FrekeChild
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2007
- Messages
- 19,456
How to deal
- Thread starter FrekeChild
- Start date
- Status
FrekeChild
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2007
- Messages
- 19,456
One of mine...
Who did it involve: My brothers, their wives and kids
Situation: My dad caught me at an emotional moment (talking about my mom) and asked me to invite my brothers and their families. I sent them a STD and immediately regretted it.
What you did: I sent out notes that uninvited them (even though they weren''t invited to begin with, but an STD is almost the same thing) but asked that they please come to our engagement party--which was planned to make it up to them that they were being uninvited. When asked about it, I blamed my dad, saying that he had been complaining about the costs, and at that point I threw in my towel and gave him 3 choices-downsize the wedding and he''d pay for it, postpone the wedding and we''d pay for it, or elope. He chose the downsizing, so that''s what we did--but it was also what we wanted originally.
What you''d do differently: I would have slept on sending them the STD, and told my dad I''d think about it. Then I wouldn''t have sent them a STD and completely avoided such a huge etiquette faux pas.
Resolution: Engagement party went fine, and my brothers were happy to be able to share it with us, and celebrate in some manner. My (nice) SIL asked for lots of pictures, and I ended up telling my bro that my dad was lucky to be invited. All in all it went well and people didn''t seem to be upset with me over it. Still a pretty hideous screw up though.
Who did it involve: My brothers, their wives and kids
Situation: My dad caught me at an emotional moment (talking about my mom) and asked me to invite my brothers and their families. I sent them a STD and immediately regretted it.
What you did: I sent out notes that uninvited them (even though they weren''t invited to begin with, but an STD is almost the same thing) but asked that they please come to our engagement party--which was planned to make it up to them that they were being uninvited. When asked about it, I blamed my dad, saying that he had been complaining about the costs, and at that point I threw in my towel and gave him 3 choices-downsize the wedding and he''d pay for it, postpone the wedding and we''d pay for it, or elope. He chose the downsizing, so that''s what we did--but it was also what we wanted originally.
What you''d do differently: I would have slept on sending them the STD, and told my dad I''d think about it. Then I wouldn''t have sent them a STD and completely avoided such a huge etiquette faux pas.
Resolution: Engagement party went fine, and my brothers were happy to be able to share it with us, and celebrate in some manner. My (nice) SIL asked for lots of pictures, and I ended up telling my bro that my dad was lucky to be invited. All in all it went well and people didn''t seem to be upset with me over it. Still a pretty hideous screw up though.
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2009
- Messages
- 13,264
Who did it involve: Future SIL
Situation:
We are having an adult only wedding (except for my fiance''s direct nieces and nephews, all of whom are going to be part of the wedding as flower girls or ushers or readers etc). My FSIL has been dating a guy for a few months, and so when I wrote her invite, I included his name on it, along with the names of her kids. Anyways, she emails me asking if she can bring her boyfriend''s 14yo son, and I write back to politely explain that it''s adult only, and she says she understands However, my fiance soon gets a call from his dad saying that SIL is throwing a tantrum and is threatening to boycott the wedding (and refuse to let her kids attend) if we don''t invite her boyfriend''s kid, and she won''t RSVP until he''s invited. And my future FIL puts pressure on my fiance on multiple occasion to invite the kid just so SIL will be happy. Keep in mind, we are not inviting cousins (and other close friends and actual family) because we didn''t want to make exceptions to the ''adult only'' rule.
What you did:
I finally said yes because my future father-in-law was making a big deal of it, and I didn''t think this would be worth the family drama (and the SIL is a HUGE drama queen, she''s possibly one of the most immature adults I''ve ever met). So I decided to be the bigger person and invite the kid. If she ends up leaving this guy (and she''s been divorced and married at least twice, her second marriage lasted a week) I''m totally going to tease her about this "oh yeah...I remember him, you insisted I invite his son to my wedding, haha".
And since we made an exception for her, we made an exception for my godparents to bring their teenage son too if they wanted to (don''t know if they will, but I''m glad I could offer because they''ve been like family to me growing up).
