How long to plan?

[akw94]

Ok, I know we''re not actually "planning" yet, but given my recent thread on timelines and such, been thinking about planning. How long does everyone think they''ll want/need to plan their wedding? And are you thinking big, small, in between...very formal, less formal, etc...

Just wondering...

 

[Caribou]

I have 6 months to plan mine, I had already bought my dress before we switched the dates so I got that out of the way. It''s going to be slightly stressful because it is only 6 months and we are getting married 2.5 hours away from where we live so I have to rely on my FMIL to help me with some things. But it''ll be worth it in the end.

Laurenthepartier planned hers in 3 weeks...talk about stress.

 

[monarch64]

Amy, my planning/engagement was almost exactly 9 months. It just worked out that way because of the availability of our ceremony/reception site; everything else fell in place around that. I think 6 months for me would not have been enough time, and a whole year would''ve been too long (I would''ve ended up changing my mind a million times about everything.)

I have to say you LIW''s are so lucky to have Pricescope and resources like the Knot, etc. We didn''t even have a computer in our apartment when I was planning my wedding! I did tons of footwork and had many dead ends because I couldn''t research anything on the net first. Also I had never even thought about what my ideal wedding plans would be, and had never really discussed anything with my friends re. wedding plans. So all you LIW''s are waaaayyy ahead of where I was, although my wedding did turn out very nice.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

When I got engaged, I told him I needed at least a year. I got a year and 3 months and I still don't think that was enough.

ETA: Oops, I forgot to add that it's for about 135 people and semi-formal.

 

[jcrow]

i have about a week or so short from a year to plan our wedding. so far so good. i really needed time deciding on a dress. i am also glad we have time for invites/save the dates stuff. i like having time so that it doesn''t feel like i have lots of deadlines all at the same time. how it is now, i''ve had to make one important decision at a time. i love that.

 

[SoonIHope]

My fiance proposed in December and we had already decided on a June wedding so that meant either 6 months or a year and a half. Since 6 months was a bit on the short side, plus my brother is getting married this June (IN THE SAME PLACE we are), and a good friend is getting married this June, we put it off until 2007. But that''s tooo loooong in my opinion!!!

But it just didn''t make logistical sense to do it any other time the way things worked out, so that''s just how it is!

 

[AmberWaves]

Albi, you think that''s long? We''re getting married in November of ''07!! So that''s what- 19 months?!?!?!

 

[nytemist]

Ours is going to be small- 40 people tops. Ian proposed Feb 8 and we''re getting married Halloween this year. Roughly 8 1/2 months to plan. It''s been kind easy so far since we''re doing it so small scale. I had two meetings with my dressmaker so far; my first fitting will be in May. We already have a place for the ceremony and reception, we have a meeting with a JOP in two weeks and I have found STD magnets that I love. When I order them, it will take 2 weeks to get them. Our biggest thing right now is finding an affordable photographer. Everything else is small stuff that can done in a couple of months.

Ours won''t be formal, even though it''s at night, but will still be classy in a Halloween Wiccan way.

I guess it depends on how many people. I learned that that is what dictates how much you have to do. And how traditional you are I guess.

 

[lovelylulu]

Hello. i had about 7 months to plan and i''m done to a little under 4. yikes! so far most of the big things are done, but there are still a ton of smaller and larger details to get together. we are planning a long distance wedding for at least 150, so it''s going to get interesting there at the end.

both fiancee and i are trying to keep the whole process as laid back as possible. to try and enjoy the time leading up to the wedding instead of arguing and stressing out. however, we haven''t gotten to the seating chart yet so we''ll see how that philosophy holds up then

i think that you can plan a fantastic wedding in whatever time you have! you just make it work.

and thank goodness for PS to bounce ideas off of.

 

[firebirdgold]

I''d want 6 months minimum even though it''s going to be a tiny tiny DW. I''d like that much time to make sure the families can get the cheapest possible tickets, and that there is no scheduling conflict.
However I''d really like 9 months just so I have plenty of time to shop for a dress. (and lose weight)

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 3/14/2006 11:39:35 AM
Author: AmberWaves
Albi, you think that''s long? We''re getting married in November of ''07!! So that''s what- 19 months?!?!?!

That''s only 1 month longer than mine!!!!

And I don''t actually think there''s anything wrong with it (hehe, one of my arguments for us getting engaged even earlier was that we could just have a long engagement!), I''m just getting impatient now!!! Plus I get a lot of, "Wow, THAT''S a long time to wait!" reactions which irritate me. I just feel like I had to wait over 3 years to even get engaged, why wait another 18 months to get married??

By the time we get married 1/3rd of our 5 year relationship will have been "engagement"! Okay, I''m done ranting now, and I''m sure I will enjoy having a lot of time to plan, especially since we''re doing it all long distance. But stilllllll I just wanna be married already!!!!

