How many kids is too many for the bridal party?

[robbie3982]

Fi has 9 nieces and nephews that range in age from 1-14. Two of the girls are 3 and I would love to have them as flower girls. There is also the daughter of a cousin who we are close to who is 2 and the 3 of these girls are best friends. I can''t imagine asking only 2 to be in the wedding. Plus there''s the fact that the cousin was soooooooo excited when we told her we were getting married. It was so cute! She was jumping up and down and screaming and dancing. So, that leaves us with 3 flower girls.

Moving on to the ring bearer, the 1 year old will be between 2 and 2 1/2 (we haven''t set a date yet) at the time of the wedding? Is that too young? Then there are 3 boys who range in age from 4-6. I think they''d all be really jealous if their sisters got to be in the wedding and they didn''t.

That would put us at 7 kids in the wedding and leaves only 3 nieces out. At this point I think we''d just have to include them all because how can we just leave out 3??? If we include them all, though, we''ll have 10 kids in the wedding. Also, the older three are 11 and 14. What kind of roles could they have? Junior bridesmaids? Will it matter that it will make the sides uneven?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[whatmeworry]

I''m in the same boat, lot''s of nieces and nephews (actually lots of nieces in that age so the ring bearer might be a niece). But in the end unless 10 kids the wedding party is fine, I think you just have to leave some of them out. After all the wedding is for you and not to show off the kids. Kids probably don''t take being left out as hard as you or I think. 2 years old might be a little young for a ring bearer. Just because behavior is really inconsistent at that age. He might be napping, cranky, throwing tantrums during the ceremony. 4 is a better age. One option I''m thinking of is to have some of the kids who are "left out", pass out programs before the ceremony.

 

[sumbride]

My nephew was a ring bearer at 3 in my cousin''s wedding. He looked so cute in his tux, but when it came time for him to go down the aisle at the big Catholic church, he said he was scared. My neice ended up pushing him toward the front a little and then he saw his dad down at the front, so he tucked the pillow under his arm and ran down the aisle like a football player. The priest wouldn''t let his father hold him up front, so he ended up crying in his mother''s arms, outside the church, through the whole ceremony. His mom missed the whole thing. In retrospect, probably not the best choice.... I''m hoping he''s grown up a bit now... he''ll be 6 for my wedding. Hope he can handle it then!

Oh, and I saw the cutest ring pillow made out of flowers in the big giant Knot magazine, so if you end up with a girl ring bearer, that would be adorable!

As for FGs, we''re looking at having 4. We both have 2 young neices in similar age groups, so we''ll have the two littlest (3 next year) carry pomanders and the two older (5 and do the whole petal thing. I think it will be adorable, especially since it will be 2 from each of our sides. Once they get to the top of the aisle, we''ll probably have them sit with their parents so they don''t fidget and get bored... kids that little aren''t particularly good at standing still, and they tend to take the audience''s attention. I still want to include them though.

M''s oldest neice will be 11 next year and we want to make her a Jr. BM but I haven''t decided if that takes away a BM spot or not. Does it? Any opinions on this?

 

[robbie3982]

I was wondering that too Sum since we don''t have any boys around the same age as the older girls. I really like whatmeworry''s solution of having the older kids hand out programs and maybe leaving the youngest out since he just might be too young. Right now he cries whenever he can''t see his parents. I would hope he''d out grow it, but you never know. I guess he''ll probably be too young to be jealous either. So we''re leaning towards 3 flower girls and 3 ring bearers (maybe two with one ring each and one with a bible?). I don''t think the 11 year old will be too disappointed about not getting to wear the same pretty dress as the bridesmaids (she''s a huge tomboy) and I''m hoping the 14 year old twins will be old enough to understand that we can''t have everyone in the wedding. Actually, I would love to have everyone in the wedding, but I''m worried about it looking lopsided

 

[monarch64]

I really don''t know how many is TOO many...I had 2 junior bridesmaids (they were 11 and 13 at the time) and 3 flower girls, who were 4, 5, and 6. We didn''t have a ringbearer because we didn''t have any nephews, cousins, etc. who were of "ringbearing" age, lol! I wouldn''t worry about your sides looking uneven...if you have enough adults on each side, the photographer will figure out how to balance everyone anyway.

