Hmmmmmm

[cindygenit]

Ok, so i spoke for one of my MOH for an hour yesterday... and frankly she stressed me out!

She said that the venue i picked is perhaps not the best, and then went on and on to complain about how the venue is not as accomodating as SHE would like.

Fair enough, but i''m trying to save money, and I have a budget to stick to. So I can''t exactly pick the most high end venue there is!

I feel like she is pushing me into things that I know I would LOVE in my wedding, but just can''t afford. Everytime I tell her about my ideas, she would go "Hmmmmm maybee".
I feel like my ideas are not good enough or fancy enough for HER... This is really upsetting me, because i feel like i have no free reign over MY wedding

 

[charbie]

I''m sorry this is happening- I understand for sure! But remember first, You totally have reign over your own wedding, and don''t forget that!

I think everyone gets excited and wants to help, and maybe she doesn''t realize that she''s being a debbie downer. I''m the MOH in my sister''s wedding (which currently has no date) and I started to question things she wanted to do without realizing it. She finally had to tell me to knock it off, I get my wedding, she gets hers. I felt awful, when all I wanted to do was help her.

Just be real with her, explain that she has lovely ideas, and while in an ideal world you''d love to do them, you just can''t afford it on the budget you have. Don''t let it go on forever, or else it really will get depressing and make you just more upset.

 

[D&T]

Date: 8/17/2009 10:37:22 PM
Author: charbie
I''m sorry this is happening- I understand for sure! But remember first, You totally have reign over your own wedding, and don''t forget that!

I think everyone gets excited and wants to help, and maybe she doesn''t realize that she''s being a debbie downer. I''m the MOH in my sister''s wedding (which currently has no date) and I started to question things she wanted to do without realizing it. She finally had to tell me to knock it off, I get my wedding, she gets hers. I felt awful, when all I wanted to do was help her.

Just be real with her, explain that she has lovely ideas, and while in an ideal world you''d love to do them, you just can''t afford it on the budget you have. Don''t let it go on forever, or else it really will get depressing and make you just more upset.

ditto! I''m so sorry Cindy that this is happening. I sure hope she becomes more a team player with you soon and support you.

 

[Cartwheel]

Cindy - I''m sorry your MOH is being less than supportive of your ideas and budget.

The most popular advice I''ve received from friends who''ve been recent brides is that the hardest part of planning a wedding is accepting that you can''t please everyone. I''m only a couple of weeks into planning and I''m already feeling my backbone getting weak.

I agree with the ladies here that it might warrant a conversation with your MOH. You''ve chosen her as a key player in your support team for planning this wedding. I think we all know that wedding planning is NOT stress free, but it should still be enjoyable. I believe it''s her job as your MOH and your friend to help make it enjoyable.

Good luck to you!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 8/17/2009 11:28:22 PM
Author: cartwheel
Cindy - I'm sorry your MOH is being less than supportive of your ideas and budget.

The most popular advice I've received from friends who've been recent brides is that the hardest part of planning a wedding is accepting that you can't please everyone. I'm only a couple of weeks into planning and I'm already feeling my backbone getting weak.

I agree with the ladies here that it might warrant a conversation with your MOH. You've chosen her as a key player in your support team for planning this wedding. I think we all know that wedding planning is NOT stress free, but it should still be enjoyable. I believe it's her job as your MOH and your friend to help make it enjoyable.

Good luck to you!

LOL, I told everyone upfront that while their opinions were nice, the only person I was negotiating with was FI. Period. The bulked, and continue to bulk, but they know that I am serious, and not budging.

As for your MOH, tell her to save her great ideas for her own wedding. Or maybe stop asking her opinion, lol.

 

[cindygenit]

Thanks for the advice you guys! Its nice to hear from people who are or were in my shoes.

I think she means well, but she is full of ideas (probably of what she likes and what she wants in her wedding) and just bombarding me with them! Seriously, i called to ask her how she was yesterday and she just started rambling about how she is looking at mags and talking to her big sister (who just got married last year) for wedding ideas...

