How do I?...

[Mandarine]

Hi!

So some of you might have read my story...but here is a quick background. My BF and I have been dating for a little over a year and a half....earlier this year we (well, I started it!) had a conversation regarding our plans.. After a long weekend and much talk, he was very reluctant to even give me a time frame...but I guess he knew I wouldn''t be happy until he did...so he gave me a 2007 timeframe....and hinted a 2006 engagement

Now...he is big into the whole surprise thing and I don''t think he likes to even talk about the ring subject at all!. Just a few times he has pointed out friend''s rings to see what I thought. So at this point all he knows is that I like simple/elegant round cuts...but that''s pretty much it!. I''ve never gone ring "shopping"...so I haven''t even tried rings on. I feel a little silly going when it is kind of pointless since I know he won''t ask about what I like anyway. I think he is just going to go off and get what he likes....I trust he''s opinion and I know I will love whatever he gets...but he doesn''t even know my ring size!!

Last weekend I mentioned something about online shopping being a good option for buying rings because of the prices....and he kind of looked at me like "what makes you bring that up?"...and I just made up a silly excuse....he said that couldn''t get a ring without looking at it.

I never thought I wanted to be part of the ring choosing process....but here I am reading all these posts and it seems like all your BFs are letting you guys "guide" the whole thing....I wonder how you manage to convince them?.

I don''t know how he would take it if I said I wanted to go look with him or if I start giving him hints (maybe he would feel pressured)...he thinks the whole thing is only in his hands and should be a surprise!. So what do I do? Do I let it be and really be surprised or should I ''try'' to have him involve me so I KNOW I will really love the ring?

Regardless I know at the end of the day all that will matter is that when we do get engaged we get to start planning our lives together...maybe I''m just over-thinking the whole thing

M~

 

[decodelighted]

Hey there,

It''s exciting that you''ve got a time frame to think about at least! Everyone''s situation is different but I''ll tell you how I approached the dicussion/situation for what it''s worth ...

I''m not really a jewelry person, and very picky when it comes to design/look etc. I wear very few pieces and had never really had a "ring ring" ... no school ring, graduation ring anything like that. I''d planned to purchase a right hand ring for myself a few years back & investigated designing it etc, but decided to put the dough towards buying a house & re-sized an heirloom ring I adored to "tide me over."

When my now fiance & I started talking about engagement I leveled with him from the start ... that when it came to the ring that I was
a) picky w/ jewelry
b) that it held a lot of emotional weight with me because of my expectations building up for so long
c) i''d really like to be involved in selecting the ring
d) having a "nice" ring was more important to me than a "blow out" wedding, because one would last forever and one would just be an afternoon party.

Luckily he understood! His priorities dovetailed with mine and we agreed that I''d "research" to my heart''s content & pass on a file of info once I''d narrowed down my faves. Things ended up a little differently, with me finding my ideal ring & stone & him kinda "taking over" at that point ... but it sounds like just passing along a file of info or key wishes might be what you''re looking for.

Engagement, like most other aspects of relationships, is often negotiated to some extent - even though that''s not the "romantic fairy tale standard" we''re all brainwashed with. Hopefully you''ll feel comfortable enough with him to express your needs and desires in a low-stress, low-pressure kind of way. I suggest perhaps "I know you''ve said you''d like our engagement to be a suprise. I''ve had some dreams about how my engagment ring would look for xxx months/years. Would you mind if I passed on some ideas for you to reference whenever you have the need to?" Or words to that effect. Good luck!!

 

[TxBlonde]

Well my boyfriend brought up ring shopping over thanksgiving. He asked what I want. I told him then he said wow you really know exactly what you want. Well Ahem yes. We have been together 4 years I''ve been thinking about it for some time. He said he really wanted me to have a ring I love and if I want to be involved in choosing then so be it. So now I''m designing my own ring with whiteflash. I don''t know when he will propose but it won''t be for several months. He does want to make that a suprise. He really wanted to get me a princess cut and I want an asscher. He acted like it was his ring and I would have what he wanted me to have for a while and then gave in. He now understands its kind of a big deal to me that I have a ring I want. My friends keep telling me I should have taken a princess or whatever he got me and I should not be in on the process but I am going to wear this ring forever.

 

[anchor31]

My boyfriend didn''t want to take me ring shopping at first either. How did I manage to convince him? I told him I''d like to go look at rings together before he bought it and see what I like and what fits me best, and narrow down the choices for him. We''ve looked online just to see styles, and we don''t exactly have the same tastes!

