Hot and cold problems... anyone else?

[cutiegirl84]

Hey girls,

I love coming to PS and sharing my impatience with all you other LIW. Just wondering if anyone else is having the same issues I am.

A few weeks back my BF told me to start looking at rings and stuff, but since then he hasn''t asked me about them at all! It gets so weird, last weekend we were in the mall and then he mentioned going to a jeweler and trying on rings, but then it doesnt come up again for a long time. I don''t know if I am having LIW syndrome or what, but does anyone else have this problem too?

I know we will get engaged eventually since we constantly talk about the future and what will happen next year when I graduate from school, but that doesnt make his "hot and cold" mentioning of rings, engagement, etc. any less frustrating. Also I notice whenever he says "guess what" I always think its something related to engagements or something. Maybe I need to chill. lol.

Thanks for letting me vent!

 

[KCCutie]

I think guys in general are like this. Maybe he just wanted to get an idea of what he need to know. Like what type of ring you like and how much he''ll need to save etc. Seems to me my guy gets quiet when he''s trying to figure out the logistics, then when he feels good about it he talks up a storm again, comes up with more questions and then gets quite again.

I wouldn''t worry. He''s probably just thinking and planning. If he''s still talking about the future then I would say no reason to worry.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Sometimes I feel similarly to what you are saying namely that my SO will seem really into looking for or talking about rings for a bit and then it seems to taper off. I realized a few things that helped me to calm down and not panic if he doesn’t seem as into talking about engagement/rings:

First: there are a lot of times where I will sit and talk to him about sports. As a Boston sports nut, I can sit and hash out a recent trade or a prospect with him but unlike my SO, sports do not always preoccupy my thoughts so there are occasions where I just don’t want to talk about what positions the Patriots need to concentrate on filling next season. In the same vein, while there are days when my SO is willing to talk about rings and proposals, there are others when he just doesn’t feel like talking about those things. This does not mean he isn’t thinking about it, considering it or does not care just as when I have days when I don’t want to talk sports does not mean I am not a rabid fan.

Second: sometimes the less they talk about something the more they are working on it without your knowledge. This weekend it came to light that I can probably feel pretty comfortable that my proposal will happen by the end of this year. This surprised me because SO certainly hasn’t been babbling away about stones. However, he’s no fool and he knows if he started to talk about diamonds I would probably guess something was up.

Third: He pretty much knows what I want and we both believe that there is no point in beating a dead horse. I’ve put what I want out there. We’ve looked on-line a many rings and I’ve commented on what I like. Now the ball is in his court.

I understand how important it is to him to be able to do this without me trying to run the controls. Just as he knows that when it comes to planning the wedding I’ll feel more comfortable if I am in the driver’s seat. He has made it clear to me that this is his moment to really take my breath away and out of respect for his wishes, I’m just trying to kick back and wait for my moment. If he needs my opinion, he’ll find a way to get it.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 4/7/2008 4:13:48 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21

First: there are a lot of times where I will sit and talk to him about sports. As a Boston sports nut, I can sit and hash out a recent trade or a prospect with him but unlike my SO, sports do not always preoccupy my thoughts so there are occasions where I just don’t want to talk about what positions the Patriots need to concentrate on filling next season. In the same vein, while there are days when my SO is willing to talk about rings and proposals, there are others when he just doesn’t feel like talking about those things. This does not mean he isn’t thinking about it, considering it or does not care just as when I have days when I don’t want to talk sports does not mean I am not a rabid fan.

Good analogy!

 

[ringless]

You''re not the only one. My bf always hints things and it drives me insane. He''s always the first to find out people are engaged/married, even Beyonce and JZ! lol
It has really made me depressed these past 2 weeks, and has put a damper on our relationship... but I just have to live in the moment and cherish these times together now. You''ll be engaged before you know it... and hopefully so will I!

 

[cutiegirl84]

keepingthefaith:

thanks that really helped put everything in perspective. I suppose just because I''m obsessed with looking at rings, he isn''t necessarily.

thanks everyone else for your reassurance! sometimes it just feels like I''m the only one thinking about engagement stuff and I get carried away. This is why i love PS !

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 4/7/2008 5:49:41 PM
Author: cutiegirl84
keepingthefaith:

thanks that really helped put everything in perspective. I suppose just because I'm obsessed with looking at rings, he isn't necessarily.

thanks everyone else for your reassurance! sometimes it just feels like I'm the only one thinking about engagement stuff and I get carried away. This is why i love PS !

Me too!

I'm glad we all could help.

Off topic: I love the setting your avatar what is it called and who is it by?

 

[cutiegirl84]

Date: 4/7/2008 7:36:32 PM
Author: KCCutie

Date: 4/7/2008 5:49:41 PM
Author: cutiegirl84
keepingthefaith:

thanks that really helped put everything in perspective. I suppose just because I''m obsessed with looking at rings, he isn''t necessarily.

thanks everyone else for your reassurance! sometimes it just feels like I''m the only one thinking about engagement stuff and I get carried away. This is why i love PS !

Me too!

I''m glad we all could help.

Off topic: I love the setting your avatar what is it called and who is it by?

thanks for the help. Its the Vatche x-prong slim line with pave. I looooove the vatche x-prong but i think it will be too thick on me so this one is 2mm i think and I love it!

 

[ktdid]

I understand and I think it''s probably a normal guy thing. BF and I talked about the ring thing a lot so I got all excited. Then it just sort of stopped. Then one day he says "let''s go get your ring!" Huh?? Up, down, up, down. Now it''s ordered so now I''ll be on the roller coaster of "is this the day?"
Hang in there!!

 

[cutiegirl84]

ktdid,

i''m glad to hear that the rollercoaster ended up in a good place for you and your BF. Hopefully I''ll have a ring ordered in the near future so I can stop wanting to scream at my BF when he doesnt bring rings up for days!

 

[Bia]

Honey, I am right there with you. I totally understand. You know it will happen but its a matter of when and how! It is driving me crazy and I am not that kind of girl...at least I wasn''t until he started talking an engagement. The worst part is, it could take another 6 months for all I know (maybe more-I hope not!) before he is ready to pop the question. How can I wait 6 more months? I will go crazy...thank God I can go crazy with you all.

 

[cutiegirl84]

Date: 4/8/2008 12:02:23 PM
Author: Bia
Honey, I am right there with you. I totally understand. You know it will happen but its a matter of when and how! It is driving me crazy and I am not that kind of girl...at least I wasn''t until he started talking an engagement. The worst part is, it could take another 6 months for all I know (maybe more-I hope not!) before he is ready to pop the question. How can I wait 6 more months? I will go crazy...thank God I can go crazy with you all.

Bia, I''m so glad to have other ladies in my situation. My BF did the same thing- I figured we would get engaged eventually, but HE brought up "i''m going to get you a ring" and "blah blah blah engagement" etc etc etc a few months back. I never would be freaking if he hadn''t brought it up. Don''t men know anything???!! I know now that it will be at least until after May, but still... grrrrr

 

[LaraOnline]

I''m with KCCutie, if the guy''s bought it up, to the point where you''re talking about designs, there''s no real reason to fret. He''s probably wants to save and save and save for...hey, maybe another fifteen years?

These pretties are expensive, and who can blame him for not wanting to get all serious with ring shopping if he don''t have the dollars to hand?