How to make it exciting when you chose the ring!

[TLS]

Hello - I sort of feel like I "robbed" my boyfriend of the ability to propose to me since I basically took over the ring search! I wasn''t trying to be a pest, i just am a total research hound and didn''t want him to get taken advantage of if he went to the wrong jewelry store, and then after finding pricescope and doing oodles and oodles of research I gained a huge amount of knowledge and then became "obsessed" which seems to be a common thing when people find this web site!

Just wondering if anyone out there did the same thing and pretty much ruined the chance for a real proposal. I still probably won''t know exactly when we are going to get the ring back because it will have to be sent somewhere for a setting...but i will have a good idea of when to expect it!

Oh well regardless, I think I am happier this way in having the ability to choose and I am sure on many levels he feels relieved too. Just feel bad that I took the romance out of this!

 

[icekid]

well, i''ve become obsessed and my bf is not letting me choose my ring!! he really wants it to be a surprise- and truly i do as well... as long as he picks the right ring!!

but regardless, i try to give him helpful hints- like a new ring that i like on his wallpaper everyday (like i said, i am pretty obsessed these days!). and i''m also trying to shove him to the jeweler whom i want to design my ring... at least that way i know i would love it, even though i didn''t design it myself! and we get to keep the surprise element as well which is really important to my bf.

 

[avlatin]

Don''t feel bad. I''m sure your boyfriend appreciate all the help. Besides were not talking about a small purchase. My girlfriend seems to be just like you, so I appreciate the help that she is currently giving me by agreeing to do all the leg work and all I have to do is basically "sign". And don''t feel that you took the "romance" away, because if you both are truly in love, ROMANCE will always be there decades from now.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!
HOPE YOU TWO HAVE MANY ROMANTIC AND MEMORABLE MOMENTS FOR DAYS TO COME

 

[HollyGo-Lightly]

Are you kidding?! The Proposal should be the big deal, NOT the ring you get! But if you are detailed (like me) and you want in on the process, then keep yourself in the dark about the HOW and WHEN.

My sister chose her ring, and he waited 3 months to ask her. She almost lost it, wondering WHEN she would get it, because she knew he had it the whole time. In the end, he waited until spring and asked her in a lovely garden that she practically grew up in, with all these lovely details that made her cry. That was even BEFORE the ring!!! Then she cried because the ring was so perfect. it should be...she CHOSE IT!

 

[jlc0604]

Well, this is going to sound insane, but let me tell you what I have done.

My boyfriend and I have been dating 2.5 years now, and we know we want to get married eventually. But we won''t be getting engaged for awhile - at least another year or so. I am one of those girls who knows EXACTLY what kind of ring she wants. But like so many of these males, he wants the proposal to be a surprise, and he wants to have the ring there to propose with.

So, like I said, this is a little insane, but basically I''ve created a guide for my boyfriend. I have printed out a list for him of exactly what I want. It is quite extensive, as I can tend to be wordy when describing things - especially something as complex as a diamond ring/setting! It even includes photos, reputable online vendors, web sites of jewlers whose work I like, photos of what I don''t like, etc. I figure I''ll give him this info now and he can use it when we''re ready. My boyfriend is great but he doesn''t have the capacity to remember minute details of things he doesn''t care about, like rings

So idea is when he''s ready (waaaay down the road) he uses it as a guide, so he doens''t have to agonize about what I like. And he doesn''t have to ruin the surprise by consulting me or asking me questions, or trying to get it out of me sneakily (I really can''t be fooled). I''m not usually this crazy and anal, but hey - it''s a lot of money! Plus I told him I was doing him a favor - he still gets the fun of having the ring designed, searching for the perfect stone, etc. He just now has a very definite idea of where to look and the endless choices have been drastically narrowed down.

I''m trying to fool myself into thinking that what I''ve done is rational

 

[onedrop]

JLC: I actually don''t think you''re crazy (maybe really really detailed). But not crazy. Your approach kills two birds with one stone. It takes the pressure off your BF because you''re not nagging him all the time, and yet you still get what you want. And the added bonus is that there is still an element of surprise.

