How to plan the actual rehearsal?

[So_happy]

Our officiant won''t be attending our rehearsal so I''m just wondering how we start to plan this ourselves. And how we might then orchestrate the rehearsal so everyone else in the bridal party knows how it should go. My only experience with ceremonies involve watching them from TV so I am sure I don''t know of any subtleties that need to be planned for.

 

[akw94]

Oooh, good question! Same issue here so thanks for posting!
Sorry no help on the answer though

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi! Is it common for the officiant NOT to be at the rehearsal? Hmmm...

When I went to a friend''s rehearsal (I was doing a reading), the priest basically had us practice the whole ceremony (skipping over his part, etc.). There were a few of us who had never spoken into a microphone before and we were allowed to go to the altar and practice the readings. We had a few copies of the programs with us so we also just followed that. Could you bring a few programs with you (are you having them? I''m not sure if you''ve mentioned this in other threads) and use those to help you know who does what and when?

Chances are, you''ll have people there who have done it before (either gotten married or have been in weddings), so they can all pitch in and give pointers and suggestions. Maybe write things down before hand so you have it somewhat sketched out before the rehearsal.

Hope this helps!

 

[VRBeauty]

I've never heard of an officiant not attending the rehearsal. The officiant ran the rehearsals I've been part of!
You didn't mention how many participants will be in your wedding, and whether it will be a religious service or not. Apparently your officiant expects that all of the wedding party will stand through the service. Still, if you have the option, you and your fiance might want to go over the program with your officiant to make sure that the three of you agree on the order of the procession and serviece, and also to figure out what happens when and where. The big things I recall are who stands where and when, when do things get handed off (bride's bouquet, rings, etc), when do ushers and/or attendants sit (if at all). You can mark up your program and use that for the rehearsal. If it's a religious ceremony, you'll need to be sure everyone in the wedding party understands if there are special customs (kneeling, for example) or restrictions (i.e. if there's communion), and your officiant should know whether he or she will need to provide directions for your guests during the course of the service.

 

[So_happy]

I was led to believe that some officiants do and some don''t attend the rehearsal so I didn''t worry about it when I found out ours wouldn''t be attending. Or maybe it''s because ours is a JOP (retired judge) and we''re not having the ceremony in a house of religion?

In any case, we''ll be having a 30 minute ceremony in a park (from processional to recessional). 5 BMs, 5 GMs, no readings. I guess it''s pretty straightforward and simple. However, I still feel like I need some script to work off of....especially when it comes to things like when to give the bouquet to the MOH etc.

Hopefully others have had to plan this part themselves and can offer direction.

 

[njc]

A script to go by is a great idea. That is basicly what we planned out with officiant, so when the day came, there were no questions of when to do this, when to do that. We knew were the readings were, how the parents were being seated, how everyone was coming in and where everyone was going to stand waiting their turn to come in. You dont need the officiant there to run the rehersal as long as you have told him what you want and he has told you what he likes to do. You three (you, FI and officiant) need to be on the same page first and foremost... you dont want any surprises the day of. Make sure the three of you agree on the final script ahead of time and then you fill everyone else in at the rehersal. Make copies and hand out prior or at the rehersal. You can run it, or ask a friend that isnt in the bridal party.

Think of every detail you want to happen, from the officiants entrance, to who/what will cue promt people to walk, to your entrance, to who holds the rings, to where the reading will be, and when to give the MOH your bouquet. There is no such thing as too much detail when it comes to this script. The better you plan now, the smoother your rehersal should go! And with so much detail, you shouldnt forget any steps either.

HTH!

 

[akw94]

Your topic got me thinking (and a little nervous!). Here''s what I found:

http://www.foreverwed1.com/articles/rehearsal/weddingrehearsal.htm
http://www.partydirectory.com/guide/sb03.htm (this looks like it has the same info. as the first)
http://www.chicagomarriage.com/wedding_rehearsal.htm (at the end of this page, it says there''s a power point show about this.. haven''t checked it out yet)

 

[So_happy]

thank you, dixie!! I''m on my way over to check those out

 

[FireGoddess]

Uh, no officiant present?! Our officiant ran the rehearsal. I''d definitely talk to the person to find out what is normally done!

