Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

How do I help choose the ring but let him make it a surprise?

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
aussiegirl23

aussiegirl23

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 25, 2006
Messages
465
Hello girls,

My boyfriend asked for my input on what kind of e-ring I would like. To me, that opened up the realm of looking at rings, settins, stones, etc, thinking that he wanted me to be a part of it. Things were going great for a few months while we made fun window-shopping and more in-depth trips, but now he has made a few comments that all the fun has been taken out of it for him and that how is he supposed to make this a surprise now? He has repeated this a few times and I keep telling him that even if I helped design the ring, and went with him to several stores to compare things, it''s still his game - he decides when to actually give the green light on making the ring, and then he can do whatever he wants with it - keep it in the sock drawer for a year, ask the question the next day, anything. He still seems upset about it and I keep trying to reassure him that it''s still his show - he still can surprise me.

But I''m really a bit worried at this point because he just seems disappointed about the whole engagement idea, not excited, like he was before we spent time looking at rings. Has this ever happened to any of you? Was I wrong to agree to looking at settings/stones with him? What should I do? I feel terrible, almost like I should have told him to just make this his project his own. I don''t want him to ever ask me to marry him if he doesn''t think it''s right, but at the same time, I knew I wanted to be a part of planning the ring.

I know I need to talk to him again, and soon, but I''m just not sure how to make him feel better that planning the ring and the actual proposal are two different things. I will still be incredibly surprised when he asks me - no matter if I know what the ring looks like or not. I''m excited to simply be with him, and making it "official" is just icing on the cake.

What should I do? Please, give me some advice - this is really making me feel terrible and I would never want to hurt this relationship in any way. I just wanted to be a part of things and he was the one who offered for me to be involved. I need help : (

Aussiegirl : p
 
OK, from your post ya''ll haven''t "officially" picked one ring out but just gone shopping etc..correct? If this is the case then I don''t feel like the "surprise" element is in anyway gone. My ff and I have gone ring shopping where I have tried rings and different styles on and it was so helpful. Some of the rings I loved, but once they were on my hand we both realized what was for us and what wasn''t. I am petite, so I huge/high setting looks silly on me. Anyways, there are several different styled rings we both liked, and I am leaving the rest up to him. When he does ask me to be his wife (can''t wait
30.gif
) the ring will be a total shock/surprise to me b/c I didn''t only give him one option. I know many of the ladies on here picked the exact ring or built it with their man, and that works great for some, but for US this is the best way.
28.gif


Now, I don''t know if you want to pick out the exact ring you want or not. If that''s the case, it sounds like your guy wants it to be a surprise. If he already knows what styles you like I would leave it at that so he can have his fun and enjoy the "excitment" of choosing the ring he will give you.
21.gif


Hope this helps.....
 
My boy wanted help, too. Then he did the same thing your boy''s done: he went and said it wasn''t "fun" anymore because I knew what was going on. And, admittedly, I did give it a lot of gusto. So, what we ended up doing was looking together, and I got a clear idea of what I liked. Then he did some looking of his own, and shared his ideas, which I loved because of the time and thought that went into it. Ultimately, we chose two rings together, and he''s in the process of having the one he chose made.

I think he was a little lost to begin with, so he wanted help. Then he got into it, took the ball and ran. And I still wanted to *help* even though he knew what I liked and wanted to do it on his own.

I guess guys can be that way sometimes. I guess maybe if you could talk to him, see what help he wants and doesn''t want. My boy sees this as a time to create this wonderful memory for us, and he wants to feel like he''s done it for me. It''s cute, but it still makes me want to know more. Good luck with it all. :)
 
RoseAngel,

We decided on a really very simple setting - 3 stone, RB center diamond, about 3/4 carat, with sapphire pear side stones of about 0.3-0.4 carats each. The ring done in platinum, with no other crazy details. Something any vendor could do easily. So at this point, he can pretty much find that at any store he chooses.

Problem is, he seems to think that even this level of involvement has ruined it somehow. I''m not exactly sure why, since the rest is up to him, but he''s upset about it nonetheless. We''ve been talking about it a lot, and compromised about things so that I think we''re both happy.

