Holiday Blues...

[MagsyMay]

Not trying to be a Scrooge, but how you deal with them? I find myself feeling pretty down around the holidays every year, maybe it is some seasonal affective disorder (ughh darkness at 4:30 p.m. anyone!), but the feeling that I "should" be happy/merry/thankful/lovey makes me feel even worse for not exactly feeling that way. The constant onslaught of FB status postings with people raving about their beautiful children, fabulous husbands, loving families, etc. just gets to be too much. Add some cheery commercials and holiday cards/letters about how wonderful the person's year was, and it just gets to me. Don't get me wrong, I have much to be thankful for and am very aware of that, but is everybody really as happy as they say they are? Where did I go wrong and how do I deal without becoming some bitter, crabby old holiday-hater?

 

[jaysonsmom]

Sorry you're feeling blue, (((((((((HUGS))))))))). I don't know your circumstance, but I'm trying to think of what I'd do if I were in your place. I'd probably try to find time to volunteer for a cause or charity to the needy. Making other people's lives better always makes me feel that "I'm" making a difference, and cheers me up. Perhaps you can volunteer to wrap gifts for Toys for tots for eg, or serve a holiday meal at a shelter. Once you see the less fortunate people out there, you'll begin to count your blessings.

 

[Matata]

You can do what I'm going to do today -- help a family in need. It always makes me feel better to share with others. There was an article in the paper today about a woman who found out her children were being abused by her husband. She left him immediately and took shelter with an organization in my town who works with such families -- finding them a safe place to live and serving as advocates. Her husband broke all the family ornaments and tore up all the family pictures. All the kids want are some decorations and a camera to start rebuilding their memories. So I'm going to buy them a tree, camera, decorations, and throw in a gift card so they can buy their mom and themselves something for Christmas.

 

[MagsyMay]

Jaysonsmom and Matata: Thank you for the suggestions. I do think something like that would help, although sometimes I just end up feeling so badly for other people's situations and then so guilty for being dissatisfied with my own, that I just end up crying even more!

 

[dragonfly411]

Magsy - I think you need to alter your mindset...which you can do. Do the volunteering, but do something that is interactive with the people who you are helping. Perhaps volunteer at a local soup kitchen... or an elderly home. Look at the way their faces light up, their eyes become warmer, when you treat them with kindness and bring a little cheer to their holidays. One doesn't know true happiness until one is giving fully of oneself to others, and those others are appreciative.

Other thoughts though, if you didn't want to do those things, are perhaps to just go do some FUN holiday things. I'm pretty sure there is not an age limit on going to see Santa. You could invite friends over for some spiked holiday drinks and candy canes and watch some funny movies. Elf.

All that being said, I do believe that some years it's just hard.

 

[violet3]

double post.

 

[violet3]

Not trying to be a Scrooge, but how you deal with them? I find myself feeling pretty down around the holidays every year, maybe it is some seasonal affective disorder (ughh darkness at 4:30 p.m. anyone!), but the feeling that I "should" be happy/merry/thankful/lovey makes me feel even worse for not exactly feeling that way. The constant onslaught of FB status postings with people raving about their beautiful children, fabulous husbands, loving families, etc. just gets to be too much. Add some cheery commercials and holiday cards/letters about how wonderful the person's year was, and it just gets to me. Don't get me wrong, I have much to be thankful for and am very aware of that, but is everybody really as happy as they say they are? Where did I go wrong and how do I deal without becoming some bitter, crabby old holiday-hater?

No they're not. I understand what you are feeling - I REALLY do. I'm not a holiday lover and i NEVER have been. It irritates me every year. My mom has a HUGE family (5 siblings and all that trickles down from there) and we travel for the holiday. I've honestly NEVER liked it, even when i was small. The whole thing is such a huge show and there's always drama (that's what you get with 30+ people). My husband's family is no better - it's smaller, but they are always yelling at each other, and no one talks to me. And we travel for that too.

My sister, on the other hand, is an EXTREME holiday lover, and she cannot understand how she and i are related. She has THREE christmas trees - THREE. WTH? she wants me to be more holiday-ish, but I, however, do not feel any guilt in not loving the holidays - it is just not for me. Yesterday, my sister and nephew came in to town and ALL my siblings got together to help my dad decorate the xmas tree. we ate, we drank, we watched a movie. it was NO pressure....and a fantastic time. I hope we continue it every year.

My honest opinion is that a lot of that facebook crap is for show...so others will think their lives are so great. Sounds jerky, but for many people, i am convinced this is the case.

p.s. My sister has SAD - would some light threapy help at all? The sell light machines you can use to get you necessary dose of light.

