How do you plan on telling people once you get engaged?

[peonygirl]

I''m definitely going to call my parents, but I haven''t decided whether I''m gonna tell all my friends or just wait to see if they notice my engagment ring. I can''t believe I''m actually thinking about this kind of stuff!

 

[jcrow]

i have been having that internal conversation too. i know the 25 ladies i work with - each time i wear a different ring on my left hand they notice and ask if that''s the ring- and they have no idea we''ve picked out our diamond and will begin working on the setting soon. so i think that they would notice it

but with my luck they wouldn''t for like a month. and once they do they will ask questions and hound me for not telling them. but at the same time, i can''t see myself going into work and sending an email blast that i got engaged.

i don''t know if my family would notice either (i wear a lot of jewelry). so i know i would have to tell them. but i don''t know how yet. maybe we could all go out to dinner- they definitely would know something''s up before hand though....

 

[sparkly_stars]

haha, I''ve felt the same question rising..

I think that if he decides to ask for the blessing that will mean he will TELL my parents(and his parents will more then likely know too).. that will be sufficient for me.. they will tell everyone, once it has happened.
As for friends, well I may tell a few close friends...but I don''t want to draw too much attention to everything... I think Dan feels the same about it all...

TOO many questions are just frustrating after a while, and whenever it happens, we''d rather enjoy it for ourselves first.

 

[MissAva]

I figure I will be the last to know. He will ask my father first, or I wont respond. So if Daddy knows then the rest of my family will. I will go and see my BFF ASAP if we are in the same state, if not I dont know how I will let her know. I am not good at hiding things while bouncing off the walls. For everyone else I will rpoably wait until they say something or see me in person. I had not really thought about it before this, I guess I need to.

 

[njc]

I called my parents and grandfather first (made DH ask Daddy first too, but he didnt tell anyone... mom was kinda pissed! Hee hee.), then i called my brothers. The next couple of days i started telling friends. At least for me, everyone had been on ring watch for ages to start with, so when i called saying i had big news, they all knew! Some did say FINALLY! but it was an ecstatic finally, just like what i was thinking.

The weirdest one was telling everyone i worked with... i dont know why though.

 

[snuga]

Date: 11/8/2005 9:30:20 AM
Author: Matatora
I had not really thought about it before this, I guess I need to.

Me either! More stuff to obsess over I guess!

 

[jcrow]

yeh and just keeping the info a secret is enough to drive anyone crazy!!! everyday i want to come to work and share the latest with my co-workers. but i don''t. i''ve held everything back. they know nothing. my family or his either. at least i think

i talked to my BF last night after reading this thread. he said he''ll ask my family first then let his family know- then he''ll propose to me. i think that''s the order

so after that, it''s just letting friends and co-workers know.

i think it was on PS where i saw a couple send out a heartfelt email out to friends and all with the big news. it was well written and seemed appropriate to them.

 

[sistagrl2004]

You guys are so organized! I called/e-mailed stopped by and shoved my bling in the face of EVERYONE who was around!!!

 

[jcrow]

Date: 11/8/2005 1:10:17 PM
Author: sistagrl2004
You guys are so organized! I called/e-mailed stopped by and shoved my bling in the face of EVERYONE who was around!!!

yeah, who am i kidding! that''s probably what i''ll do!!

 

[decodelighted]

So funny! I am going through this RIGHT NOW. Here''s the progress:

1) coin flip
2) called his parents
3) called my parents (I''m 38 so we didn''t do the "asking permission" thing)
4) called my brothers & sisters in age order (all 5 of em!!)
5) called married 2 best friends
6) left "call back" msgs to un-married 2 best friends
7) he posted announcement & pix to his blog
I posted PSCOPE pix & story
9) emailed main work contacts (I work at home mostly)
10) emailed other key work contacts that would hear/other friends/people that would feel left out not being "told" by me.

I know, I know ... i felt a little funny "announcing" via email but didn''t want anyone to feel left out - work/politically & friendship-wise. I just did a little

"I''m a Beyonce!. Hey .. just so you kinda "hear it from me" ___ & I are engaged! (More scoop when I talk to ya!)" with a couple pix we took P-day: Me kissing his cheek & a shot of our hands (w/the ring - wink wink)

If you got that would you think "TACKY!" or "COOL"??? Just wondering!

 

[AChiOAlumna]

When we got engaged, we called both our parents first thing the next morning (it was late the night before)...

My parents were home...his were not...so that helped with the coin toss.
We went to my parents first.
We went to his parents next.
Then we called our grandparents (mine lived far away).
Then we called other friends and family.

We were on the phone a lot that day!!!

