How did you find your destination wedding?

[lilmaria]

He popped the question last week and so, we are VERY early in the wedding process. My dad has offered a significant amount of money to help us, but his contribution will take care of about 100 guests. My side alone is 140 and we''re not including friends or his side in that figure.

So here''s my dilemma - I''m thinking about a destination wedding, but I don''t know how much they usually run. Someone said they paid about 5k for theirs, which would be nice b/c then I could take the left over money from my dad and have a small reception when we get back from our DW with frirends and extended family. Does anyone have any great destination wedding websites or agents they would recommend? Would it be too much to have two events? i.e. will we look greedy?

I really want a traditional wedding, as that is what has always been done before. But as I look at how much it will run, I don''t think we could do it. If my dad was able to cover the entire reception ( a lot of $$$$) then we could swing the dj, photog, & videog. I want to save money as much as possible, so I''m thinking of making my own bouquets & center pieces.

Any & all suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance.

 

[Tybee]

Congratulations!

I am having a destination wedding, but it in no way is going to be 5000. It''s going to significantly more. But we chose our location based on personal connections.
I have heard that you can do it quite economically, though.

If you haven''t already, spend some time reading theknot.com''s destination wedding forum. Check out the girl''s bios. They might really help you decide on a location. One of the wonderful things about a destination wedding is knowing that your dear friends and family are traveling all that way for your special day. It''s a pretty sweet feeling.

Good luck!

 

[sosst7]

Congrats lilmaria!!!!!!!!

I am also having a destination wedding and unfortunately, there was no rhyme or reason. We just sat down and discussed potential locations and then went googled the different venues where we had decided (Hawaii).

I definitely second Tybee''s suggestion on going to theknot.com and check out the destination wedding boards and if you have an idea of the location, that local wedding board. And if you haven''t already, sometimes the bridal magazines will have a little feature in it about the top 10 destinations for DWs.

Good luck and congrats again!!

 

[lilmaria]

THANKS!

I''ve googled destiantion weddings and came up with destination wedding travel and some other ones, but the sites are confusing. they don''t give sample estimates unless you give them all of your information and I am NOT looking forward to spam. I''ve also visited theknot boards and I dont like the format fo reading the messages - strange I know. is there anyway we could maximize the windows on the left to get teh whole message? I guess after spending so much time on PS, I''ve become accustomed to this format.

We''ve thought about the carribean, if we choose to go the DW way. I noticed that most places will offer the free ceremony, however they don''t mention the fees involved for the dinner/reception. I am unsure about children too. I want to stay in an adult-only resort for our honeymoon as I''m around kindergarteners every day. However, I don''t think they''d allow my 6yr old stepson to be on site for the ceremony. Has anyone else had problems with this?

Thanks for your help!!!!

 

[Mara]

we got married in kauai but we had about 30 people with us too so it was our actual wedding, we didn''t have a reception later..we spent about $15k when all was said and done, not including honeymoon.

but it would have been much more to get married here locally with ~80-100 people, and the memories we created with the group who came were priceless.

if you are thinking of just doing a wedding with you two on an island, that would be alot cheaper, i think you could get away with about $5k for it or similar, but it would also depend on your travel expenses and the like. we are in CA so airfare to hawaii was not much at all but if we flew to san juan to go to the carribbean it would have been alot more etc.

we happened upon hawaii because we were talking about going with a group of friends for a trip and one of my friends said, you should get married in hawaii! and i had been looking at costs for renting like a large house etc for the group and thought wow that could be really reasonable. greg is not from CA so he didn''t care where we got married, we had already started shopping around for a venue here and didn''t LOVE anything we found and they were all pretty pricey, so it was kind of like well hmm hawaii with the ocean behind us or some random venue we don''t even love for $5k for 8 hours. so we decided to take a scouting trip out there to check things out, i had vendor recommendations from the knot, we knew where we wanted to stay, have the wedding etc...the trip out there just confirmed all my research and our feeling that this was the way to go. we had also asked people if we did it in hawaii would they come and once we felt that 99% of the really important people would come, it was done. and destination was so much easier for us than planning locally, i found i was way less stressed about small details because more of it was out of my control. we went up a week before the wedding to confirm all final details with vendors, and relax a bit, guests arrived 3-4 days after we did, and that was that!