 

[MINE!!]

Too many kids??? Not possible.. Not possible!!

But I would say.. I would not do more thann 4 FG 2 JBM and 4 little gents. But that would be in a really big part. But.. hey, kids are kids... to me.. the more the merrier.. you never know what kinds of funny stories you are going to be able to recall in the future... LOL.

 

[MINE!!]

BTW.. I gave a lot of the "other kids" jobs.. Passing out programs.. showing people where the present table is, showing people where the guest book is, holding doors, etc. etc. Then I expressed to them how very very important their jobs were for the wedding to move effectively... Just a thought..

 

[MINE!!]

All my helpers... sans a few hiding from the camera...

 

[MINE!!]

oops.. sorry

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 8/20/2006 7:41:58 PM
Author: sumbride

M''s oldest neice will be 11 next year and we want to make her a Jr. BM but I haven''t decided if that takes away a BM spot or not. Does it? Any opinions on this?

Sum, I think of junior bridesmaids as their own entity, not necessarily part of the groomsmen/bridesmaids bridal party. I think you could definitely have her as an addition without worrying about matching sides.

As for having 7 kids, I think that is a completely individual thing... it depends so much on the "feel" of your wedding. Neither my FI nor I have any friends/family with children that age (out of 250 guests!), so we''re probably not having any kids in the wedding at all. But we''re also having a slightly more formal reception, so not really a good place for kids anyway. But if you feel comfortable having them all, go for it!

Side story: I was the flower-girl in my much-older cousin''s wedding when I was about 4, and at the very last minute, the ring-bearer chickened out. So I marched proudly down the aisle with my flower basket in one hand, and the ring pillow in the other! Just another example of how kids always keep things interesting!

 

[griffitk]

Oh gosh... I''m not a fan of chaos, so I''d probably stop at the 3 flower girls and not have a ring barrer. Just those three would probably be plenty of kiddos for me, but do whatever makes you happy!

 

[MINE!!]

Date: 8/20/2006 11:11:53 PM
Author: griffitk
Oh gosh... I''m not a fan of chaos, so I''d probably stop at the 3 flower girls and not have a ring barrer. Just those three would probably be plenty of kiddos for me, but do whatever makes you happy!

I suppose that depends on your definition of chaos.. I know some that would prefer 27 happy, dancing, crazt kids to 5 beer filled raving drunkerds...

 

[4bugzinarug]

This really depends on your personal comfort level and vision for your wedding!

As a child, I was one of 24 flower girls in a family friend''s wedding (almost every little girl in our congregation). It was a BLAST! I remembered that so well .... everyone talked about it for years! So much, fun, that I did the same thing for our wedding. We included all of the little girls that we knew fairly well .... and ended up with two "lead" flower girsl that wore white (my little sister and my niece), eight flower girls that wore bridesmaids colors (avg age 5-7), and 4 junior bridesmaids. One regular bridesmaid, one maid of honor. Strangely enough, we didn''t even think about a ring bearer (I guess that would have become complicated, LOL!).

It was exactly what I had been dreaming of from the time I was a little girl, and everything turned out perfectly!! We had so much fun, and all of the little girls that were in the wedding still keep in touch 11 years later. It was also a wonderful way to make many of our freinds feel involved in the wedding. We kept the cost of the dresses very reasonable and many of the Mom''s helped make the flower girl dresses.

The very idea of that many little kids participating in a ceremony might just send some personalities right over the edge ... it''s not for everyone, but we would not change a thing about that aspect of our wedding.

It''s YOUR wedding, you get ONE chance .... do what *you* want to do, what makes you the happiest. Not whats best logistaclly, but what makes you happiest! HTH,

Jen

 

[monarch64]

Date: 8/20/2006 11:34:35 PM
Author: MINE!!

Date: 8/20/2006 11:11:53 PM
Author: griffitk
Oh gosh... I''m not a fan of chaos, so I''d probably stop at the 3 flower girls and not have a ring barrer. Just those three would probably be plenty of kiddos for me, but do whatever makes you happy!

I suppose that depends on your definition of chaos.. I know some that would prefer 27 happy, dancing, crazt kids to 5 beer filled raving drunkerds...

