How to handel the money

[Booper717]

I realize I''m posting alot today, I''m suspose to be cleaning, but I do some of my best thinking while cleaning!

Okay so, My FI has been staying at my house nightly for months. He is officaly moving in this week (we''re getting the rest of this things & he''s changing his address). So I''m a little confused about bill paying.

Now, since he always spent most of his time here he''s always helped out with the bills, grocerys, and changes we''ve made to the house. However, I would never let him pay too much towards bills since he wasn''t officaly living here, and he was doing so much work that needed down around here, and paying for the changes we where making. He said he did it all because he was going to live with me soon and wanted to contribute to our home. It was, he saved me thousands and thousands in supplies and labor costs. So, when he''d give me money, I''d rarely take it.

Well, now that we''re engaged and he''s moving in I''m okay with allowing him to participate in the bill paying (dah!!). He insists on paying all of the bills for a couple months in order to make up for when I wouldn''t take his money, as well as redoing our kitchen since I lived here long and have invested more money into the property. He wants to make up for the time I lived here alone, which is great and I appricate.

So my question is this.. once we both are paying the bills how should we go about doing this? We could join accounts (but I''d rather not, got in a heap of trouble doing this before), or we could assign bills like Me: cabel, electric Him: Sewage, gas and split the mortage. But Then in the winter the gas bill is out of control and it''s not fair to whoever has this bill. Then I thought of just paying them all and when the billing cycle was done divding how much I payed in half and just have him pay me that money.. but that seems like alot of work! We thought of also opening another account together and each putting money in that, but put together we already have 5 diffrent accounts, another one just sounds too confuseing!

I don''t know the best way to handel this situation. Any advice appricated.

 

[Jena17]

I recently moved in with my FF and all the bills are in my name and I just pay them and then just keep track of them and split them in half and he pays me at the end of the month. It seems to work out good for us. I did this same thing when I was in college with roommates. Good Luck!

 

[ladypirate]

We just have all joint accounts and it works for us, but you mentioned you don''t want to go that route. Having one "household" account that you both contribute equally to each month for bill paying might be a good option. Alternatively, one person could pay the bills and then have the other one cut a check for half the amount.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I also will not join accounts with my FI. Even when we are married I refuse to have a joint account.

We split the utilities the way you had initially listed them. We gathered our bills together and broke them off into two bunches that averaged the same amount. FI pays for our oil and our cable each month. I cover our cell phones, electric, gas (which we only use for cooking and to heat water so it''s a very small bill) and water/sewer. We split the mortgage right down the middle. When we sat down and looked at my total contribution with the bunch of utilities I cover my costs averaged about the same with his as his two are the biggest costs. While he gets a break on the heating oil costs during the summer months, I am paying more for our electric because of air conditioning and when his utilitiy payements are higher I am paying less in electricity charges.

 

[elrohwen]

What worked for me and FI is to open a joint checking account, but keep our separate accounts and credit cards. We each put in a set amount every month to cover rent, groceries, dinners together, cable and electric, etc. It took a few months to figure out how much we really spent per month (and sometimes we go over and just keep an eye on it and put more money in if necessary). It's worked really well for us. If anything had happened and we had split up, we would only have to deal with the $500 or so in the account and not completely joint finances.

As far as having too many accounts, it can really help if you start it at a bank one of you already uses. For example, I already had a Wachovia checking, savings, and a credit card. It was super easy to add our joint account and I can view them on the same webpage and transfer funds super easily (basically instantaneous). It also allowed me to get overdraft protection using the credit card I had with them. FI has a different bank, so he just set up a monthly money transfer that automatically goes to our account. No check writing required.

 

[Lauren8211]

FF and I put all of our bills on auto-pay on a credit card. So that way all bills are paid on time all the time. Then, when the statement comes, we each pay our half off.

Nothing else goes on this CC, just bills!

