How did you prioritize your upgrade?

[sortonb]

I don''t post often on these boards because I try to stay off my "diamond website" so that I don''t do too must dreaming. However, my quick story is that I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful wedding set, but have always dreamed of a larger stone. I started with a small family stone due to lack of funds, then DH purchased an upgrade before we got married. It is under a carat and faces up probably just over about 3/4 carat size. I don''t have lofty goals, probably somewhere between 1.10 and 1.25. Anyway, this was an issue for some time because my husband just didn''t understand my obsession, but recently he surprised me by saying that I could have the upgrade because he knows that it''s the one thing that I really want, and he wants me to be happy. Now the question is, how do I prioritize this? I am a very frugal lady, and have a hard time buying myself anything, let alone something that will be so much. We have a modest home, I drive an old car, we have a decent amount of money in the bank, no ''bad'' debt, and no children. We do have an upgrade plan with our jeweler so it will only be a few grand more. There are times when I think, well, it doesn''t really take us that long to make a few grand, and then other times when I think about how many other things we could with that much money. So my question is, if you upgraded or are planning to, how did you prioritize it?
Thanks for your input!

 

[LitigatorChick]

You sound like you spend your money very wisely. I say, splurge!!! You only live once, and the sooner you get the upgrade on your finger, the more you get to enjoy it.

 

[Catmom]

I started off with a small family diamond as well [.33ct] and we always had the understanding that some day we would upgrade. On our 15th anniversary we upgraded to a 1.62ct diamond. It was a good time financially for us so we had no problems pulling the string at that time. Fast forward several years to my 25th anniversary which also coincided with a major birthday year. I had been prepping my hubby for over a year that this would be the time for my final upgrade to a 2 ct stone. He was on board and we had several 2 cts brought in that we went and looked at. I found myself in a strange predicament however. I just couldn''t do it. I couldn''t justify spending that much money when we had two kids in college at the same time, etc. My hubby would have said ok, but I just couldn''t so I had my 1.62 stone reset. Two years went by and I was still in the "some day" mode salivating over this gorgeous 2.52ct FLY radiant ring my jeweler had. My hubby saw and loved the ring too and decided that enough was enough and we were getting it. His thoughts were that you never know what will happen in the future and we were easily able to do this financially now even though one child is still in college and he point blank wanted me to have it. How could I say no to that? So my dream 2ct ring turned into a dream 2.52ct ring. I fully understand about not going ahead if there are other priorities in your life but sometimes you just need to be a little selfish too, if you know what I mean. It took my hubby figuratively slapping me upside the head to learn that.

 

[cutey TT]

You seem extremely fiscally conscious! Yes, an upgrade is definitely a luxury...and in our case, once my husband okay''ed it, we created a list of must-dos before the next stone could be purchased (i.e., pay off the mortgage, fund a couple of investments). Anyway, everyone''s list of priorities is going to be different. A couple of times along the way, new investment opportunities came up, so the upgrade was pushed to the back of the line...

I think that once you''ve put yourself in a financial situation where you won''t "miss" the money for the upgrade, you''re good to go.

 

[cutey TT]

Date: 2/1/2008 10:40:40 AM
Author: Catmom
I started off with a small family diamond as well [.33ct] and we always had the understanding that some day we would upgrade. On our 15th anniversary we upgraded to a 1.62ct diamond. It was a good time financially for us so we had no problems pulling the string at that time. Fast forward several years to my 25th anniversary which also coincided with a major birthday year. I had been prepping my hubby for over a year that this would be the time for my final upgrade to a 2 ct stone. He was on board and we had several 2 cts brought in that we went and looked at. I found myself in a strange predicament however. I just couldn''t do it. I couldn''t justify spending that much money when we had two kids in college at the same time, etc. My hubby would have said ok, but I just couldn''t so I had my 1.62 stone reset. Two years went by and I was still in the ''some day'' mode salivating over this gorgeous 2.52ct FLY radiant ring my jeweler had. My hubby saw and loved the ring too and decided that enough was enough and we were getting it. His thoughts were that you never know what will happen in the future and we were easily able to do this financially now even though one child is still in college and he point blank wanted me to have it. How could I say no to that? So my dream 2ct ring turned into a dream 2.52ct ring. I fully understand about not going ahead if there are other priorities in your life but sometimes you just need to be a little selfish too, if you know what I mean. It took my hubby figuratively slapping me upside the head to learn that.