 

[firebirdgold]

Two events is not greedy at all! It''s very normal, in fact. My sister has had a couple of friends get married recently doing a very small dw (sort of an advanced elopement), and then had a nice bbq/garden party when they came home for all their friends and family.
My sister must have been inspired by this. She''s getting married this summer in Tuscany, and then having TWO separate post parties, one on each coast! Her D.C party will be a picnic for 120 at some beautiful mansion that''s a park, and the L.A. party will be at our parents place for about 50.

When I''m actually officially on this board and not LIW''s

, we''ll also be planning a Hawaiian DW with a small party afterwards. I''ve got a list of potential sites bookmarked that I found via frommers.com.

Mexico would be easier to get to but the whole waiting time + blood tests sort of rule it out.

Having listened to people''s planning woes on this board, I''m more convinced then ever that a DW is a splendid idea! There''s no way I''d want to tie myself into gordion knots worrying about favors and centerpieces and guest lists etc...

Anyway, good luck on deciding!

 

[lilmaria]

hmmmm, you have given me much to think about Mara & Indie.

Our DW would have approximately about18 with just our parents, brothers, sisters, in-laws. He has 5 grandparents (divorced parents) so that would bring it to 23 without his son (ring bearer) or our niece (flower girl). Is that too much? I assumed we''d do it in the carribean since we live in FL now and our families are in NY. My dad spoke to my sister-in-law yesterday and said that he would love to do more, but he''s not sure where they will be with money, so I feel guilty to ask him to pay for more people. I assume, it would be easier to plan one wedding, but how do you cut out some aunts and uncles and not others? I have already told my parents that I don''t want to invite kids b/c there are 22 children from my cousins alone, but my mom said that wouldn''t be right. So I figured if we have a traditional wedding, I''ll send out invites to the mr & mrs and wait for them to call if they have to bring the kids.

Do DW charge by head like regular venues? The venues I''m looking at in NY are 110 a head, which wouldn''t be too bad if we had 100, but I can''t have 200 at that price, hence the DW. Etiquitte wise, are you required to pay for anyone''s hotel/plane ticket? I assume we''d pay for the MOH, BM & parents - is that too much?

Thank you for all of your help! you have been a godsend!

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 4/15/2006 5:24:39 PM
Author: lilmaria
hmmmm, you have given me much to think about Mara & Indie.


Our DW would have approximately about18 with just our parents, brothers, sisters, in-laws. He has 5 grandparents (divorced parents) so that would bring it to 23 without his son (ring bearer) or our niece (flower girl). Is that too much? I assumed we''d do it in the carribean since we live in FL now and our families are in NY. My dad spoke to my sister-in-law yesterday and said that he would love to do more, but he''s not sure where they will be with money, so I feel guilty to ask him to pay for more people. I assume, it would be easier to plan one wedding, but how do you cut out some aunts and uncles and not others? I have already told my parents that I don''t want to invite kids b/c there are 22 children from my cousins alone, but my mom said that wouldn''t be right. So I figured if we have a traditional wedding, I''ll send out invites to the mr & mrs and wait for them to call if they have to bring the kids.


Do DW charge by head like regular venues? The venues I''m looking at in NY are 110 a head, which wouldn''t be too bad if we had 100, but I can''t have 200 at that price, hence the DW. Etiquitte wise, are you required to pay for anyone''s hotel/plane ticket? I assume we''d pay for the MOH, BM & parents - is that too much?


Thank you for all of your help! you have been a godsend!

mmmm. Bf and I are planning on being pretty ruthless. Immediate family only. Parents, siblings, and siblings-in-law. For us it''s basically elopement with the family along.

No bridesmaids, no ringbearers, nada. Just two people standing on the beach surrounded by a circle of family vowing to love, honor, and cherish each other until death do us part. Followed by a super nice dinner, a lot like a catered thanksgiving dinner in a private, but fancy place.
I''ll have my dad escort me, since it''ll mean alot to him and sis-dear won''t be doing that. She''s less traditional, but there will be a few more people, since she''s sending out invitations to the party that simply announce the wedding. ( in other words: we''re getting married on this date and at this place in Italy, feel free to join us for the ceremony.) One of our aunts will escort our last surviving grandparent, but that''s pretty much it for extended family to the actual ceremony. And I think that''s mainly my father''s idea anyway and he''s paying for their tickets.
The whole point in my mind of a DW is that you don''t have to invite your extended family or have all the trappings of a formal wedding. You can just invite them to a casual post party. Not inviting any extra people gets around the whole hard feeling thing.

