how much is too much?

[TooPatient]

How much wedding planning is too much and too early?

I''m still waiting for a ring (been told for 2 years now that he''ll be ready soon and when he''s ready for marriage he''ll get the ring and now he suggested that I start finding diamonds & a setting)

How far in advance have other people started planning?

 

[Lofi]

Date: 9/9/2009 6:43:55 PM
Author:TooPatient
How much wedding planning is too much and too early?


I''m still waiting for a ring (been told for 2 years now that he''ll be ready soon and when he''s ready for marriage he''ll get the ring and now he suggested that I start finding diamonds & a setting)


How far in advance have other people started planning?

I think it all depends on the level of planning... If you are gathering materials and ideas, I think that''s TOTALLY legit and never can happen TOO early... Really just depends on the person. But if you''re booking things, I think it''s important to have everyone on board.

My BF and I recently (as in today) booked a venue that we are suuuper excited about! Since we were both set on getting married in Fall 2010, I told him that it''s likely that our top venues will book up fast and we won''t have a choice of dates. We found the perfect place this weekend, had a choice of dates and had to book it! And we don''t even have the ring yet! Or he does, and he is just being coy!

So when it gets down to the actual booking and planning, I think all parties should be comfortable with it. IMO.

 

[katomm]

I''m a planner so for me nothing is too early practically. LOL. Like the above, I don''t have my ring yet but it will definitely happen by next month.

I got my dress day before yesterday and will have it altered this weekend. Already bought my shoes too. Once he pops the question we''ll set the date and place but it will be before end of the year so I thought planning now was a wise choice.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Everyone is different...

If you're planning to have a long engagement, then planning right now might be over kill. But, if you're planning on getting married shortly after getting engaged--then get started as soon as possible.

However, I want to say...

I am a planner. I love the feeling of being organized, having things done and set and ready to go. However for my own wedding I curbed this. I wanted to enjoy being engaged--I didn't view my wedding as a race to the alter, and wanted to take a full year to plan it out. I didn't want to get engaged and have the whole thing ready to go--I mean, whats the point of waiting if you can practically get married the minute he purposes? I enjoyed being a bride--a lot--but part of that was allowing myself to enjoy the unfolding of the wedding as the months went by...every so often I'd have a new thing to throw myself into. I never felt like we were "waiting around for the day"...there was always a new detail to be hashed out and arranged. That, as a bride, made me very happy. It made my wedding feel more like an event in my life in a literal sense.

Honestly, I could fired things out and had a great bash on a few weeks notice...I could have booked everything within a month and had 11 more to cool my heels...but this was a once in a life thing for me, and I was gosh darn well gonna take my 365 days.

I have no regrets, I didn't compromise on anything by waiting and I have a lot of stress-free memories because of my lax attitude.

ETA: As a vendor, I can also assure you that wedding trends come and go. Planning a wedding, soup to nuts, right now will certianly mean that you're going to have 2009 wedding whenever you get married...2010, 2011. Depending on how long you anticipate the formalities taking, I'd hold off making any firm plans in terms of color, decore and theme--otherwise you might be cheating yourself out of having a current wedding in your year....

Just something to think about...

 

[swingirl]

I would never plan anything if I wasn''t engaged. You don''t need a ring to be engaged, you need the proposal.

 

[kittybean]

I think it''s never bad to gather ideas and inspiration. It helps to know what you like and to develop your style a little. However, I drew the line at doing anything more than browsing around on the Internet. I knew sort of where I wanted to begin actually planning when I got engaged, but I didn''t do anything until the proposal happened.

 

[purselover]

We discussed general location ideas and guest lists before getting engaged but I wouldn''t want to put a deposit down or buy anything before it was official. For me personally that seems like "jumping the gun" a little, and I think it would take away from the proposal. I can''t imagine SO asking me to marry him and me being like "duh we already have a deposit down for a date."

 

[vc10um]

I don''t have a ring yet, but FF and I have discussed getting married. Because of family issues, travel, etc., we''ll be getting married in his hometown in the Midwest. Where I''ve only been once, and most of that was spent in family homes. We live on the East Coast. So I''ve been doing some internet browsing in my down time, or my "I just can''t focus on work anymore" time. I''ve got lists of venues, photographers, caterers, bakeries, etc...but because we''ll be planning this long distance (meaning I''ll have just a few trips out there to see everything and set all the big details) I don''t feel like I''m jumping the gun. We know we want to get married. We know we want to do it in his city. I just want to be as educated as I can be when the time comes to start planning so that he and I can sit down together, choose some venues to check out, some photographers to interview, and some food to taste, make our appointments, and fly out there for a fun-filled but stressful long weekend.

Hope that helps!

 

[shertz1981]

As soon as the ring was a work in progress (as in, we saw diamonds and settings, set a budget and went to more than one jeweler), I started looking around and planning.

 

[TooPatient]

Good logic from everyone.

I have my dress but other than that I''ve stuck to just looking. And talking with him if he is in the right mood.

I''m planning on a one year engagement. Maybe a bit longer. I know he wants at least one year. I''d like to be as prepared as possible when he is ready to talk about stuff. One advantage to the one year (or a bit longer) engagement is that I can spread the projects and expense out. Great for both of us. I get to enjoy being engaged and have a great wedding at the end of it. He gets to see smaller amounts of money being spent.
(If we tried to set a budget for the entire event he''d turn pale and put it off even longer. If it is a few hundred here and a couple thousand there he''ll be much more comfortable with it. -- Not a matter of being able to afford it. For some reason $2,000 for five months FEELS less than $10,000 once does to him.)

 

[LilyKat]

Depends how much you enjoy the planning process.

I don''t think you NEED to plan anything before getting engaged, unless you want a super-short engagement and venues/vendors that book up over a year in advance. But if you really like thinking about and brainstorming ideas, then why not? Though I would advise against buying anything or putting down deposits until the actual engagement though, to avoid ending up wasting money if you later change your mind.

 

[princesss]

I used to be the anti-planner. Really couldn''t understand why you''d even look at things until you were engaged.

Then I saw CDN''s wedding, and I fell in love. And I researched. And I planted a seed of hope in my little heart. And now - years before I''m even thinking about getting engaged - I know where I want my wedding, what season, and what photographer I like. Could it change? Yeah. But I have a little mental file o'' information for when the time comes.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Good question! I myself look at all sorts of wedding related things and have several ideas in mind. So I guess you call that planning. I try to refrain but from time to time I get into a kick where I have to do all this research.....

I just want to have SOMETHING left to plan once engaged. I''m sure I will with all the details that go into a wedding.