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 3/14/2006 10:39:08 AM
Author: Caribou
I have 6 months to plan mine, I had already bought my dress before we switched the dates so I got that out of the way. It''s going to be slightly stressful because it is only 6 months and we are getting married 2.5 hours away from where we live so I have to rely on my FMIL to help me with some things. But it''ll be worth it in the end.

Laurenthepartier planned hers in 3 weeks...talk about stress.

Actually, from the decision to marry on 1st January, to "official proposal" on 12th February, to wedding day on 9th March, it was 9 weeks and some days total . . . but I didn''t book the Bellagio until the 3rd week of January. We expected 25 people, and our very casual after party reception at a family friend''s house had about 22 people there. I don''t think I would have done it any other way for the actual wedding. It was actually pretty stres free - and I highly recommend the Bellagio. I just faxed and emailed some forms back and forth, brought our own music, and told them what colours and what flowers I wanted in my bouquet and everything turned out quite lovely.

My parents are also throwing a backyard BBQ reception in Reno in July - that will probably be for about 100 more people. This will be the time where reception details will actually come into play.

 

[ilovesparkles]

I would ideally like about a year to plan, semi-formal to formal, small-medium wedding. I honestly don''t think wither of us will have a large number of guests. Maybe 80 or so but I truly have no idea. I guess I am more sentimental and set on the specific date than how much time I have to plan it. I never understood how anyone could change their "relationship aniversary" to a new one when they get married. I want to get married on our current anniversary. Is that nuts?

 

[akw94]

Date: 3/14/2006 4:56:00 PM
Author: ilovesparkles
I would ideally like about a year to plan, semi-formal to formal, small-medium wedding. I honestly don''t think wither of us will have a large number of guests. Maybe 80 or so but I truly have no idea. I guess I am more sentimental and set on the specific date than how much time I have to plan it. I never understood how anyone could change their ''relationship aniversary'' to a new one when they get married. I want to get married on our current anniversary. Is that nuts?

I had never actually thought of getting married on the "relat. anniv.". Maybe that''s b/c I don''t have a specific date. We didn''t really make things official, but it sort of developed and at some point we discussed it but I would have no idea a date. Actually, last year he gave me something around the time we first met so I don''t think we''d know when to actually plan the wedding if that were a determining factor.
But I like the idea! Very romantic!

 

[akw94]

Date: 3/14/2006 2:49:28 PM
Author: Wren
I''d want 6 months minimum even though it''s going to be a tiny tiny DW. I''d like that much time to make sure the families can get the cheapest possible tickets, and that there is no scheduling conflict.
However I''d really like 9 months just so I have plenty of time to shop for a dress. (and lose weight)

Wren, I hadn''t even thought of that. We both have out of town family so tickets would definitely be a consideration. It seems like somewhere between 6mo. to a year seems logical. I just hope to have that much time. Lauren, that is amazing that you could plan in such a short period of time! It''s good to know that it''s possible just in case.

Monarch, I totally agree about being thankful for this site and others. Just in looking at rings alone, it has given me so much knowledge. I know I would''ve made plenty of bad, uninformed decisions w/o it. It''s also fun to be able to others b/c I think it''s hard for many to relate that aren''t in that experience.

Albi, it will happen! Time does seem to pass by when you never think it will. I don''t know if it will help or hinder the plans, but I think a lot of little things i''d like to do myself, like invitations and some decoration. Partly due to budget and partly b/c I am so picky.

Thanks everyone for responding! This has been fun to read.

 

[E B]

We have a little over a year to plan if our date stays the same (May 5th, '07) which seems perfect to me. If all goes to plan, I have the site (ceremony and reception), the bakery for the cake, a couple of different caterers to choose from, and a couple of photographers saved in my Knot planner. The problem is, I haven't even approached my Dad with plans (and he's the one paying) so who knows if this'll fit into his budget or not. I'm planning low, though, just in case!

I think around a year is enough time to plan a larger, formal wedding (100+), though I think I could do it in 6 months!

ETA: Oh, and we're pretty sure what we'll be doing for our honeymoon, too. A mediterranean (sp?) cruise! If we book several months in advance, the prices are wonderful.

ETA2 (since I have trouble reading ALL the directions!): We're planning on a garden wedding for 125-150, mostly local, only about 10 flying in.

 

[Blenheim]

How much was everyone''s decision based upon their age? In some ways, I feel like I should have a longer engagement because I''m pretty young, but at the same time I just want to marry him! We''re currently thinking anywhere between 6 months and a couple of years, but I''m sure we''ll start discussing it more seriously after he proposes.

Oh, and did anyone choose to get premarital counseling? My mom''s pushing for it, because she really wishes that she and my dad had gotten joint counseling much earlier in their relationship to develop healthy communication patterns and to establish realistic expectations and common goals from the start. I don''t see any harm in doing it, and it seems to have a lot of benefits. Do you know how many months it usually takes? If you chose to get premarital counseling, did that influence your decision on the length of your engagement?