 

[lilmaria]

Sorry, my response seemed a bit vague... the 23 is nuclear family plus granparents. I have 4 brothers, he has 2 sisters, 6 parents, 6 sibling-in-laws, 5 grandparents and I forgot the bride & groom..oops, 25.

He wants his son to be present and his sister has a daughter who can''t be left w/anyone back home.

I would have to add my best friend (she''d never let me hear the end of it) and he would have to invite his best friend. Both can afford the trip and would do what it takes to get there, so no way around the extra invites.

I assume the DW would be a ceremony on the beach and a great dinner for 25. A month later, or so, we would have a family party at our favorite restaurant (where he proposed) with a dj & favors. No photog for this event, as we have a ton of family who loves taking pics, so I''m sure we could make a great album from various pics. This is our usual family restaurant where graduations, showers and communions are held.

Am I making it too hard? I love having a large family, but this is crazy! Ohhh 1 other question..did most people stay for the week w/you or did you honeymoon elsewhere to get private time? I love our families but I''ve dreamed of my honeymoon more than I''ve ever dreamed of the wedding. Grew up in a strict familly...hehehhehe

 

[Mara]

lil we didn''t pay for anyone to come to the wedding, we figured if you want to come it''s on your dime...and i know everyone who came could afford to as well...that was part of what we asked around beforehand, aka could and would you come? we got so many positive responses that it solidified it for us. my dad was kind of irate for a while since he had to pay for my sisters, him and my mom and my grandma but i told him to keep the $$ he was offering us when we were going to have the wedding here which would more than cover all their trips and expenses..but he still was a grouser for a while.

we also invited all 80-100 of who would have been invited locally but we knew that only about 30 would make it. i figured, hey if my mom''s best friend''s friend from college wanted to fork out the money to come to the wedding in hawaii then i would gladly welcome them...!!

in terms of per head and all that, i didn''t do a big package at a hotel, i piecemealed it all on my own choosing vendors and a location etc. we did it at a big plantation kind of place with cottages so everyone could stay on site and the wedding was at the main house where we were staying. it was alot like a local wedding but just cheaper. aka the cake was $200 not $1000; the venue was $1000 for the fee and not $5000. the catering was about $60 per head instead of the $100 per head locally. that included alcohol for hawaii but not for local. flowers we splurged on and spent $1200 but they were amazing and i had every little thing i wanted, and flowers are super important to me...we also got all orchids which were a staple there but here locally would have been 5x as much i''m sure! the DJ was something like $500; the minister was $200, tuxes for the guys were $500 total i think; i bought my maids their shoes and their jewelry and they bought their dresses.

oh and for us on the honeymoon, we thought about just island hopping over to maui for a week but when our travel agent priced it out, we realized for the same $$ we could fly over to tahiti (5 hours from hawaii) for a week! so we chose to visit a whole new place and it was the best decision. we can go to hawaii anytime but tahiti was a true experience.

hope that helps!

 

[lilmaria]

thanks for all of the detailed information. you''re making it easier for me to decide which way to go. as a kid, you never think about how stressful it will be. now I know. I think I''m going to talk to my dad (sheeshhhhh) and ask if he can cover a little bit more so that we could have the traditional wedding. If he can''t then we will go with the destination wedding, as that is very nice and economically resonable.

thanks again for all of the help!!!!

 

[sydneycasandra]

lilmaria,

If you''re still looking for info, I will share my plan with you. We''re having a DW in Antigua at a very small resort; my mom & her boyfriend are coming on their dime, my FI is paying for the wedding/honeymoon (free wedding with 10 nights stay), and my mom is throwing us a modest but sure-to-be-fun reception a week after we come back. Mom & her BF will come to the island a day before us and leave the day after our wedding so we''ll have a week of honeymoon all to our lonesome. Family and friends couldn''t come for various reasons (kids, work, $$, too old/ill to travel) so that''s the part where the reception comes in. We are probably spending a little less than we would''ve to have a wedding here and then a honeymoon, since the reception will be a little more casual since it isn''t actually following the wedding. The big savings, however, is coming in the form of very little planning (I show up and pick out what color flowers I like; they only have 1 wedding per day and max 3/week so it will be all ours) and also the fact that my bridal wear for a beach wedding was considerably less expensive than traditional stuff.

