How did you decide on what type of reception you wanted?

[zoebartlett]

My FI and I have been pretty sure that we want a casual affair for our wedding. What degree of casual, we''re not sure yet. Do we want it in my parents'' backyard and if so, do we want the reception to be a BBQ and have guests feel comfy in shorts, etc? Do we want to rent out an inn and have a tent wedding that is still casual, yet a little dressier and the food isn''t BBQ? Do we want it at a restaurant where we work with the chefs to create some kind of lunch/dinner menu and the dress would be more typical summer wedding attire? Decisions, decisions...

Just when we think we know what we want, another idea pops into our heads.

So, how did you decide on what type of wedding reception you wanted?

I''m focusing on the reception specifically, only because we have a somewhat firmer idea about the ceremony -- short and simple and not too religious (FI and I are non-practicing Catholics but my FI actually describes himself as being agnostic).

The way I''m thinking about it, it would seem easier to plan the reception and then work on the ceremony. Maybe I''m backwards in my thinking. Can you tell I''m a first-timer?

 

[neatfreak]

Let's see...a number of factors...

1. We wanted it small enough that we could actually interact with all our guests.

2. I wanted it to be really classy, but not pretentious. So clean lines, clean flowers, just a "clean" feel to it if that makes sense.

3. Most importantly, we didn't want to spend more than $5,000 for the entire wedding!

4. I didn't want to deal with a lot of details on my own (i.e., picking out linens, flowers, etc.) so it was important TO ME that we chose a place that would handle it all for me, and whose taste I trusted, since a wedding planner wasn't in the budget.

5. We wanted really yummy food that was vegetarian friendly. FI (and my MOH) is a vegetarian, and many places that offer veg. entrees aren't too good (esp. at weddings).

6. Wanted it to be non-pretentious, so that our guests would feel comfortable being themselves, whatever that might mean!

So, we ended up at a vegetarian, award winning restaurant in San Francisco that had gorgeous views of the GG Bridge and whose decorations I LOVED. It has warm wood, clean, earthy looking decorations, and nice flowers on all the tables. They also had an events manager who is handling all the details for me, and since he is the dining room manager I know that his taste in flowers, etc. is nice too. And since we didn't have to rent out the entire restaurant (private room) it ended up being really reasonable.

Those were our considerations...and once we actually started writing down on paper what was important to us a location eventually came to the top as "the one". Hope that helps!

 

[musey]

I knew I wanted something outdoorsy and laid back, which FI was definitely down for. We didn't want separate ceremony & reception sites, as most of our guests will be OOT, so that limited our options (especially since we had firmer ideas about the ceremony location/style than the reception location/style) and meant that both would therefore have the same (or similar) ambiance no matter what.

We both wanted an open bar because many of our friends are young and single (and hence, drinkers

) Other than that, it just came down to the budget and wishes of our parents (who are contributing) including at least an hour of a swing band, vegetarian options for the dinner, and lots of hors d'oeuvres (my family likes to EAT... and eat and eat and eat).

And voila, we have our requirements for a reception

 

[anchor31]

We wanted something fun, simple, not too formal... I actually just wanted a cocktail reception, but FI really wants the party so we''re having the sit-down meal, but a lunch (lots cheaper!). We''re pretty much having the same kind of parrty as an evening reception except it ends at 8PM. Gives time to everyone to go home and us to leave for our mini-moon. We found a beautiful hall that has a rustic but elegant feel to it, and it''s very ''us''.

 

[KimberlyH]

hmmm...My family is HUGE and we knew we didn''t want cousin Joe Bob that I haven''t seen in 20 years attending, so we decided we only wanted to invite people who meant something to us either as individuals or as a couple. We ended up with a list of 35 people or so. The number of attendees really guided or choice in location. We decided what mattered to us and reflected who we are as a couple...we''re pretty casual, I love music and we both enjoy good food (how generic!)...and we went from there. We wanted the ceremony/reception spot to be in the same place too. We ended up getting married at a hotel/golf resort with an awarding winning chef. It was a beautiful outdoor setting for the cermony, the reception was private and we had a lawn for cocktails prior to dinne so we could spend more time outside.r. It suited us to a T.

 

[sumbride]

We bounced ideas off each other for months (starting well before we were engaged) and finally came up with a list of our must haves:

1) an open bar
2) good music
3) good cake
4) people to talk to each other

It seemed pretty simple until we got to #4. I''m always bored at seated dinner events so I didn''t really want one... especially after I started pricing them in the DC area... then we decided to have the wedding in Texas, where a seated dinner is a VERY rare occurrence, and we realized that an appetizer-style buffett/cocktail reception was the best way to go. Plenty of time to mingle, lots of food and drink, and NO seating charts!!!