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 3/14/2006 5:24:15 PM
Author: Blenheim
How much was everyone''s decision based upon their age?

Somewhat. I''m 33 1/2 and by H@!! or high water I''m going to be married before I''m 35.

Weird considering that it wasn''t exactly a goal of mine before we met. And after thinking about things I''ve decided that I''m fine with getting engaged after his sister''s wedding in the early fall. I don''t want her to think I''m stealling her thunder. As long as I can, ah, pre-plan!

I''ve thought a little about doing one of those pre-marital classes. But we have really good communication, so I''m not sure it''s needful. Even with him being a straw away from collapsing and frothing at the mouth from thesis deadline stress. Our most delicate subject is money, so I''m not ruling out the possiblity of getting some help in that regard. If we were going to have a religious ceremony than we would need to schedule in enough time for pre-marital counseling, but we''re not.

 

[icekid]

Date: 3/14/2006 11:39:35 AM
Author: AmberWaves
Albi, you think that''s long? We''re getting married in November of ''07!! So that''s what- 19 months?!?!?!

I think I get to win this battle. I got engaged in Sept 05, and we''re not getting married until May 08- b/c I am in med school and my school schedule SUCKS.. and this was the most convenient way to do it. We were originally planning on Sept 07, but my school cannot figure out what they''re doing with my fourth year schedule. So it will be over 2.5 years (about 31 months?) from engagement to wedding!

And.. wedding will be formal, probably around 100 people. We should have the site booked soon!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 3/14/2006 5:24:15 PM
Author: Blenheim
How much was everyone''s decision based upon their age? In some ways, I feel like I should have a longer engagement because I''m pretty young, but at the same time I just want to marry him! We''re currently thinking anywhere between 6 months and a couple of years, but I''m sure we''ll start discussing it more seriously after he proposes.

Oh, and did anyone choose to get premarital counseling? My mom''s pushing for it, because she really wishes that she and my dad had gotten joint counseling much earlier in their relationship to develop healthy communication patterns and to establish realistic expectations and common goals from the start. I don''t see any harm in doing it, and it seems to have a lot of benefits. Do you know how many months it usually takes? If you chose to get premarital counseling, did that influence your decision on the length of your engagement?

I have thought about it for financial stuff and communication because well he flips out about money and due to our distance communication can be difficult but that may change with time and when we are eventually in the same state. I also recently read an article about the superb benefits of doing it and the fact that it isn''t a sign of anything bad which some people think.

 

[Blenheim]

Wren, I don't think it's that weird that you have a goal of getting married before you're 35, even though that wasn't your goal when you met. I've never had a "goal age," because I've always figured that it's so dependent upon when I met the right guy and when the right time in our relationship is. But now that you've met the right guy and you're (hopefully) close to getting engaged, it completely makes sense to set goals like that.

While I think that my BF and I are really good at communicating most of the time, counseling couldn't hurt and could possibly help us in places that we haven't yet identified as needing help. Plus, counseling should be free as long as I'm a student (which will be for at least five more years), so it would only really be a matter of time and effort.

 

[Blenheim]

Date: 3/14/2006 9:36:22 PM
Author: ilovesparkles
I also recently read an article about the superb benefits of doing it and the fact that it isn''t a sign of anything bad which some people think.

There was a recent article in the Washington Post that talked about all of its benefits, and it seems like it really couldn''t hurt to do it before making a huge commitment like marriage.

I''m sorry if I''m hijacking this thread with premarital counseling at all, but it might be a consideration when figuring out how long our engagement period will be, and I just have no idea how many sessions people usually go to.

 

[akw94]

I have thought about pre-marital counseling also. My friend, who happens to be a therapist, pushes for it. Never being married before, i''m sure there are issues out there that i''m not considering. Although I know how I feel and I believe I know how he feels on most things, how we will handle things together seems different to me. I also think we have different styles of communication so wouldn''t mind understanding ours a bit more. As I think more and more about it, i''m pretty sure i''ll want to do it. I don''t have any idea how long it takes and probably wouldn''t do religious based counseling so I don''t know if there are standard sessions or how it works. Something to consider though.
I don''t think my engagement time will have anything to do w/my age. I am 30 and he''s 32. All of our decisions have been based on our relationship and what seems to work for us. More than anything for us, our engagement might be somewhat based on when we move out of state. We both want to be married before that and that''s being planned for 2008.
EBree, a mediteranean cruise sounds wonderful! I''d like to go somewhere out of the country, possibly in Europe but I know he''s leaning toward Hawaii. Not sure how we''ll figure that one out!