What you''d do differently:
Nothing really, I think I made the right choice. One extra invite isn''t a huge deal, and his family all know how big of a brat she is, and will understand why we had to make the exception. Also, I understand where she was coming from, she lives with the guy already and she didn''t want her bf''s son to feel like the only one in the house not invited. Still, I wish she would have had the guts to just be upfront with me and my fiance about it instead of throwing tantrums to the family behind our backs. But for the wedding, I wanted peace in the family, so I extended the olive branch. But if she thinks she''ll always be able to twist our arm in the future, boy is she mistaken.
Situation:
We are having an adult only wedding (except for my fiance''s direct nieces and nephews, all of whom are going to be part of the wedding as flower girls or ushers or readers etc). My FSIL has been dating a guy for a few months, and so when I wrote her invite, I included his name on it, along with the names of her kids. Anyways, she emails me asking if she can bring her boyfriend''s 14yo son, and I write back to politely explain that it''s adult only, and she says she understands However, my fiance soon gets a call from his dad saying that SIL is throwing a tantrum and is threatening to boycott the wedding (and refuse to let her kids attend) if we don''t invite her boyfriend''s kid, and she won''t RSVP until he''s invited. And my future FIL puts pressure on my fiance on multiple occasion to invite the kid just so SIL will be happy. Keep in mind, we are not inviting cousins (and other close friends and actual family) because we didn''t want to make exceptions to the ''adult only'' rule.
What you did:
I finally said yes because my future father-in-law was making a big deal of it, and I didn''t think this would be worth the family drama (and the SIL is a HUGE drama queen, she''s possibly one of the most immature adults I''ve ever met). So I decided to be the bigger person and invite the kid. If she ends up leaving this guy (and she''s been divorced and married at least twice, her second marriage lasted a week) I''m totally going to tease her about this "oh yeah...I remember him, you insisted I invite his son to my wedding, haha".
And since we made an exception for her, we made an exception for my godparents to bring their teenage son too if they wanted to (don''t know if they will, but I''m glad I could offer because they''ve been like family to me growing up).
What you''d do differently:
Nothing really, I think I made the right choice. One extra invite isn''t a huge deal, and his family all know how big of a brat she is, and will understand why we had to make the exception. Also, I understand where she was coming from, she lives with the guy already and she didn''t want her bf''s son to feel like the only one in the house not invited. Still, I wish she would have had the guts to just be upfront with me and my fiance about it instead of throwing tantrums to the family behind our backs. But for the wedding, I wanted peace in the family, so I extended the olive branch. But if she thinks she''ll always be able to twist our arm in the future, boy is she mistaken.
NewEnglandLady
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2007
- Messages
- 6,299
Freke, I had a similar situation in which I had to un-invite guests. I never invited them (D's aunt and uncle did), but it was awkard.
Who did it involve: Husband's cousins
Situation: We had a tiny wedding and D invited two of his closest cousins to the wedding. They were his groomsmen. We felt obligated to invite all aunts and uncles, but not all of their kids. Long story short, his aunt & uncle thought they could invite all of their kids and grandkids (whom I've never met, but I get it--other cousins were invited), so they sent a RSVP for 22 people (incuding the aunt's boyfriend--they have an open marriage). Hilarious.
What you did: We called them all individually and explained that we'd be happy to have them, but that our wedding was only 30 people large with close family/friends so they'd know it wasn't a huge wedding where they could just hang out at the bar unnoticed. We left the boyfriend issue alone and just prayed he wouldn't come.
What you'd do differently: I would have just invited them from the beginning to avoid any "you invited some cousins, but not others" issues and hoped they wouldn't come.
Resolution: All was fine--I haven't spoken with any of the un-invited cousins since and the boyfriend never showed up.
We also had a situation on the day of the wedding:
Who did it involve: Husband and BIL
Situation: My family consists of many hearty drinkers (BIL being the most hearty). My husband drinks once in a blue moon. My family kept feeding my husband drinks, and while it wass completely his own fault, he had way too much to drink. My BIL, who had injured his leg kayaking at our rehearsal dinner, was convinced he needed to go to the hospital after having too much to drink at our wedding.
What you did: By about 1 a.m., my husband was passed out on the sofa of the house we were renting and I was the ONLY one who hadn't had a drink all night (except a sip of champagne with the cake), so I had to drive my BIL to the emergency room and leave my husband on the sofa on my wedding night. After 4 hours in the ER, I returned at 6 a.m. with a BIL who had a spranged knee so that I could clean up my husband's vomit in the bathroom.
