How do you teach about cut without offending diamond owners?

[kenny]

Over Christmas several ladies and a few men got fascinated by our butt-kicking diamonds, an Octavia, an ACA and a Solasfera.
They wanted to know why they were so colorful and sparkly. (The ceiling had spotlights)
None of the diamonds the women wore did anything.
Besides not being clean, you could tell they were flat and dull (of course I didn't say anything).
If asked I would have said it was lovely.
Considering the stark contrast in appearance between ours and theirs if I had volunteered compliment it would have come across as fake and patronizing.

It was actually a bit awkward.
I mean we didn't bring it up and were not bragging (the rocks themselves did that without our help) they asked why ours look like a fireworks show (their words).

I explained about cut, how they save precious rough material so the diamonds are as heavy as possible after cutting, but to get a better light show they must grind away more rough to so the diamonds are just the right shape.
Few people demand well-cut diamonds but rather demand a certain weight, so you can't really blame them for cutting them to be as heavy as possible.

I certainly didn't mean to hurt any feelings but I'm pretty sure a few of the ladies realized the cut-for-weight-not-beauty-thing applied to their diamonds, and the men wished they'd known about cut before they bought.
Two men said they plan upgrades someday and want me to pick out their new diamond.
So in the long run there are nicer diamonds in their future but today they may not feel as good about their diamonds as before I opened my big mouth.

So have you ever taught people about cut but knew full well that they may no longer feel as good about their own diamond?

 

[Bliss]

I will respond only if you post more pics of that Octavia!!!

I am sure you didn''t offend anyone. If anything, you helped educate the men into getting their wives super sparklers for their upgrades! I think most women notice on their own and vaguely wonder why their diamonds don''t sparkle like some others. I would appreciate knowing why - if my diamond didn''t sparkle.

 

[yssie]

No.


My friend's sister recently got married. She's rather sensitive about - well, pretty much everything, and her boyfriend didn't listen to a word I said about just why his friend of a friend's stone really wasn't the best deal under the sun, so when I went to her engagement party I made sure to smear some thick lotion all over my diamond, and you wouldn't believe the scrubbing it got when I got home

. No point in making her feel bad because her husband goofed.


I'm thrilled to share my hobby if the other party is genuinely interested and hasn't already invested (with a friend's boyfriend, say) but I hate to make another woman feel bad about something so sentimental to her, so I just say "it's lovely" even if it's monstrous and find something unique to specifically comment on.


I honestly don't know what I'd do if someone specifically asked why my diamond sparkled when hers didn't!

 

[iheartscience]

It sounds like you handled it diplomatically. It''s not your fault their diamonds are poorly cut, and they asked-you didn''t offer it up!

At least you didn''t tell them what a friend of mine did in a similar situation: I''m good friends with my friend M''s fiance and I helped him pick out a gorgeous ACA for her. Not too long after she got engaged, M''s best friend asked her why her ACA was so much sparklier than her own diamond. M said "Because my fiance didn''t buy my diamond from the mall!" Hahaha OUCH. I winced when she told me that!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 12/27/2009 5:20:34 PM
Author: yssie
I honestly don't know what I'd do if someone specifically asked why my diamond sparkled when hers didn't!

I think if I knew they might possibly buy another diamond in the future, I might go into more detail about cut since I'd want them to get the best out of future purchases. Or if they were sensitive I might just say "All diamonds are cut a little differently which can affect how they sparkle." I think that's enough to tip them off to do some research on their own next time if they are curious, and if they were just asking to be polite, I don't think it would be enough to hurt their feelings.

But if I know they wouldn't be upgrading or making any large future purchases for themselves, I just try to spare their feelings by saying "Oh, maybe it's because I just had mine professionally cleaned". (I said "maybe"! So it's not a lie

)

I was once also asked why my diamond was whiter (it's a F), and I did the "oh, I just cleaned it" bit, but in my head I couldn't help thinking "Umm...because it IS whiter?" I know, I'm a snark. I guess I could have told her it was because it had some blue fluro which helps make it seem whiter, but I wouldn't want her thinking my ring was radioactive or something...

 

[Regular Guy]

One suggestion...which may especially work if it applies to you.

Where did YOU learn most of what you know about what makes a diamond sparkle?

If it was here, you might direct them here...to Pricescope.

