how did you hide the ring purchase??

[doctork]

This may sound unusual to some, but my girlfriend and I are very open about money related topics. We basically share my bank account, and I''m fine with that. She really likes to keep track of spending, saving, receipts, etc. She doesn''t have direct access to my online banking, but she does have access to my debit card. At the end of every money, after I get paid she asks me for a ''total'' of all the money in the accounts so she can start keeping track of the next month. Thankfully I have my money spread across a few different accounts, so the chances of her using the debit card and adding up the total of all the accounts is slim.

So my question is, how would you ''hide'' a ring purchase from her? I could basically keep track of what I spend towards the ring, and add that to the total I tell her each month. I would feel awfully wrong for lying like that though. Another option may be to put it on my line of credit, which has a decent interest rate. But then I still have to put monthly payments to that plus I''m losing interest money.

Any ideas? Cutting her off from $$ knowledge is not an option. And surprising her with the ring is a must.

 

[777_LDY]

If she asks about lack of money or strange withdrawls tell her you are starting/expanding your stock portfolio or you put some money in mutual funds for future investments and that she shouldn''t be alarmed. It''s still sorta stretching the truth but she is you''re future investment!

 

[ang3199]

Is there some way you could charge it, propose, then pay off the charge before you accumulate finance charges? That way she wouldn''t know until after the proposal!

 

[Independent Gal]

Yes, I like the idea of you saying something like "I''ve decided to invest some extra money in a mutual thingy this month." Then just say you''re looking into options. That way, if she notices the money is gone, you can just refer back to it. Plus, you''re not actually lying, just being ambiguous.

Then I would propose ASAP once you have the ring. That leaves less chance that you might have to lie to her if she asks more questions. Oh, and she won''t have to wait to be your fiancee! Which I''m sure she''s very excited about.

Just remember, being surprised is only a really big deal for a few women. A lot of women don''t care that much about it being a really big surprise. In fact, many would MUCH rather have some input into the ring. So don''t worry too much about her suspecting. Not a big deal in the long run, unless she really actively LOVES surprises.

 

[joflier]

DH and I always pride ourselves on being very honest with each other about everything. But we both agreed that the one instance that neither of us will feel badly is if we are "fibbed" (i don''t like using the word lied) to about anything that has to do with surprises or gifts (christmas, birthdays, etc) because we both like the joy of the other person being surprised. That''s just how we look at it, and I know everyone is different. Best of luck!

 

[doctork]

Date: 2/29/2008 11:07:59 AM
Author: ang3199
Is there some way you could charge it, propose, then pay off the charge before you accumulate finance charges? That way she wouldn''t know until after the proposal!

That would be ideal, except I plan to propose in September on our trip to Paris. Due to the price of platinum, and the length of time needed for custom work I think I''m going to have to purchase the ring much earlier than September.

Date: 2/29/2008 11:19:20 AM
Author: Independent Gal
Yes, I like the idea of you saying something like ''I''ve decided to invest some extra money in a mutual thingy this month.'' Then just say you''re looking into options. That way, if she notices the money is gone, you can just refer back to it. Plus, you''re not actually lying, just being ambiguous.


Then I would propose ASAP once you have the ring. That leaves less chance that you might have to lie to her if she asks more questions. Oh, and she won''t have to wait to be your fiancee! Which I''m sure she''s very excited about.


Just remember, being surprised is only a really big deal for a few women. A lot of women don''t care that much about it being a really big surprise. In fact, many would MUCH rather have some input into the ring. So don''t worry too much about her suspecting. Not a big deal in the long run, unless she really actively LOVES surprises.

The investment idea is a good one. I don''t think it will work for me though. We are both young (I''m 21 she is 19) so we haven''t really started investing yet. And the amount I intend to spend (25-35k) is not something I''d just go out and invest on my own without discussing with her.

Having a surprise is really important for both of us. She trusts my judgment and doesn''t feel a need to put input into a ring. Even though she loves surprises she is really nosey, which makes it hard! lol

 

[doctork]

Date: 2/29/2008 11:25:42 AM
Author: joflier
DH and I always pride ourselves on being very honest with each other about everything. But we both agreed that the one instance that neither of us will feel badly is if we are ''fibbed'' (i don''t like using the word lied) to about anything that has to do with surprises or gifts (christmas, birthdays, etc) because we both like the joy of the other person being surprised. That''s just how we look at it, and I know everyone is different. Best of luck!

