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How do you ask for money, politely?

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MustangFan

MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
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Feb 27, 2006
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If you are not going to register, how do you just ask for money politely?

When we wed we''ll be 25, 30
FI has owned a house since 24, so we don''t need really anything for the house... maybe nice plates, but we really have no need since we can''t display them.
I was thinking of giving the option of a honeymoon registery, for people that thought that money would be a tacky gift. I''ve heard that some people will go to a wedding with envelopes unsealed and decide on the amount they should give solely based on if they had a good time? I think that''s wrong because it really isn''t under the bride and groom''s control
 
i don''t think there is a way to "ask" for it politely. if you don''t register, i think people will get the hint, but others will just do what they want to do and there''s nothing to prevent it. ultimately they''re there as guests, not gift giving machines although trust me, i understand what you''re saying.

i''m in a different bind..bought bm''s dresses and FI''s sister hasn''t sent me a check for over 3 wks now. She''s seen me twice, I''ve sent my address twice...i give up. meanwhile my account is negative $200 right now!
 
I would just spread the word to immediate family since they''re the ones that people will most likely ask for gift suggestions/registry info. Then when they''re asked they can just say that you guys are pretty much set on everything, but $ would be appreciated.
 
Asking for money politely is an oxymoron at a wedding.

At a charity event, you can do it by having a speaker announce the hat passing.

At a wedding, your best mouth piece is the best man and maid of honor. But I would have them spread the word WELL in advance of the wedding before all the ugly crystalware is bought and that tacky ceramic and silver goose-shaped turine is etched with your names and wedding date on it...
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If you have a website, you can put your honeymoon registry on your site, as many people find that acceptable. But it really should not come from you, but disseminated by word of mouth through family friends and bridal party.
 
I''m curious about this too. I own my condo but it''s small and we''ll need a MUCH larger nest if we''re going to fill it with baby birds. So more than anything, we''ll need... a bigger downpayment.

I wouldn''t mind some Frette sheets too. And M wants an espresso machine. But other than that, we want a ''nest fund''!

I wonder if phrasing it that way might help. ''Help us build a nest for our nestlings!''

I guess you can''t put it that way.

Maybe you can have your parents casually mention how you''re worried about getting a lot of stuff.

Tricky.

The thing is, I bet most guests would like to give you what you actually WANT. And if that''s money, they probably want to know about it. The question is how...
 
I agree with the others...there is just no way to do it.

My FI and I are specifically asking for no gifts...we have so much freaking stuff as it is...and we are both well established in careers and own a house...we just don''t need china or sheets or towels, or anything, really. Of course, I wouldn''t turn down some cashola, but don''t really need that either, actually.

So, we are asking folks to not bring gifts. We are going to specifically say on in the invite that if they feel like they have to do something, we are asking them to donate to a local animal shelter.

And I''m telling my close friends (which makes up most of those that are attending the wedding) that if they feel like they''ve got to give us something, just give us some money towards the honeymoon.

My good friend jokingly recommended putting "cash only" on the invite. Hehee.
 
Date: 5/3/2007 10:24:39 AM
Author: Independent Gal
I''m curious about this too. I own my condo but it''s small and we''ll need a MUCH larger nest if we''re going to fill it with baby birds. So more than anything, we''ll need... a bigger downpayment.

I wouldn''t mind some Frette sheets too. And M wants an espresso machine. But other than that, we want a ''nest fund''!

I wonder if phrasing it that way might help. ''Help us build a nest for our nestlings!''

I guess you can''t put it that way.

Maybe you can have your parents casually mention how you''re worried about getting a lot of stuff.

Tricky.

The thing is, I bet most guests would like to give you what you actually WANT. And if that''s money, they probably want to know about it. The question is how...
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LOL. I would say that in my experience, people are more likely to want to get something you will remember them by, and usually want to get the large gift at showers over all the little ones, so they don''t look cheap and you can think of them when you use your blender, or that hideous tapestry they suggest should go in your livingroom over the mantle.... Many people don''t care so much about what the bride and groom want, especially if it''s counter to what they like. Case in point, I went to a wedding where the bride and groom where into the most hideous home decor I have ever seen, but that awful statue on their registry is what they got from me. Many people got them silver table pieces and crystal, OPPOSITE of their taste. Go figure.
 
Ditto what they''ve said, it''s not possible. If people ask what you would like (and many will) be prepared with an answer such as "we have all the household items we need so we''ve opted not to register." Some may get the hint, others will buy you gifts you don''t need, etc.

