he''s at it again....

[penniepie25]

So i swore since my bf said he wasnt ready just yet i dropped ALL engagement conversation YET - ALL he does is bring it up - asking me over and over again when i want to, will i say yes, am i excited....AHH just do it! So then after our last conversation in which he said within the next year i was excited - i was eager to talk with him when be brought it up and etc. like and dislikes with wedding stuff - everything was fine - i have a semi time frame and all was well....THEN
he drops the bomb!

He askes me out of nowhere - would i be upset if he waited 3 years....

Like what in the world do i say to that!!
SO needless to say i get annoyed and i say to him - you know what you are givign me mixed signals here and there and i dont want you to bring it up again until you have a plan in your head and you are going to stick to it and it is going to happen soon!

This may not sound fair but he is not playing with my emotions fairly - we got into an argument and he said that i made a big deal out of the 3 year thing and that it was onlya question and meant nothing and isnt even true anyways....that he wants it sooner that later and blah blah....like WTF - would you think if your bf said that - good gosh!

Ok so whatever i just say lets not bring it up until u are ready and serious about it. He agrees....


The next DAY! he gets a cute and sweet and says "do you want a ringy from me soon hun?" "Are you excited...will you say yes?" with this huge puppy dog smile on his face....

LOL - AHHHH LOL im soooo confussed~! why is he doing this to me hehehehehe

 

[Blair138]

I would tell him that he promised not to bring it up until he is serious. When he constantly brings it up, you get upset because you don''t know if he is serious or not because of his 3 year comment. He needs to be honest and stop confusing you, but you need to be honest with him too.

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

GOSH!!! Why do guys tease us like that?!?!? Do they seriously understand it drives up absolutely CRAZY!?!?!?!?!? Hang in there sweetie pie.

IMO it''s good he is bringing it up!!!!

 

[penniepie25]

i think he brought it up the next day cause he actually say for once the day before that im serious about it and i think he got a bit worried that i may be thinking he wont do it until another 3 years - and in a way he was trying to let me know it was an off comment and it will be happening soon - he likes to try and tell me its soon to see me get excited yet throw me off - this i have noticed

 

[sklingem]

Honestly I would find that f*ing annoying. 3 years??? Either you talk about it constantly and you are ready to do it or you just sh*t up. Just reading rhough the post made me think that maybe he needed to grow up period.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Tell him you changed your mind and your not ready. That will shut him up.

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 6/23/2008 4:57:13 PM
Author: rob09
Honestly I would find that f*ing annoying. 3 years??? Either you talk about it constantly and you are ready to do it or you just sh*t up. Just reading rhough the post made me think that maybe he needed to grow up period.

I agree! I would probably slap my SO upside the head if he knew I wanted to get engaged ASAP and he kept joking about it. I think it makes the actual engagement lose its romance a bit if you''re joking about it all the time & especially if you argue about it. It sounds like you wanted to be mature and not talk about it until he was ready but (and I might be being blunt here) he needs the ego stroke of you telling him how much you want to marry him and missed it when you stopped engagement conversation. I would tell him to either "put up or shut up" (put up not meaning propose but at least be serious about it).

 

[BriBee]

I'm going to take the optimist approach and say maybe he was pulling a "Chandler" when he said the 3 year thing (wanting to make you think it wasn't coming when it is...). Perhaps since he has been talking about it so much, it means that it's getting closer. Then maybe he realized that he was saying too much and was afraid that you wouldn't be surprised, so he threw the 3 years out there to throw you off.
I don't know, I could be way off, but you just never know. My FI and my mom did some tricky things leading up to the engagement and they were aimed at trying to throw me off so I would be more surprised.

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 6/23/2008 6:08:59 PM
Author: BriBee
I''m going to take the optimist approach and say maybe he was pulling a ''Chandler'' when he said the 3 year thing (wanting to make you think it wasn''t coming when it is...). Perhaps since he has been talking about it so much, it means that it''s getting closer. Then maybe he realized that he was saying too much and was afraid that you wouldn''t be surprised, so he threw the 3 years out there to throw you off.
I don''t know, I could be way off, but you just never know. My FI and my mom did some tricky things leading up to the engagement and they were aimed at trying to throw me off so I would be more surprised.