Good luck, and I hope however you choose to celebrate your marriage that it will be fun and enjoyable for everyone!

 

[flutterby]

I''m kind of having a destination wedding. We are getting married in Vegas, but not a chapel with elvis or anything. We are getting married at mandalay bay with swank reception at the four seasons hotel. We have so many friends and family everywhere (my family in WI, his in CA most our friends in Chicago) we decided on an intimate gathering of those close to us. We are only having 50 guests, and it was hard to narrow the list but only those close to us. It is going to end up right around 15k, mainly reception costs.

I spent alot of time on the knot reading destination wedding and vegas boards, and found great ideas. Destination weddings can be just as costly as it is a perfect ''excuse'' for a vacation. People you dont even invite want to come, which brings completly different challenges. Spend some time looking into it and I''m sure you will find something perfect!

 

[XChick03]

We were originally going to have a DW in St. Lucia, but after a lot of thought and consideration, we decided against it. Some of our friends wouldn''t be able to come and my grandmother and his grandfather really aren''t healthy enough to make the trip. We were looking at doing one of the all-inclusives at a Sandals resort, which offers complimentary weddings and reception dinners. After adding all of the guests, about 30, and including our honeymoon, it would''ve been around $10k but that was including the dress, the tux, the rings and everything else. A wedding here will be more, but then I can have all my friends and family here and not leave my wedding in the hands of complete strangers.

 

[lilmaria]

I keep flipflopping. I haven''t had the courage to ask my dad for more $ because I feel selfish, as his gift is more than I expected. I looked online and found that sandals is charging about 75 a head, that will probably come out to more than we''d spend for a NY wedding, b/c we have to include our airfare, I''d want to cover our parents'', BM & MOH out of respect. I just found out that my brother and sister-in-law are pregnant, so I don''t think they''d want to spend 3 days away from their child when it''s only 6 months old. UGH, I wish someone could make the choice for me. It''s so hard to choose dream over practicality. My sister-in-law is going to find out if she has any contacts in the reception halls in Bklyn to help us out.

I appreciate all of your help! Keep the suggestions coming!

 

[San Diego Bride]

i''m sure you''ve thought of these, but i figured i''d throw my 2 cents in...

dates:
friday evenings and sundays are cheaper than saturdays
saturday daytime is cheaper than night time (and you end up saving a lot on alcohol since people don''t drink as much during the day)
think off season; spring dates can be more expensive than winter

food/drink:
buffets may be cheaper at some places, but not all (carving stations can end up being more expensive)
"themes" can cut down on cost, ie: mexican or greek instead of filet mignon or lobster
have a small cake to cut (or no cake) and sheet cakes for the guests in the back
have a red and white wine for each table instead of a traditional open bar

music:
use an i pod instead of a dj and just have one of your outgoing friends be a quasi-mc for the event

centerpieces:
candles are cheaper than flowers and cost less
use a couple of flowers arranged in an interesting way rather than a lot of flowers

invitations/favors:
there are a lot of do it yourself ones that look great and are really inexpensive
skip favors or make a donation to your favorite charity and give guests a note telling them

photographer/videographer:
if you don''t have your heart set on a video, look for photographers that use a "photojournalistic" style; they can capture your entire wedding with photos that tell a story

those are just some random ideas. i hope they help!

 

[BrightSpot]

Lil, I''m getting married at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica in less than 2 weeks. As for how I chose the location, I looked around a lot on the Knot boards, read reviews on tripadvisor.com & found a travel agency who handled a lot of destination weddings & had a very informative website. After doing some research, I decided I wanted to go for an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean. Though I''m getting married at a Couples resort, I checked to make sure that single guests (and same-sex couples) were allowed. My resort is adults only--children are permitted at the ceremony only & must leave the resort after the reception.