What you'd do differently: I would have spent more time with my husband instead of mingling at the reception. I would have told my BIL that we could go to the E.R. in the a.m. if his leg still hurt.
Resolution: My BIL still apologized for that night and my husband still hasn't gotten over "ruining the wedding". I find the whole thing funny, so I wouldn't consider it ruined at all, but if I were on the other side, I'd feel bad, too.
Who did it involve: Husband's cousins
Situation: We had a tiny wedding and D invited two of his closest cousins to the wedding. They were his groomsmen. We felt obligated to invite all aunts and uncles, but not all of their kids. Long story short, his aunt & uncle thought they could invite all of their kids and grandkids (whom I've never met, but I get it--other cousins were invited), so they sent a RSVP for 22 people (incuding the aunt's boyfriend--they have an open marriage). Hilarious.
What you did: We called them all individually and explained that we'd be happy to have them, but that our wedding was only 30 people large with close family/friends so they'd know it wasn't a huge wedding where they could just hang out at the bar unnoticed. We left the boyfriend issue alone and just prayed he wouldn't come.
What you'd do differently: I would have just invited them from the beginning to avoid any "you invited some cousins, but not others" issues and hoped they wouldn't come.
Resolution: All was fine--I haven't spoken with any of the un-invited cousins since and the boyfriend never showed up.
We also had a situation on the day of the wedding:
Who did it involve: Husband and BIL
Situation: My family consists of many hearty drinkers (BIL being the most hearty). My husband drinks once in a blue moon. My family kept feeding my husband drinks, and while it wass completely his own fault, he had way too much to drink. My BIL, who had injured his leg kayaking at our rehearsal dinner, was convinced he needed to go to the hospital after having too much to drink at our wedding.
What you did: By about 1 a.m., my husband was passed out on the sofa of the house we were renting and I was the ONLY one who hadn't had a drink all night (except a sip of champagne with the cake), so I had to drive my BIL to the emergency room and leave my husband on the sofa on my wedding night. After 4 hours in the ER, I returned at 6 a.m. with a BIL who had a spranged knee so that I could clean up my husband's vomit in the bathroom.
What you'd do differently: I would have spent more time with my husband instead of mingling at the reception. I would have told my BIL that we could go to the E.R. in the a.m. if his leg still hurt.
Resolution: My BIL still apologized for that night and my husband still hasn't gotten over "ruining the wedding". I find the whole thing funny, so I wouldn't consider it ruined at all, but if I were on the other side, I'd feel bad, too.
luckystar112
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2007
- Messages
- 3,962
Who did it involve: DH's family.
Situation: We got married in Jamaica, so we were not expecting many guests. FIL took it upon himself to invite his two brothers and their wives (DH's aunts and uncles) whom I had never met, and whom DH hadn't talked to since 2001! On top of that, they told us they were all planning on staying at our same resort. I was extremely annoyed that FIL felt he could just invite whoever he wanted without consulting us first, especially since we were paying per guest. I was annoyed with the aunts and uncles because I felt that they were using our wedding as an excuse to have a vacation.
What you did: I had DH tell his father that we would prefer it if they all stayed at a different resort. We wanted our remaining time after the wedding to be a honeymoon of sorts. I was still extremely annoyed that these strangers were coming, but I dropped it.
What you'd do differently: Nothing. And with good reason. See below.
Resolution: Everyone stayed at a different resort but we saw them on the wedding day, and the day after the wedding DH, BIL, FIL and the uncles all went out and played a round of golf together. They were some of the sweetest people I'd ever met. But what REALLY hit home for me is the fact that one of those uncles died only months after the wedding. So the Jamaica trip was the last time that all of the brothers were together and the last time that my DH and BIL got to see their uncle. It REALLY put things into perspective for me. I know that not all situations are the same, but let's just say it's hard for me to hear other couples that are complaining about certain guests coming to their wedding.
Situation: We got married in Jamaica, so we were not expecting many guests. FIL took it upon himself to invite his two brothers and their wives (DH's aunts and uncles) whom I had never met, and whom DH hadn't talked to since 2001! On top of that, they told us they were all planning on staying at our same resort. I was extremely annoyed that FIL felt he could just invite whoever he wanted without consulting us first, especially since we were paying per guest. I was annoyed with the aunts and uncles because I felt that they were using our wedding as an excuse to have a vacation.