Yeah...except Chandler had the ring already and proposed that day (or the next, I don''t remember) - that doesn''t seem like the case here. OP told her SO that it was annoying her and sending her mixed signals and on top of that they had a big argument about it, I think it''s inconsiderate for him to continue on knowing that what he is doing bothers her so much. It would bother me anyway...just MHO...

 

[choro72]

Date: 6/23/2008 4:57:13 PM
Author: rob09
Honestly I would find that f*ing annoying. 3 years??? Either you talk about it constantly and you are ready to do it or you just sh*t up. Just reading rhough the post made me think that maybe he needed to grow up period.

I agree...And the above opinion is from a guy too!

 

[HollyS]

Me thinks I''d be getting POd. Big time.

 

[Izzy03]

It is good that he talks about it, but I see where it can get annoying. Personally, I would play his game. If he wants to be playful with that "do you want me buy you a ringy", I would say "no, not from you" ,in a joking manner of course!

 

[Bia]

Eh-eh...

Tell him to stop talking about it, period. AND that if he thinks you''re going to wait 3 years, he''s delusional (unless that timeline is fine with you, but it didn''t seem like it was).

I really wouldn''t be laughing it off anymore. If you''re ready, and he''s not, and you''re fine with that, then no worries. But if you''ve been together long enough to know its either going to happen or its not, then clue him in that this entire thing is not just about him. Remember to add that you ARE NOT going to wait forever.

I agree with Rob...I would find that SUPREMELY annoying.

just my 2 cents.

 

[surfgirl]

After his shenanigans (wow, when''s the last time you actually typed that word out and used it in a sentence?!?), I''d have punched him square in his puppy dog face.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 6/23/2008 9:56:28 PM
Author: surfgirl
After his shenanigans (wow, when's the last time you actually typed that word out and used it in a sentence?!?), I'd have punched him square in his puppy dog face.

Ditto. Even to the part in parentheses.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 6/23/2008 9:56:28 PM
Author: surfgirl
After his shenanigans (wow, when''s the last time you actually typed that word out and used it in a sentence?!?), I''d have punched him square in his puppy dog face.

LMAO, touche.

 

[TravelingGal]

I''ll take the unpopular view and say...give the guy a break.

If he was SERIOUS in knowing your answer, it is a FAIR question. Without knowing your ages, let''s assume you''re on the youngish side. Well, could it be that he is thinking about engagement more in depth and where he wants to be once he gets there? He''s a GUY. They''re not thinking rings and flowers and wedding things. They''re often thinking of financial stability, careers, and being in a place where they feel secure and proud enough to be someone''s husband. Sometimes when it comes to marriage, I think women often can''t clearly see past the wedding, while men think more about married LIFE. (yeah, I know, I''ll get flamed for that one, but we all know too many women who are wedding obssessed and "say" they think about marriage when they really aren''t.)

Or maybe he just wants to be single a little longer...which I feel is a fair sentiment for both men and women.

He may not be giving you "mixed signals". He''s just saying at this point he may want to wait a little longer to marry you. What you have to do, instead of being annoyed, is figure out WHY.

I mean, geez...is three years really a long time in the scheme of things?

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 6/23/2008 4:46:16 PM
Author:penniepie25
Ok so whatever i just say lets not bring it up until u are ready and serious about it. He agrees....


The next DAY! he gets a cute and sweet and says ''do you want a ringy from me soon hun?'' ''Are you excited...will you say yes?'' with this huge puppy dog smile on his face....

LOL - AHHHH LOL im soooo confussed~! why is he doing this to me hehehehehe

I would have looked Mr. Puppy Dog straight in the eyes and said "Engagement TALK is boring. Let me know when you''re ready for engagement WALK"

I''d "ringy" his eyes with my fist at this point.