 

[radiantquest]

I was never a holiday person. It was always depressing. I do have seasonal defective disorder. This is the first time I tried to change something about my mood. I went and got a prescription for Zoloft this year in October. This is the first time I have been in the holiday spirit. My Christmas shopping is done. I am loving wrapping it all and am even volunteering. I know that a lot of people aren't excited about the idea of taking medications, but this is the first time I have tried it and will continue to. The Christmas cheer doesn't aggravate me anymore and I am all around happy.

 

[Imdanny]

some seasonal affective disorder (ughh darkness at 4:30 p.m. anyone!)

I can relate. I felt that way every year in upstate NY.

the feeling that I "should" be happy/merry/thankful/lovey makes me feel even worse for not exactly feeling that way.

I definitely relate to this. The idea that you have to be all of those things on an appointed day at an appointed time doesn't work for me.

A lot of people get the holiday blues. It's not just you and I understand how it can be a stressful time of year.

My humble advice is try not internalizing that you 'should' feel a certain way about/ around the holidays. If you don't feel like you think you 'should' then understand it's ok to not feel in a certain mood on command and go easy on yourself.

I don't think that makes you a Grinch at all. Having your own feelings isn't stealing anyone else's holiday! Hugs.

 

[Shoopy]

I think it's very common that people feel depression during this season more than anything else. Don't remember where I read that from.

I will say that I think the weather plays a huge part in it. I live in FL so we usually have warm weather. This week it has been freezing (by our standards) and all we've down is stay indoors. Boring!!

 

[zoebartlett]

I was never a holiday person. It was always depressing. I do have seasonal defective disorder. This is the first time I tried to change something about my mood. I went and got a prescription for Zoloft this year in October. This is the first time I have been in the holiday spirit. My Christmas shopping is done. I am loving wrapping it all and am even volunteering. I know that a lot of people aren't excited about the idea of taking medications, but this is the first time I have tried it and will continue to. The Christmas cheer doesn't aggravate me anymore and I am all around happy.

I'mm glad to hear it, RQ! How's your family doing, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[swingirl]

I am a pretty up-beat person when it comes to the holidays. I enjoy Christmas, decorating the house, bake when I can, have a great husband, healthy and happy adult children and even love spending time with my in-laws. BUT even I have gotten depressed after reading holiday newsletters. Everyone's vacations are always better than ours, their kids get better grades, into better schools, played on more winning sports teams, husbands got more promotions, blah blah blah. I don't like hearing about a year's worth of accomplishments all wrapped up in a "greeting". I don't like having to compare myself because along with my year's accomplishments I also happen to know my disappointments. You aren't alone in feeling the holiday blues.

 

[Kaleigh]

I have them bad this year. I am just giving into it and giving myself time, and not pressuring myself. I have had more funerals in the last few weeks than I care to mention. Friends having a really tough time, and my dog not doing well. And then add me getting a neurological disorder.. I guess the blues for me are warranted.. I am honest with people and let them know I am not up to this and that right now. Time will heal ... I need the gift of time.. Bah humbug, LOL!!!!

 

[stringtheorygirl]

Coming out of lurkdom to say I suffered from debilitating seasonal affective disorder until I moved to Florida 3 years ago. I still get a bit of it when the time changes. I cannot recommend highly enough a good light box (one that delivers 10,000 lux) used daily, one hour before sunrise (I know...). Light therapy in combination with some medication really helped lift me out of my winter depression. It can be so paralyzing when we're supposed to be joyous and full of cheer. Be kind to yourself this season.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

p.s. My sister has SAD - would some light threapy help at all? The sell light machines you can use to get you necessary dose of light.

I found that SAD light extremely effective for the mid winter blues--the only thing I didn't like was my shrink told me to get up a half hour earlier in the morning to use it...UGH. But it worked.

 

[kenny]

I thought this thread was going to be about a kind of sapphire.

 

[lulu66]

magsymay, first ((((HUGS)))) to you! if this is something that you go through every year, you may be suffering from seasonal affective disorder. i know many people who suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD); one thing many of my friends do is go to the tanning bed. if you're anti-tanning bed, like me, they do sell lamps that are supposed to help too. here's the first link i found on google: http://www.fullspectrumsolutions.com/.

as for the feeling that everyone else has these perfect lives, i think it's our human nature to want other people to believe we are doing great, so that's what many people project. honestly, i do that too; i generally only share my downs & failures with my closest people & definitely wouldn't be advertising them on facebook, ya know? so, keep in my you're only seeing one side of most of these people, and that's the side they want you to see; the side that's closest to what they perceive as "happiness," "love," etc.

here's some info about SAD from mayo clinic http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/seasonal-affective-disorder/DS00195

*btw, i'm not any type of medical practitioner (obvi) but what you wrote reminds me of what i've heard from my friends in the past, that's why i brought it up.