Catmom, I can totally relate to your statement above...and I think that''s exactly what the OP is feeling now. I think that as wives and mothers, we often sacrifice ourselves (and our wants) for our husbands and children. Even when we have the green light, it can be really hard to finally "pull the trigger" and be a little selfish.

 

[gailrmv]

I hear ya - even with no upgrade, it''s hard to figure out what financial priorities come ahead of others (i.e. retirement fund, non-retirement investments, get ahead on mortgage or educational loans, save for big ticket items, living life and having fun day to day). It''s not easy and that is why ppl hire financial planners I guess!

I have finally convinced DH that I should someday get an upgrade and now I am thinking, it is SO MUCH money that could go towards retirement. Well, I will have years to think it over. I am very practical too.

Anyway, I think if you and your DH feel you can comfortably part with the money, and it won''t affect either your retirement plan, ability to cover day to day needs, or wipe out your rainy-day cash reserve, that would be the right time.

 

[LitigatorChick]

What I did was looked at our financial situation. My husband figures if there is "extra" money, we should invest it. I showed him how much money we would have in the future at our current rate of saving (we invest monthly at a set amount), and he was shocked at how huge it was. Once I should show that everything was rosy, this luxury made sense. Also, I explained that my little 3 stone ring''s cost was only about 2% of our total annual income!!!

As an aside, I have a problem "asking" for permission from my husband to make expenditures. I agree with discussion as the family income is our income, but at the end of the day, I haul in waaaay more than him, and the gap is only going to widen in the future. Just an aside....

 

[gailrmv]

Date: 2/1/2008 10:54:21 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
What I did was looked at our financial situation. My husband figures if there is ''extra'' money, we should invest it. I showed him how much money we would have in the future at our current rate of saving (we invest monthly at a set amount), and he was shocked at how huge it was. Once I should show that everything was rosy, this luxury made sense. Also, I explained that my little 3 stone ring''s cost was only about 2% of our total annual income!!!

As an aside, I have a problem ''asking'' for permission from my husband to make expenditures. I agree with discussion as the family income is our income, but at the end of the day, I haul in waaaay more than him, and the gap is only going to widen in the future. Just an aside....

I do ask my husband his opinion about any big purchases, just as he asks me. Neither of us would be happy if the other made a big purchase w/o the other''s OK. Thus far, we usually agree on what''s reasonable (very lucky!) We are both very practical people

 

[LitigatorChick]

I expect to discuss big purchases with him, whomever is making them. I just hate this whole "hubby says its okay" thing, like I am a kid asking for 5 bucks to buy a toy.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I am very conservative with money and we are debt free (two kids almost out of college and one to go). We are also really saving for retirement because we want my husband to retire early from his very stressful job. But there are just a few nice pieces of jewelry that would give me pleasure, and I decided (with my husband''s agreement) that I should just get them over hte next couple of years! It''s nice to have savings and we should all put those things first. But it is very sad not to have some pleasures in life, and jewelry is my one pleasure other than some vacations which are not elaborate.

So I say go for it! There is more money to be made in the future and now is the time while you don''t have other more pressing obligations such as kids. I''d also advise going to the 1.25 range so that the size increase will be noticable to you and worth bothering with.

 

[Catmom]

Date: 2/1/2008 11:13:45 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
I expect to discuss big purchases with him, whomever is making them. I just hate this whole ''hubby says its okay'' thing, like I am a kid asking for 5 bucks to buy a toy.

We both have the option of saying no in our house. It''s not his money and it''s not my money, it''s our money. We''re both equal in our marriage. We discuss big ticket items and both need to agree before we spend a large amount of money.