I don''t need to pick the "exact" ring, but I guess he feels like I''ve stepped over some line from helping him to ruling the show. So I''ve backed off in the last couple weeks and not talked about it at all. I guess there''s nothing I can really say to put the ball back in his court exactly, except telling him that I want this to be his moment, and let it be.

Thanks for your advice, I guess I just feel like I need some way to "fix" things, other than just letting it be. It just sucks to feel like the engagement will be anything but happy - I don''t want him to be miserable about the ring and the entire idea of getting engaged : (

Aussiegirl : p
 
Date: 6/25/2006 10:19:40 PM
Author:aussiegirl23
Hello girls,

My boyfriend asked for my input on what kind of e-ring I would like. To me, that opened up the realm of looking at rings, settins, stones, etc, thinking that he wanted me to be a part of it. Things were going great for a few months while we made fun window-shopping and more in-depth trips, but now he has made a few comments that all the fun has been taken out of it for him and that how is he supposed to make this a surprise now? He has repeated this a few times and I keep telling him that even if I helped design the ring, and went with him to several stores to compare things, it''s still his game - he decides when to actually give the green light on making the ring, and then he can do whatever he wants with it - keep it in the sock drawer for a year, ask the question the next day, anything. He still seems upset about it and I keep trying to reassure him that it''s still his show - he still can surprise me.

But I''m really a bit worried at this point because he just seems disappointed about the whole engagement idea, not excited, like he was before we spent time looking at rings. Has this ever happened to any of you? Was I wrong to agree to looking at settings/stones with him? What should I do? I feel terrible, almost like I should have told him to just make this his project his own. I don''t want him to ever ask me to marry him if he doesn''t think it''s right, but at the same time, I knew I wanted to be a part of planning the ring.

I know I need to talk to him again, and soon, but I''m just not sure how to make him feel better that planning the ring and the actual proposal are two different things. I will still be incredibly surprised when he asks me - no matter if I know what the ring looks like or not. I''m excited to simply be with him, and making it ''official'' is just icing on the cake.

What should I do? Please, give me some advice - this is really making me feel terrible and I would never want to hurt this relationship in any way. I just wanted to be a part of things and he was the one who offered for me to be involved. I need help : (

Aussiegirl : p
Click to expand...
Hey Aussie...I''d say talk to him and tell him you never meant to upset him during this process, but it was he who asked for your involvement. Good luck!
 
Fisher,

btw... I love your name : )

I actually followed some of your boyfriend''s thread and thought to myself - wow, this guy really wants to get it right... I''m jealous! Honestly, my man is just not a jewelery kind of guy. And by that I mean, he understands that a girl getting a ring is important, but doesn''t think some of the finer aspects about diamonds are important... I''m not one who has really ever gotten into diamonds at all, and this is all new to me too... But it''s something I only want to do once (at least for now, the idea of changing the ring he gives me or upgrading later, is not for me). So I want it to be the best it can be within our budget - not just some mediocre ring that he happened upon.

So while Paul seemed to take the ball and run with it, I think my man is running away from the ball : ( It''s one of those situations with my boyfriend where I simply can''t guage how much is too much. Typically we communicate really well and can talk about anything. But jewelery is becoming one thing that is stumping us -- it makes us both a bit uncomfortable and frustrated. How to balance the idea of just trusting silly mall jewelery store sales people and doing a ton of research and buying from a more respected PS vendor.

Thanks for your advice Fisher!

Aussiegirl : p
 
Aww, I think you *do* need to talk. He needs to know you feel like he''s not even excited about getting engaged now. Because I hope neither of you think the ring is the pentacle of being engaged. It''s just the symbol, the outward sign of the inner, intimate decision to commit your life to one another. I really doubt he knows that you''ve internalized his frustration over the ring, the choosing of it, or of whatever help you''ve given him, as something that means he''s not looking forward to being engaged to you.

Have you asked him about that? Because lots of times guys don''t see the two as closely related as we tend to. To my boy, it''s like, before I can ask her, I have to have this, so I''ll get it. But even the frustration that''s gone into it do not detract from his eagerness and excitement in being engaged and then married. Ask your guy. He''s probably not linked the two together, either.
 