Wren, I do like the idea of pre-planning as well! It makes me feel a bit more in control and that even if I have a shorter engagement, i''m not rushing the decisions. I like the idea of having a bunch of things narrowed down and then my bf and I can go through the various options, unless he really wants something very different from what i''ve chosen.

 

[stermag]

We got engaged on March 4th and are planning the wedding for June of 2007. As we''re both from Europe originally, we''re getting married there and so I think that a little bit of extra time will give us some breathing room to not lose our minds over this. Some family members there are helping with the details (actually seeing the potential venues, etc), and being that I''m relying on them so heavily, I don''t want to abuse their generosity by facing them with any unreasonable deadlines.

I just wish I weren''t so totally green about all this wedding stuff. Reading just the few posts in this thread, I had to make several mental notes of things I hadn''t though of before ("Oh shoot, I forgot about inivtations! I should think about that!" etc).

 

[akw94]

Stermag, a Europe wedding sounds wonderful. I''m sure it will be very pretty. It makes sense to have it further off, given that. Will you be able to see any locations yourself before choosing? Just thinking about it, it wouldn''t seem like there is so much involved in planning a wedding...but I think that you are right, there is a lot that you never would''ve thought of before. I believe I will find the same thing. That''s part of the reason I am trying to think of things now, at least review in my mind the different areas so i''m not totally shocked at how much work it will be.
Good luck w/all your planning!

 

[stermag]

Planning a wedding, and particularly your own, is definitely an exercise in project management - anybody who has done this successfully should be able to add the accomplishment to his/her resume, me thinks.

Amy, it would make sense to check out a couple of places personally, but I have a pair of trusted eyes (my Godfather) whose standards are far higher than mine - he will be instrumental in helping us make the decision. Besides, the cost of airfare plus the time we''d have to take off from work, probably aren''t worth it. Yes, it''s a once in a lifetime event, but I refuse to stress out about it too much - it''s all about gathering the people closest to us and celebrating the fact that we''ve decided to stick together for the foreseeable future. I don''t really care what center pieces are on each table, or what kind of chair covers are used. If the DJ ends up sucking, I''ll just bust out my iPod. How bad can it be, right?

On the other hand, what gives me great difficulty is the whole concept of tradition/expectations - in other words, questions such as: should I pay for the hotel accomodations of my guests since they''ll be flying from overseas? Should I help them cover the cost of flights? Do I invite my little brother''s girlfriend or are they not serious enough for that type of thing yet? (silly, I realize).

And perhaps the biggest dilemma of all is how to reconcile my quasi-Roman Catholic background with my boyfriend''s - who''s dad was Church of England and mom a Catholic, neither of them practicing. He hasn''t even been babtized. Mind you, I am not terribly religious and haven''t been to church in a long time, but it is a part of who I am and the tradition is very much alive amongst my family, especially those in Poland.

Sigh. I guess we''ll have to give this some thought.

Sorry for being slightly off topic.

 

[Blenheim]

A European wedding sounds great. Are you thinking of doing it in Poland, or elsewhere?


Another related question, I suppose. What kind of wedding planning have you ladies done before getting engaged? Is it more like thinking of if you''d like a big or small wedding, if you''d like to get married where you live or where you grew up or somewhere else entirely? Or is it more specific, like "I want this dress and this reception site"?

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Ha ha, I''ve been really planning for the past 7 years! Only because I was engaged before. I didn''t really have specifics though and even if I did, I couldn''t use them for this wedding because it''s with someone different. I just had a general idea of what I liked and didn''t like and I had lists of resources and pictures.

 

[akw94]

Date: 3/15/2006 2:16:04 PM
Author: Blenheim
A European wedding sounds great. Are you thinking of doing it in Poland, or elsewhere?


Another related question, I suppose. What kind of wedding planning have you ladies done before getting engaged? Is it more like thinking of if you''d like a big or small wedding, if you''d like to get married where you live or where you grew up or somewhere else entirely? Or is it more specific, like ''I want this dress and this reception site''?

That''s a good question! Before finding PS, I didn''t allow myself to think specifics. I knew I wanted something romantic and pretty and kind of formal, but not too many people. That was about it. I knew virtually nothing about rings, sites, dresses, etc... I had bought no wedding magazines. Well, not quite there anymore.

I don''t think i''ve gone too crazy but I have really started thinking about what I like/dislike. I''ve even started saving websites or ideas that i''ve come across, just so that I don''t have to re-research later. Also, since my engagement might be shorter than i''d like, i''m hoping that will make things easier on me then. Now, I haven''t picked a dress or even a specific ring or anything else specific yet. I''m just trying to get ideas, figure out what I like. I never knew there were so many options, on everything! Now, I have ideas about invitation styles, music and a particular site although it''s prob. too expensive. I''ve also started looking online at dresses, to get a feel for the variety of styles.
I hope that doesn''t seem like i''m going too far.