 

[coatimundi_org]

Date: 2/1/2008 10:25:26 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
You sound like you spend your money very wisely. I say, splurge!!! You only live once, and the sooner you get the upgrade on your finger, the more you get to enjoy it.

Hubby and I are of the "you only live once" mentality. With our last few ring purchases, I had small worried pangs, but then I looked down at my hand, and I was/am in love, and those pangs are gone quite quickly. (The pangs lasted about a nanosecond by the way).

I definitely have the jewelry gene. (I only discovered this a year and a half ago)

so prioritizing has become very easy. I just do it.

An upgrade would never come before family or health, so Hubby and I do these things when the opportunity presents itself. We recently "upgraded" my original engagement stone. We did it, because we found a great stone, and the timing was right.

In a nutshell, I just make a decision to do what I want(when the timing is right)and I enjoy myself!

 

[sortonb]

Thanks to everyone for the input! I AM very sensible with money, to the point that it can be a problem. I''m not sure what it stems from, but I really have trouble letting go sometimes. But this is something I really want, so thanks for all the "just do it" encouragement. My husband is going back to school in a year, so while I am tempted to just save like crazy until then, I am also tempted to do it soon because after school there will probably be a new house, then a baby, etc. Always something! For me, I guess it wasn''t so much about getting "permission" from him, but just extending him the respect of discussing it and giving him the option to say no. I would expect the same if he wanted to buy something equally costly. And anyway, he was against it in the beginning and it just took some subtle convincing! We haven''t even been married for 2 years yet and are in our late 20''s so I''m sure there is much more money to be made in the future.

 

[cutey TT]

Date: 2/1/2008 11:13:45 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
I expect to discuss big purchases with him, whomever is making them. I just hate this whole ''hubby says its okay'' thing, like I am a kid asking for 5 bucks to buy a toy.

Hehe.

When I said that he "okay''ed" the upgrade, I really meant that we were both okay with it (not asking permission per se)...which is what I think you''re trying to say in that all big puchases are discussed with the other party. Just like if he decided that he wanted to go out and buy a fancy sports car or home theater equipment, I hope we''ll have discussed it first.

 

[Catmom]

Date: 2/1/2008 11:53:48 AM
Author: cutey TT

Date: 2/1/2008 11:13:45 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
I expect to discuss big purchases with him, whomever is making them. I just hate this whole ''hubby says its okay'' thing, like I am a kid asking for 5 bucks to buy a toy.

Hehe.

When I said that he ''okay''ed'' the upgrade, I really meant that we were both okay with it (not asking permission per se)...which is what I think you''re trying to say in that all big puchases are discussed with the other party. Just like if he decided that he wanted to go out and buy a fancy sports car or home theater equipment, I hope we''ll have discussed it first.

Oh Boy, I hear ya on the home theater equipment!!! At least with diamonds you can justify that they''ll last forever, LOL.

 

[lyra]

It's funny, because I started off with a .26 RB and didn't get my upgrade until year 24. It sort of happened "by accident". Like you, I hadn't ever dreamed big. I honestly was just really hoping we could do a nice 1.0-1.2ct RB. We didn't have a big budget at all. I was thinking H, VS, well cut. I ended up with 1.77 ct RB, K VS1, excellent everything, and it was from an estate ring. I didn't care about whether it was new, since it would be new to me. Once I had the 1.77 at home for approval from Pearlman's, it was pretty much impossible to send it back and go back to my old size requirements. I sacrificed a lot on colour, but not on cut at all. And at the end of the day, it came in a couple of thousand under budget. I'm happier knowing we didn't spend too much, and I love the stone too. I also went against my own personal policy and bought an uncerted diamond. But we did trust the vendor because of recommendations on PS, and I had 2 separate independent appraisals done to confirm everything before we finalized the decision to keep the ring. Priorties can change, but I'd say the one that was most important to me was budget. We are putting 2 kids through university right now and are looking at our retirement down the line. I think my compromise was just right for us. Now I just need to decide on a permanent setting!

