Hindsight - what I learned - Lesson One

[Croí]

hello ladies

I''ve been thinking of posting about what I have learned from our day. In light of the "gripes" thread, I think I will go ahead and tell you all I learned.

As I said on that thread, to be honest, I really did feel it was our day and I really wasn''t bothered about catering to any of my guests. Those who griped about whatever, were just exactly the people whom I would have expected to gripe .... and those who got on with it and made it a great day for themselves (regardless of how much we spoke to them or any other details) were exactly the people I would have expected that from too.
We had a lot of the ''things'' that were mentioned in that gripe list.

We had our reception in a marquee-tent and though the weather held dry (a near-miracle in West Kerry!) the breeze was chilly, especially later in the day. The marquee was set up with the lengthwise facing north/south - Atlantic in front and mountains behind. The ''open'' end was facing west but we had to close it up because of the wind (our prevailing winds are from the west, from the sea) and open the Atlantic facing side, which was fine but we didn''t have as much space on that side, between the actual marquee and the fence that cordoned off the parking lot area (where we were set up) from the fields of sheep !

So, first lesson, make sure you have enough space to open a different side of the marquee if the wind is coming right in on the side you originally planned to have the opening.

 

[Croí]

In this pic you can see at the far side the two panels with no fabric in front. That was the original opening but we had to close it as the breeze coming from that side was threatening to blow everything over. This was our set-up - you can just about see the Atlantic and fields through the opening where my aunts are standing.

 

[Croí]

the lambs were great (I have a friend who said she hasn''t been able to eat lamb since they were at our wedding !!)

here''s a pic of two of them who were right by the church !

 

[elephant]

Croi!

Your location looks beautiful and your set up is GORGEOUS! Who cares what gripes you got!

 

[Croí]

NEXT LESSON:

People won''t listen to you when you tell them how you want your day to be. They will still go ahead and expect certain things that are traditionally associated with a wedding.

For us, the two biggest examples of this were as follows:
I had gone to great lengths to say that the ceremony would be Saturday with ONLY IMMEDIATE FAMILY and that the reception would be Sunday and would be a casual buffet, seating the adults and not the kids.

We did manage to get Saturday to ourselves (except for crazycameraboy whom I mentioned in another thread - but we won''t bother talking about that) even though an Aunt spent all the time coming up to the wedding saying she was going to the Church and friends complained that that is what it is all about and why bother going at all if they couldn''t be at the church and the comment was uttered that " I''d say you could have some gate-crashers ". I was NOT happy with that at all and made it very clear that I would be less than impressed if anyone who wasn''t supposed to be there showed up.
In the end, I got my way, it was just ourselves but I felt other people''s insistance that they have it their way was totally unfair. It was undue stress on me and I felt people should have had the respect and understanding to know this was important. These people DO know me right ?!?!?

I was very much focused - all of the time - on the fact that this was OUR wedding, OUR celebration to each other, of our love. Yes, we wanted family and friends to share in it but it was about US, not them.

So, that is one thing. You have to stick to your guns or the floodgates will open and you''ll lose all control. If it doesn''t bother you that other people ''take over'' then that is fine but I am not one of those people. (A co-worker here had a enormous wedding after our wedding, huge and VERY expensive but it was paid for and organized in totality by his family - and they are not of the same cultural background as she is and there was nothing from her side in any portion of her day .... but it didn''t bother her ....... I couldn''t have done that, but it''s a personal thing, that is just me).

Also, the whole "casual" thing just didn''t sink in at all. I think unless you are inviting people to a picnic or a cook-out on the beach, you can forget trying to get people to think "casual". The idea with our wedding was to have tables to sit at - for when you wanted to sit, but otherwise you could be in the marquee, or outside, or in the pub. It was never supposed to be everyone sitting at once and everyone wanting to eat at once. It was supposed to be like your everyday get-together/cook-out at your house .... where people eat and drink as they wish as hunger and thirst come upon them - move from spot to spot talking, interacting.
Everyone just seemed to think ''formal'' and all trooped in to sit at once and eat at once. It didn''t work. My darling hubby and I never got to eat at all !!!!! (another thing I think people who are doing an informal thing should be aware of - if there is no formal order for things to occur, sit now, eat now, speech now - you can really get lost in the shuffle). My younger cousins (& those my age) and friends got it but most of the older relatives did not. It sorted itself out though and really there was nothing I could do but behave myself like I had expected everyone else to, and finally they kind of got the idea.