 

[chantal990]

I shopped with my FI for my ring and I don''t regret it at all. We shopped together looking at designs and realised that we both had similar ideas on what we liked (after all he has to look at it every day too) and he actually spotted the stone and setting I now have and I agreed that it was "the one" and so he brought it then and there. That was at the end of January this year. He didn''t propose until Setptember. It drove me absolutely batty while I was waiting but in the end the proposal was so sweet and rommantic that it more than made up for the wait and it was sweeter knowing that when he proposed and I received the ring it''s one I love and is perfect for me just like he is.

 

[JimDiamond]

JLC: Your approach sounds great to me. The best of both worlds...have lot''s of input into the stone and setting, but still have enough time for it to be a total surprise. It also takes a lot of the pressure off of your b/f without removing the fun. He still gets to do the shopping. Of course I''m not typical.

TLS: As long as you give your b/f the information, but don''t nag him daily, "When do I get my ring?" I think your fine. I think he should pay close attention to the suggestions/advice you give him. There''s no need for him to get a bad deal or a diamond/setting you''re not completely happy with just to "make it a surprise." He can still make an extremely romantic and (mostly) surprise proposal even if you participate in the ring decisions. Even if the jeweler designs it to your specifications, there is nothing like seeing it in person for the first time (which you WON''T do until he gives it to you). If he wants to bounce proposal ideas off of us, we''d be happy to help shape a great romantic proposal even when you know he has the ring. Of course that would mean you have to stay off of this board!

 

[goldielocks]

TLS- I feel exactly the same way! Our search for a ring started out innocent enough (going to jewelry stores and looking at online vendors to get an idea of what I wanted and what he liked too). As soon as I found PS, I became obsessed! I am a scientific, detail oriented person and it was more in my nature to do the in depth research (my bf is very laid back). Plus, we live together and I handle most of the money and make sure the bills get paid. So I guess I really felt like I wanted to get the best ring for our money. I wound up picking out the stone (kind of by accident, I was browsing the online vendors, found it and knew it was the one) and then we picked out the setting together. I was not there when he ordered the setting but I pretty much know when it will be ready (within the next week!!!). I felt bad at first that I "took over" but I think in the end he felt relieved!

I think you should be happy that you will be getting the ring of your dreams from the man of your dreams. And I don''t think the moment will be any less special b/c you helped in the process! Besides, the ring is only a small part of the proposal and he still has to come up with the rest!

 

[Croí]

hi!
I know JUST how you feel because once we talked about getting married and agreed we were going, I strarted the planning and picked a date and everything and I haven''t even been asked yet. He knows the wedding is going ahead and even that some friends/family already know and now I feel I jumped the gun on him and stole his thunder. I will still be stunned and suprised and happy and crying when he does ask me because I just never believed it would ever happen for me - EVER.
Even though I''m already doing the wedding planning, I still want to be ASKED and I know he''s going to and everytime I think about it my heart gives a little jump and this silly smile spreads across my face. It will still be totally special even if I know it''s coming and am putting the cart before the horse with the wedding plans .... none of that matters, someone is going to ask me to MARRY HIM, and I''m going to get to say "YES! YES! YES!" and it''s going to be one of the all-time best moments of my life !
I just want to be MARRIED TO THIS MAN, the rest is details, peanuts in the big picture. Sure I want all the romance of being asked etc.
I did feel I''d ruined it but now I''m grand. It''s HIM asking ME - and it''ll be amazing whenever and however it happens .........

just enjoy this whole experience - if you are lucky and things work out for you and your beau, you''ll only get to do this once !!

 

[razza21]

I know exactly what you mean!!! My boyfriend and I picked out a ring together basically because he was too scared to pick one and fussy me (who me?) not like it! But let me tell you, that was in July and I''m still waiting! Yes it''s incredibly hard to not ask him frequently "Do you know what you''re going to do yet??"

I too wondered whether I had spoiled the suprise element by choosing the ring, but have now realised that as long as I stop myself from asking questions (that may lead me to find out) then it will be a wonderful proposal. And yes, I know and he knows that I will LOVE the ring because I chose it!!

Til then, it''s a waiting game.... but don''t feel ripped off because as others have said, the proposal is the real romantic part of it. I can''t wait til it happens, but at least I know that the longer the wait... the more of a suprise the ring will be - AGAIN!!