 

[blondebunny]

Me and FF would just split down the middle.. He would pay them, and then Id just write him a check, or since I have BOA.. I can just transfer to his account which is even easier... BUT we just got a joined credit card, and we are going to put all of our bills on there for the month- food, utilities, anything for our place- and then split it.. We figured it would be easier and plus we get POINTS... and I love points!! hehehe

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Hi!

Me and my boyfriend just recently moved in to an apartment in August. We don''t have too many bills because it is included in our rent, so we just have cable/internet, electricity, and rent. WE just split everything right down the middle and it works out great for us! I write the checks and he pays me cash

 

[NewEnglandLady]

How do you guys plan to split the bills when you are married? Whatever that plan is, implement it when you move in together. I think it will make the transition from living together to marriage a bit easier...and since you''re engaged, you don''t have to worry about the "what if he decides he doesn''t want marriage after all?" thing.

It was important for me to always split everything 50/50 whether we were dating, engaged or married. The easiest way to do this was to set up one joint account with all monthly expenses (rent, food, gas, bills, dog stuff, etc.) and pay equally. Our budget doesn''t change much per month and it''s the easiest way to keep it equal. So much easier than the Excel Spreadsheets that tracked monthly spending I had before the joint account!

Pretty much everything else we save--I keep some individually, he keeps some individually, but mostly we invest the rest and decide as a couple where to put our investments. Nothing too complex, but it works for us.

The important thing is that EVERY couple has their own way of handling finances, so as long as you guys work someting out that makes you both happy and you''re on the same page financially, you''ll be fine!

 

[Booper717]

Wow! Thanks ladies, you''ve all given me some good reasons and ideas for diffrent ways to pay the bills. I think I''ll have to really talk to my FI about the diffrent options and what he thinks will be the easiest and best way to go about things! He''s just so laid back he really dosn''t care. lol. I would love to just have joint accounts (I''m sure the balance would look much more inticeing this way!! hahah) the thing is he has his own sepeart bills that need be paid, as do I. I have to pay for my health insurance, and credit card. And he has his car insurances, and his health insurance (his job dosnt offter this yet, it''s a small company). So it seems that it wld be hard to keep track of everything that way. I guess it really dosn''t matter, but I''d rather wait till we''re married to join.

OH boy, decisions decisions!

 

[sunnyd]

Like others, I pay from my account and he writes me a check. It''s easier for us this way for one person (me, the budget-obsessed) to manage everything.

I think when we get engaged or married we''ll have a joint household account where money only for bills will go.

 

[Clairitek]

Before FF and I bought our house together we made a spreadsheet where we estimated our monthly costs separately. For example, what we would each spend on toiletries, alcohol, entertainment, food, hobbies, etc. Then we looked at our monthly income and figured out what we could each afford in a mortgage. I make about 1/3 of what he does so we knew from the start that I wouldn''t be able to contribute what he does. Then we went back through our estimated expenses and tallied up the stuff that we deemed mutual- groceries, utility bills, meals and movies out together, and expenses for the kitten we adopted together. Stuff like toiletries remains separate because we have such differing expenses. I didn''t want him to have to pay for my tampons and he didn''t want me to have to pay for his expensive contacts and contact solution. If I go out to lunch with some work friends I also would pay for that on my own.

When we found out what our mortgage would be we split it so he pays twice what I do. It just sorta happened that way because I determined with my spreadsheet that I could afford $xxx towards the mortgage and the remainder just happened to be 2*$xxx. In the event that we split up before getting married we would split the house that way too. This is also proportional to the amount we each paid into the down payment and the closing costs. Any home improvements we make are split the same way. Each month our employers put a specified amount into the joint account to pay for our mutual expenses. I pay all of our bills out of this account and when were together we buy stuff from that account. Its worked out really well so far.

If I find that I can contribute a little extra one month I do because I don''t feel like he should be subsidizing my lifestyle as much as he does. I live a wonderful life right now because of his generosity and willingness to help support me while I finish school. I know that if we split everything right down the middle we wouldn''t have gotten the house we have (its not excessive but quite nice for our age and the price we paid for it) or have the lifestyle we do. I look forward to the day that I can contribute in the same volume that he does.