So - make sure people understand what you are trying to achieve if you are going for something other than your usual formal wedding.
Lesson Number Two !!!

 

[Croí]

Elephant !! Thanks so much !! I was really delighted with it all, despite the things I''m writing about now. Naturally on the day I was on a complete high for the whole time and so impervious to everything .... but I realised in hindsight that close family members (sisters, bro-in-laws) were stressed somewhat trying to iron out the ruffles on the day - and everything is a learning experience - I''m happy to share what I learned.

NEXT LESSON

Space ! Make sure you really do have enough space. Don''t just take the word of whomever you are renting your space from (be it formal or informal). We had enough guest tables, BUT we didn''t have enough long tables for all the food. Well, let me rephrase that. We did if you didn''t have enough space for the cake and desserts. I had asked him for a small table for the cake but really that wouldn''t have worked so we ''stole'' a round guest table for the cake and desserts table (the cake and desserts were a big part of our wedding as one sister is a professional pastry chef at a top hotel in Killarney and she went all out (lucky us!) for us for the wedding).

here is the cake ........... LOVED it !!!!

 

[IrishEyes]

Oh Croi!! How beautiful! What town did you have the wedding in, if you don''t mind me asking? Where in Ireland are you from? I just got back from a 3 week trip to Ireland last month, and County Kerry was my favorite part by far!! It was so beautiful there, the views were breathtaking! I''m mad because our pictures just don''t do it justice at all!! I will NEVER forget the beauty I saw there and how much fun we had just driving around that beautiful country!!

I''m so glad your wedding went off great! What month did you have it in? It must have been chilly!! That was the one downside I experienced was that it was breezy and chilly alot!! But it''s worth it!!

Congrats!!

 

[gingerBcookie]

oh croi! i love your tent!!! Its beautiful!! hard to beat the scenery too!

 

[Rockchick]

Croi,

everything looks SO beatiful!!

I''m with you with the whole ''people not lisiting''! I''m not married yet (almost YAY!), but we specifically asked that people DO NOT do stupid songs, dance-things, and all that sorta stuff. I told my sister to keep a close eye on this because we both REALLY hate that, and told everyone that! Besides that, we are getting married in the evening, and don''t have a reception but its straight into a party. There is absolutely no time, and not that sort of wedding.. We talked to friends who are totally in to that, and reminded them (several times) that we don''t want that, and they just sorta smiled and nodded..

Guess what..

We found out that they made up a whole song and dance in our honour! Well geez, thanks!

So I told them, thank you very much, but we won''t free up any time at the wedding for that. Now I''m the bad guy, I find it really upsetting...

Same thing with the bachelor/bachelorette party. We wanted it to be on the same day, because we wanted to end it together. Not have the parties together, but ust end it together. We thought that that would be really fun.. Nope, the same friends decided that that was not tradition, and thought it was weird, so they just didn''t do it?!? I had mine las saturday, and who knows when FI is going to have his? Some friends huh?

 

[Croí]

hi girls !
thanks for all the great feedback!!!

IrishEyes - I''m from Kerry, I live in Boston now and my husband is from here. I''m from just outside of Tralee town. If you leave town heading for Dingle you go out along a canal, over a bridge and past a windmill ...... out on that road is a left turn onto a small sideroad and that''s where I''m from. We had our ceremony in Curraheen (which is right out on that road towards Dingle, the church is on the left (I posted pics in my original thread when I first got engaged) and the ''hooley'' was further out that road, just before the split for Connor Pass (which takes you up over the mountains and over to Dingle on the other side). We had our celebration at The Railway Tavern (AKA Mike Neills) and took pics down the beach at Kilgobbin.