Aussie, thanks for the compliment on my name. I thought a good bit before I chose it. Hee hee.

Paul and I had this conversation when he started to feel really overwhelmed with things diamond related. I told him that while I thought there were better deals elsewhere, if he was too frustrated and grumpy over things, then I wouldn''t care where the ring came from, since that''s what was keeping us from being where we both knew we wanted to be, relationship-wise.

That at least calmed him down, to a degree. I wanted to make sure he knew I wouldn''t be upset or disappointed in what he chose, since I knew he knew the basic things (round, no yellow gold) and I really, really wanted him to know that the ring wouldn''t mean nearly as much to me as the actual engagement and marriage.

For what it''s worth, it helped him. Maybe your boy needs reassurance. Heck, I don''t know. For all the talk about how we tend to be the more complicated sex, I know that I sure get confused myself with figuring out my boy and his needs.

Good luck. It''s a hard call: talk about it, or back off. My personality would have to talk about it, to make sure he knew where my real focus was, and I''d hope that''d help with his tension and all that. Then if that didn''t work, I''d *try* to back off. But yeah, I stink at that, so I''m really not the one to be posting on this topic.
9.gif
 
Wow, Fisher, you type fast : )

I know I''ll be happy with whatever he decides on because it is so out of character for him. Just walking into a jewelery store makes me smile because I know that even that makes him uncomfortable... and he''s doing it for me : )

I''m definetly going to assure him that wherever he goes, whatever he decides on, I''ll be happy - even if that means not getting the greatest deal in the world, or the "perfect" stone. I don''t want him getting any more frustrated with it than he already is - honestly, taking that time to simply hang out together is time better spent.

So my new mantra will be - just BE with him - quit thinking about the jewelery and maybe in a few months it won''t be one of the first things on my mind. Then it really will be a surprise, and he will have succeeded in his mind. I think I also need to step back a bit and just let my boyfriend be himself - a pretty quiet guy who doesn''t spill his guts about every though going through his head. Sometimes I feel like I have to interrogate him to figure out what''s going on. I''ve definetly gotten better since I first me him, but sometimes I wish I was a mind reader... otherwise, I feel entirely clueless!

But he is a man, and afterall, we''re not supposed to get men 100%, are we? So I love him and I should make sure he knows that, and let things be. After all, it can''t be a surprise if we keep talking about it : )

Aussiegirl : p
 
why do some men think it has to be a surprise? why not pick out the ring togther?

what gives?
 
Date: 6/26/2006 8:24:57 AM
Author: ladykemma
why do some men think it has to be a surprise? why not pick out the ring togther?

what gives?
Click to expand...

Lady Kemma, MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!

To me, it seems silly -- if marriage is about doing things together and sharing everything, and being open and honest... why keep something like this a secret? Why make him responsible for it (both in terms of creativity, timing, finances, etc...)? But my boyfriend has been fairly adament about wanting it to be that way, so I''m trying to respect this slightly archaic side of him and let him do it the "old fashioned" way, even though at this point, I make more money than him (something he admits, but not happily), and could pay for the entire ring up front easily (while he insists on financing it).

Okay, enough ranting on my part... My boyfriend is the way he is and I love him... (repeated about 100x in my head)!

But thanks for chiming in : )

Aussiegirl : p
 
When my FF first told me in late November that he was planning to propose in 2006, I don''t think he had any intention to bring me ring shopping. J is a very traditionalist person; he has a very "that''s how things are done" mindset. However, as I''m a very picky person and most rings you see on young people in my area are low-quality ("frozen spit") "maul" rings, I really wanted to educate him and to at least try a ton of them on with him present so he could know what I like and what suited me best. So, I argued my case and told him I belive it would be important to let me pick as I am the one who''s going to wear it for the rest of my life. I wouldn''t want him to spend an important sum of money on a ring I wouldn''t like and wouldn''t wear.

He agreed, and we went on our first ring shopping trip in February. Good thing we did too, because I saw that what had caught my eye in pictures online didn''t look so great on my hand, and J and I fell in love with the look of a certain stone size on my hand. So, from then on, we really knew what to look for.