As Mara did, my FI & I invited all the same guests that we would''ve invited to a local wedding to our DW, knowing that very few would attend. We''re going to have 33 people there (including us), most of which are family & friends of our parents. (There are even 2 couples coming that we don''t know--they are friends of our parents who heard we were having a DW in Jamaica & they asked if they could come because they wanted a vacation in Jamaica!) This is fine, because we aren''t paying a per-head charge for our wedding/reception. As the resort is all-inclusive, there''s no extra charge for our post-wedding dinner for the guests who are staying on-property at our resort. (The resort offers a "free" wedding, but there is a $200 fee for the wedding license in Jamaica.) There is a site-pass fee for guests who are staying at another resort & coming to our resort for our wedding.

All said & done, our wedding will be under $8K total. This includes our rings, my dress (and some extra clothes for the trip!), FI''s suit, our favors, invitations & save-the-dates, airfare, the wedding & 10 days in Jamaica, which will serve as our wedding & honeymoon....everything. It''s been super easy to plan the wedding. We meet with our wedding coordinator when we arrive in Jamaica to pick out our wedding site, flowers, cake, music, etc. We aren''t having attendants.

We''re arriving in Jamaica next Thursday, our wedding is next Saturday & the guests are leaving on Monday so we''ll have until the following Saturday to ourselves as a honeymoon. We did wait to finalize the second half of our trip until we knew when all of our guests were leaving so that we wouldn''t get stuck entertaining our guests for our whole honeymoon!

We suggested that if guests would like to stay for a longer period of time that they arrive before our wedding.

so FI''s parents are coming on Tuesday & my parents are coming on Wednesday. I hope they don''t kill each other before we arrive on Thursday!

We haven''t made a final decision on whether or not we''re going to have a post-wedding party at home, but FI''s parents (and mine) will likely throw a casual back yard BBQ for us so the people who couldn''t attend our wedding can celebrate with us. I don''t think this is too greedy to have 2 celebrations. From what I understand, many people who have DWs have at-home receptions when they return from their honeymoons.

The major down side to the DW has been that a lot of our friends can''t make it to Jamaica. This was disappointing, but all in all, the DW was the right choice for us.

Good luck with your plans & congrats on your engagement!

 

[lilmaria]

thanks! that''s what I was thinking about. I went to david''s bridal with my friend today to see if dresses could make the decision for me and the more I looked at myself in a big dress, the more I wanted a DW. I can''t handle all of the stress, especially since we''ve only been engaged for 1 week and it''s already overwhelming. The more I think about it, the better it seems. I wanted the traditional wedding b/c of the traditional things like dancing with daddy, introducing the bride & groom for the first time, etc. but I don''t think I can bring myself to pay approx 22k for a reception w/out dj, limos, photog, videog, etc. And as time passes, I feel too bad to dip into my parents retirement fund for a wedding.

How did you find out your guests were leaving by Monday? That would be fantastic!

Thanks for all of the info ladies!!!!

 

[BrightSpot]

lili, I''m definitely having to sacrifice some of the trappings of a traditional wedding (announcing of the bride & groom, my first dance w/ my FI & my dad, etc.) & won''t be the center of attention as much as I would have at a traditional wedding (or even a DW if we rented a hall or restaurant for the whole evening.)

My wedding will be about 15 minutes long, followed by a 45-minute cake & champagne reception. We''re hiring a local Mento band to play during this time. After our private reception, we''ll all have cocktails, then have dinner together in one of the resort''s restaurants. We''ll be sitting in the same area, but won''t have the restaurant to ourselves. (So no toasts, etc.) I''m a little sad that we won''t have a big dance floor to ourselves, but, like you mentioned, I couldn''t bring myself to shell out for a big local wedding. We''re paying for everything ourselves & I didn''t want to spend that much money on one day. I also didn''t want to deal with the hassle of planning every little detail.

This way, I''ve been able to enjoy planning the things I wanted to plan (rings, dress, invites & favors--the fun stuff for me) & will be able to take care of the things which are less exciting to me (cake, flowers, food, wedding site, etc.) when I get to Jamaica with the help of the on-site wedding planner.

As for getting the guests out of there by Monday, we made a strong suggestion to our parents that we would like the guests to leave on Monday so we could have some time alone on our honeymoon & they spread the word to our other guests.