 

[nclrgirl]

I dumped a bf of 3 years b/c he kept playing with me when it came to talking about getting engaged.

At the time I would''ve said yes and been happy to marry him. But, I didn''t want to wait around for him to decide if/when he really wanted to marry me.

I know that sounds harsh, but I''m a person who makes a decision and acts on it! It was a good move too! I''m SO much happier with my FI now than I ever thought I could be in a relationship then!

To be fair though, maybe he''s just trying to throw you off because it''s coming soon!

Sending dust your way!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 6/23/2008 4:46:16 PM
Author:penniepie25
So i swore since my bf said he wasnt ready just yet i dropped ALL engagement conversation YET - ALL he does is bring it up - asking me over and over again when i want to, will i say yes, am i excited....AHH just do it! So then after our last conversation in which he said within the next year i was excited - i was eager to talk with him when be brought it up and etc. like and dislikes with wedding stuff - everything was fine - i have a semi time frame and all was well....THEN

he drops the bomb!


He askes me out of nowhere - would i be upset if he waited 3 years....


Like what in the world do i say to that!!

SO needless to say i get annoyed and i say to him - you know what you are givign me mixed signals here and there and i dont want you to bring it up again until you have a plan in your head and you are going to stick to it and it is going to happen soon!


This may not sound fair but he is not playing with my emotions fairly - we got into an argument and he said that i made a big deal out of the 3 year thing and that it was onlya question and meant nothing and isnt even true anyways....that he wants it sooner that later and blah blah....like WTF - would you think if your bf said that - good gosh!


Ok so whatever i just say lets not bring it up until u are ready and serious about it. He agrees....



The next DAY! he gets a cute and sweet and says ''do you want a ringy from me soon hun?'' ''Are you excited...will you say yes?'' with this huge puppy dog smile on his face....


LOL - AHHHH LOL im soooo confussed~! why is he doing this to me hehehehehe

I think guys don''t understand how much of a tizzy we get ourselves into! He probably wanted you to gripe and moan a LITTLE about 3 years, but not blow up. I think it was his idea of teasing and egging you on. If he asks you about 3 more years again, let him know plainly, "in 3 yrs, I intend to be happily married."

 

[dragonfly411]

I think he was playing with you. Looking for a rise, but also seeing what you would say. My SO does this to me, and he''ll end it with "I just wanted to know that you would wait for me". It is his own little joke.

 

[penniepie25]

i agree with what all you guys are saying!...I think for the most part he does throw the jokes out there or the questions and comments to see how i feel at all times - i feel he sometimes like to tease me about JUST to see how much i want him as my fiance....

So far no talk about it and i want to keep it that way until he is truely serious and it is a serious talk!

 

[Anna0499]

Sounds good! I didn''t think that it was a *HUGE* deal that he was joking about it but if it really did annoy you then hopefully he respects that & realizes that you are not joking when you say you want it to happen!

Do keep us updated.

 

[Serene82]

I completely feel you on this! Funny I came across all of this and I can completely relate. My significant other will be talking about were the wedding will be one day, and the next I am not sure when we will be able to get married. When I try to get a time frame he says when I get my career in order and other personal stuff out the way. Personally to me that could be a lifetime. It''s like guys have a fear of marriage. They talk just enough about it to keep you going but when it comes down to an actual commitment they start freaking out. He actually said when did I bring up marriage? After repeatedly talking about it. Men are crazy!

 

[Serene82]

I agree. I think when a guy hints at a proposal but doesn''t go through with it or says it will happen in a long period of time, what they are really saying, hmmm would she marry me? and to themselves would I really marry her, let me feel it out for a few years and see if any other better options come along."

I think he has reserves. I am telling you my guy does the same thing. He wants me to always be there to marry, but wants to continue enjoying his bachelor life with no responsibilities. ANd also I think he is making sure the feeling doesn''t fade.