How do you bring up paying for the wedding?

[MustangFan]

So it looks like I won''t be graduating until December 2007

We want to have the wedding August 8, 2008

FI''s parents paid for half of his brothers wedding and I''m pretty sure they will do that same for us. How do you ask, or see if they will?
Should I wait for his mom to bring it up? She is very happy and excited and already wants to talk about it.
I want to keep the wedding in the 15k-20k range. I started talking about NJ wedding prices and that you can''t find many places $100 a head and she said oh I know, it''s ridiculous, but understood.
I will be able to pay for some things, but I won''t have a steady income until Jan most likely.
Should we not even bother asking and set the date back and say well we decided to set the date back, because I thought I would have a job sooner? Or not even bother with petty garbage and just ask flat out.

 

[neatfreak]

My FI's mother brought it up...and also brought up that she really thought that his father (divorced) should pay for the rehearsal dinner whether he liked it or not!!!

We were just talking wedding and she was asking about all these details and large numbers of people she wanted to invite (this was before we reigned her in) and I just said "I'm so happy that you're so excited, but because we want a small wedding and also because the per person price is so expensive, we really want to keep it to close family and friends". She just then said "Oh, well we'll help you guys out financially of course, so know that it isn't an issue there."

So it was brought up once I had an opening...I highly suggest this method, it worked well for me!!!

 

[treysar]

That’s tough – you don’t want to sound greedy, so it’s awkward. Is he close with his brother? Maybe he can ask him how it went down, ie, how he found out they would pay for half when they got engaged.

I have to say, you are totally right about the $100/head thing. I’m from NY and had to find a wedding venue in Westchester that was under $1000 a head – a nearly impossible feat! And while our paarents gave us generous gifts, we had to pay solo. So we went the barbecue route!! It was AWESOME, but not your typical wedding, lol.

I would plan what just the 2 of you can afford and anything left over from their gift would be the gravy.

Congrats and good luck!

 

[zoebartlett]

I asked my boyfriend to talk to his mom (since we''re not engaged yet, I didn''t feel right entering a discussion about financing our wedding yet.). We had begun to look at places and I wanted to get some idea of who could potentially be paying - my parents and us or both sets of parents and us. My mom wasn''t sure if his parents would help pay for the wedding but we needed to find out. His mom was fine about doing the 1/3 (my parents), 1/3 (us), and 1/3 (his parents) idea that my boyfriend proposed.

I''m not sure I''d feel comfortable having a conversation about money with his parents even after we''re engaged unless my boyfriend/fiancee was present. That may change though, I''m not sure.

 

[MustangFan]

well she had a few luncheons to go to this week and she was eager to check out the venues for ideas.
I''m really glad she is participanting.

I have a feeling if we just decided to go the BBQ route, she''s pay oh no! We want to help you, so maybe it''ll get brought up on it''s own. I will see her Sunday for a baby shower, and it''s a long ride to Queens, so maybe it''ll get brought up then.

We have been laid back about it, and she''s like if you want August 2008 you have to start looking for a place now. Well, I on the other hand said I probably won''t start planning for another 6 months.

 

[anchor31]

I knew my parents were going to help, but I didn''t know how much. FI and I don''t have a lot of money and we''re trying to save up for a house, so the parental contributions have a very big influence on what kind of wedding we can have (ie: eloping vs family wedding).

So I just asked my mother if her and dad intended to help us out, and how much approximately. I said we would appreciate any amount they can give us, we just need to know soon so we can figure out our budget. They promised 50%, not matter the total amount. We''re looking at about 8k, I''m hoping it will be even less.

FI asked the same to his parents. His mom told him she was going to give us 1k. Much to my surprise (not), she has since "forgotten" her promise. For some reason she''s now set on giving us a refrigerator even though we don''t need one. FI talked to her again and explained to her that we really appreciate the intention, but if she''s going to spend 1-1.5k on something we don''t need, we''d rather she gave us money to help pay for the wedding so we can actually afford a honeymoon for the following Christmas. FI said she didn''t respond; I think she was offended. Personally I find it more offending that she''s not keeping her promise, but we''ll see. FFIL will not give us anything, that much we can be certain of.