I''m glad you enjoyed your trip. It honestly is a beautiful country. I miss it a lot - family too of course ! They are all there except me, I''m the eldest and the only one away.

Anyway, when I finally get my online pics up (there are over 200 so it''s taking forever !!) I will let you all know and anyone who wants to browse will be more than welcome.

Ginger - thanks for the comments ! I bought all the table stuff here and brought it home - napkins, ware etc. My sisters and I set it all up. I was really pleased even though not everything went up - I had bought string lights (blossoms) but they couldn''t be found on the weekend in question (had been brought home months before and packed away for ''safe keeping'' !! ) and some other bits and pieces, but it still looked great and I was very happy with it all.


The scenery - have to thank Mother Nature for that, and for the decent weather too.

RockChick - believe me you will just have to suck it up on the day when people do things that make you want to just holler at them ! I am sorry that your stag and hen (bachelor/bachelorette) were separated. We had ours the night before the wedding (since we only got home right before) and they began in two pubs across the street from each other - him and the lads in one, me and the girls in the other. They took him off on a pub crawl in a minibus but we all ended up together at the end of the night. THOSE pics are staying in the vault till my dying day !!!! oh lordy !!!!!

when is your wedding ??? so hard to keep track of everyone''s plans - sorry !

gotta go, home and not meant to be online - was checking for pics of my brand-new niece - she''s soooooo perfect.

catch you all soon
C

 

[IrishEyes]

Croi, I know exactly where you are talking about!! I was in Tralee and the surrounding area! You are lucky to be from such a beautiful place!! I can''t wait to see your pics!

 

[Rockchick]

I''m august 18th. can''t wait!!

Please post more pics! I love the scenery, where is it? (I thought Ireland, but not sure?) I must go there then! European myself, so its not too far away. and love the marquee..

I didn''t want to sound snotty or anything, I just want our wedding to be perfect

(not gonna happen, i know, i''ll just shoot for perfection), i do appreciate that people take the time and do something special for you, but darnitt, they need to do it my way!! Just kidding! (control issues, can you tell?)

 

[Croí]

morning all

I resurrected this thread in response to Carol Ann. I think it''s pretty easy to know what you DO want to do, it''s steering clear of the pitfalls that people could use advice on. I also did a search and there is a similiar thread on Brides WorldWide.

I think - now, months and months later - my biggest regret of all is that I don''t have a lot of pictures from later on on the night of our reception. My Mum is a great step-dancer (bragging here, she was an All-Ireland Champion!

) and all of my family (indeed most people from Kerry) can set-dance and/or step-dance. My Mum made everyone dance sets, even friends from Florida and cousins from England who had NO CLUE what they were doing !! It was super-fun but our photographer had already left by then and since most folks were dancing, I have no pictures - well a few blurry ones but nothing great. I regret this VERY much because I am a picture person and you don''t get that night back. I had my own camera and had given it to a cousin to use to take pics and while I had had the foresight to upload all the pictures which had been on it, I totally didn''t think to charge the battery or bring the charger with us - and of course the camera died. Mom and I danced a few reels, just us two and I REALLY REALLY REALLY wish I had photos of that. One friend has since told me that she had her Dad''s old ''regular'' camera and took photos and she thinks she has pictures of Mum and I dancing but she hasn''t developed the film yet ! So I am keeping my fingers crossed.

 

[Erin]

She hasn''t developed film from 4 months ago?

Tell her to shake a leg!!!

I just love the inside of your tent - as casual as you make it sound, it would pass as elegant to me. Just beautiful!!!

 

[Croí]

starset !

Thanks - one thing that was lovely about was the table cloths (which I didn''t see ahead of time). I had been very specific that I didn''t want white because my dress was not white and he did honour that request - they were this lovely cream colour and had really nice celtic knotwork designs woven into them. I was delighted with the knotwork, it tied in with the knotwork on my dress !