 

[anchor31]

I''m hoping my boyfriend will propose to me with my family there or somewhere close to my family home that has a meaning to us (how do I let him know that kind of thing? I''m very close to my family and very attached to my childhood home, I would like my proposal to be where I grew up), and my telling order would be:

1. My immediate family
2. His immediate family
3. My grand-mother
4. My close friends
5. Ps and my blog

My dad and my grand-mother (my mom''s mother) will probably tell the rest of the family, so there won''t be a need for me to do it. My classmates/collegues will know when they''ll see the ring...

You know what I dread most? My family meeting his... Ick! I have a caring family that is a very important part of my life, and all his family "cares about" is money... The things they say about their son...

I have this image in my head of his father starting to say horrible things about his son and his future marriage and my family to my dad...

 

[decodelighted]

Author: anchor31
I have this image in my head of his father starting to say horrible things about his son and his future marriage and my family to my dad...

Don''t stress too much. Sometimes we forget that our parents have been "around the block" awhile & have dealt with difficult people either at work or socially. I''m sure they won''t think ill of your boyfriend/then FIANCE!!! (excitement) just ''cause his family is a little wacky/difficult/tacky/rude.

 

[anchor31]

Thanks deco... They already know they''re difficult people since me and my SO have talked about them, and they don''t think worst of him because of that. It''s just, I started thinking about it and that horrible image popped into my head so I freaked out a bit! Ick.

 

[jcrow]

i know. i am sorta freaked out about the whole meeting of families thing too. before i always dated someone from around here. so most likely they knew of the bf''s parents. or it was easy to introduce them or whatever. now though my BF is from a whole different state. i have heard that making the get together center around an event rather than the two families meeting helps. i don''t know how the heck we are going to have them meet.

 

[MissAva]

I am worried about that too, my SOs parents divorced since we starting dating and his father is remarried to the "other woman". My parents are still together but I have younger siblings who will want to be there and an older sister who proably would not show up. I do not like the idea of having everyone in the same room, his parents have some real issues and I think my parents have sort of adopted him. Somehow I can see this going really badly. But at the same time I want to tell all of our parents and once. And I would like his family to come to our house and have dinner...if we could all play nice.

 

[jcrow]

i know my really good friend (who married my BF''s brother- which is how we met-at their wedding) actually had a crawfish boil at her parents house and invited her fiance''s family. she said it worked really well. since my BF''s family is all out-of-towners, if they come here- we have to find places for them to stay too. my friend said that having them all stay at her parent''s house was a bit of a mess when they did it. of course, i realize a major clash for their two families was political. i don''t know if that would be the case with my family.

 

[anchor31]

Well, at least I know I''m not alone for that too... I know I''ll be able to count on your support when the time comes! *relieved sigh* Thanks, ladies...

 

[SoonIHope]

Okay I stayed home from work today and for some reason (?????) I didn''t go on PS until now! Silly me! But yeah, several of my friends have asked "did he propose yet?" to me in the past couple months which has warranted me yelling back at them "DON''T YOU THINK I WOULD TELL PEOPLE????" which means that they ask for a spot on the list of people I call that day. So I literally have a list made up of who I''m calling in what order! Parents, a few friends, my brother & grandmother (pretty much everyone is far away from me, or else we don''t see them that often so I can''t count on them noticing the ring). Then I was thinking of sending out an email to a few other friends with some pictures. And then at work, I was just going to IM a few of my work friends when I get there the next day and tell them to come to my cube and then wave my hand around a lot in their faces until they say something.

As for the second issue which has arisen in this thread...yeah I''m kind of worried about our parents meeting. His family is Chinese and while they all speak English (to varying degrees) they ALWAYS speak to EACH OTHER in Chinese. So if they are addressing me directly, they will speak in English, but the majority of my time at their house is just listening to them talk to each other in Chinese. So I''m not really sure what will happen if we go out with my parents, like if there will just be an English side of the table and a Chinese side of the table or if they''ll try to speak English the whole time...but his dad doesn''t speak English all that well, so I think he might feel left out even if the rest of the family spoke English. So I reeeeeeally don''t know what will happen with that. Plus my family lives about a 10 hour drive away, so we have to orchestrate some sort of a big get together. I mean, they visit NYC not too infrequently (and often stay with us) BUT they have a large dog that barks A LOT if we leave him alone in the apartment, so we generally just order in and then they leave the next morning and it''s sad b/c they can''t do real New York things because at least one person has to stay in the apartment with the dog (we got yelled at last time by the Super who said we could NEVER BRING THAT DOG IN HERE AGAIN so that was fun). So, I don''t know how we will go about actually organizing them meeting OR if they will even speak the same language during dinner or whatever! But his family is really nice, so I''m confident that my family will LIKE them even though they might think the situation is odd. Plus my brother randomly majored in Chinese in college so I''m sure everyone will get a good kick out of watching him talk in Chinese to them.