After some more online browsing, we went shopping again last May. We ended up buying the ring from a reputable local jeweller we''d both heard of. It was an amazing experience (you can read about it here!) and believe it or not, J was just as thrilled as I was about the experience and that we did it together...

Yesterday, J called me and told me they''d called him on Thursday to tell him the ring was ready. He told them he''ll be picking it up in late July because he still has a bit of money to save up.

Yes, I know quite a lot about the whole thing, but I don''t know everything. Looks like I have another month to wait at least, but will he propose as soon as he can once he has the ring in late July (I hope so!
3.gif
), or will he hold out until our anniversary on August 31st, a whole month later? I don''t know. Do I know anything about his proposal plans? Nope, not a thing. Is it still a surprise? Yes, very much so.

Make sure your boyfriend knows how you feel about choosing the ring... I''m sure he''ll understand. And who knows, he might enjoy the buying experience just as much as you do!
1.gif
Good luck!
 
Anchor,

I absolutely love your description of certain rings in your area...

"low-quality ("frozen spit") "maul" rings"

It made me absolutely crack up (people were staring at me wondering WHAT my problem was)!

That''s what I''m trying to avoid!

I keep telling him - I know nothing about the actual asking for the engagement... just the ring. So it IS a surprise.

So hopefully everything will work out fine... I''m sure he''ll have fun with the actual planning process of the whole thing.

Aussiegirl : p
 
I had the same situation as you.... I had Tacori make me a custom ring, I designed it, etc. He wasn''t even there for half of the appointments I had because he had to work. I took my mom with me. He made comments about how it wasn''t going to be a surprise, and he made several comments that he wouldn''t have picked out the ring he picked out. He showed me what he would have got me and it was very, very pretty, BUT I am getting the ring my dreams. So to answer your question, this is what we did: When the setting came back from Tacori, he went down and looked at it, had the diamond mounted, etc., so I have NOT seen the final product. Yes, I have a good idea, but I haven''t seen it. AND I have no idea when I''m getting it. I know he has it but I don''t know where it is or WHEN I''m getting it.

I don''t think you should feel bad for giving him your input. He asked you AND you will be getting what you want. Tell him your trying to take some pressure off him and make it easier for him by giving your opinions. And he can decide when and where to give it to you, that will be a surprise
 
I definitely hear you on this one. A few months ago, a family member offered my BF and me a family ring already set with a RB, and said we should do whatever we want with it. My BF and I knew E-day would come pretty soon. So, the ring went into his possession. As soon as I began offering any kind of hint on what type of setting I''d like (I don''t like the existing setting), my BF would cut me off. In a nice way - as in, "this is MY show." He said he felt like the romance was being sucked out if I really participated. I''m fine with that - I think it''s cute that he likes the idea of a romantic proposal - but I''m also REALLY picky about my jewelry. My solution was to enlist my sister. I tried things on - by myself - and picked out exactly what I want. Then I got my sis to email things like, "Oh, Ace and I were walking past such-and-such store, and she really loved this." This way, everyone wins. I get what I want and he gets to feel like he''s doing it on his own.
 
That''s a great idea Ace! You know, I always used to be a totally old-fashioned girl, and I still am in many respects. Since I''ve been here however, I''m starting to think maybe I would like to have some input on the ring. There isn''t too much to decide as of yet because a.) FF and I won''t be getting engaged until at least next year (grad school/job situations) and b.) he has an heirloom diamond that his parents are holding onto until we get engaged. We''ve had a few talks, and he''s not sure if he''ll give me his heirloom rock (1/2 carat RB) or leave it set in the necklace and purchase a new diamond for the ering. We''ve unofficially come to the conclusion that since I''m pretty sure I want a RB anyway he''ll save a lot of money in just having it reset, and then down the road he''ll upgrade me so we can give the diamond to one of the kids when they come along. =) That being said, there shouldn''t be too much of a surprise as to my ring since I know the approx size and shape of the stone, so what''s the harm in picking out a setting together? I love solitaires for erings so in all honesty I''ll probably end up with just a YG solitaire, but who knows.
Aussie - I''m sorry to hijack here...I was just thinking through my fingers again. I agree with everyone else that you still will be surprised! You don''t know when it''s coming, how it will happen, what the finished product will precisely look like, etc...but he did ask for your help so I don''t think you should feel badly. I hope you are able to talk it through and work some sort of agreement, and as many others have said the ring is just a symbol of the engagement...it''s not THE engagement. Good luck!
 