Anyway, I think it''s better to let your FI handle the sensitive questions like that with his family.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 4/25/2007 9:57:36 AM
Author: MustangFan
well she had a few luncheons to go to this week and she was eager to check out the venues for ideas.
I''m really glad she is participanting.

I have a feeling if we just decided to go the BBQ route, she''s pay oh no! We want to help you, so maybe it''ll get brought up on it''s own. I will see her Sunday for a baby shower, and it''s a long ride to Queens, so maybe it''ll get brought up then.

We have been laid back about it, and she''s like if you want August 2008 you have to start looking for a place now. Well, I on the other hand said I probably won''t start planning for another 6 months.

You might want to reconsider that. We booked our venue for August 2008 early last March, and there was only one Saturday left open in the month (the 2nd, the date we wanted).

 

[robbie3982]

I agree with Anchor on how to approach the parents as well as that you really should start planning now. Things book up fast especially for the summer.

FI and I both talked to our respective parents individually when we first started looking at venues. We told them we needed preliminary guest lists or at least an estimate of how many people they planned to invite and how much if at all they would be contributing to the wedding since this was going to be a big factor of where we could have the wedding.

I really don''t see how you can plan a wedding without knowing how many people you''re having or what your budget is.

 

[chicagolawyer]

I'm an August 08 bride here who has not yet reserved a venue yet, although we are hoping to make a decision next week.

I'm in Chicago so I'm sure there are regional differences, but I've just started calling around this week (due to a change in city for the wedding) and there are only two of fifteen venues I've called that are unavailable on our dates (Aug. 9th or 16th).

It certainly is a popular time of year, but I think if you start planning in a month or two and are flexible you should be able to find something no problem!!!

 

[basil]

Yup, when I started contacting places in Feb for Sept 2008, most of them only had 1-2 weekends available.

One place was booked solid up until mid-Nov 2008, including most of the Fridays and Sundays.

So far I''ve booked florist, caterer, and photographer and I''m looking into DJs next. I''ve pretty much had my choice, but almost lost my photographer to another bride who missed her scheduled appointment, so I got first dibs.

 

[MustangFan]

Well maybe FI and I have to rethink the wedding date

I am still in school and only have a p/t job that only pays for gas and food on the table
FI paychecks go to the mortgage and bills, I.E. No, disposable income at the moment at all!

I''m hoping to graduate by Dec. the stupid school doesn''t have my classes available until fall!

I hope next weekend we can go look at atleast one place

 

[Pandora II]

I wanted the same date as you and had to go with 26/07/08 in the end as it was all booked up and I booked the first week in January. Definitely get the venue and church booked asap.

 

[basil]

If your fiance''s parents do want to contribute, maybe they could pay some of the initial deposits (usually a fraction of the total) while you guys save up for the balance?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I have a very open relationship with my parents so I (alone) discussed what they could pay with them) My DH did not feel as comfortable discussing money with his so we waited for his parents to offer. It ended up being pretty traditional. My parents paid for the entire wedding. His the entire RD.

 

[FireGoddess]

I would not ask his parents if they will be contributing if it were me. I would either let him do it (they are his parents after all) IF he feels comfortable, but most likely I''d probably wait for them to bring it up.

 

[Class n Sass]

The day we booked our reception venue my fiance called his dad to see what he could contribute. He promised $6000 between now and the wedding in May 2008. He has already given us $3000 and will give us the other$3000 this time next year. I was actually surprised that he was able to offer that and am greatly appreciative. I spoke with mom last week and I mentioned to her that I have been using a wedding planning book to plan things. I also told her how helpful the book has been in terms of providing me with certain details and guidelines. She said she wanted to look at it. So I''m hoping that when I go through it with her she will see the things that the grooms family "typically" pays for like the RD. His parents are not together and so his dad''s contribution is completely separate from his mother. Maybe she will offer to pay for the RD because his dad''s contribution will be going to the reception or possibly the band.

 

[zoebartlett]

My boyfriend talked to his parents again today about finances and what they might be able to do to help contribute to the cost of our wedding. His parents ended up telling him to just let them know what we need from them. That seemed a little vague, but once we have a place picked out and start gathering costs together, my mom (aka "wedding planner") will put it into a spreadsheet and pass the info. along to my boyfriend''s parents. That way, they can contribute however they feel comfortable -- helping with deposits, paying for a particular thing, etc.