how do you feel on the birthday of a lost loved one?

[jewelerman]

My mother passed away 3 years ago and my family misses her presence very much.Today is her birthday and even after 3 years,I have a really hard time on her birthday.I guess its because birthdays are really big celebrations in my family and she loved doing alot for us kids on our birthdays...Do the members of the forum have a hard time on holidays and birthdays when they have lost a loved one or am i just overly sentimental?Today as a remembrance im going to wear her favorite gem... turquiose...in an american indian ring I recived from my parents on my 14th bithday,and also one of her favorite pieces...a vintage turquiose necklace bought from a museam collection in 1971 that I inherited and re-strung so i could wear it.

 

[choro72]

My condolences to you...On my cousin''s birthday, I send a birthday letter or a card to his parents. My aunt and uncle appreciate it.

 

[Deelight]

jewelerman I am so sorry for your loss

I lost my mother when I was 13 so it will be 15 years this November and I still find birthdays, holidays and such hard so I don''t think your being overly sentimental at all. These days to me are always a little harder then other days, so I try to find sometime to myself and reflect on her and the time we had together and I usually call my sister and have a chat.

I think wearing jewels in remembrance is a lovely way to remember and honour her birthday.

 

[Maisie]

I''m sorry you are feeling so sad Jewelerman. My grandmother passed away 8 years ago and my mother still struggles on her birthday. I think the bond between a mother and child is so strong that its hard to remember birthdays etc without feeling sad.

 

[Fly Girl]

Condolances on the loss of your mother. Today is my mother''s 79th birthday and we are having a small (very small) party for her. I feel fortunate that she is still here, but I know it won''t always be that way.

 

[strmrdr]

yes it is hard and it has been 10 years since my mom passed away and 9 for my dad.

 

[Kaleigh]

Jewelerman,
I am sorry for your loss. Birthdays are hard. I have 3 family members that I have lost. I try to get to their graves on their birthday. If not, I say a special prayer for them. It works for me...

 

[HollyS]

My mother has been gone three years this August. It''s hard to deal with b-days, Mother''s Day, and the holiday season. And then I got married last October; and it was difficult, a bit painful, and certainly poignant not having her there. It was quite hard on my dad; he was missing her even more that I was.

While she''s in my thoughts everyday still, it was a good year before I woke up without my first cognitive thought being "my mother is dead".

I''m sending you a cyber hug; I know just how you feel.

 

[asscherisme]

I'm sorry for your loss. And the answer is YES, I have a hard time on my dad's birthday. He died in 2004 and on his birthday I can't help but feel depressed and and empty. I've just come to expect it. I don't know if it ever gets easier but I do know from friends who have lost parents that it also very normal to feel that way. Losing my dad was the hardest thing thats ever happened to me. The daily ache from his loss is gone but I do miss him and it still feels raw at times. It goes in waves. But I don't talk about it anymore because I think after 4 years I'm "expected to be over it" so I keep it to myself.

My grandpa's birthdays are also very hard on me since I have lost them as well. But nothing like my dad.

 

[bee*]

Sorry to hear about your Mother. I always have a hard time on the birthday of a loved one that has passed.

 

[isaku5]

Please accept my condolences as well, jewelerman.

My dad passed away 28.5 years ago, and recently I''ve been thinking about him a lot. I don''t think anyone ever had a bad word to say about him as he treated everyone the same, be it prince or local brownbaggers. The latter he would greet by saying, "Good morning, gentlemen," as they sat on the benches provided by the town. DH and I reminisce often about his joke-telling abilities and many sayings. He was well-loved and knew it. On his final trip by ambulance he reportedly said to the attending nurse, "If it''s my time, that''s fine. I''ve had a good life." He was only 71.

My mom, unfortunately for her, lived into her 90''s. She who was once my best friend and confidente didn''t accept the cruel facts of life regarding aging, and took out her frustrations on her only child - me. She brought me to tears many times with her biting sarcasm which might have been forgivable had her mind been failing, but she was so alert and aware that the jabs went continually deeper. I''m sorry to say that when informed of her death, I heaved a huge sigh of relief. Eight years later I can still remember vividly each vitriolic comment directed my way.

 

[TravelingGal]

Aw jewelerman, I am sorry.

I guess I''ll find out come this January when my dad would have turned 70. We just buried him two weeks ago and I''m having a tougher time than I thought (I kind of assumed I would be fine since he had been sick a long time and didn''t impact my day to day living very much). Sometimes I just sit and look at my daughter and just cry that he never got a second chance and joy and happiness in being a grandfather.

Isaku, I am sorry to hear that about your mom...it must be horrible to still remember all those comments after all these years. My father was not the most kind man, but he was a very proud one and I know that he had lots of regrets and still loved us. The last time I saw him with any recognition on his face was this father''s day. I bought my daughter to see him and he just stared and stared. As I wondered if he was really seeing her or not, he raised his hand (no small feat) and touched her foot. It still brings me to tears to think about it. He died a week and half later.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I am sorry about your loss too.

My mother passed almost 4 years ago, I still find her birthday hard, expecially since she passed the day after her birthday. I always try to make a point to stop and think about the memories we had during that time of the year.

 

[diamondfan]

Jewelerman, I am sorry. I know how hard certain days must be, especially if they were significant family times.

I lost my dad in 1981 when I was fifteen and trust me I still feel sad about it. It gets easier but still it is tough.

 

[jewelerman]

Friends of the forum,
Thank so much for your up-lifting replies!The responses have helped me through a rough day.I have enjoyed spending the day reading and checking the forum a few times and looking at the jewelry,paintings, and pottery that my mother has given for me over the years on special occasions.Thanks again for the support.

 

[ahappygirl]

Jewelerman,

I''m so sorry about the loss of your mom. You are not remotely "overly sentimental." I think you just love and miss and appreciate your mom. I think wearing the turquioise is a lovely way to feel closer to her on this day and to honor her. Hugs.

 

[LaraOnline]

Hello again Jewelerman.
It takes a very, very long time for a birthday to lose its ''edge''.
However, one day, maybe ten or twenty years from now, the day will come when you realise you have experienced her birthday with a degree of equanimity, the day will take on a beautiful grace.
All the best for this special day, I like the idea of wearing her favourite jewels to celebrate her!

 

[Linda W]

Jewelerman: Today is my grandma''s birthday too. My mom and I spent a half hour on the phone talking about her and how much we miss her. She was a wonderful woman and I loved her so much.

I am sorry for your loss, it is always so hard on birthday''s as well as holidays too.

I lost my wonderful father. This September it will be 4 years.

Thinking of you and hugs.

Linda

 

[jewelerman]

Linda,
the quote on your posting by john lennon was one of my moms favorite sayings.

 

[Linda W]

Jewelerman:


I actually took that line from his song "Beautiful Boy" that he wrote for his son Sean. When my grand-boys were babies, I used to rock them to sleep and sing that song to them. That song is really special to me.

I am glad that your dear mother also loved that line.


Love, Linda