LOL, like, who is harder to control--the kiddies or the drunks, ha ha!

You are hilarious, MINE!

 

[eks6426]

I disagree that the kids will get over it. When one of my relatives got married, they included most of my cousins in the wedding party. I was a little bit out of flower girl age and got designated the person to hand out the programs. I was really, really, disappointed and it bothered me for years.

I''d include them all and not leave out 3...and let them all dress up and walk down the aisle as junior bridesmaids or whatever else you can think of. Maybe some of the older girls could "escort" the young ring bearers. Be creative.

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 8/21/2006 11:54:38 AM
Author: IslandDreams
I disagree that the kids will get over it. When one of my relatives got married, they included most of my cousins in the wedding party. I was a little bit out of flower girl age and got designated the person to hand out the programs. I was really, really, disappointed and it bothered me for years.

I''d include them all and not leave out 3...and let them all dress up and walk down the aisle as junior bridesmaids or whatever else you can think of. Maybe some of the older girls could ''escort'' the young ring bearers. Be creative.

I agree with IslandDreams on that... I was a really sensitive kid, and being one of only 3 left out while 7 others got to wear cute outfits and be in all the pix would have been very scarring for me!! But every kid is different, and maybe they''re old enough to understand... might be a good idea to check with their moms before making any final decisions?

 

[robbie3982]

Hmmm...Ok, here''s another problem then. I don''t know if I can make the 14 year olds jr. bridesmaids since my sister and twin cousins (they''re like sisters to me also) are 15 and I want them to be full fledged bridesmaids otherwise I''ll end up with 2 bridesmaids and 6 jr. bridesmaids. This would work out so much better if half of them were boys!

 

[sumbride]

Date: 8/20/2006 9:47:27 PM
Author: ephemery1

Date: 8/20/2006 7:41:58 PM
Author: sumbride

M''s oldest neice will be 11 next year and we want to make her a Jr. BM but I haven''t decided if that takes away a BM spot or not. Does it? Any opinions on this?

Sum, I think of junior bridesmaids as their own entity, not necessarily part of the groomsmen/bridesmaids bridal party. I think you could definitely have her as an addition without worrying about matching sides.

Thanks! I definitely want to include her, but I had one more person in mind to be a BM. Now I feel like I can ask her without it being "weird". Yay!!!

 

[MrzNeicia]

I think it''s all up to you on how you invision you wedding to be. For my wedding we are planning on having 2 FG''s (ages 4 and 6) 1 girl to carry a bible (age 7) 1 boy ring bearer ( age 4 ) 1 junior bride (age 10) 1 junior groom (age 10) 1 teen bridemaid (age 16 ) & 1 teen groomsmen (age 14 ) a total of 8 kids. So think that it''s will be o.k. As far as a 2 year old being a ring bearer I think the ideal of it is very cute, I''d tried that with our first wedding with my son which will be 14 ( teen Groomsmen ) when we renew, he was also 2 then, he was suppose to be our junior groom and walk with my daughter, which in turn had to walk by herself. He did not want to walk down the aisle at the rehearsal, let along the real ceremony the next day. So we still bought he tux and let he be dressed up like everyone else in the wedding party and let he''s name stay on the programs, even though he did not walk down the aisle.

We had to add my neice as the bible carrier, because we asked her younger sister to be one of our FG''s and she was asking why she couldn''t be in the wedding too. So kids do feel left out when they see alot of other kids ( especially siblings ) in and they aren''t in it.

So think hard on that option!

You can have some of the kids your thinking about having in it be bell ringers, skipping around the church right before you come out, with a bell saying " THE BRIDE IS COMING, THE BRIDE IS COMING. LOOKING EVERYONE THE BRIDE IS COMING." We also did that for our first wedding. It caught everyone off guard and everyboby thought that it was EXTREMELY CUTE.

Whatever you decide on, I''m sure it will still be beautiful. All wedding usually are!

 

[flopkins]

A friend of mine just included everyone. I think it was at least 5 or 6 girls and 3 or 4 boys. They looked super cute and everyone was happy (except I think some of the parents complained that they had to buy 3 dresses, but whatever... the parents woulda complained even more if their kids hadn''t been included...) They didn''t include all the kiddos in all the wedding party pics though, in fact, now that I think of it, I don''t remember the kids in any of the wedding party pics! I wonder how that happened.

