here''s how you stop a teenage daughter from going out all day...

[Dancing Fire]

i show her,this is what her Honda civic would look like,after i''m finish with it.

http://www.howbill.com/belmont/crusher3.htm

 

[ForteKitty]

That wont work. The only thing she''ll learn is:

1) Start earning her own money so she can get the *&^% out of the house and buy her own things.
2) ways to stay out legitimately.
3) You wont really do it because you''re stingy as heck and there''s no way you''d throw your money down the drain like that.

This is what works:
1) cut her credit cards.
2) Sell her car.
3) stop threatening her with empty threats and start following thru!!

 

[ForteKitty]

Aren''t your daughters in college? if so, lighten up! She''s probably used to dorm life and staying out all night... they''re probably not even doing anything bad. The tighter you hold on the more she''ll rebel. If you loosen up your reigns, she''s much more likely to spend more time at home. Try guilt tripping her instead...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/14/2005 7:18:35 PM
Author: ForteKitty
Aren''t your daughters in college? if so, lighten up! She''s probably used to dorm life and staying out all night... they''re probably not even doing anything bad. The tighter you hold on the more she''ll rebel. If you loosen up your reigns, she''s much more likely to spend more time at home. Try guilt tripping her instead...

FK love your style...
yeah; my older daughter is in college.you can talk all you want now.wait until you become a mom,then we''ll see how tuff you''re.i mean she''s not really that bad,she don''t even have a car on campus,it''s just like when she comes home for spring break,gone all day.

 

[ForteKitty]

Hey, i have experience in this field...

My mom was very lenient with me. Never had a curfew, never nagged me, never complained about anything. Because she never nagged, I always made the effort to spend quality time with both my family and my friends (lunch and shopping w/mom, dinner and clubbing w/ friends

), and i appreciated her for not expecting me to stay home all day and just stare. Later i realized it was all reverse psychology, but hey, it worked!

My friends'' parents, on the other hand, nagged them to the point where they never wanted to go home... and they didn''t.

They stayed away during the summer under the guise of "work", and tried to avoid phone calls as much as possible. Whenever they did go home, they were nagged to death and escaped as much as possible. To this day, their parents still nag at every chance... and we''re almost 26.

She probably has not seen her high school friends in months, and she really misses them. Yes, you guys miss her too, but do you really expect her to stay home all day and just sit there? She''s on break and wants to play, so let her! she''ll never have the chance again after graduating college. Do you know how hard it is to keep in touch with people once everyone starts working? My friends are scattered all over the country. It''s extremely difficut to get everyone''s schedule together. There are friends I only see once a year, and it sucks.

So give her a break... perhaps sit her down and let her know how much you miss her, and that it''d mean a lot if you guys can plan something once in a while, even if it''s just lunch or dinner. Whatever you do, don''t threaten her-- because it wont work. I have a teenage brother & sister(16 & 1... i know what it''s like to deal with moody brats. Just make sure you don''t lay it on too thick or else she''ll know.

 

[yellowfan]

teenage girls will sneak out at night if you don''t let them go out in the day, its a lose/lose for parent. Let her live her life and learn from her mistakes. She will turn out fine! If your too strict you may cause more harm down the road.


Best luck and let her Mom talk to her!

Good parents will always worry about their children and it never goes away!

 

[Dancing Fire]

i understand how she feels,when i was a teenager ,i used to hear the samething from my parents.

 

[yellowfan]

 

[Momoftwo]

My boys are home from college now for the summer and the rule basically once they''ve finished their first year, is what time should I expect you home? They are adults (21 and 19) and I can only demand so much even though we pay for their schooling and cars currently. They are growing up and my basic job is done. Raise competent, compassionate human beings who can take care of themselves. We were pretty strict while they were under age, but once they hit adulthood, we became their friends as welll as their parents. They''re pretty open with us now and it''s a two way street. We expect decent grades and decent behavior and mutual respect. We have raised two very wonderful young men as a result, with no real teenage issues and they talk to us. They''re both starting two full time summer jobs in a couple of weeks and we go from there. You have to let go.

 

[Erin]

I was a pretty good kid (now almost 30) and I went back home after my freshman year of college. My parents didn''t keep tabs on me that summer. I knew they trusted me and I also knew that I had woke myself up every morning in college, went to all my classes (well almost all) stayed in and studied when necessary, held a part time job, budgeted my money, and pretty much took care of myself. Now I know that I really didn''t take care of myself completely because I was still fostered by the campus life but I would have resented thinking my parents trusted me to take care of myself for a year just to come home and act like I was still a ''kid'' with kid rules.

 

[MissAva]

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.
Dorothy Parker

 

[eks6426]

Oh, I''m going to have to remember that one...let the air out of the tires....My soon to be stepson is 15 and just itching to drive.

 

[Angel7]

I agree with ForteKitty. My parents were not strict and I was a good kid. Never did drugs, never got into too much trouble.

It was my friends with the curfews and rules and restricitions who ended up doing crazy things and constantly rebelling looking for a way to "break free" and have fun.