When we get married I have a feeling that we will each get to keep an amount of "fun money" that we can spend as we wish- no questions asked. The rest will probably go into joint accounts.

 

[HappyCat]

FF and I each have our own checking/savings accounts, and we have a joint checking account that we use exclusively for paying bills. At the beginning of each month, we each transfer half of the monthly bills into the account. We''ve been paying bills this way ever since we moved in together 2 years ago, and so far it''s worked well!

 

[Booper717]

Thanks for the ideas everyone!

Wow Clair.... to say you have things covered would be an understatement! I purchased my house before I was in a relationship with my FI. So we wonl''t have to be going threw the process of figureing out how much of a mortage we can afford (luckily, cause i''m confused enough!). However, my FI will be spiltting the remainder of the mortage now. The issue is, since I bought the house before him, he didn''t get to contribute anything to the downpayment, or to the two years I lived here prior, I think he feels bad for that. But, in no way is it his falt, we just werent together then! So his way of making up for it is to pay the bills for a couple months and redo my kitchen for me. (We have worked on other rooms that he has also footed the bill for), I guess it''s just his way of contributing. However, it''s unnesscary, because I''m only working part time and while I make enough to take care of myself, he makes a great deal more, and therefore, he will be contributing alot more now that he''s living here. So it''s kinda like, I got the head start on buying the house, and he got a break on that, now he''ll give me a break by taking care of improvements and contributing more.


Ehhh, confusion!

I think the two best things are either to get a joint account for bills, or two just make the effort to keep track of how much we spend a mo on bills and have him pay me half.

Maybe do the later for a while, until I realize how much we will be spending on average that way it will make it easier to have an account for bills, we''d know better of how much we need to put in.

 

[Sabine]

DH and I have always split everything down the middle, and this worked out really well for us. At first, basically he paid rent, but I gave him a check for half, and I paid all the other bills (due in the middle of the month) and he would give me a check for half.

Eventually, we worked it out so that we each paid certain bills so that it worked out that we were spending just about the same every month but didn''t have to give each other checks.

I think this worked well for us because we both make about the same amount right now. If one of us made more, it might be different. But we also try to be pretty equal with who pays for other stuff too, like dinners out, movies, etc.

 

[Pandora II]

DH and I have separate accounts. He pays everything and I send him a direct debit every month that covers my 50%.

 

[Izzy03]

Me and my fiance won''t live together until after our wedding, but we will not do the 50% split of bills because we do not want to live like roommates, and I don''t make as much $$ as him.

While I think that splitting the bills in half can and does work for a lot of people I have seen the downside of it too. I have a co-worker who splits the bills in half with her husband and it has let to a lot of fights, especially when an unexpected repair cost comes up. Also, when she was on maternity leave, he was very angry that for 6 months she didn''t contribute.

I think the best way, in most cases, is to have ONE joint account to take care of the bills. Even if you both contribute the same exact amount of money into the account, there is less of the whole "Hey you still owe me last month''s rent". Since my fiance owned his house long before I came along, he will continue to pay the mortgage, and I will cover everything else. Talk to him and you will figure out what works best for your own situation.

 

[neatfreak]

Before we were married we had a joint account for household expenses, to which we contributed the same percentage of our income each month. We also had our own accounts that we paid for personal expenses out of.

Now that we''re married most money is joint with the exception of our own individual "play" money which we still keep in separate accounts.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Wow, it''s very interesting to see how everyone splits their money.

FI and I don''t split finances at all. We regard our money and assets as belonging to our soon to be "family", and not to either of us as individuals. So, what''s mine is his, and what''s his is mine.

We have separate savings and checking accounts to ensure that we stay within the FDIC insurance threshold, but both of us have access to them, and treat the money as a pool.

We get paid at different points in the month, so bills come out of whichever checking account that has enough funds to pay for them.

FI tries to make sure that we don''t accumulate too much in checking before transferring to savings.