What you did: I had DH tell his father that we would prefer it if they all stayed at a different resort. We wanted our remaining time after the wedding to be a honeymoon of sorts. I was still extremely annoyed that these strangers were coming, but I dropped it.
What you'd do differently: Nothing. And with good reason. See below.
Resolution: Everyone stayed at a different resort but we saw them on the wedding day, and the day after the wedding DH, BIL, FIL and the uncles all went out and played a round of golf together. They were some of the sweetest people I'd ever met. But what REALLY hit home for me is the fact that one of those uncles died only months after the wedding. So the Jamaica trip was the last time that all of the brothers were together and the last time that my DH and BIL got to see their uncle. It REALLY put things into perspective for me. I know that not all situations are the same, but let's just say it's hard for me to hear other couples that are complaining about certain guests coming to their wedding.
loriken214
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2007
- Messages
- 4,348
allycat0303
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2004
- Messages
- 3,450
Situation: Mother throwing 3-4 temper tantrums in front of guests, refusing to get into limo, and throwing shawl at me. Making a 10 minute speech to the guests APOLOGIZING ABOUT HOW BADLY ORGANIZED it all was. Yes. apologizing. During the cake cutting ceremony.
What I did: Stayed away from her. She''s not in any pro-pics because I didn''t spend anytime with her. Consequently, I didn''t eat anything. Apparently it was good food.
What to do differently: It was totally unpredictable.
Resolution: I''m hurt when I think about about it, but trying to condition myself to forget about it. I think it would be wrong to let her taint everything with her erratic and selfish behavior.
What I did: Stayed away from her. She''s not in any pro-pics because I didn''t spend anytime with her. Consequently, I didn''t eat anything. Apparently it was good food.
What to do differently: It was totally unpredictable.
Resolution: I''m hurt when I think about about it, but trying to condition myself to forget about it. I think it would be wrong to let her taint everything with her erratic and selfish behavior.
Dannielle
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2008
- Messages
- 1,308
NuggetBrain
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2009
- Messages
- 206
Porridge
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2008
- Messages
- 3,267
iwannaprettyone
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2002
- Messages
- 3,684
Waitstaff- well complete lack of.....the three ladies that we hired from a company failed to show. What did we do? My mother called her quilting group and they came and worked furiously to work the event.
The Band- was not so great, we had a couple of friends sing and I had prepared a couple of IPOD playlists just in case....
Time- we ran out of time for photos- so we are going to do Trash the Dress.
The date really was an issue...MIL got married a month before, SIL had a baby two weeks before...
Location- we wanted to get married at my aunts in the South of France- we instead got married at my parents with a french theme.
The Band- was not so great, we had a couple of friends sing and I had prepared a couple of IPOD playlists just in case....
Time- we ran out of time for photos- so we are going to do Trash the Dress.
The date really was an issue...MIL got married a month before, SIL had a baby two weeks before...
Location- we wanted to get married at my aunts in the South of France- we instead got married at my parents with a french theme.
cocolaw
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2008
- Messages
- 1,370
whitby_2773
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2009
- Messages
- 2,655
ok -this was one my father did....
when tim and i got married (granted, 25 years ago), it was 3 years since my mother had died. she was only in her 50''s at the time and her death was totally unexpected.
(it occurs tome as i type this that i have been DYING to get this off my chest for YEARS - who knew??)
so time passes, and my father marries again. my mother was a beauty, a fireball of a woman, very intelligent, and a ground breaker for women in the workforce. second wife is a ''small dab of a woman'', not that pretty, not that intelligent, and with exactly the sort of baggage that one would imagine was attached to a woman who was still a virgin at 40. she moves into the family home - and i decide it''s best to move out to one of the residential dorms attached to the university where i''m marrying. we get along politely, but are never close; we have not one thing in common. i bite my lip through aaaaall sorts of stuff; watching her use all my mom''s things, including anniversary gifts i had bought my parents over the years, i put up with her being HUGELY threatened and territorial re my dad''s and my relationship, not calling him to the phone when i called, always being ''too busy'' to have me drop round when i want to see my father, and so on and so on. i tolerate this all with a good grace and never said a word. most of it i didn''t even notice, frankly, till she TOLD me this was what she had been doing during the days immedaitely after my father had died. suffice to say, i''m not nasty in my head, and it simply wouldn''t have occurred to me that someone was being so mean. i just always thought she was a cold, unfriendly, odd sort of woman - not out and out mean, which it turned out was actually the case. suffice to say, the relationship is civil and i am pretty laid back, but she was consumed with all sorts of weird negativity.
