here is my story

[radiantquest]

my bf and i will be together for 4 years next friday. we have lived together for 2 years. i am ready and have been for a little over a year. when we met he did not want to get married at all. we have talked about it and things progessed at a snails pace. now he says that he will get married. he got preapproved for financing for a ring about a year ago.
i was looking at a tiffany bracelet and then onto rings. we talked about it and he said that he would find the paperwork for the preapproval and order it for me
then, he told me we could order it the next day
then, august 1st. needless to say it is august first and i am ringless
he said by the end of the year and also before the date that i picked to get married (sept 10 of 09)
i suspect that he is dragging his feet and wonder why he keeps telling me he will get it and then something happens and he pushes the date out.
is this cruel and unsual punishment? it sure feels like it
now the excuse is that he doesnt want to use credit and pay cash. how long will that take???

LIW, i need your opinion. he has told his family that we are getting married, but is really making alot of excuses to not buy the ring already. please tell me what you think

 

[choro72]

To be honest, I don''t think that "he doesnt want to use credit and pay cash" is an excuse; it''s a reason. If he has to apply for financing for a ring, how is the wedding going to be paid? I think paying cash for the ring is the sensible thing to do, and it''s not "dragging feet" at all.
now he says that he will get married.
he said by the end of the year and also before the date that i picked to get married (sept 10 of 09)
he has told his family that we are getting married
I don''t know what other "excuses" he has told you, but these statements tell me that he is ready. The only concern I would have is that maybe he doesn''t understand how long it takes to plan a wedding? How long it takes to save for a ring depends on the type of ring you two have in mind.

 

[radiantquest]

thank you, maybe my mind is skewed because i am so excited and it seems that he is not. maybe i am making a big deal out of nothing?

 

[choro72]

Don''t worry, you''re not the only one. Most of us have been through the "He told me two hours ago he is ready to be married. Why isn''t he buying the ring yet!?" phase.

What helped me was to go through the 133 pages of LIW topics. Yes, I''ve been through all 133 pages.

It consumed a LOT of time, but my anxiety level was up to the moon and I was in no condition to focus on working.
A lot of the topics started with something like "He is giving me mixed signs" or "Is he really ready?". It helped me a lot to know that I wasn''t the only one frustrated, and showed me that I didn''t have enough grounds to dump him

Maybe you can give it a try, even if you don''t go through all of them?

 

[swingirl]

There is no reason why you can''t be engaged without a ring. It''s not a very good idea to finance an engagement ring since it isn''t a necessary item. It''s a luxury. If the commitment to get married is what is important tell him that. If it''s the ring you want you are going to have to wait. I think he is a wish man NOT to finance jewelry.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 8/1/2008 6:09:18 PM
Author: choro72
To be honest, I don''t think that ''he doesnt want to use credit and pay cash'' is an excuse; it''s a reason. If he has to apply for financing for a ring, how is the wedding going to be paid? I think paying cash for the ring is the sensible thing to do, and it''s not ''dragging feet'' at all.

now he says that he will get married.

he said by the end of the year and also before the date that i picked to get married (sept 10 of 09)

he has told his family that we are getting married

I don''t know what other ''excuses'' he has told you, but these statements tell me that he is ready. The only concern I would have is that maybe he doesn''t understand how long it takes to plan a wedding? How long it takes to save for a ring depends on the type of ring you two have in mind.

I agree totally, and would just like to add that I think it''s a BONUS that he wants to pay for the ring in cash. He''s showing he''s financially responsible! This is an excellent trait to have in an eventual husband!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 8/1/2008 7:17:50 PM
Author: swingirl
There is no reason why you can''t be engaged without a ring. It''s not a very good idea to finance an engagement ring since it isn''t a necessary item. It''s a luxury. If the commitment to get married is what is important tell him that. If it''s the ring you want you are going to have to wait. I think he is a wish man NOT to finance jewelry.

Ditto to Swingirl!! I am engaged but still waiting for my ring for the very same reason: he does not want to go into debt. I agree completely. Because it has taken longer than we both anticipated to save for the ring (we also own a house together so that eats up a lot of our cash) we decided to pick our date and start planning the wedding. Sure, some people seem to think we are not officially engaged and I will keep myself in the LIW list until I get my ring but to the two of us we are very much engaged and very much planning our October 2009 wedding.

I agree with the other ladies that it seems he''s ready but has made the very wise decision to pay for the ring in cash. Talk to him about just how long it will take you to plan your Sept. 2009 wedding and if you could be comfortable being engaged without a ring perhaps you can start to plan things all while knowing at any point in time you will get your ring!

If he is saving for a Tiffany ring it may take him a little bit of time because those rings are very expensive indeed! If you aren''t dead set on it being a Tiffany ring, check out the Show Me The Ring section here and see what rings ladies have created after being inspired by particular Tiffany settings. Browse many of the PS vendor sites and check out all your options - you just may be able to find a setting you love and a very nice stone that can fit into a very reasonable budget. Trust me, I''ve seen a LOT of Whiteflash pieces in person and the workmanship of that vendor is simply stunning. Do not be afraid to step outside the pretty blue Tiffany''s box.