IG, I believe there is such thing as a downpayment registry now for couples hoping to purchase a home (in your case a larger home).
 
Lol Nicrez,

I have to say guilty at this point. If I look through someones registry and hate everything or see that they''ve put down silverplate items instead of sterling, I''m afraid I do decide I shouldn''t encourage them and buy them something I like instead!

Reminds me of when I was in my first design job and the boss always said to never offer a client horrible designs as they will invariably buy them and it is our job to ensure that they don''t have that option and improve their taste! Funnily enough he was so right, clients often bought seriously gross things. Mind you the "ugly" thread shows that...
 
My best friend didn''t register for much - she had most of what she needed already and wanted $$ for the honeymoon instead. We (bridal party) spread the word that ''contributions to her honeymoon fund'' would be most welcome. She didn''t set up a honeymoon registry - that way people just gave her cash. You should have others spread the word - not do so yourself.
 
Yeah, I''d just have your close friends and family spread the word.
As for cash being tacky, I think that depends on the area and the culture. I''ve read several threads where giving cash is the norm, especially among the older generation. This will be true at my wedding.
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I do agree that many people will want to give you something to remember them/the occasion by.
 
were romanian and i kow that every wedding we go to its weird to see people coming in with boxes of gifts everyone gives money its justthe way things are ...gifts are mostly given at the engagement party....
 
Maybe you could write something cute on your knot page if you have one? Hard to say. We''re going to register just to avoid gift disasters.
 
According to Peggy Post, as long as the bride and groom are specific about the proceeds, they can make it known by word of mouth that they prefer money to put towards a house. Sun Mortgage will open an account for this purpose,
 
Another thought...how about you register for a place that gives out cash for returns???

It''s a little underhanded, but no one would have to know.
 
No polite way to ask for cash - heck, you''re not even supposed to say "no gifts" on the invite or "in liu of gifts please give to Mother Teresa" - because you are not supposed to expect a gift or arrange admission "donations" when issuing an invitation.

But you can spread the word that you would like cash or set up a honeymoon registry. People that come from cultures or regions where cash is the norm will give cash and be unaffected by whatever registry you set up. People that like to give non-monetary objects as gifts might be confuddled by the lack of a traditional registry and go freelancing, so you might actually want to register for something. I typically buy off of people''s registries, occasionally send non-registry items with a gift receipt if I think they might be useful, and might buy some specific experience or item for a couple off of a honeymoon registry ie. a dinner at X fabulous restaraunt, or two-minutes of scuba diving at Y fabulous beach. I don''t normally give cash as I don''t feel my gifts are large enough to make a much of a dent. So... Do you want to risk me finding some useless piece of kitchenware to send you or give me a gift "suggestion" that you actually want and I actually want to give you?
 
Wow, I wouldn''t be able to ask my family to ask for money; that would be akward for them. I just wouldn''t note anything in the invite. I would do that mortgage or honeymoon setup if you do want money for something and then let family tell others, but flat out asking for money is a tough one. I always give money; it is easy for me. . . just sign a check and put it in a card. I think if I asked someone where a person was registered or what would they like and someone said money I would feel it was tacky but that is just me. IF I asked and they said they have a honeymoon/mortgage setup then I would ask for the website. That is just my 2cents.
 
In the newest InStyle Weddings mag (Spring 07) there''s an article about registries and they mention two where you can register for stock. I haven''t checked it out but here are the websites: giftsofstock.com or registerstock.com. I''m probably not going to do this because my family tends to give money as gifts anyway. I won''t have to hint about it, its just what they do.
 
I thought Deco managed it as well as I''ve ever seen.

It''s a little cultural too, though.

DF''s family does presents ONLY for the shower and cash ONLY for the wedding.

My family was horrified at the thought of cash gifts (my family is horrified often, granted)... they just couldn''t see spreading the word or us registering for a honeymoon registry... so BB&B with their cash back (I asked today at ours... they say they''ll give you cash too) is the admittedly underhanded way we''re going to go.
 
Hey we don''t need a down payment on the house, but a help me fix the house fund! I wonder if there is such a thing?
Does Loews or Home Depot have a registry? We need things that are way too much for one person to contribute to, like we''d really like a gas fireplace, but don''t have the extra cash to get it or a new oven. These gifts would mean a lot to mean, if people could buy a portion like they do on honeymoon airfare that would be great!
 
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