how do i handle informing guests of accomodations

[janinegirly]

wondering if you ladies can help me with this..

our invitations are out (thank god!!) and are traditional and formal. our wedding is in the same state as some guests, and for others it''s the state over--so there will be individuals who will prefer to stay overnight, but it''s hard to gauge for sure. we have rooms blocked,etc. at our reception site.

anyway, i did not include an accomodation card with the invitation. i included a direction card to the reception site (which is also the hotel where we have rooms blocked) and our website is listed on the reception card. On our website is all kinds of info--directions, maps, accomodation options, registries,etc.

but now i''m worried that maybe guests will be wondering where the accomdation cards are since some family members asked (saying things like "that''s all in the invitation, right?"). how can i further ensure that guests know where they may stay..for those who don''t like websites etc? should i send a mass email? call people once rsvp''s come in? argh..

 

[KimberlyH]

I''d provide immediate family members (your parents and his) with accomodation information and wait for them to call and ask for hotel recommendations.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 8/1/2007 10:39:36 PM
Author: KimberlyH
I''d provide immediate family members (your parents and his) with accomodation information and wait for them to call and ask for hotel recommendations.

I guess this is the only thing you CAN do now. I don''t think I ever had an invite that didn''t include that info

Did you not include it on purpose?

 

[janinegirly]

i''ve seen invitations without accomodation info, but usually directions (which we have). in our case the reception site is the suggested accomodation (it''s a hotel) so was hoping it''d be obvious.
i was told that having a website on the reception card would take care of all the info for guests. And for others (older, less internet saavy), we could do it word of mouth. our wedding will be about 100 people.

also we had formal invitations that were quite expensive, and adding accommodation cards to match the paper would have been another expense which I had to weigh the benefit against. i did the direction cards thinking that would be a good compromise. as it is we paid almost $13 per invite (!). now i''m second guessing myself though

 

[musey]

Date: 8/1/2007 12:28:57 PM
Author:janinegirly
our website is listed on the reception card. On our website is all kinds of info--directions, maps, accomodation options, registries,etc.

Sounds to me like you''ve already taken care of it. You''ve given them the link to your site which contains everything they need to know.

There will inevitably be those techno-phobic guests who won''t check the website for whatever reason, and in their case Kimberly''s suggestion is a great one.

 

[Maria D]

janinegirly, I think everything will be fine. I could understand if you were getting married in some out of the way place where accomodations are hard to find, but you are getting married in NYC right? And the reception is in a hotel at that. Guests that want to stay overnight will figure it out easily enough! I think you''re covered with the website and with family members who can field inquiries. If you actually have email addresses for all your guests, sure, why not send an email out with the info.

 

[janinegirly]

i live in nyc, but am marrying in nj. alot of guests will be from ny/nj..and technically could go home at night, but figure some may want to stay out of convenience. but you''re right, it''s not like a destination wedding. thanks girls, i feel a bit better..

 

[Haven]

Janine--You were absolutely right not to include accommodation information on your invites, this and any other information pertaining to gifts and such have no place on a formal invitation.

It sounds like you have it covered, gift registries and accommodation information should be spread using informal communication methods such as word-of-mouth or email inquiries from guests only. See--you''re doing everything correctly! No need to fret!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 8/2/2007 1:27:43 PM
Author: Haven
Janine--You were absolutely right not to include accommodation information on your invites, this and any other information pertaining to gifts and such have no place on a formal invitation.
QUOTE]

Oh I don''t agree at all. I think it is HELPFUL to have accommodation info but TACKY to have gift registry info. There is a big difference.

 

[Maria D]

Date: 8/2/2007 5:30:26 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 8/2/2007 1:27:43 PM
Author: Haven
Janine--You were absolutely right not to include accommodation information on your invites, this and any other information pertaining to gifts and such have no place on a formal invitation.
QUOTE]

Oh I don''t agree at all. I think it is HELPFUL to have accommodation info but TACKY to have gift registry info. There is a big difference.

It''s definitely beyond tacky (I''d even say rude) to have registry info on an invitation and you''re right that there''s a big difference between that and accomodation info.

But, even though including accomodation info isn''t tacky it definitely makes the invitation less ''formal''. The type of invitations (that I get anyway) that include that kind of information are usually ''invitations'' to fund-raiser or seminar type events. IMO, having accomodation info takes away from the seriousness/formality of a wedding invitation where the crux of the invite is really to the ceremony and the reception is secondary.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Maria, I think there *are* elegant ways to include that information. Obvious we have different ideas on the subject

It doesn''t have to look out of place. Even though we have been married for almost a year I still LOVE my invites. Of couse I also included local attractions *gasp!!!* since most people were from OOT and I wanted them to have a good time that weekend. People LOVED that I included this. I think my invites were very wedding like (elegant and modern) and nothing like what a fundraiser invite would be. But I am obviously bias.

 

[Maria D]

Date: 8/3/2007 5:27:30 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Maria, I think there *are* elegant ways to include that information. Obvious we have different ideas on the subject

It doesn''t have to look out of place. Even though we have been married for almost a year I still LOVE my invites. Of couse I also included local attractions *gasp!!!* since most people were from OOT and I wanted them to have a good time that weekend. People LOVED that I included this. I think my invites were very wedding like (elegant and modern) and nothing like what a fundraiser invite would be. But I am obviously bias.

Tacori, I wasn''t trying to say that including more info made for less elegance -- or even that it is a bad idea. (Again, we''re talking about useful information here, not ''what gifts I''m expecting'' which would be in bad taste.) I''m just saying that, imo, for ultra-formality, less is more. But I think it''s possible to be very elegant without necessarily being ultra-formal. The most formal invitation I''ve ever received didn''t even include response cards and the only info about the reception was that it would follow immediately. It was very formal but hardly modern (kinda stuffy, actually!).

 

[Haven]

Tacori--I did not say that including accommodation information is tacky, however according to traditional etiquette, this information has no place on a formal invitation. That is all I was trying to communicate.

I''m sure your invitations were absolutely darling, however if you included this information that inherently makes the invites less formal, and as a guest I would then assume that the wedding itself would be less formal. This has nothing to do with how elegant the invites looked, or how carefully crafted they were, as invites can be both elegant and informal at the same time.

This is not a matter of opinion, it is a matter of what is traditionally included on a formal invitation. You may put whatever you wish on your own invitations, I was only informing Janine that she followed proper etiquette for formal invites by leaving this information out. There is extensive literature published on all things etiquette, especially for written correspondence and letters, and brides are smart to consult this literature if they wish to throw a proper formal affair. Just because our society is becoming increasingly casual does not mean that the rules about formal correspondence change--thus, it is simply not proper to include accommodation information on a formal invite.

Please don''t take my response to Janine''s inquiry as a personal attack on your invites!

I happen to have a strong background in etiquette and protocol, and I was just sharing what our good friend Emily Post would have said herself. Couples choose all sorts of lovely invitations these days, and many of them include far more information than what you would see on a proper formal invite, and that is fine, as the invitation should suit the wedding. I would never call you tacky, anyway, Tacori, because I''ve read enough of your posts to know that you are anything but!

Proper etiquette calls for things like accommodations and gift registries to be communicated via informal means, such as email, telephone, or in person. You certainly do not have to follow these rules, although I would agree that the existence of polite society depends on people adhering to the most general of etiquette rules.