I have been known for including one too many links in my threads, and the problem with this suggestion may be the same.

You''ve discussed the answer some in the negative case, and could have also instead taken the positive case, which would have entailed discussing angle relationships. (But, note, the same basic idea is probably presented in most every jeweler''s shop, so somehow, the essence of the idea doesn''t readily come through). Either way, there''s more to this than that, and the body of material that is Pricescope certainly gets into it all.

Just an idea.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 12/27/2009 5:20:34 PM
Author: yssie
No.


My friend''s sister recently got married. She''s rather sensitive about - well, pretty much everything, and her boyfriend didn''t listen to a word I said about just why his friend of a friend''s stone really wasn''t the best deal under the sun, so when I went to her engagement party I made sure to smear some thick lotion all over my diamond, and you wouldn''t believe the scrubbing it got when I got home

. No point in making her feel bad because her husband goofed.


I''m thrilled to share my hobby if the other party is genuinely interested and hasn''t already invested (with a friend''s boyfriend, say) but I hate to make another woman feel bad about something so sentimental to her, so I just say ''it''s lovely'' even if it''s monstrous and find something unique to specifically comment on.


I honestly don''t know what I''d do if someone specifically asked why my diamond sparkled when hers didn''t!

Yssie, it was so sweet of you to do that!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 12/27/2009 9:51:27 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 12/27/2009 5:20:34 PM

Author: yssie

No.



My friend''s sister recently got married. She''s rather sensitive about - well, pretty much everything, and her boyfriend didn''t listen to a word I said about just why his friend of a friend''s stone really wasn''t the best deal under the sun, so when I went to her engagement party I made sure to smear some thick lotion all over my diamond, and you wouldn''t believe the scrubbing it got when I got home

. No point in making her feel bad because her husband goofed.



I''m thrilled to share my hobby if the other party is genuinely interested and hasn''t already invested (with a friend''s boyfriend, say) but I hate to make another woman feel bad about something so sentimental to her, so I just say ''it''s lovely'' even if it''s monstrous and find something unique to specifically comment on.



I honestly don''t know what I''d do if someone specifically asked why my diamond sparkled when hers didn''t!

Yssie, it was so sweet of you to do that!

Ditto! That was super nice of you!

Kenny, I think you handled it fine. I mean, they asked! I try not to talk about cut too much with friends who are already engaged or married and have diamonds, but I do go into detail and direct them to PS if I know they''re looking. I have at least one friend who is going with GOG as a result, and another who, when she upgrades, wants me to help her with it.

I think you walked that fine line between informative and insulting very very well, so don''t worry!

 

[princesss]

Date: 12/27/2009 10:34:40 PM
Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl

Date: 12/27/2009 9:51:27 PM

Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 12/27/2009 5:20:34 PM


Author: yssie


No.




My friend''s sister recently got married. She''s rather sensitive about - well, pretty much everything, and her boyfriend didn''t listen to a word I said about just why his friend of a friend''s stone really wasn''t the best deal under the sun, so when I went to her engagement party I made sure to smear some thick lotion all over my diamond, and you wouldn''t believe the scrubbing it got when I got home

. No point in making her feel bad because her husband goofed.




I''m thrilled to share my hobby if the other party is genuinely interested and hasn''t already invested (with a friend''s boyfriend, say) but I hate to make another woman feel bad about something so sentimental to her, so I just say ''it''s lovely'' even if it''s monstrous and find something unique to specifically comment on.




I honestly don''t know what I''d do if someone specifically asked why my diamond sparkled when hers didn''t!

Yssie, it was so sweet of you to do that!

Ditto! That was super nice of you!


Kenny, I think you handled it fine. I mean, they asked! I try not to talk about cut too much with friends who are already engaged or married and have diamonds, but I do go into detail and direct them to PS if I know they''re looking. I have at least one friend who is going with GOG as a result, and another who, when she upgrades, wants me to help her with it.


I think you walked that fine line between informative and insulting very very well, so don''t worry!

Bahahahaha - only on PS would smothering your ring in lotion be considered the sweet, thoughtful thing to do. (It *was* a sweet gesture, btw.)

Kenny, I think you handled the situation as best you could. It''s difficult to be put in a position where by explaining something about your stone you end up pointing out how somebody else''s doesn''t perform as well as it could.

 

[HopeDream]

Kenny: It sounds like you did the best you could. It''s certainly an awkward situation, but you can''t hide the truth.