 

[Imdanny]

I thought this thread was going to be about a kind of sapphire.

lol!

 

[jaysonsmom]

You know what they say, if you've hit a rut, things can only look up. I've always tried to live by that motto. When I'm feeling down, I just keep telling myself, things are on the upswing from here on forth.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if what you are feeling is not due to a clinical mood disorder, just mentally setting a goal of being as happy as you can, and having a more positive attitude can really make things better.

 

[MagsyMay]

Thank you all for your input!! I'm glad to know I am not alone in this. It's easy to feel alone when everyone else seems so thrilled with life, especially this time of year.

Kenny: Haha, sorry to disapoint you!

Dragonfly: You are totally right. Thank you for the mini-wakeup call. I need to change my focus because clearly focusing on what I've been focusing on isn't making me happy or improving my situation. I think this year is just going to be one of those hard ones, with it being the first holiday without my grandfather who died recently and our dog too. Add some stress of family dynamics post-marriage... and yeah, not fun.

Lulu: Thanks for the information. I do think it could be more than just the regular "holiday/winter blues" unfortunately and am going to look into some of the remedies.

Violet: I do tend to think that FB stuff is mostly for show. In my mind, if you're that happy with life, why would you need to go advertising is day after day? I'm glad you had a wonderful stress-free holiday celebration with your siblings and dad and hope that tradition continues for you!

Radiantquest: So glad the Zoloft is working so well for you. I have struggled with depression in the past and think it is probably time to talk to my doctor again about it. And some light therapy, although it's always baffled me that it could actually work! But it's worth a try

Imdanny: Isn't the darkness the worst? I can't even imagine living in upstate NY, with the snow and all it just seems unbearable! Anytime I complain about Chicago weather, I should remind myself it could be way worse!

Kaleigh: ((HUGS)) Sorry you are going through such a rough patch

Swingirl: Totallly hear you on the letter scene. Even if it isn't in letter form, it seems people like to reflect upon their year this month and all I am hearing about is the promotions, new houses, great new jobs, etc. etc. etc. We had a neighbor family when I was growing up that was notorious for those letters and always said we should write a totally satirical one about how cruddy our year had been, ha, wonder if my friends would appreciate that

Stringtheory: Thank you for the tips and so glad you're doing much better now. IThat whole getting up early part is doing to be a doozie for me! I only wish lived somewhere warm like FL! You too Fiery!

Jaysonsmom: Love that quote, will start repeating it to myself regularly!

Thank again to everyone for your support!

 

[Autumnovember]

I'm in the sort of in the same boat!

Although I'm Christian, over the last couple years Christmas has really started to rub me the wrong way due to how materialistic people have made this holiday to be. I just try to find SOMETHING that I can appreciate about the holiday season. Often it has been the christmas decorations people put outside their houses. It's so pretty when everything is lit up. I try to remind myself that it will be over soon. I hang out with my non celebrating friends and do fun things together, which really helps too. I also think that all the statuses people put up are BS half the time. I really DON'T think people are really this happy. Maybe some, but definitely not as many that like to pretend that they are. For me, I try to be happy and thankful for everything I have YEAR ROUND, not just when the holidays arrive. I really do believe a lot of people do it for show. I'm thinking this year, I'll volunteer somewhere thanks to this thread!

If it's seasonal depression, maybe you could go to your doctor? They do have treatment for it and it does effect a lot more of the population than people would think.

P.s. it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who doesn't like this time of year much. My best friend loves it and doesn't understand how its possible not to.

 

[rosetta]

I loathe holiday letters.

Most stupid narcissistic things ever.

Apologies to those who send them, but I fail to see them as anything but smug gloating.

Honestly, no one cares if your darling son came sixth in the egg and spoon race, or if your dearest husband was named most efficient filing assistant of the month.

Bah humbug!

 

[MagsyMay]

I loathe holiday letters.

Most stupid narcissistic things ever.

Apologies to those who send them, but I fail to see them as anything but smug gloating.

Honestly, no one cares if your darling son came sixth in the egg and spoon race, or if your dearest husband was named most efficient filing assistant of the month.

Bah humbug!

Haahaa, love it! Couldn't have said it better! Thanks for the laugh.