How did you know he was planning to propose?

[hopefulheidi]

Even starting this thread is probably a big jinx, but I''m hoping those ladies who have graduated from the LIW list can share some of their insight. What sorts of signs did your boyfriend start giving off as he prepared for the proposal?


Last February I had a huge meltdown that almost ended my now ~4.5 year relationship. As a quick recap, N8 and I met right before our senior year of college and within a few months we had discussed an engagement. He attempted to calm me down a bit by saying I''d have to wait a year for a proposal. We graduated college. We moved to TX. Our one year anniversary came and went with no ring. We adopted two kitties. We bought a house. We adopted two puppies. Our second anniversary and nothing. Two and a half years. There was plenty of resentment, disagreements, tears but still no proposal. Last spring I had simply had enough of the stress and excuses and as a compromise N8 and I set a deadline for this February on our 4.5 year anniversary(2/16/06).

So now, the deadline is looming in the near distance(3 weeks and 2 days) and I really can''t tell what he''s thinking. I have been SO Very good about not bringing this up at all for the past few weeks and it has been SO hard. N8 isn''t a very sneaky boy, so part of me really feels there is no possible way he''s planning anything because he''s not this good at covering his tracks. Another part of me really hopes that he doesn''t let me down and that his increased affection recently is due to his mushy engagement feelings and not his attempt to enjoy what is left of our quickly dwindling relationship.

About the deadline, N8 has often joked that he "doesn''t negotiate with terrorists" but I know he understands why I needed to draw a line in the sand; the engagement stress was wearing on us both. Having an expiration date has (until recently) been quite a relief. Now that I can count the days until a potential proposal I''m getting very antsy. Please girls (and guys!), help me to further psychoanalyze his every move by sharing your pre proposal tip offs.

Thanks!
Heidi

 

[Shay]

Well Heidi if you read my last few threads you can see my man was totally obvious! Took me to look at rings, kept going on about how SPECIAL this holiday would be etc.

And then I found a text message on his phone from a jeweller saying his custom job was ready for pickup (before you freak out it wasn''t an invasion of privacy we''ve read each others messages and opened each others mail for about 2 years now).

Also I''m a journalist so I''m really good at seeing signs and behaviour in people, I could read it a mile away with him.

In your case I wouldn''t stress just yet, guys have a way of waiting till the very last minute of a given deadline, just ask around some of the other LIW! I think the best thing for you to do is just forget it until the deadline. Don''t bring it up, don''t sigh during jewellery ads on tv, no reference to other people''s weddings NOTHING! If your date comes and goes then you need to deal with it and talk to your man. I''m not saying jump all over him with a pitchfork at 12 midnight on your deadline date... but maybe a few days after that you can tell him how hurt and upset you are by it all.

best of luck please keep us updates.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Heidi, I have been through a very similar relationship as you. We started talking about marriage right away, but after 3.5 years - and being 30 - I had had enough last January and finally nailed him down to 2 deadlines. "Soon" to him was 6-18 months, while "soon" to me was 3-6 months. I feel like a broken record explaining his company''s incentive trips, but if they make their numbers in a given year, the whole company goes on a super-posh trip to some wonderful location. The only condition is that your guest has to be a spouse!

He went to Hawaii with his company the year we met, not that I ever expected to go with him on that trip. But 2 years later, they made their numbers again and he went off to Cabo without me. Bear in mind, he and I had yet to go on a vacation together, so I was pretty petty and jealous the whole time he was gone. When he came back, he more or less promised me that if they made their numbers again, that I would absolutely be coming with him.

Well, December 31st rolls around this year, and it turns out they made their numbers. So, as long as we''re married before they leave, I get to go on the trip with him. Yay! I think he would have proposed on his own in the spring or summer, but because the trip is in March, he had no choice but to rush things along. I''m sure he knew that if another incentive trip came and went without a proposal, that I would have been moved out of our house by the time he returned. It was a little deadline I had set for myself . . . and I only once jokingly said it to him. I really don''t think I would have done it looking back.

The biggest change came when we sat down and had a non-confrontational talk about our relationship, and where we both wanted it to go. Men are always behind women when it comes to wanting to make that commitment, so it''s not unreasonable for him to be taking this deadline to the very last minute. Weston constantly told me that he already felt married to me, and how would a piece of paper change that feeling? That is a leap that most men have to make on their own - the realization that being 2 fly-by-night people who love each other is not the same as making the commitment to a marriage.

I think if he truly is being more affectionate, it''s only because he is now comfortable with the idea of spending the rest of his life with you. Also, mine isn''t very sneaky either, but he chose to share parts of his ring building experience with me, but there are major elements that I know nothing about - and prefer to keep it that way for as long as I can. I wish I could be more helpful regarding the signs of impending proposal, but my proposal isn''t a surprise. I can only hope that he won''t wait until the very last minute so you don''t spend the next 3 weeks in complete waiting hell.

Best of luck to you!

 

[PaulaW]

I didn''t have to really do much investigating or even pay that much attention... my honey is not very proactive in making plans, I''m usually the one to do it. Anyway, during a random week in October that had no significance to us he called to ask if I''d like to go to our favorite restaurant that Friday since we hadn''t been in a while. I said sure and he offered to make the reservations. Bingo! He didn''t actually propose at the restaurant, but was super anxious all night which made me anxious! What''s interesting is I had set a deadline for us too... our 9th dating anniversary at the end of Nov. I didn''t tell him about it though as he''s not one for ultimatums and would have called my bluff just to be a pain! I had been putting some pressure on him though as ALL of our friends were engaged or married and if you added all of the time that they were together, it was less than us!
Good luck with the waiting - I think it''s the worst part!