Renee

 

[appletini]

TL1: its not taking away all lthe surprise. I have been obsessed with this website for about 1.5 months now, and was always sending him links with information, etc, well in conversation ring shopping came up, so went and look at rings last Friday...the store didn''t have the Ritani I was looking for, but they had another Ritani that is super gorgeous that we both like, and he has talked about it everyday since then. Since I have researched so much and seem to know more than he does, I really want to be involved in the process, so now that we are pretty much set on the setting, we are going to look at loose diamonds (lucky for me Whiteflash is in Houston, where we live). He said today that he regrets that some of the surprise element has been taken away, and I told him that I still don''t know how or when he will officially ask me to marry him. Actually within the last 100 years engagements weren''t some big surprise. The couple discussed it, the man asked permission from her father, and then he took her to pick a ring that fit in his budget (see Emily Post). So I told him that really we are being a little traditional, plus we are big planners, so a big purchase like this needs to be perfect. He said that even without the surprise ring, he thinks things will be 10x better in the longrun.

 

[blue_chica]

goldielocks, you are my twin!

TL1: My BF and I were initially concerned that having me pick the setting kind of ruined the romance, but then we realized that the romance is in the proposal, which he can still surprise me with, and even more so, the romance is in the question, not him picking the perfect ring on his own. Frankly with budget constraints that''s almost impossible - only I know exactly what I''d want to sacrifice and what I''d want to emphasize. That''s not to say that I wouldn''t be happy with what he got me if he did pick it out on his own, but why gamble with thousands or tens of thousands of dollars?

 

[blue_chica]

PS. I did remind him that knowing that he had the ring and having to wait for it would certainly be adequate torturous payback for stealing any thunder. Trust me, I know he has it and am/will be on pins and needles till it''s on my finger.

 

[codex57]

I agree that as long as the PROPOSAL part remains secret, it's not too big a deal to know about the ring. I got obsessed too, and I'm the guy. I couldn't help but ask for feedback from my g/f cuz I wanted her to really love the ring. I mean, hey, us guys aren't always the best judge of you girls' idea of style. She didn't actually see any part of the ring when I was searching, but she was aware of most of the stats.

However, I kept her totally in the dark as to the proposal. Nothing about location, date, etc. She just knew it was gonna happen before a certain date. It drove her and her coworkers mad trying to figure out when was the opportune date for me to propose due to our differing schedules. That left her so distracted, she didn't have time to try and figure out the location or any of the other details. And beware, if your guy is like me, he may "accidentally" make offhand remarks that provide hints as to elements of the proposal, but are in fact white lies designed to throw you off while making you more excited.

So, while she knew about the ring, I think that just made the proposal better cuz she knew she would like it and it gave her time to get all excited over getting it. Since she didn't know when it was coming, she got the fun part of being surprised and all the anticipation that comes along with knowing something you want is coming but you don't know when.

 

[PrincessBride]

TL1,

I think most of us feel the same way here. I''m becoming addicted to Pricescope too.

Like you, I knew jewelry stores where I could trust and find great prices. My bf (he has not proposed yet, so can''t call him my fiance yet) had no clue how to buy jewelry let alone a diamond. My biggest fear was him buying my diamond at the mall and at stores such as Kay''s, Zales, Kevin Jewelers, and even Robbin Bros. Asian people are so critical about the diamond quality, I didn''t want my relatives to think that he couldn''t afford me a nice quality diamond. So I took him ring shopping. I let him initiate it. I didn''t just make him go or suggest it to him. I want him to do it on his own merit. I''m very glad I went with him because all the rings he picked out for me was UGH! to say the least. He bought my ring with me there. I had it sized and watched the jewlery set in my diamond. Asian people are paranoid and would not send their diamond out to have it set because they may switch the diamond on you. Where I went, we get to see the whole process of them cutting the prongs, setting in the diamond and stuff. We even saw the whole cleaning process too.

I know that I am expecting my proposal soon. Even though I would like it to be a total surprise, but at least I feel better about the fact that he didn''t get cheated. The actual proposal will still be a surprise to me as I don''t know when, where, and how he will propose. He takes out the engagment ring every night and admires it. I can''t wait to wear it.

 

[honeynut]

BF planned a totally awesome action-adventure proposal, he pretended to be kidnapped by terrorist babes and I had to go on a scavenger hunt, passing funny skill-testing games to find clues leading me to his whereabouts.