 

[MissAva]

My paretns were authoratative, they asked alot of us but we were treated well in return. My father always said doing something well and the credit is yours alone, make mistakes and the responisbility is yours as well. They did a good job balanceing freedom and responsibilty. I am very grateful.
Four Parenting Styles

Categorizing parents according to whether they are high or low on parental demandingness and responsiveness creates a typology of four parenting styles: indulgent, authoritarian, authoritative, and uninvolved (Maccoby & Martin, 1983). Each of these parenting styles reflects different naturally occurring patterns of parental values, practices, and behaviors (Baumrind, 1991) and a distinct balance of responsiveness and demandingness.

Indulgent parents (also referred to as "permissive" or "nondirective") "are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation" (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62). Indulgent parents may be further divided into two types: democratic parents, who, though lenient, are more conscientious, engaged, and committed to the child, and nondirective parents.

Authoritarian parents are highly demanding and directive, but not responsive. "They are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation" (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62). These parents provide well-ordered and structured environments with clearly stated rules. Authoritarian parents can be divided into two types: nonauthoritarian-directive, who are directive, but not intrusive or autocratic in their use of power, and authoritarian-directive, who are highly intrusive.

Authoritative parents are both demanding and responsive. "They monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative" (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62).

Uninvolved parents are low in both responsiveness and demandingness. In extreme cases, this parenting style might encompass both rejecting–neglecting and neglectful parents, although most parents of this type fall within the normal range.

 

[MissAva]

Parenting style has been found to predict child well-being in the domains of social competence, academic performance, psychosocial development, and problem behavior. Research based on parent interviews, child reports, and parent observations consistently finds:

Children and adolescents whose parents are authoritative rate themselves and are rated by objective measures as more socially and instrumentally competent than those whose parents are nonauthoritative (Baumrind, 1991; Weiss & Schwarz, 1996; Miller et al., 1993).

Children and adolescents whose parents are uninvolved perform most poorly in all domains.

In general, parental responsiveness predicts social competence and psychosocial functioning, while parental demandingness is associated with instrumental competence and behavioral control (i.e., academic performance and deviance). These findings indicate:

Children and adolescents from authoritarian families (high in demandingness, but low in responsiveness) tend to perform moderately well in school and be uninvolved in problem behavior, but they have poorer social skills, lower self-esteem, and higher levels of depression.

Children and adolescents from indulgent homes (high in responsiveness, low in demandingness) are more likely to be involved in problem behavior and perform less well in school, but they have higher self-esteem, better social skills, and lower levels of depression.
I hope these arent too long....it is jsut the student in me coming out!

 

[jellybean]

Well, my parents were kind of in the middle. I had curfews before I went to college, but on my breaks when I was home they would ask what time to expect me home so they didn''t worry about me so much. I thought at the time they were just trying to keep their thumbs on me, but now that I have kids I''ll probably be the same way.

I didn''t spend that much time at home on my breaks. Not because I didn''t like my parents, but because I was having fun with my friends. When I graduated from college I was never home. My parents using to call themselves my answering service (this was before everyone had a cell phone).

One day my dad died suddenly of a heart attack when I was 24 years old. Absolutely no warning -- he didn''t have high cholesterol or high blood pressure. I miss him so much and wish I had spend more time with him when he was alive instead of always going out. I had told my friends right after he died to spend more time with their families because you just never know. My friend''s mom recently died of breast cancer. My friend told me at the funeral that she always remembered what had happened with my dad and was so glad she did spend more time with her mom.

Sorry -- don''t mean to be a downer -- I just learned the hard way.

 

[Angel7]

Jellybean-I totally understand and agree. My mom died from Breast Cancer when I was 16 (the age when the LAST thing you want to do is stay at home with your parents). I wish I knew how limited my time was with her because now, almost 10 years later I''m grasping at the memories I do have, wishing for more.

 

[moremoremore]

I don''t know how they did it...but when my parent''s simple stated...No, you can''t go out. That was it. End of discussion. They put the fear of god in me very early, so that''s why it worked later in life!

 

[NoonersMom]

Quite honestly DF, she is an adult now. She is entitled to spend her time during the day as she chooses. This is her break & as such is probably enjoying a little down time. Trust that you raised her with the right morals & give her the freedom to grow as an *adult*. Just be happy she is out all day and not all *night*. As someone else said, if you want to spend time with her arrange a lunch or dinner date. She''d probably appreciate that.

 

[hlmr]

DF:

Did you stay home all day with your parents when you were your daughter''s age?

If not, how can you expect it of them?

Heather

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/18/2005 6:16:12 PM
Author: hlmr
DF:

Did you stay home all day with your parents when you were your daughter''s age?

Heather

of course not

that''s what i''m afraid of.i grew up in pool halls, bowling alleys, gambling joints.

 

[NoonersMom]

DF...that was your right of passage. This is now hers. Sing it with me....."R E L A X.....don''t know what it means to me"....hehe.

 

[MissAva]

Okay if she is out iwht her firends what about a backyard BBQ? You could have them at your house instead....