How do you say no?

[trillionaire]

Okay folks, I have a problem.

I am WAY too nice, and if I talk to any vendors, for instance, a photographer, or DJ, whoever I talk to first, I feel like I am OBLIGATED to use them. Even if I don''t like them, or don''t like their work, I have no idea how to tell them no, or that I am exploring other options.

I''ve always been this way, so it has nothing to do with wedding planning per se, and I fully realize that this is business, not personal, but I really FEEL like I will hurt someone''s feelings or upset them, or frustrate them for wasting their time if I say no. And I hate to feel like I am getting passive aggressive by avoiding people''s calls or emails...

UGH! Something is wrong with me!

So, how do you say no? Does anyone else have this problem?

 

[Prana]

I usually think of it this way. It is only hard for that one second, then you never have to see them again. Or talk to them really.

 

[Kelli]

umm...... YES!!!!! I have this very same problem. Slowly and surely I am learning to just "man up" and be honest, but it''s hard! You simply aren''t going to like telling people you''re going another way, but it''s more polite than leaving them hanging if they really think they''re getting your business. If you want some help, go pretend to car shop and talk to all the slimy pushy car salesmen. They''ll make you stop feeling bad real quick. I found myself being way more firm than I ever imagined I could be last week when I was fed up with being pressured!!

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I know how you feel. I talked with this one travel agent for forever, and then decided not to book with her. I had to get FI to contact her to tell her "sorry." It''s something that I''m learning to deal with though. The closer I get to the person, the harder it is to say no.

Remember- their goal is to get your business. They don''t really care about developing a personal relationship with you. They want the job so they can make some money. Someone else will always come along and give them the business. They won''t starve to death if you deny them business.

Also, something I''ve done: There was a photographer that I really liked, but we decided to book with someone else in the end. So, in return, I spoke very well of the denied photographer to one of my friends, and she ended up booked with them for her wedding. So, that made me feel better- they still got some business, based off of my recommendation.

You could always end the conversation on that note. "I really appreciate your time, and your work is beautiful, but there''s someone else that suits our needs better. I''ll be sure to pass your name along, though!"

 

[KatyWI]

Well... I very specifically chose my vendors, and luckily my wedding date isn''t a popular one, so even though I was planning 8-9 months out, everyone I contacted was available.

I ignored one vendor on purpose to string her along because she was very abrupt and rude with us and I hated her. Immature, I know, but I did it anyway.

There was a venue we loved that wasn''t going to work considering we''re having a 9 piece band, but I wanted to let her down gently and not burn any bridges. So I wrote:

*****,

We have recently chosen another venue for our wedding. We loooooooved ******* and were very impressed with you, but we just needed a place with a little more space for the band and for moving around over the course of the day.

I have recommended ******* to others since we met with you though, and will continue to do so. I do hope that we''ll be able to celebrate something at ******* another time.

Thanks so much,

Katy

Apparently it went over well, because she responded:

Dear Katy,

Thank you for getting back to me so quickly and for your kind compliments. I wish you the best in all your wedding plans!

Sincerely,
*****


So I think the best thing to do is just be honest and kind - vendors know not to expect to book with every couple they see, and if it''s not a good match, there''s not much to be done about it.

Good luck!

 

[ilovesparkles]

I am totally suffering from this potential problem right now. I have been writing back and forth with this florist and have told them how much I want to use them and how well I think our styles mesh, bla bla bla. Well my mom just hired a day of coordinator who also does flowers and may be able to get a better price for us since she has no overhead costs. If we end up using this day of planner for me as well and she does our flowers.... You get the picture. Nothing is set in stone but I told this florist I would be meeting up with him when my FI is in town next and that I just needed the final approval from him (FI). Well sheesh, what do I do now?!?!?! Part of me says screw it, I love this guy''s work and I love what we already have written up just nothing finalized. So maybe I pay a little extra because everything is all set already. Or do I bite the bullet and possibly go with someone else after everything this guy has helped me with and worked with me.

Worst part is, I won''t know for at least another month or more!

 

[cindygenit]

I have this exact same problem.

 

[charbie]

I wish there were more people like you in my business! I feel like I get a big fat no half the time I walk into a doctor''s office to do some marketing!!! Haha.

