tried to google it but was overwhelmed so I thougth I''d ask all you girls since you seem to be so knowledgeable.

 

[jcrow]

i''ve seen where the guy gives flowers and a sweet card. i''ve also seen diamond earrings, or necklace, or braclet for her to wear the day of the wedding. i would go the sentimental route and something she could keep to remember the day by.

 

[nytemist]

I asked him what would he would like as an engagement gift and he said nothing. Then he joked that he got me- I was his present.

I bought dinner the night the proposal happened, so that was his gift pretty much.

 

[SoonIHope]

I don''t think anything is expected for the man to give the woman other than the ring (which isn''t even "required" officially!). Any flowers/card/other gifts would be going above and beyond in my opinion. I think when people say "engagement gift" it is 1) a relatively new occurance (?) and 2) refers to a gift given by the woman to the man, to sort of even out the engagement ring a bit. The thinking being that it''s unfair that the woman gets such an exhorbitant gift and the guy gets nothing.

I think it was largely due to women feeling like the ring was in a sense "buying" them and thinking they wanted to make it an exchange of equals to reflect the partnership aspect of their relationship as opposed to the traditional man-in-power symbolism which is really where engagement rings/proposals first originated many many many years ago. That, or just because they love their guys and want to give them something in return!

I have heard of the guy giving his fiancee earrings/a necklace/bracelet to wear at the wedding as a wedding present on the day of or shortly before the wedding, but my impression was that that was completely separate from the engagement and was purely wedding related.

I am by no means an etiquette expert, this is just what my impression of things is!

 

[klavigne]

Wouldn''t that be more of a wedding gift. I''m talking about like right after an engagement. We''re not planning on getting married until next fall and she''s getting me a watch this week. I just proposed two weeks ago so do I need to get her something else. I was thinking about a nice diamond tennis braclet but wonder if thats too much.

 

[jcrow]

ok--- i so think i misread the question. my response was inteded for wedding day gift ideas. an engagement gift besides the ring.... i say forget about it. truely nothing is expected!!

 

[curlygirl]

You''ve given her a ring which was enough but then you gave her flowers too which is very sweet. You really don''t need to do anything else. If you want to give her a tennis bracelet, I would wait and give that to her as a wedding gift. Just fyi, my husband gave me an engagement ring and that''s it. I didn''t give him a gift for our engagement or our marriage. I don''t think it''s necessary to buy lots of extravagant things and it should not be expected.

 

[cushioncut]

My understanding of etiquette is that you do not have to give her anything other than the ring. That is the gift, your pledge of your commitment to her. Her "gift" to you is her saying yes. I think according to etiquette, at the time of engagement, she should not be giving you a gift either - especially not anything of equal or close value to the diamond ring.

I think for many people it is a matter of tradition to exchange gifts on their wedding day. I don't think there is a rule of etiquette for this. I think it's more just a kind gesture. Just a sentimental thing that you might, or might not want to do.

So, IMO, save the tennis bracelet. It is too much. Put that money with some thought and slip her something special on the wedding day. Maybe she'll have soemthing for you too.

 

[selflove]

klavigne--I bet she cried when you sent the flowers the next day because that was just above and beyond--what an oustanding gesture!! How sweet! I know a few men who could take a few tips from you.

I think etiquette only calls for wedding gifts, not anything more than the engagement ring for the engagement. Save the tennis bracelet for the wedding. Or her birthday or some other occassion but I think you''ve done more than enough for the engagement.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 3/6/2006 4:42:51 PM
Author: klavigne
Wouldn''t that be more of a wedding gift. I''m talking about like right after an engagement. We''re not planning on getting married until next fall and she''s getting me a watch this week. I just proposed two weeks ago so do I need to get her something else. I was thinking about a nice diamond tennis braclet but wonder if thats too much.

I have never heard of an engagement gift. I would save the tennis bracelet as a wedding gift (like other posters have mentioned) if that is what you wanted to get her. My FI gave my diamond earrings to wear on our wedding day which I thought was really sweet. He gave them to me early so I could "plan" around them.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 3/6/2006 3:50:27 PM
Author:klavigne
Are there any ''rules'' that state I need to buy my finacee a gift for our engagement or is the ring enough? I''ve heard of the girl buying her finace gifts before but I''m not sure what proper etiquette is. What are typical gifts to give your SO after an engagement?

I didn''t buy my FI a gift after we got engaged..after all he got me!!!

Kidding. I actually didn''t even think about it...but he would have been annoyed if I spent money on him unless it was his birthday or Christmas. We also, are not buying each other gifts for our wedding day.

 

[VuittonGal]

I definitely think the ring is enough.

 

[klavigne]

Thank-you all for the input! I just needed someone to set me straight. When I heard she was going to be giving me a watch I kind of thought about what the etiquette was. Now that I know that there isn''t any tradition behind this I''m kind of annoyed. I make very good money so a gift for her wouldn''t be as big a deal. But she is on a tight budget and I''d hate for her to spend alot of money on me. I think I should tell her not to, but her brother made me promise that I would pretend not to know.......