 

[jcrow]

hum a list. why didn''t this list girl think of that??

for those who are emaling - are you including the ring pic in the email??
i don''t know what to do! another friend of mine got engaged and i found out about it through email. she didn''t email a pic. do non-PSers take pics for others to see??? or do those non-PSers think it''s tacky?

i don''t know if i should. i mean i''m not sure i want to email a 2 carat ring pic to friends. it''s like nan-nan-a-boo-boo-look-what-i-got-and-u-don''t. hum. let me think on that one.

in the mean time- what''s y''all''s opinion on the matter?

 

[SoonIHope]

Hmmm, well when my friend got engaged, IIII took pictures of her ring to email to all the people she told me to.

But hers was an heirloom diamond, which most people already knew, plus the email technically came from me, so I don''t think anyone thought she was bragging. And it was just a link to a photo album that was mostly her and her fiance with a couple ring pictures thrown in, so I was thinking of doing something like that. And just not going into PriceScope-detail on the ring shots, like maybe only hand shots, and then you know, have a second photo album with super up close shots so if anyone asks more about it I can send that to them.

And yes, I do think about this a lot. Hehe, whatever!

Also: a minute ago when I was reading some other posts, I was just smiling goofily and my boyfriend looked over and was like, "What?" and I just kind of didn''t answer and he was like, "Ohhh, PriceScope."

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/8/2005 6:30:33 PM
Author: jcrow
i''m not sure i want to email a 2 carat ring pic to friends. it''s like nan-nan-a-boo-boo-look-what-i-got-and-u-don''t. hum. let me think on that one.

I know what you mean, and felt similarly ... until I read an article (I think in this month''s O magazine) about "minimizing" ... not truly rejoicing in your gifts/luck/bounty for fear of making others uncomfortable or feel bad about themselves -- or even, and this was most interesting, for the "lucky" person to make themselves fit in better with "the crowd". A real eye-opening article for me.

FYI (full disclosure) -- I did include a pix of the ring to the few select people I thought would be happy for me and not snarky or think I was "showing off". I was so excited & happy I couldn''t really help myself. But I did catch myself "minimizing" with one of my sisters when she asked the carat weight of my center stone. I know hers is a round 1.2ish and so instead of saying 1.5 I said "A little over one". Not a lie - but avoiding any competition. In person I don''t think it will be an issue even if either of us IS competitive because hers is round & mine is an Asscher which faces up smaller -- probably will be about even. But I got tongue-tied and couldn''t say the #.

 

[jorman]

I have actually thought about sending out "We''re Engaged" Cards.
We are not having a wedding, just a little seaside ceremony on the Pacific Coast somewhere with the photographer as a witness, so we will eventually send out "We''re Married" cards too.
Why not be consistent??

 

[icekid]

I called anyone important (parents first)... others heard from important people

 

[larussel03]

My parents will know b/c he''s going to "ask" my father for permission, even though everyone knows my parents love him! Then I was thinking about having a get together with alll my close friends (like a martini party or something like that) and tell them all then in person!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Long convoluted story aside, I was actually wearing my e-ring BEFORE he proposed. We were on vacation in England, and when I met up with my three friends, they immediately noticed the ring. Their fiances/boyfriends quickly hustled my now-husband into another room, and the girls carefully questioned me. We were actually there for one of my friends'' wedding, so those girls were the first to know. The second to last day there I called my twin sister to see if she had survived Hurricane Isabella (I think that was the name) and she asked me if I had gotten engaged. I didn''t want to lie to her, although I had wanted it to be a surprise, so I told her yes and not to tell anyone. When we got home from England, we called my parents, his mom, and a few of my good friends.

 

[Caribou]

I''ll most likely call my mom and grandma since I will want to tell them seconds after it happens. My one friend, we''ve been friends since HS a little less than 20 years, informed me that he wants me to tell him in person because as he says ''don''t you want to remember they way you told me you got engaged??'' he also told me that he''s not going to listen to any VM''s or answer my calls so I''m forced to tell him in person.

So to spite him I''m considering e-mailing him.

The rest of my none selfish friends I''ll probably call as well.

 

[jcrow]

Date: 11/8/2005 9:11:38 PM
Author: *~Sweetpea~*
My parents will know b/c he''s going to ''ask'' my father for permission, even though everyone knows my parents love him! Then I was thinking about having a get together with alll my close friends (like a martini party or something like that) and tell them all then in person!

Wow! i think that''s the perfect solution for me too... Thanks!