But in all seriousness, it''s not easy, especially when you like what they offer. My florist is someone my mom recommended, and when he showed me a sample which I loved, I didn''t want to say no, until I found out the price. If they aren''t able to bring something into your price range, won''t work with you, then let them know the simple facts that you know there are a lot of other people offering the same services, and at this point you need to explore all of your options. Trust me, they understand and deal with this all of the time. It isn''t easy, but don''t let their sales tactics fool you!!! They do this for a living, they are working off playing on your emotions! Brides are emotional, sentimental, and they know this. Have this kind of mentality, and I think it helps soften the blow a little bit.

 

[iheartscience]

Just say you''re still researching but you''ll get back to them once you make a decision. Or if you''re really feeling brave tell them you''ll get in touch with them if you decide to go with them.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I would go into the meeting with no intention of saying yes to anyone that day. That way you don't have to feel bad as you are treating everyone equally

. Say "thank you for your time, I am going to think about it over the next couple days, and I will let you know when I make a decision." Once you have decided, you could do something like a short e-mail to let the other vendors know that you didn't go with them, that would be more polite than most people who probably just don't call back.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 8/17/2009 9:34:02 PM
Author: charbie
I wish there were more people like you in my business! I feel like I get a big fat no half the time I walk into a doctor''s office to do some marketing!!! Haha.

But in all seriousness, it''s not easy, especially when you like what they offer. My florist is someone my mom recommended, and when he showed me a sample which I loved, I didn''t want to say no, until I found out the price. If they aren''t able to bring something into your price range, won''t work with you, then let them know the simple facts that you know there are a lot of other people offering the same services, and at this point you need to explore all of your options. Trust me, they understand and deal with this all of the time. It isn''t easy, but don''t let their sales tactics fool you!!! They do this for a living, they are working off playing on your emotions! Brides are emotional, sentimental, and they know this. Have this kind of mentality, and I think it helps soften the blow a little bit.

not this bride! Well, maybe sentimental.

My problem is just being a total sucker. Seriously, I''m the type of person who will talk to a wrong number for 20 minutes. (been there, done that) I talked to a stranger on the street for 2 hours because I felt bad cutting the conversation because he was blind. So I was standing in the dark, talking for hours.

I''m WAAAAAY too nice. And honestly, I wouldn''t have it any other way for the most part. But it is totally impractical from a business standpoint...

 

[4ever]

The easyest way is to "pad" your rejection with compliments, also known as a Sh*% sandwich. You sandwich the "bad" bit between two "good" bits.

For example:

Hi (Photographer)

While FI and I both really loved your work and particularly liked the shots you took of X wedding (the good bit) we have chosen to go with another photographer for our wedding (The bad bit) becuase they offered a more compeditive price/had a more unusual style which really appealed to us(the explanation).

Thank you for your time and friendly service, we will certanly recomend you to anyone looking for a more traditional style of wedding photography (another good bit).

Yours faithfully

Birde to be


I also use this formular for letters of complaint. I used the same layout resently with a local jewler I had decided not to use because I could get the work done cheaper from an online vender. He was very pleased with my response and offered me all sorts of advice and future help even though he would not be getting my buisness. At the end of the day, pleople like it when you say nice things about their work/buisness so not getting that particular job dosn''t seem like such a big deal. It cerntianly makes me feel better knowing that they are going away happy also.

 

[cindygenit]

Date: 8/17/2009 11:37:37 PM
Author: 4ever
The easyest way is to ''pad'' your rejection with compliments, also known as a Sh*% sandwich. You sandwich the ''bad'' bit between two ''good'' bits.

For example:

Hi (Photographer)

While FI and I both really loved your work and particularly liked the shots you took of X wedding (the good bit) we have chosen to go with another photographer for our wedding (The bad bit) becuase they offered a more compeditive price/had a more unusual style which really appealed to us(the explanation).

Thank you for your time and friendly service, we will certanly recomend you to anyone looking for a more traditional style of wedding photography (another good bit).