Yssie: Your lotion trick should become standard PS etiquette for any PS ladies heading to an engagement party, or any other time it wouldn''t be polite to outshine another''s stone.

 

[Haven]

I agree that you did your best in that situation, Kenny.

In a similar situation, I just refer people to PS and say that I learned everything I needed to know here.

 

[kenny]

Thanks Y'all.

OMG

I'd rather peel my skin off than coat my diamond in hand lotion.

Sacrilege.
I'd feel like I was spray painting graffiti on the Mona Lisa.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I think if you coated Octavia in hand lotion, Karl and a gang of angry PS women would peel your skin off FOR you, and charge you with domestic diamond abuse

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 12/27/2009 11:24:01 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade
I think if you coated Octavia in hand lotion, Karl and a gang of angry PS women would peel your skin off FOR you, and charge you with domestic diamond abuse

Yeah no joke!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I''ve mentioned cut a little bit, but not gone into much detail without discovering it to be upsetting to some. . .so now I keep my mouth shut UNLESS the person has a great diamond.

Even then, though, I don''t talk about my knowledge. Most recently I made a comment about a pretty stone and my friend admitted it to being a cz! I felt really stupid setting up a situation where she admitted that.

I think it''s best to quietly wear jewelry and when a person compliments, say thanks and leave as little additional said as possible. Just like the thread about saying who the designer is, it''s best not to comment in a manner that may come across as bragging.

 

[cayce]

My answer is ALWAYS: I just had it cleaned. And if they ask any more questions, I tell them that Pete at Quest made my setting and send them over to talk to him. I would rather they think I have a better jeweler than think that their husband/SO didn''t buy them a nice ring.

 

[kenny]

So even if they ask, and you know the answer is cut, you don't tell them the truth?

It seems like if they initiate the conversation and ask then you are no longer obligated to deflect their question to protect their feelings.
It's not like it's your neighbor's 4-year old asking if Santa is real.

You are an adult.
They are an adult.
They just asked a reasonable question.

I am totally 100% with you guys if the person did not initiate the conversation and ask.
I'd never bring anything up that would make someone feel bad about their diamond.

I think it is okay, even an honor, to be an ambassador for cut when asked.
How else do we drag the world out of the diamond dark ages? (pun intended)

But maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe people ask questions when they don't want to be responsible for hearing the true answer.
(Kinda seems like they should not ask then.)

Maybe I'm just harsh.

 

[Imdanny]

I think I understand your dilemma. People get their feelings hurt if they don't know what they're buying, since people identify with their choices, and yet they can't make informed choices if they're not informed.

I could have explained in great detail why my Audi was better looking and drove differently than "normal" cars. Did I? No.

Honestly, with things that I've had that are "better" than most people have, I found that it was best to say, "Thank you." and change the subject.

So I guess I wouldn't have gone into it in that situation but "nice" things are a lightening rod for attention. Maybe you should develop a policy (like I did with my car)? I had strangers coming up to me everyday for years complimenting me. I just thought it best to accept the compliment graciously, but in a very formal way, that let it be known that I appreciated the compliment, that I accepted it, and that that was that. Only you can make these decisions, of course. If it were me, I'd come down on the side of not hurting their feelings, but that's just me.

 

[reader]

Humm, how about this one?

"Wow, why is your diamond so sparkly?"
"Its this neat cut called an Octavia, I learned about it at Pricescope forums. You would not believe what all goes into cutting a diamond...its really interesting stuff!"

It sounds like you are a fan of all the hard work and complicated calculations and techniques...and if someone is interested in more detail, they can pepper you with questions at their comfort level.

That being said, you handled that with more grace than foot in mouth me might

 

[Imdanny]

I think reader's answer is good! "It's a patented cut called Octavia (or they're patented cuts called x, y, and z). If you're interested in learning about it (or them), you can go to this website I post at- pricescope.com".

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

I just say it's because it's new and really clean / or has just been cleaned (or if it was a different shape to any other diamond in the room, maybe talk about it being a different cut).

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I also think there is a time and a place. If the person asking is newly engaged, then I would err on the side of sparing their feelings. I wouldn''t want someone newly engaged and excited and happy to start doubting her diamond quality or her fiance''s judgment in picking it.