ANyway, I say do what you want. But don''t include all of them because you HAVE too, only if you WANT to.

And I think it''s fine if the sides are uneven. Personally, I don''t care. I don''t even notice unless someone points it out, or unless there are WAY more girls/guys or vice versa. I had SIL on DH''s side, so we were uneven girls/guys too.

 

[robbie3982]

Thank you everyone so much for you input! I really do want to include all of my future nieces and nephew and my future cousin. I can't imagine having to tell someone that they were being left out or making anyone feel as if they weren't as important as someone else! I think I've found a way to include everyone in the wedding party AND have the sides be even! It will leave me with only one bridesmaid over the age of 15, but I'm ok with that

. I'm so excited that I'm going to be an aunt! NINE times over! Not to mention the fact that I'm marrying the man of my dreams

ETA: I love the idea of the boys ringing bells saying "The bride is coming!" I'll have to run that one past FI

 

[MelissaSue]

I LOVE weddings with tons of kids.. They''re just so cute.. If I could.. I would have had gobs and gobs of little girls for flowergirls..

 

[Bambina]

We''ve got four flowergirls--all sisters. I didn''t want there to be hurt feelings. Ages: 9, 7, 4 and 3. I suspect the 3 y.o may have problems going down the aisle, but that''s ok, I''ll have 3 back ups.

One ring bearer.

If I had more kids in our families I would us them. As it is these all come from my side. I don''t think it matters that they don''t match. I agree the kids are shared by both sides.

I like the idea of the 11 and 14 yo as junior brides maids. I was one when I was 13. I felt so special!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

My brother and sister-in-law are baby making machines and have five kids. Four girls *11, 9, 7, 4* and a boy, *6.* They''ll all be in the wedding. They can''t hardly wait! The older girls will be Junior Brides Maids, and the younger two will be Flower Girls. My little Man will be a Ring Barer, but I''m not convinced he''ll follow through with walking down the aisle. Since I''m not a fan of big weddings, we''ll only have two or three groomsmen and bridesmaids each. I prefer two, Paul wants three. Argh on compromises, huh? Heehee.

 

[Mannequin]

Date: 8/23/2006 7:32:34 AM
Author: fisherofmengirly
My brother and sister-in-law are baby making machines and have five kids. Four girls *11, 9, 7, 4* and a boy, *6.* They''ll all be in the wedding. They can''t hardly wait! The older girls will be Junior Brides Maids, and the younger two will be Flower Girls. My little Man will be a Ring Barer, but I''m not convinced he''ll follow through with walking down the aisle. Since I''m not a fan of big weddings, we''ll only have two or three groomsmen and bridesmaids each. I prefer two, Paul wants three. Argh on compromises, huh? Heehee.

You could have some of the older children walk with the ringbearer, Fishie. They can help him get from point A to point B.

 

[sk8rjen]

One other thing I want to throw in here -- will it be a financial burden to any of the families with the children? The outfits can cost a lot, and when you are having to buy many and not just one, it can be tough. One of my best friends got married years ago and I was MOH, my then-husband was a groomsman and my son (only child at the time) was the ring-bearer. We had to actually buy him his tux, which he only wore that one time, plus we had my dress and my ex''s tux rental. Of course we were thrilled to do it, but it ended up being a LOT of $$ all at once. I''m just thinking it could be the same thing for people who have more than one child involved.

Of course, most people in families will bend over backward to make it happen for you, but I guess I''m suggesting that maybe you ask them if they *want* their children to participate before deciding. Best case scenario, they all want to be involved *somehow* and you can then decide who''s doing what. Just a parental point of view I guess!

On another note, my son at that time was 2, and a very mature 2. But by the time the ceremony rolled around, he was exhausted from the half-a-day spent getting ready and started crying just before it was time to go. So, me -- the MOH -- let everyone else go first and then I picked his little butt up and we walked down the aisle "together" where my mom met us and took him... he smiled all the way and even waved at people (he just didn''t feel like walking).... it ended up being one of the best and cutest moments of the wedding! So 2-year-olds are a risk, but if you are flexible, it''ll all work out...

Good luck!
jen