Hi Everyone! (Intro post and the burning question)

[mjso]

Hi!! I''m new to the boards, so I thought I''d post an intro. My BF of 7 years proposed on Christmas morning, so now we''re offically engaged. The link to the e-ring post is here: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/im-new-and-so-is-my-ring.75249/.

I was, of course, really excited to get engaged, but now all of the planning is setting in and now I''m more nervous than ever! Basically the abbreviated story is, I''m from NJ originally, he''s from MT, we met in HI (lived there for a year) then lived in MT for 3 years, and now we live in Los Angeles where we''ve been since Aug. 2004. My mom wants us to have the wedding in NJ, and since my parents and my MOH are both there I feel like it would be the easiest place to plan a wedding. Plus I would like my family to be there and I don''t think a lot of them would travel (for a variety of reasons, including health). His extended family mostly lives in MN and would have to travel no matter where the wedding is.

The thing that concerns me the most is his family friends and our college friends, I''d like them to be able to share in our special day, but I am not sure that they would all be willing to fly across the country for it. It seems to me that the best solution might be to have the wedding in NJ, along with a reception for all that want to attend and then depending on our RSVP and who isn''t able to come, having a second, smaller reception in MT for those who weren''t able to make it to the first. Do you think that''s too much? Will people think we are just looking to have another party and recieve more gifts? Any advice would be awesome!

Thanks!!

 

[Independent Gal]

Welcome!

Well, I feel your pain, since I'm from one COUNTRY, FI is from another, we both live in a third country, and my mom lives in a fourth country. Our 125 (total) invited guests will be coming from 7 different countries and 37 different cities.

What we decided to do was to have a two part wedding in two countries, to make it easier and less expensive for our guests (even if it's quite a bit more expensive for us!). And my FI's boss is throwing a local party for us so that our local friends don't have to travel at all.

Here's what I would do (and what we did): talk to your friends. Take a straw poll. Say 'we don't want you guys to have to travel, but we also want to celebrate with you. How would you feel about us having a local thing instead?' You can say to your closest buddies, "Come to NJ too if you want, but don't feel obliged since we'll celebrate locally too." We said this, and one of my friends is going to both parts of the wedding and two of FI's friends are.

Our friends were very honest about their appreciation that they wouldn't have to cross oceans and pay $1000's of dollars to celebrate with us. If you poll them first, they will know your intentions are for THEIR comfort and THEIR pocket books. Plus, you can tell them 'no gifts' for the local party if you want. Some people will still bring gifts, but that way you make clear that's not what the party is for.

That is what we did, but it was made sticky by the fact that FI's boss called it a 'shower' instead of a party! ACK!

ETA: You say you don't want your friends to think you're 'looking to have another party'. A good thing to grasp now is that everything will be more fun for EVERYONE if you don't think of the party as "yours". Instead, you are throwing a party FOR your loved ones to celebrate something good that is happening to you. The party is not FOR you. It's FOR them. See? I mean, who gets mad at their friends for inviting them over for a good time? People like going to parties. So long as you aren't thinking of the party as an opportunity for everyone to make a fuss over YOU. Think of it as taking the opportunity to make a fuss over the people that you love. Aim not to impress them but to find ways to make them enjoy themselves. Think of the party as a gift you are giving to THEM. Does that make sense?

 

[luthergirl]

Congrats on the engagement!

I like the idea of doing your wedding in NJ and then having a reception in MT. I''m doing kind of the same thing... my fiance is from MT too! We both live in MN and have for quite a few years. We are having our wedding/reception in MN, but are having a second reception in MT 2 months after the wedding. The MT reception is going to be more casual, I think just maybe cake, apps and a somewhat open bar. My fiance is from a small town in MT and we are having it at the bar his Grandmother used to own. This way we felt like anyone from MT could be a part of the wedding withough having to come all the way to MN. His mom is going to plan most of it and I think the cost is very reasonable (helps that it is a small town too). I don''t think it is too much, and it is nice to be able to celebrate such a special time twice! I''m even planning on wearing my dress to both receptions!

Good luck!

 

[mjso]

Thanks for the advice!! I''m leaning towards probably having a much smaller, more casual reception in MT a little while after the wedding. I''ll definitely ask around to our friends/family to see how they feel about it.

I agree, even though we will be in one of the "big cities" for Montana, it will be easy to keep the costs down on the second reception. Sounds like it might be the best option at the moment.