When we buy our house, we''ll probably cave and create joint accounts, since there won''t be enough cash to worry about the FDIC threshold lol.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Hey-

Just on a side note, I agree with you Izzy, once it actually is a house that a couple owns. However, my boyfriend and I live in an apartment, and we are students, so we basically just have to make ends meet, so we just split everything down the middle, but we aren''t necessarily just roommates. (

ha)

Once he gets a job out of college, it will definitely more come out of his paycheck, seeing how I want to be a teacher... and in MICHIGAN. ugh. I will probably not get a job so fast.

I think that it depends on where you live (i.e. apartment, house, etc.)

 

[Booper717]

It is very interesting to see how everyone handels bills & such.

The main reason I don''t want to have just one joint account is because I don''t want him to end up paying for everything. I mean he makes alot more than I do, so he''s already going to be the main contributer, but then I guess as long as I am keeping my money in the account as well it''s all good because I am contributing, even if it''s not getting all used up (does that make sense?)

I think it would be complicated (at least at first) to create a totaly new account and to just put a percentage of our money into it for bills and activities, because he has 3 cars, I have 1, his health insurance is more pricey than mine, he has no credit card balance, I do. It would just be hard to figure out how much we each should be contributing annualy. That''s why I''m thinking if we just join our checkings together then all the bills could come out of there and we put our money in there, and every once inawhile when the balance starts to get too high we could take a set amount out, spilt it and put half in each of our savings... I have 2 savings accounts, both are just in my name, but 1 is considered the "house" savings and we both contribute money to that one, for repairs, updates, remodels, etc.

Arg. The more I talk about it the more confused I seem to get!! I appricate you all sharing your opinions and ideas!

 

[dcgator]

My FF and I do something similar to a previous post. When we moved into our new place, we looked at the mortgage and other expenses in a spreadsheet then, we did a ratio of payments based on earnings. I only earn about 2/3 of what he does, so I pay about that amount in mortgage and HOA dues. I have the HOA auto pay from my account, and he has the mortgage, so no one forgets to pay

. I give him the balance of "my share" of the mortgage each month. As far as utilites are concerned, I usually make him take the electricity bill since I cover the gas and tv/internet. That works out to be about the same so it works pretty well for both of us.

For other expenses like groceries or kitty needs, we just usually alternate who pays every other week, so we don''t have to "allocate" any additional funds. It keeps it pretty simple and no need to mess with multiple accounts.

 

[Sangrona]

I am in the same boat as Izzy above. I live with my SO and he makes a significant portion of money more than I do. We each have a checking account and we have one "household" checking and one "household" savings. we each contribute 20% of our net check to the household checking and 30% to the household savings. The rest goes into our own accounts for use however we see fit.

This really helps out because 20% of his check is what my salary is! But this way I feel that we are each contributing equally to the bills. The ONLY joint item that I pay for separately is the maid, because he doesn''t believe in them! (hee!) but our house is too big and I am not spending all of my evenings after work and weekends cleaning (especially since he has a daughter that hasn''t been taught to pick up after herself!).

The really great part about it is that we have been able to save a significant (at least in my eyes) amount of money by simply socking it away and that is what we use to fund some amazing trips we have taken in the last year (Machu Picchu in Peru, Beijing and Shanghai the two weeks after the Olympics, etc.) and we finally got me a new car that is paid for. I''ve never, ever had a brand new car before and to not have a car note makes me completely delirious!

I have to admit though that with all the problems we''ve had with his ex-wife, I live in terror of things not working out, so I very rarely, if ever, spend any additional money from my separate account. There are several things I used to do all the time that I have completely cut out (regular mani-pedi''s, no more venti mochas, no more expensive hair colorings, etc.). Sometimes, it feels unfair to him, but then I remember that if and when we ever do get married, I will have some money that is all my own to buy his wedding ring, and get his wedding present, etc....

Sorry for the thread-jack...that''s how we handlle money in our relationship...