But if the "honeymoon" phase is past and they are genuinely interested for the sake of future diamond purchases, I have no problem going into honest detail about cut etc.

 

[hihowareyou]

I''ve had a few comments about my GOG OMC and how it is much more colourful/sparkly than most stones they see. Depending on who I am talking to I either tell them that I''ve just cleaned it or that FI and I are kind of nerdy and bought it because it is cut specifically to get angles that refract light just so. Or I say that it is an older style cut so looks different to modern cut diamonds in various lighting.

People freak out when I tell them we bought it online. They say things like ''how do you know it is real?'' so when they ask where we got it from my answer is that ''we imported it from NY'', sounds much more posh lol

 

[HVVS]

I'm not in the new e-ring age group. I'm the brag-about-my-upgrade bracket, lol, so I'm never in competition w/ the newly engaged. But if someone asks about my ring, I am honest about it. I say it's one of the new superideal cuts and I bought it online from GOG. Some people flinch at that point, lol, but If the person who inquired seems genuinely interested after that, then I say see Pricescope. Or mention recutting. People rather expect that new technology should be an improvement over the old.

 

[Sizzle]

Why not open with "Maybe because you''re used to seeing the Zales bargain bin special...."... oh you said you DIDN''T want to offend.

.. In that case, I like the idea of explaining about the patented cut and referring people to Pricescope. I actually learned about diamond cut on the internet and its now just made my love for sparklies BLOSSOM. Although I am not a Triple 0 type gal, I love that I can find something right outside of the parameters and have a FABULOUSLY sparkly diamond for a less that what I find at the mall. I think you really have a gage people. Some people REALLY do care and might be in the market for an upgrade/new diamond. You might be the inspriation for a new good diamond vs another mediocre purchase.. The husbands will forgive you....eventually!

 

[that_someone_special]

I always tell people it''s because I clean mine obsessively and you wouldn''t believe how much grime gets trapped in there in even a day. Thus, saying that theirs is probably just dirty and not a icky poorly cut diamond...

*shrug*

 

[jewelerman]

when people ask this question I give them the basic information, making it as emotionless, impersonal and professional as possible and never direct it toward their own jewelry.I let them draw their own conclusions about their jewelry quailty.If they continue to ask about the quailty of their personal jewelry I tell them that according to the grading scale and the percentages this is where the stone is on the clarity,cut,or color scale is graded.I always end a conversation like this on a positive note....you have picked a lovely setting for your diamond or the ring looks great on your hand or Im sure you will enjoy your mother''s engagement ring as much she did.I a laminated G.I.A grading system card in my wallet for the times people want to discuss diamond quailty which is more commom then you would think.At social gatherings or stores its common but ive discussed diamond quailty at the doctor and dentist appointments,in line at the movies and bank,and even after church services.Several times ive sent people to Pricescope to help educate themselves so I dont become the bad guy or the bearer of bad news.

 

[Porridge]

Well, if they ask...I guess only you can judge what can offend and who will take offense. It sounds like you did well here - they asked and you answered truthfully. As long as you didn''t specifically say "my diamond is superbly cut, yours isn''t which is why it looks like a lump of frozen spit while mine is the life and soul of the party"

If they are planning on upgrading anyway, then you did them a public service by educating!

 

[lyra]

How did they see the Octavia? I thought it wasn''t set yet. Did I miss something?

I tried to gently point my neighbour in the right direction when he bought his e-ring. He didn''t listen and I was a little shocked about the quality of diamond he did buy for an inflated price. I asked if he could return it. After he was married, his wife took her ring to an appraiser who told her it wasn''t worth anything near what he paid, and wasn''t worth resetting. So she yelled at her husband, got a replacement diamond, and guess what? They no longer talk to *me* because of it. As if I could have changed his mind, or had any real say since he ignored my advice completely. It''s hard to win in these situations, especially when the diamond(s) have already been bought. At least you might get a chance to help if they decide to do upgrades.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 12/28/2009 1:51:20 AM
Author: cayce
My answer is ALWAYS: I just had it cleaned. And if they ask any more questions, I tell them that Pete at Quest made my setting and send them over to talk to him. I would rather they think I have a better jeweler than think that their husband/SO didn''t buy them a nice ring.

Me too! I always tell them I just had it cleaned and that''s why it''s so sparkly. However if they ask for more details/advise I direct them to my sources.