I''m not sure I''ll be able to convince him to buy online even with the amazing quality and prices, but I''ll try. Going shopping and comparing prices might help. Another reason I gave him to convince him to take me shopping is that yes, rings can be return, but I will attach a lot of value to the ring he will propose with, and I want it to be the one, not something I''ll want to return. The symbol is very important for us, and he wants to give me something really nice that I will love.

Hope that helps. Good luck!

 

[Mandarine]

Thank you guys )

I don''t want to be completely part of the process......but at least make sure he knows the basics of what I would like

To be honest I don''t know much about jewlery either...and only wear the basics!. Maybe I should go and just try some rings on and see how they feel/look. I have the idea in my head that I like the round solitaire diamonds best...but who knows, I''ve never tried any on! (Ok, except my sister''s ring

)

Thank you all for your comments!

M~

 

[akw94]

Hi, I have a similiar concern and actually just recently started a thread on here about rings too. We have talked off and on about weddings, marriage and rings. He initially mentioned it so I started researching. I came across soooo much stuff but realize I have no idea what''s really out there. I''ve sent him some websites and same as you, think I like the round shape but have only tried on rings once at one store and only tried on a couple. I decided, with some guidance from the ladies here, that I will bring up going ring shopping w/him in a few months. He has said he wanted to go look but has never suggested actually going or never suggested stopping at a store when we''re right there! I agree that I want something I like b/c I am very picky and I want it to be extra special. I don''t think I need to pick out the exact ring, but who knows, that may change if I find it. I do know that we have different taste and he''d go extra simple, which is very different from my version of simple.
It is a tricky situation though. I don''t want to push or have him think I won''t like his taste but..... It''s kind of weird to me that so many couples can talk about everything but the ring/proposal. It just feels slightly off limits even though I know it doesn''t have to be.
Maybe you can get a better idea of what you like and then narrow it down for him.

 

[cdt1101]

well what I did, was convince my BF to take me to look at rings/diamonds so I could get an idea of what I liked. Thankfully our tastes are pretty similar, although he thinks halo settings are gaudy! Could you imagine!!!! But he told me if I get something alittle simplier, then I can have a bigger rock...no arguments there! But anyway, since our trip, I''ve basically have been sending (or should I say, bombarding) him ideas of what I like. With all the info he has from me, I dont'' think he could go wrong!

 

[akw94]

Ok, I hate to ask but.... what is a halo setting??

 

[moon river]

Amy a halo setting is where the center stone is surrounded by a ''halo'' of diamonds. Do a search on halo settings to see examples.

 

[Mandarine]

I still don''t know exactly how I wll bring it up...but I think I eventually will (in a few months).

It''s funny what you say about being able to talk about most things except the ring/proposal thing!...

I mean, me and my BF just completely designed our new house that we''re building together (kitchen, floors, bathrooms, etc....everything!!!)....but yet the whole ring/engagement thing is a topic I have to be careful how to approach...I just never want to feel like I''m pressuring him into anything, so I''m always careful with what I say and how I say it. He is always complaining about his friends'' GFs and FIs and how they "pressured" things to happen a certain way...and how he just hates those type of situations....

Halo rings are the ones with little diamonds that surrond the bigger rock...correct?....they''re gorgeous! (quickly becoming one of my favorites) I''ve never tried one on....I only wonder if they "look" flat....but I''ve only seen them in pictures (never in person). I think I migh need to go and try on a few e-rins...maybe I''ll convince my friend to come with me

M~

 

[sunkist]

A halo setting??

Here, check out this thread. There are a few beautiful halo settings there. And I''m sure you''ve seen plenty more around PS already!

 

[anchor31]

Mandarine - I was getting sick of engagement and e-ring being taboo subjects while we could talk about everything else, especially since he''d given me a timeframe, so I told him that I would like us to be able to talk openly about it without feeling like we are pressuring the other. I told him I wanted to be able to discuss the ring and give him input and ideas, so I''d be sending him links, quotes and stuff. He said he was okay with that, and it feels really great! If anything, he talks about it more than I do! Good luck!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/15/2006 6:59:01 PM
Author:Mandarine

I never thought I wanted to be part of the ring choosing process....but here I am reading all these posts and it seems like all your BFs are letting you guys ''guide'' the whole thing....I wonder how you manage to convince them?.

I don''t know how he would take it if I said I wanted to go look with him or if I start giving him hints (maybe he would feel pressured)...he thinks the whole thing is only in his hands and should be a surprise!. So what do I do? Do I let it be and really be surprised or should I ''try'' to have him involve me so I KNOW I will really love the ring?

M~

yes...you should be involve,if you don''t want to be surprise with something you don''t like plus,most men have no idea what to pay for a diamond.