almost immediately, i meet tim. a year later tim proposes, i say yes, and time passes. it''s now time to send out the invites. i choose the invites, choose the wording, and away we go.
a couple of weeks later, my sister calls, sobbing. (keep in mind, my sister DOES NOT CRY.) the invitations read thusly...
"D--- and M--- cordially invite you to the wedding of THEIR DAUGHTER, Kareyn....etcetcetc"
um - i''m sorry - WHO??? i''ve known this woman 18 months, she does not like me, i have nothing in common with her and suddenly...she''s my MOTHER??
i hold it in on the basis that there''s nothing i can now do about it.
we get to the wedding.
my father stands at the reception to make the speech, and spends 20 minutes - yes - 20 MINUTES - talking about...well...who knows? all i remember is that a great deal of it was about him and M, and NOT ONE WORD was about my mother. not a word. 3 years after she died and it was like she had never existed and M was now suddenly my mother. can i just say, to give some context, that when my father died 5 years later (also in his 50''s) that i tried to keep in touch with M, but that 6 months after his death i had lost all contact with her? i dont know anything about her now, nor do i see anyone who does.
but back to my wedding....
my father has now completely alienated my sister, who was extremely close to my mother, and is now sobbing at the bridal table (given she was MOH) she has to be comforted by the pastor''s wife. i gritted my teeth and just bore it. but it was horrific.
and i won''t even BEGIN to tell you the story of my FIL who had lunch with tim 4 days before our wedding and told him that, if he had his way, there wouldn''t have been a wedding on the following saturday. *that* cheery luncheon opened a firestorm of family debate which FIL tried to solve while grabbing me as i went around the circle at the very end of the wedding reception, kissing people and saying goodbye before we left for the honeymoon. MIL in the end had to tear his hands off my arm so i could get to the car where tim was standing looking frantic.
whoever said that ''weddings bring out the crazy'' never said a truer word!
when tim and i got married (granted, 25 years ago), it was 3 years since my mother had died. she was only in her 50''s at the time and her death was totally unexpected.
(it occurs tome as i type this that i have been DYING to get this off my chest for YEARS - who knew??)
so time passes, and my father marries again. my mother was a beauty, a fireball of a woman, very intelligent, and a ground breaker for women in the workforce. second wife is a ''small dab of a woman'', not that pretty, not that intelligent, and with exactly the sort of baggage that one would imagine was attached to a woman who was still a virgin at 40. she moves into the family home - and i decide it''s best to move out to one of the residential dorms attached to the university where i''m marrying. we get along politely, but are never close; we have not one thing in common. i bite my lip through aaaaall sorts of stuff; watching her use all my mom''s things, including anniversary gifts i had bought my parents over the years, i put up with her being HUGELY threatened and territorial re my dad''s and my relationship, not calling him to the phone when i called, always being ''too busy'' to have me drop round when i want to see my father, and so on and so on. i tolerate this all with a good grace and never said a word. most of it i didn''t even notice, frankly, till she TOLD me this was what she had been doing during the days immedaitely after my father had died. suffice to say, i''m not nasty in my head, and it simply wouldn''t have occurred to me that someone was being so mean. i just always thought she was a cold, unfriendly, odd sort of woman - not out and out mean, which it turned out was actually the case. suffice to say, the relationship is civil and i am pretty laid back, but she was consumed with all sorts of weird negativity.
almost immediately, i meet tim. a year later tim proposes, i say yes, and time passes. it''s now time to send out the invites. i choose the invites, choose the wording, and away we go.
a couple of weeks later, my sister calls, sobbing. (keep in mind, my sister DOES NOT CRY.) the invitations read thusly...