Irish Girl : )

Feel FREE to hijack my thread... it makes things much more interesting that way -- honestly I just wanted to hear some other people''s stories and experiences... so thank you : )

We''ve been talking a bit and one thing that Fisher said that I''m realizing is true... my boyfriend was upset about the ring buying process - somehow instead of it''s being an adventure, now it''s just some task to get through since it''s all decided now. He hadn''t connected the ring with the engagement as I had -- it was two seperate isseus to him, although it had become one big issue to me. So thanks Fisher - you''re entirely right... we girls try to be superior, but I think sometimes my over analyzing things just makes me worry more about things than need be!

But he''s doing better with it now... and left me with this really crafty smile and something incredibly ambiguous about the proposal itself... so I think we''re back to "happy & excited about the engagement" land : p

So everyone, hijack, hijack away : )

Aussiegirl : p
 
Aussiegirl - I don''t really know why the surprise element is so important to guys or to girls. I think for me though, the surprise element is very overrated. It''s a huge decision to decide that you want to be with this person for the rest of your life, then shell out a huge chunk of your bank account to get a piece of jewelry all while trying to keep everything a surprise? I guess I am speaking from my own situation.

Originally my bf thought he wanted to do the whole ring shopping on his own, but then I was included in the whole process from start to finish. He wouldn''t have it any other way because I am so detailed and so picky, that it actually made it easier for him. We picked out the setting first (it was actually something I saw in a bridal magazine and fell in love with it when I tried it on at the jewelery store). Then came the stone. We were getting really frustrated with finding the "perfect stone" that eventually I just ended up taking over. I just let him know which ones I was looking at, and we made the final decision together.

I loved being a part of the whole shopping experience. It was a huge decision that we made together. My bf isn''t a hopeless romantic, but he does try to go out of his way to make me happy. Now the ring is finally finished, and he will have it in his hands tomorrow. He could have left that part out about when the ring would be done, etc. but he didn''t. Part of me wished he did though because I am going to anticipate the proposal and the wait is killing me.

My advice to you would be to pick out the setting you like. Give him the shape you like best and maybe leave the rest up to him, since surprising you is so important to him. Also, he will decide when to purchase the ring, and when to give it to you. That way, you won''t know what the finished product looks like and the type of stone he picked out for you. I think that is a good compromise - he will get his surprise element in and you will get the ring you want!
2.gif
 
Radiant girl --

Thanks for your .02 : ) it makes me feel better knowing there are other girls out there who wish to be as involved in the whole "process" as you are. It makes me feel less like I''m being pushy, or overly opinionated, or somehow ruining it.

My boy is not a huge romantic either - but he has his ways of making sure I know he loves me... they may be subtler than others, and may not qualify for "romantic of the year," but he can be his own kind of sweetheart, and that for me, that counts a hell of a lot more than 2 dozen red roses, or a 3 carat rock, or 4 romantic getaways to Maui.

Good luck with your wait (you''ll do fine!!)

Aussiegirl : p
 
Radiant - very well said!!!

I am too a Lady In Waiting - it makes me feel better to know other ladies are in agony as well as me!!!
35.gif
 
Im a surprise girl...love the whole idea of it.. I think its romantic and fun. Ofcoure we've had the serious "Talk" about our future together and our goals, if its what we want, obviously it is.

but as far as the engagment is concerned, I dont know anything about the ring or when. WE did go shopping to look I was very picky about the setting..(the band) more so than the center stone but he has about 3 options.. He is very diamond savvy knows whats good bad and great! and I know it will be great!!! I would love any one he chooses...So it will be a total surprise...

unless ofcourse there is just one particular ring you have your heart set on.. the options wouldnt be an option for you guys.
1.gif