Yours faithfully

Birde to be


I also use this formular for letters of complaint. I used the same layout resently with a local jewler I had decided not to use because I could get the work done cheaper from an online vender. He was very pleased with my response and offered me all sorts of advice and future help even though he would not be getting my buisness. At the end of the day, pleople like it when you say nice things about their work/buisness so not getting that particular job dosn''t seem like such a big deal. It cerntianly makes me feel better knowing that they are going away happy also.

Oooh... nice one! Love the Sh*# sandwich!

I am tucking this away for future personal use

 

[katamari]

I let all my vendors and potential vendors know early on that I was only interested in doing business with them via e-mail. For me this made it easier to say no, too, because you didn''t have to worry about being talked out of your decision. Plus, no worries to feel bad--they will get booked by someone. Just think that you are giving them (and another bride) the opportunity to find a better fit.

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 8/17/2009 11:37:37 PM
Author: 4ever
The easyest way is to ''pad'' your rejection with compliments, also known as a Sh*% sandwich. You sandwich the ''bad'' bit between two ''good'' bits.

For example:

Hi (Photographer)

While FI and I both really loved your work and particularly liked the shots you took of X wedding (the good bit) we have chosen to go with another photographer for our wedding (The bad bit) becuase they offered a more compeditive price/had a more unusual style which really appealed to us(the explanation).

Thank you for your time and friendly service, we will certanly recomend you to anyone looking for a more traditional style of wedding photography (another good bit).

Yours faithfully

Birde to be


I also use this formular for letters of complaint. I used the same layout resently with a local jewler I had decided not to use because I could get the work done cheaper from an online vender. He was very pleased with my response and offered me all sorts of advice and future help even though he would not be getting my buisness. At the end of the day, pleople like it when you say nice things about their work/buisness so not getting that particular job dosn''t seem like such a big deal. It cerntianly makes me feel better knowing that they are going away happy also.

Very nicely said, I will be saving this as a ''rejection'' template

 

[Gypsy]

I make it clear from the outset that I''m not an impulse shopper and that I''m a researcher. Set their expecations with the... if we chose you, you will hear from us, otherwise we aren''t chosing you. Then when they do their one follow up I just tell them that I appreciated their time and blah, blah, blah but decided to go in another direction. If there was something standout, I''ll mention it. Or something bad that made us not chose the vendor, I might mention that. But generally if you are a push over. SHORT AND SWEET.

For example...

Thank you so much for your time last week, it was lovely to meet you and see your work. We have decided to go with someone else, but we with you the best.

That doesn''t invite further talk. Perfect for a push over.

Anything longer might invite further conversation, and from personal experience further conversation is something that might get a push over in a bind.

Short and sweet and polite. These are vendors. They are in the business. And they know that for every one they win, there are X many more they lose.

 

[mrscushion]

You are not hurting their feelings. It''s their job. They get "rejected" every day and also hired every so often.

I''ve "rejected" a couple of vendors via e-mail already, and let me tell you, everyone is very polite and nobody minds.

 

[honey22]

''Thanks for your time, but we have decided on a photog, florist, insert vendor here''

It''s business, a professional will understand. If they don''t, be glad you decided against them.

 

[gwendolyn]

I let all the vendors I''ve contacted know that I had a lot of different people to see and that I was collecting research at the present stage. But something that helped me be able to say ''no'' when the time came was to remember the sometimes extortionate prices some of them charge, and how it''s MY hard-earned money that they''ll be getting, and that I want to make absolutely SURE that it will go to the best one out there. Otherwise, I could not only potentially waste thousands, but end up with a product I don''t even like? No WAY will I sign someone''s contract just to avoid saying no--they aren''t there to be my new best friends, they''re there to provide a service!

 

[princessplease]

I research things to death, and I made sure to tell all of my vendors that we were researching things and would be back in contact with them once we made a decision.

I thought of it like this: These vendors are costing a TON of money, and the decision will be based on what FI and I want, and honestly, we didn''t care if vendor A got upset because we weren''t using them. For the amount of money we we''re spending, FI and I need to be 110% happy with the vendors.

 

[ficklefaye]

most of my vendors were recommended, but for the other ones, FI and i shopped around, it is far too much money and the day is too important not to be picky, it doesn''t necessarily mean they are bad vendors, they just weren''t the ones for you