"D--- and M--- cordially invite you to the wedding of THEIR DAUGHTER, Kareyn....etcetcetc"
um - i''m sorry - WHO??? i''ve known this woman 18 months, she does not like me, i have nothing in common with her and suddenly...she''s my MOTHER??
i hold it in on the basis that there''s nothing i can now do about it.
we get to the wedding.
my father stands at the reception to make the speech, and spends 20 minutes - yes - 20 MINUTES - talking about...well...who knows? all i remember is that a great deal of it was about him and M, and NOT ONE WORD was about my mother. not a word. 3 years after she died and it was like she had never existed and M was now suddenly my mother. can i just say, to give some context, that when my father died 5 years later (also in his 50''s) that i tried to keep in touch with M, but that 6 months after his death i had lost all contact with her? i dont know anything about her now, nor do i see anyone who does.
but back to my wedding....
my father has now completely alienated my sister, who was extremely close to my mother, and is now sobbing at the bridal table (given she was MOH) she has to be comforted by the pastor''s wife. i gritted my teeth and just bore it. but it was horrific.
and i won''t even BEGIN to tell you the story of my FIL who had lunch with tim 4 days before our wedding and told him that, if he had his way, there wouldn''t have been a wedding on the following saturday. *that* cheery luncheon opened a firestorm of family debate which FIL tried to solve while grabbing me as i went around the circle at the very end of the wedding reception, kissing people and saying goodbye before we left for the honeymoon. MIL in the end had to tear his hands off my arm so i could get to the car where tim was standing looking frantic.
whoever said that ''weddings bring out the crazy'' never said a truer word!
sunnyd
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2007
- Messages
- 7,353
jcarlylew
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2008
- Messages
- 3,899
ms.halo
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2009
- Messages
- 431
Who did it involve: SIL (husband's brother's wife)
Situation: I did not invite her to be a bridesmaid because she had always been outright rude to me, she freaked out and during the course of the following year she:
1. called to tell me that I was trying to make her miscarry her baby (I have since had four miscarriages--including one very, very late term--so I find this still to be especially hurtful)
2. sent hate mail to me and my parents; has threatened to
3. stopped speaking to me and my MIL
4. during the evening of her wedding refused to let her husband (best man) give a toast, then stormed out after breaking a plate during my FIL's toast (which was in lieu of the best man toast) because he said he loved me
What you did: I was stubborn and refused to ask her. I tried to ignore her hurtful comments and I pleaded with my in-laws to support my decision because it was my wedding.
What you'd do differently: I wish I had asked her and moved on. Although my in-laws and husband were conflicted and pained at the time, they are now glad that it happened and are convinced that if it hadn't happened at our wedding it would have happened some other time.
Resolution: She still does not speak to me (six years later). Ca va.
Situation: I did not invite her to be a bridesmaid because she had always been outright rude to me, she freaked out and during the course of the following year she:
1. called to tell me that I was trying to make her miscarry her baby (I have since had four miscarriages--including one very, very late term--so I find this still to be especially hurtful)
2. sent hate mail to me and my parents; has threatened to
3. stopped speaking to me and my MIL
4. during the evening of her wedding refused to let her husband (best man) give a toast, then stormed out after breaking a plate during my FIL's toast (which was in lieu of the best man toast) because he said he loved me
What you did: I was stubborn and refused to ask her. I tried to ignore her hurtful comments and I pleaded with my in-laws to support my decision because it was my wedding.
What you'd do differently: I wish I had asked her and moved on. Although my in-laws and husband were conflicted and pained at the time, they are now glad that it happened and are convinced that if it hadn't happened at our wedding it would have happened some other time.
Resolution: She still does not speak to me (six years later). Ca va.
cocolaw
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2008
- Messages
- 1,370
loriken214
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2007
- Messages
- 4,348
- Joined
- Feb 22, 2009
- Messages
- 4,602
Barcelona
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2009
- Messages
- 202
loriken214
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2007
- Messages
- 4,348
SarahLovesJS
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2008
- Messages
- 5,206
Who did it involve: Some of DH''s cousins
Situation: Not only did they not send in all the reply cards (they sent in one and wrote everyone''s name on it instead) they decided to at the last minute (the night before the wedding) add 2 guests (DH''s cousin''s boyfriends). You read that right..they decided to show up w/ 2 extra and not tell us. We found out through DH''s sister accidentally mentioning it.