 

[E B]

We didn't want our ceremony to be 'casual' so much as 'relaxed'. Does that make sense?

Things that are important to us: a beautiful, outdoor setting, an evening reception, good food that people won't be afraid to eat (nothing fancy), and an open bar. We want people to be happy and relaxed, and we sort of planned our reception around that idea.

 

[Fancy605]

Well, my fiance was all for great music and dancing. And we are both all for tastey meals. We wanted an evening reception, so that meant we would need to have a meal, and since the budget allows for a sit down dinner, we decided to go for it.

I think the first thing you have to do is look at your budget and see how much you have to spend on the reception and go from there.

 

[littlelysser]

Zoe- my FI and I are getting married in one of my best friend''s backyard. We are having a labor day wedding BBQ!

If I had my choice and no budget, we''d have gotten married on Bora Bora...but since that would mean lots of folks couldn''t afford to attend, we scaled back a bit.

We decided to do the bbq idea because I am totally missing the bridal/wedding planning gene. I just have no desire to do the traditional thing. Also, I''m 32, FI is 35...it would seem kind of odd for us to have a big poofy wedding and reception. It so isn''t us. Plus, my folks always said they''d either give me a downpayment on a house or a wedding...my FI and I bought our a house three years ago...and my parents ponied up the down payment...so we are paying for the wedding ourselves!

So we are renting tents, tables, chairs, linens, having a great place bring us some bbq, a number of my friends have volunteered to cook some side dishes, another friend is making our cake...We also decided that because we were doing something so casual, we were really only going to invite close friends and close family. Folks that WE really wanted to be there.

I still imagine it''ll be a pretty cool event though...we are going to pick out linens and all that stuff...have some hanging globe lights...flowers, but still, super casual and laid back.

Dress is going to be whatever my friends want to wear! I know at least one friend is planning on wearing shorts. His wife is a bit mortified, but I''ve got NO problem with it at all.

We wanted a party with all the folks that mean the most to us...and we''ll happen to get married too!

 

[krockie]

I would have been happy with City Hall and a superfun cocktail party, but FI is very traditional. And, all of his family will be travelling to NYC from either Toronto or Ohio, and he felt that for people to come all that way, we should give them a real reception with a sit down dinner and dancing, etc. It was so important to him, really important, and I decided that I wasn''t going to be the one to tell him he couldn''t have it! So, he''s getting exactly what he wants, and I''m learning to be okay with it. Not that I''m not ok with it, I actually am now, but it was not my first choice. Sometimes it just sucks to have to do all the work for something that I would have done differently.

The other deciding factors were budget - we knew that we would have to pay for the bulk of it ourselves, and in order to do what we wanted, we had to limit the guest list to around 100 people. Our venue is very Old New York looking, and that will set the stage for a sort of vintage feel all around. Dinner and dancing is the focus. The good thing about this is that we''re not going crazy over all the little details. We''re making choices that work well together without going nutso on the specifics. The night will be special because its us, not because of a particular tablecloth or candle holder.

 

[MustangFan]

I''m like you, I want the best of both worlds. Not a sobby affair, but not BBQ because I''d like it to be alittle dressy.

We are going to look at a Riverboat close by

also a Winery I alittle farther away

I do love the idea if Fiji, but I''d really like to celebrate with others...


What is going to help me decide is the hidden charges to make theiri place look reasonable, I hate that!
The winery does not include an open bar, or cake, and maybe not even linens
The Riverboat work out to be just as much if you invite 70 or 90!! I''d rather of had the the 70, but if we go this route the price for a meal goes down, so there''s no point in skimping down the guest list

 

[basil]

We wanted something relatively traditional that our guests of all ages could enjoy. For us, this meant a sit-down dinner on a Saturday evening.

We didn''t want a hotel or a place that was constructed for weddings. I guess that''s kind of weird, but we visited a very expensive and very well-liked place with a gorgeous ballroom on the water, and I hated it cause some company had built it to charge a lot of money for weddings.

We wanted it to have some sentimentality, which ended up being the town it is located in. And we wanted it to be historical and to give our OOT guests a taste of what my state is like.

We ended up with a historic 19th century mansion that functions as a museum, with the ceremony in the gardens and the reception in the carriage house. About a block away from the water, and half a mile away from where my grandparents grew up.