 

[Caribou]

I didn''t know he was planning anything...which he wasn''t really (he''s not a planner), he was just waiting for the perfect moment. I didn''t even have a clue that he had the ring. I only knew that 2 months prior to him asking, we had both agreed on a setting that we liked. I didn''t know that a week later he was meeting with the jeweler who was going to design it.

2 days before he asked, I told him I didn''t think he even had a ring yet. Little did I know it was in his safe at home.

 

[lilyinct]

I think it all lies in how sneaky your boyfriends are and how in tune they are if you have a suspicious, nosy nature....my husband knew I was obsessing over the engagement, I actually gave him a file folder with possible ring types that I liked, and then checked it every so often to see if he had been through it...

Come to find out, he had bought the ring 1 month before he proposed. After he had bought the ring, we went to a couple different jewelry stores, in which he claimed to be "overwhelmed with all the choices" and kept saying how he needed to do so much more research.

Sneaky, sneaky boy....I didn''t suspect a thing, and it was the first time in my life I have been truly surprised.

 

[squeaksluv]

Although my turn hasn''t come yet I asked this question of several of my friends and they all said they didn''t have a clue when their bf''s proposed. They mentioned that in hindsight they should of seen something coming but leading up to that point they didn''t know. I think the most common response was that their bf''s were nervous, extra affectionate, or doing odd things like going off on their own a lot. My one girlfriend said she thought for sure her bf was going to break up with her for he was acting so weirdly but turns out he was just nervous about the whole thing, not because he didn''t want to propose but because he wanted it to go off without a hitch. Another friend said her bf was all over her and extra cuddly, when she asked him about it later he said that he was so relieved the ''wait'' was almost over he felt totally relaxed. My other friend said her bf had a million doctor''s appointments (in reality he was visiting the jeweler) which he never told her about so she''d find out from his work that he''s at the doctors again. She was beginning to think he was really sick and hiding something from her!

I''m hoping my turn will be coming soon (we''re moving in April and I said I wouldn''t move without a ring on my finger) but we''ll see. I''ve been reading into every little thing lately which isn''t good because it''s making me nuts.

 

[njc]

Date: 1/26/2006 3:49:59 AM
Author: Shay

In your case I wouldn''t stress just yet, guys have a way of waiting till the very last minute of a given deadline, just ask around some of the other LIW!

I totally agree with what Shay has said.

DH and I didnt have a fixed deadline, but we had been talking about it a lot, looked at rings and i had commented that if this wasnt the next step for us, what was. Anyways, my bday was coming up and i was 1,000,000,000,000% sure that would be it (you can check out the REALLY old LIW threads). Sure enough, i came home to a fabulous dinner, flowers, etc and when present time rolled around DH had to confess that he was planning on proposing, but never knew that he wasnt going to be able to walk out with the ring. Since he put all his money into my ring, he didnt have any left over for a present, which was totally fine, but why he had to confess. 8 weeks later, the ring was done and 10 weeks later we were engaged.

I hope the next couple of weeks arent stressful and that he has planned a little better than my DH! Keeping finger and toes crossed for you!

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 1/27/2006 10:27:01 AM
Author: njc

Date: 1/26/2006 3:49:59 AM
Author: Shay
In your case I wouldn''t stress just yet, guys have a way of waiting till the very last minute of a given deadline, just ask around some of the other LIW!

I totally agree with what Shay has said.

I am also in agreement on this! In something like August, my fiance told me that he would propose "by the end of the year." I knew that he had started meeting with jewelers around that time, so I figured it would be in a month or two, and he was just giving himself extra padding. But no, he proposed with a mere SIX DAYS left in the year! And we were upstate with my family from Dec. 23 to Jan. 2, so I was 100% sure he was taking the ring up with him to do it then (I kept reminding him to pack anything "important" that he might need to bring), and then when he suggested the 2 of us go for a walk...I was like "Oh! So this is it now then!"

So I wasn''t surprised at all...but I agree, there is a good chance your boyfriend is just being sneaky! I don''t feel like he would make the "don''t negotiate with terrorists" joke if he really wasn''t planning anything, because no matter how dumb you are, you HAVE to realize your girlfriend is going to kill you if you say that and don''t propose!! So good luck!!!!

Try not to worry tooooo much!!!

 

[strmrdr]

hmmm if someone said that to me Id wait until 1min after the deadline just because....even if id had the ring for a week allready.

 

[Mara]

how did i know? because he picked up the ring from the jeweler that day and made dinner ressies that night, on a weeknight.

one of the perks of being involved with the ring creation i guess.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

My man was pretty obvious as well. He showed me rings he was looking at, and when it came time to pick a center diamond he was emailing me specs and pictures of all the possible diamonds. I even had to pick the diamond up at UPS! But when he actually got the ring, he told me he had it and hid it from me. I didn't actually know when he was going to do it, but I knew it was going to be very soon afterwards. The thing is, my fiance just can't keep a secret from me, no matter how hard he tries!

ETA: About a week before he actually proposed he called me all pissed and stressed out. He had called my parents for permission and he talked to my dad. My dad said "I have to talk to her mother about this, call back in a couple of hours." He was pacing and freaking out for those two hours! He ended up calling me saying that my dad was doing that on purpose just to make him sweat (which was probably true since my parents like to do stuff like that). Laughingly, I told him to just chill out and it will be fine. That was the dead giveaway he gave me. Anyway, everything turned out just fine like I told him and he was happy that they said yes.