 

[canuk-gal]

Date: 2/1/2008 11:46:43 AM
Author: sortonb
Thanks to everyone for the input! I AM very sensible with money, to the point that it can be a problem. I''m not sure what it stems from, but I really have trouble letting go sometimes. But this is something I really want, so thanks for all the ''just do it'' encouragement. My husband is going back to school in a year, so while I am tempted to just save like crazy until then, I am also tempted to do it soon because after school there will probably be a new house, then a baby, etc. Always something! For me, I guess it wasn''t so much about getting ''permission'' from him, but just extending him the respect of discussing it and giving him the option to say no. I would expect the same if he wanted to buy something equally costly. And anyway, he was against it in the beginning and it just took some subtle convincing! We haven''t even been married for 2 years yet and are in our late 20''s so I''m sure there is much more money to be made in the future.

HI:

Yes, there IS always something; always something better to spend or save for. No question that spending on luxury items give us the most pause--and well it should--but IMO discretionary income should be used for things we might not otherwise enjoy. Like vacations, dressy clothing, meals out, spa treatments, sports cars, elaborate electronics, and jewellery. Not reaping some benefits of your toil, just means to work and work and work..........

cheers--Sharon

 

[Dreamer_D]

I hear you about the thrifty gene, sortonb. I am the same age as you are and I grew up in a family with very little money. Although our careers are still in their earlier stages, my DH and I make much more than my family ever had when I was growing up. My engagement ring was the most expensive piece of jewelry anyone in my family had ever owned, and it was a very modest price compared to many enaggement rings people buy.

I only recently became facinated with diamonds and jewels, long after actually getting engaged, but I am amazed at how much pleasure my ring gives me. Recently, we decided to splurge a little and get side stones for my original sapphire enagagement stone. This was probably the most money that I have ever spent on a single object. I've never even owned a car, and we don't own a house yet! I felt a little guilty around the time we were deciding to bite the bullet, but now that I have my new ring, I realize that I get more pleasure out of this ring than almost anything else because my ring is always with me! My husband, dogs, friends, and family also make me feel great, but there are times when I am stressed at work, or sitting alone reading, and I look at my ring and I just feel good. It sounds silly to say that, and most of my friends wouldn't understand, but my ring is like a personal affirmation that my husband loves me, and that I deserve lovely, beautiful things in life. At the most simple level, it is just beautiful, like a piece of fine art, and I love to look at beautiful things! That simple pleasure is worth so much more than we paid for my ring. I don't have expensive taste in any other area of my life, I am ridiculously frugal in most respects, but I love my ring more than anything I have ever owned.

I say go for the upgrade!

DD

 

[Fly Girl]

The upgrade waited for 25 years because there are so many other needs. It came when I got an unexpected small windfall when the company I worked for was sold. It was my husband''s idea to get the diamond ring. By this time I hadn''t been able to wear my engagement ring for nearly 15 years, and I guess he thought I had waited long enough. I like the idea of using unexpected cash to splurge on something special like this. My upgrade is 1.5 ct, and it is plenty big enough for me. In fact, I keep thinking about getting what would amount to a downgrade, say a 0.8 ct solitaire, because I find big rings a bit too fussy for my taste. (I know, I know, not very PS!

)

Good luck. Everyone is different, and you need to do what is right for you.

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Well, my dad died in November 2007 and prior we had him home on a ventillator (this stretched the bounds of medical social work, my background, by the way) and this is where he took his last breath. I guess after this summer (I had my 1st baby in April 2007 & dad''s 11 hospitalizations & eventual death) it changed how I view things a little.

Now he''s in a scattering urn (ashes, ashes, ashes) and the whole thing has become surreal and ellusive.

It was during this period that I got my ering. And in part it was a cry to the universe that I should Live and Love and Enjoy. I had always denied myself many things both material and emotional before.

As I can''t speak for anyone else''s journey, I knew that this life affords much suffering and pain but also many delights and I sure as hell was going to get me some!

My ring is part keepsake of this time but also symbolic of the beauties to be had and should be had in the World.

Lisa