We are of the same opinion basically. It''s just hard to "fib"!

 

[baby monster]

If you don''t have any investment accounts, you can tell your gf that you will start putting money every month into a ''rainy day fund.'' Most financial planners suggest having enough money put aside to cover 6 mos - 1yr of expenses. Not sure of what your expenses so you''ll have to figure out a number of months to add up to 35k. This way you''re not technically lying because you are setting money aside in a fund but she won''t know that it is really a ring fund.

 

[somethingshiny]

I would definitely not start this phase of your lives fibbing or any other lying. I would be PO''d BIG time if DH did that to me!

Can''t you just tell her you''re saving for something? Or you want to have extra money for your trip, (which is true).

Good Luck and kudos for trying to keep it a surprise!

 

[mrssalvo]

honestly, if you are going to go ahead and buy the ring now, i wouldn''t keep it a secret or hidden until a sept. Of course, I am the worst at keeping presents a secret b/c i always want to give them to the recipient right away because I know how happy it will make them. Add, i bet it would be more of a surprise if you proposed somewhere other than your trip to paris. although that would be a romantic place to do it, If my hubby was taking me to Paris and hadn''t proposed yet, i sure would be a little hopeful and suspecting that it might happen there. otherwise, i would just wait and purchase the ring closer to when you are planning to purpose. yes, prices are going up, but they are always going up and I don''t think it''s a good reason to purchase unless you really want to and are ready. She''s going to be one lucky 19 year old sporting that kind of ring, that''s for sure

 

[coatimundi_org]

I'd keep it playful.

Hubby and I share everything. I can almost read his mind when it comes to gifty secrets.

If she keeps track of accounting really carefully, it's going to be hard to keep it from her.

Maybe you could look at it like it's not a matter of what(the ring), but when
the proposal will take place that is the surprise. If she says--"what is the 25K amount all about?" You could just say, "oh, I have no idea." really casually--or some other incarnation of that exchange. (of course, this may be ridiculous to you

)

oooo That's a toughie Doctor K!

 

[chiefneil]

Pull the whole sum out at one time (a lot of PS vendors give you a discount for wiring cash). Then tell the GF that you ordered a BMW or Mercedes but it''ll take a few months to get built and the money is a deposit.

 

[Independent Gal]

You''re 21 and you''re a DOCTOR?! Wow!

 

[doctork]

Date: 2/29/2008 2:28:05 PM
Author: Independent Gal
You''re 21 and you''re a DOCTOR?! Wow!

haha! I didn''t mean to mislead people, but I''m not actually a doctor. I''m a programmer and people have nicknamed me a doctor because I''m very precise with my work.

Making up an excuse about why I spent the money is totally out of the picture...we are waaaaaay too close to spend money like that without thoroughly discussing it.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I think your best bet is to tell her you want to make some investments in your future. It''s supposed to be one of the best times to get in on the formerly negatively viewed companies (home builders, and big banking lenders).

My husband and I shared finances before we were engaged a bit, and frankly, there is absolutely NO WAY my husband could have hidden 25k from me without me knowing something was up. You can''t use the saving for a trip to Paris excuse, because I''m sure she''ll notice - that''s a LOT of money for one trip.

I also agree with Indy - most women aren''t dead set on a proposal being a TOTAL surprise, and for a purchase of that size, it might be kind of fun for her to have a little bit of input . . .

Just a couple of thoughts. Sounds like this will be a fun journey for you!

 

[Independent Gal]

Cool! It sounds like you''re a pretty successful programmer too. Good for you! I hope you feel as proud as you should of your accomplishments at such a young age.

 

[doctork]

Date: 2/29/2008 2:58:32 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Cool! It sounds like you''re a pretty successful programmer too. Good for you! I hope you feel as proud as you should of your accomplishments at such a young age.

Thanks for the kind words. I always feel like I should be farther ahead in life than I am. I''m too hard on myself sometimes.

 

[doctork]

Thanks for the advice everyone!!!

When that day comes, you can bet I'll be posting a long long loooooong thread about my journey.

In the meantime, you'll see me popping in and out of threads!

 

[Miscka]

I vote for the credit card use and then pay it off after you propose and before the finance charges kick in. Good luck!!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I see no other choice but to buy it on credit and pay a small fiance charge until you propose and can pay it off. That''s great that you two are open with finances and she enjoys keeping track of the budget. But it does make surprises very difficult!