I don''t want to hurt her feelings, and I certainly don''t want her to stop giving me ideas, but i sure wish she wouldn''t dismiss my ideas so quickly either!

She is also set on roses for the wedding flowers and bridal table flowers... oh dear... my flower budget is only $1000. My wedding is in July, roses are not in season, and I''m pretty sure they are super expensive!!!

LOL i suppose the MOHs can have a really small bouquet

 

[Dannielle]

The role of a BM is to assist the bride with planning and on the day- she probably thinks that she is being really helpful, just explain to her that although you love her ideas they aren''t feasible with your budget

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Date: 8/17/2009 11:43:07 PM
Author: cindygenit
Thanks for the advice you guys! Its nice to hear from people who are or were in my shoes.

I think she means well, but she is full of ideas (probably of what she likes and what she wants in her wedding) and just bombarding me with them! Seriously, i called to ask her how she was yesterday and she just started rambling about how she is looking at mags and talking to her big sister (who just got married last year) for wedding ideas...

I don''t want to hurt her feelings, and I certainly don''t want her to stop giving me ideas, but i sure wish she wouldn''t dismiss my ideas so quickly either!

She is also set on roses for the wedding flowers and bridal table flowers... oh dear... my flower budget is only $1000. My wedding is in July, roses are not in season, and I''m pretty sure they are super expensive!!!

LOL i suppose the MOHs can have a really small bouquet

Cindy have you looked at www.bloomcoutureflowers.com ? My FSIL used them for her wedding last year in August, she had all red and white roses and said that she was really well priced. (and they were beautiful).

If we are going to copy each others weddings we might as well copy them properly.

 

[cleokizzy]

uhmm... does your MOH know that it is YOUR wedding?

i''m sorry, but with what you said, i don''t think she''s MOH material.

 

[daught3rofEve]

if she wants more "fancy" things, she should pay for them for you.....

terrible, really, how some people just dont know when to say "I''m sure it will look lovely"

or if it''s something they don''t like, "Oh my, how unique!"

And since when does a MOH get to "have her heart set" on any kind of flower to begin with? When she has her own wedding, she can have all the freakin roses she wants. until she starts being more supportive, I"d just give her a Cactus!

www.fiftyflowers.com is great too... and I think they ship over to the UK (not sure where you are, but just in case).

Just repeat

"I am making the best decisions for mine and my Fi''s wedding regardless of what anyone else says"

**HUGS**

 

[cara]

Oh, dear. MOH has *her* heart set on roses? This women is not the bride. Or groom. Or MOG/MOB (whom really should bite their tongues as well, but at least have been known to substitute their wishes for the bride and groom's on a more regular basis in the history of weddings.)

The art of helping a friend with a wedding is to figure out what help they want and need. Helping them find the best expression of their taste, the best use of their budget, with some allowance for coming up with things that will make it a better and smoother event for the guests. Remembering porta-potties, discouraging mountaintop ceremonies with infirm guests and a five mile hike each way, etc.

If satisfying her is stressing you out, then you need to change course. If you trust her style and judgment at all, ask her to price out florists and tell her your *strict* budget and willingness to be creative. Basically co-opt her by making her assume responsibility for suggesting things in budget. But if you prefer your own taste and think involving her will only make things more difficult for you, than subtly back off. Stop telling her details about your planning, and when she offers suggestions say "that's nice and we'll consider it."

 

[LilyKat]

She needs to learn to shut her trap. What a brat.

 

[gwendolyn]

Do you really have to ask her opinion? After that, I''d probably stop asking her for input and just ask her to show up on the day and be happy for me (but I am not having a bridal party, partly to avoid stuff like this, so maybe you should just ignore me

).

 

[cindygenit]

Hi again ladies... She is basically so thrilled to be my MOH that she bought a book called " How to be a good bridesmaid" or something like that... and she told me she''s been reading it heaps, and eventhough we haven''t seen each other for a couple of weeks, she is still fulfilling her MOH duties by planning/ thinking about my wedding in her own free time.........

If she gets out of control, i will tell her to "ZIP IT"!!!