What you did: First I had DH''s sister fact find..confirm the number, etc. They claimed they "forgot" to add the boyfriends on the reply card and then said that only one extra was coming. Well it''s beside the point I suppose that neither boyfriend was invited? Anyway, I asked DH''s sister to inform them that the escort cards were already printed (we stayed up until 4 am the morning before the wedding doing this), tables were already assigned, and meals were already paid for so there simply wasn''t any room. Well she didn''t do it, so in the morning we had DH''s Dad do it instead. They were informed.
What you''d do differently: Apparently the one boyfriend was a longterm (2-3 yrs) boyfriend and we did in fact invite longterm boyfriends of other guests. So instead of getting a list of significant others from the person I got them from (not DH) I would have either contacted Aunts and Uncles myself or gone to someone in the family that did know who the longterm boyfriends were. I also may not have invited this cousin at all. Sigh. It should not be so complicated.
Resolution: Well..he showed up. That''s right, after being told NOT to bring him since there was no seat for him they brought him. I am sorry if I sound like a serious ex-bridezilla...but I am just aghast at bringing someone who was not invited.
Situation: Not only did they not send in all the reply cards (they sent in one and wrote everyone''s name on it instead) they decided to at the last minute (the night before the wedding) add 2 guests (DH''s cousin''s boyfriends). You read that right..they decided to show up w/ 2 extra and not tell us. We found out through DH''s sister accidentally mentioning it.
What you did: First I had DH''s sister fact find..confirm the number, etc. They claimed they "forgot" to add the boyfriends on the reply card and then said that only one extra was coming. Well it''s beside the point I suppose that neither boyfriend was invited? Anyway, I asked DH''s sister to inform them that the escort cards were already printed (we stayed up until 4 am the morning before the wedding doing this), tables were already assigned, and meals were already paid for so there simply wasn''t any room. Well she didn''t do it, so in the morning we had DH''s Dad do it instead. They were informed.
What you''d do differently: Apparently the one boyfriend was a longterm (2-3 yrs) boyfriend and we did in fact invite longterm boyfriends of other guests. So instead of getting a list of significant others from the person I got them from (not DH) I would have either contacted Aunts and Uncles myself or gone to someone in the family that did know who the longterm boyfriends were. I also may not have invited this cousin at all. Sigh. It should not be so complicated.
Resolution: Well..he showed up. That''s right, after being told NOT to bring him since there was no seat for him they brought him. I am sorry if I sound like a serious ex-bridezilla...but I am just aghast at bringing someone who was not invited.
Porridge
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2008
- Messages
- 3,267
anchor31
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2005
- Messages
- 7,074
Who did it involve: My officiant and my MC
Situation: First, my officiant was an priest who'd been at my parish for 50 years. He's kind and everything, but very set in his ways. We had NO SAY whatsoever on our ceremony. Our vows and our readings, but that's it. It was still a lovely ceremony, but I really hope one day we can have a renewal and have OUR ceremony (I've always wanted to elope anyway!
).
And then with the MC, it was more or less the same issue. I didn't want a receiving line, but he announced one anyway, that sort of thing.
What you did: Nothing. What could I do, throw a hissy fit?
What you'd do differently: Nothing? Have a more flexible officiant perhaps... But that would have been difficult since I wanted to marry in my parish church.
Resolution: Well, you know, it was a beautiful wedding anyway. Everyone was happy, no major drama happened (there was enough of that prior, thank you), and we were finally married!
Situation: First, my officiant was an priest who'd been at my parish for 50 years. He's kind and everything, but very set in his ways. We had NO SAY whatsoever on our ceremony. Our vows and our readings, but that's it. It was still a lovely ceremony, but I really hope one day we can have a renewal and have OUR ceremony (I've always wanted to elope anyway!
And then with the MC, it was more or less the same issue. I didn't want a receiving line, but he announced one anyway, that sort of thing.
What you did: Nothing. What could I do, throw a hissy fit?
What you'd do differently: Nothing? Have a more flexible officiant perhaps... But that would have been difficult since I wanted to marry in my parish church.
Resolution: Well, you know, it was a beautiful wedding anyway. Everyone was happy, no major drama happened (there was enough of that prior, thank you), and we were finally married!
ms.halo
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2009
- Messages
- 431
SarahLovesJS
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2008
- Messages
- 5,206
Hey Porridge! Sorry for the late reply..we are STILL moving (yes 1 month later
- Status
300x240.png)