Now back to waiting
 
Aussie, my FI and I recently came through a similar situation... to make a long story short:

1) He wanted the whole thing... ring, proposal, and all... to be a surprise. I wanted input. I went ring-shopping with my friend so she could relay my preferences to him.
2) 6 months later, still no ring... and I was literally having nightmares waiting to see what he came up with.
3) He sat me down and told me I could be involved in the process, if it would make me feel better. I eagerly started looking at stones/settings.
*4) He retreated... acted disappointed and uninvested in the whole thing... when before he''d been excited. Maybe similar to your boyfriend now? I felt AWFUL... guilty, afraid, uncertain as to whether I should keep looking or turn it back over to him to try and make him feel like the whole thing hadn''t been ruined...
5) Together we found the stone, purchased it, picked out the setting... then he took over and surprised me completely with the timing/proposal!
6) We are currently living happily ever after...
9.gif


Suffice it to say, I understand your trepidation... but this may just be a phase he has to go through... a pride thing, where he admits to himself that maybe his original way of planning things wasn''t necessarily the best way. But once that ring is in his hands and he''s planning the actual "will you marry me?" part, I think you''ll both forget about the awkward stage of the whole process. I know when my FI saw how excited I was just to finally be his fiancee, he pretty quickly got over any residual resentment/hurt pride that may have crept in. Just my personal experience, if it helps at all!
 
Ephemery

You''ve got my man down to a T! I think he asked for my help/input because he was at a loss -- and to do that took a lot of his pride. Army definetly has only amplified the amazing sense of pride and independence he already possesses, and having to admit he couldn''t do something on his own was difficult. But I think we''re doing better - we''re working as a team, and I think that will make it much more fun over all - no more worrying if I''ll hate it!

So we''re on to your step #5... hopefully #6 will follow : )

Thanks for your input -- appreciated more than you can imagine!

Aussiegirl : p
 
Wow, it''s interesting to see how typical the man''s response can be. I am going through something similar. My bf brought up rings and me figuring out what I like. Well, I am fairly thorough and knew so, so little about rings so went all out and learned a ton of info. I sent him a bunch of info., different pics and was talking about it here and there. We talked about ring shopping together and he agreed and said he wanted to go. Then he says he needs to talk about it less and I was pretty upset and hurt. Then I decided to lay off for awhile and didn''t say anything for a few months. Actually, I began to feel a bit better focusing on it less. I''m not in a position where I need/expect him to propose right away but it''s so easy to get carried away once you start looking. The subject got brought up again b/c my brother got engaged and we talked about her ring. Then, he says he''s fine w/not looking, doesn''t really have any desire to, feels like he knows what I like from the pics, he could easily ask anytime, regardless of whether we''ve looked. He mentioned that he felt like it was getting to be too much about the ring before. I was shocked! He''s the one who said to look and said we should look together so he''d know what I like! I decided to go look w/my mom b/c I don''t feel looking at pics was a good way for him to make a choice. We did so and I emailed him my preferences, which are pretty specific. I haven''t mentioned it since then and neither has he. Ever since then, I wondered if it was too much info., too specific so this morning, I sent a short email emphasizing the sentiment and marriage over the specific ring. Other than that, I don''t plan on bringing it up again, unless months and months pass w/no comments or proposal. But as to the ring, I''m not saying anything unless he does. I don''t want that to be the center of anything, and for whatever reason, he feels the need to take the lead on this process.

It is hard b/c I don''t want him to think that the ring is more important but the ring is important to me too. Like many others, he wants it to be a surprise and he wants to pick but doesn''t want to put too much effort in and learn all the things which I feel are so important. He''s emphasized a couple times that i''ll have no idea when he actually proposes. That''s definitely something that he sees as a good thing where I don''t necessarily agree. It''s very frustrating! I don''t get the surprise thing at all. The actual asking being a surprise is fine... I feel like we are mutually getting married, so the process really should be mutual. But he sees it as him asking, me accepting and then us moving fwd after that.

So Aussie, I guess it''s typical that there''s this change of emotion from the man. I''m not sure if that helps but at least it''s normal. And they think we are difficult??? I''m glad to hear that things are going a little bit better for you both.
 
Dixie,

Thanks for sharing your experience... the more I hear, the more typical my boyfriend''s behavior is sounding!

He''s back to his normal, cheerful self, and we haven''t talked about rings/engagement/marriage in a few weeks. I''m trying to focus on other things so that I won''t have any urges to ask him questions or nudge him : ) Hopefully I''ll be able to keep that up as long as he decides to wait. Reading Mara''s thread about "managing" your male... I''m certainly not to that point yet - my Ladies In Waiting time has been incredibly short in comparsion to some others'' and I''m not to the point of being upset by the time delay, but about my boyfriend''s disappointment that has seemed to have gone away.

So for the mean time, I''ll be a hands-off-manager... and let the boy do his work and planning... give it a few more months and maybe I''ll start managing for real!!!

Aussiegirl : p
 
I went through the same thing w/ DH... he originally liked the "idea" of it being a surprise, but I ended up picking my own ring. Since I''m an asscher girl and he didn''t know what those were, it was clear that he would need more information .... I would try to show him all the info I found on PS but he would just glaze over... and I could tell he was getting frustrated. At that point I just stopped consulting him (he was grateful), and eventually found my ring on my own. When I showed it to him and said this is the one, I think he was just happy it was done. There was an element of surprise though because I hadn''t seen the ring in real life until he proposed... and it was a million times more beautiful than I thought possible! So I don''t think it''s 100% surprise, or no surprise at all... there are different levels and types of surprise.
 
He''s back to his normal, cheerful self, and we haven''t talked about rings/engagement/marriage in a few weeks. I''m trying to focus on other things so that I won''t have any urges to ask him questions or nudge him : ) Hopefully I''ll be able to keep that up as long as he decides to wait. Reading Mara''s thread about ''managing'' your male... I''m certainly not to that point yet - my Ladies In Waiting time has been incredibly short in comparsion to some others'' and I''m not to the point of being upset by the time delay, but about my boyfriend''s disappointment that has seemed to have gone away.

So for the mean time, I''ll be a hands-off-manager... and let the boy do his work and planning... give it a few more months and maybe I''ll start managing for real!!!

Aussiegirl : p
Click to expand...
Aussie,
Glad to hear that things are going well for you both right now. I guess some guys can only take so much of the engagement/ring talk. I suppose that''s why there are places like PS and good friends! I found that I still say little things when something comes up or I think of something, relating to all this but it''s very minimal. I feel the same way that you do, more upset about the bf''s reaction than about the time delay. I really didn''t/don''t expect anything w/in the next few months but was so surprised when his reaction changed. I really trust him so I rely heavily on what he says and definitely, over-analyze so when that changes, it is a big deal!
Anyway, not sure if you''ve mentioned this here or on another thread, but what sort of rings do you like? Do you have a preference?
 
Dixie : )

Yes, I have a preference - pretty simple... 3 stone ring, round center diamond, side sapphire pears... in platinum.

See, not all ring descriptions are novel-length! I''ve posted questions about it on other threads...

Good luck with your waiting : ) Anyhow, back to waiting without thinking about waiting... he''ll get to it eventually!

Aussiegirl : p
 
Sounds pretty!
I have a friend who said her husband decided to buy her a car for her the holidays. She told him what he wanted and he bought something else.
33.gif
How weird are men?? So i''m hoping too much detail doesn''t backfire on me!

Good luck to you too!
 
Date: 7/12/2006 5:21:09 PM
Author: dixie94
Sounds pretty!
I have a friend who said her husband decided to buy her a car for her the holidays. She told him what he wanted and he bought something else.
33.gif
How weird are men?? So i''m hoping too much detail doesn''t backfire on me!

Good luck to you too!
Click to expand...
Nah Dixie, I don''t think too much direction/detail will backfire on you...

Think of it this way (and you can ALL scream at me for this... go right ahead)! Aren''t men always asking for more "direction" and "advice" in bed? We''re complicated and picky there... why shouldn''t we be about our rings too?

Okay, that one''s gonna get me in some hot water : )
31.gif
31.gif
31.gif


Aussiegirl : p
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top