 

[akw94]

Date: 5/14/2007 4:46:20 PM
Author: So_happy
thank you, dixie!! I''m on my way over to check those out

You''re welcome! What did you think? I thought it was very helpful! I feel a lot better about the ceremony now b/c I really didn''t know a lot of the details. I think I will give a copy of that to my mom and ask her to be in charge of the rehearsal... well, sort of. I''m not that good at actually relinquishing control but we''ll see!

 

[tcm]

So Happy, May I suggest that if you are not having an officiant at the rehearsal that (if you not already have one) you have a wedding coordinator for the rehearsal and the big day. It could be someone hired, or if you have an organized, detail oriented friend (who is not already in the wedding), they might be perfect for the job as a volunteer. You''ll want to meet with them ahead of time to talk over details (order of ceremony, placement of attendants, list of special people (grandparents, etc.) to be seated) and possibly walk through the details on site. This person would then "run" the rehearsal, freeing you up from that responsibility. A parent can do this, but honestly they are often so busy greeting OOT guests, etc. that it''s often better for it to be someone else.

Depending on how much they are willing to take on, it would also be very helpful for that person to have a folder with all the contact numbers for the day (florist, caterer, cake, DJ, etc.), a list of who received corsages, bouts., etc. and an emergency kit (medicine, thread, shoe polish & laces, breath mints...). At the rehearsal the coordinator should make an announcement that questions and problems on the wedding day go to them and not to the bridge, groom or mother of the bride.

I could go into more details if you are interested. I''ve done this for several friends and it''s been a great way to be involved in their big day.

 

[nytemist]

We planned our rehearsal ourselves. Our officiant was there, so she did do a read through of the script we gave her. Basically, I decided how the parents were escorted and how the BMs were lining up. We also had a very basic non-religious ceremony with a JOP, about 20 minutes long. I thought it all through about a week beforehand and by the day of rehearsal I had down like a military drill and it took about 10 minutes to get everyone in synch. In a half hour, we did 3 run-throughs with no issues.

 

[So_happy]

Date: 5/15/2007 3:13:20 PM
Author: nytemist
We planned our rehearsal ourselves. Our officiant was there, so she did do a read through of the script we gave her. Basically, I decided how the parents were escorted and how the BMs were lining up. We also had a very basic non-religious ceremony with a JOP, about 20 minutes long. I thought it all through about a week beforehand and by the day of rehearsal I had down like a military drill and it took about 10 minutes to get everyone in synch. In a half hour, we did 3 run-throughs with no issues.

Oh thank you thank you for this bit of good news!!!!! I was getting pretty stressed about this. Our ceremony will be very similar to yours. JOP, non-religious, no readings, 20 mins long etc.

To start your thinking on how to organize your ceremony, did you find some particular resource useful? Or did you organize it from "scratch"?

 

[nytemist]

I thought about how things took place when I was in other people''s weddings and sometimes it was a total zoo! In my head I would think ''it realy doesn''t have to be this difficult''.

I guess you can say from scratch- I just referred to mental notes of what went wrong or what I didn''t need to do from other rehearsals I''ve been to.

We had a really small wedding party: Me, Ian, his dad as best man and my three BMs

First I had to figure out processional music. Once I picked that, I figured out how I would get everyone from the ante room, down the aisle and to the altar in the timeframe of the song, roughly three and half minutes, without looking like they were running.

Then I had to figure out how to have my mother escorted. Then it all fell into place- The moment the music started, our JOP walks in. Then his dad escorting his mom to her seat and then he stood at the altar. Ian then escorted my mom to her seat and took his place. My BMs came next, then my uncle walked with me. (my dad passed in 2005) It was perfect- the second my uncle took my hand and placed it in Ian''s hand, the song ended so the cermony could start.

 

[So_happy]

I think that''s the core of my issue. I don''t have a referene point. Never beein in a wedding and only been to 2 (but didn''t pay attention apparently). So my worries about this stem more from what I might NOT know rather than what I can probably figure out due to the good sense I sometimes employ (lol). Thank you for brining up the timing to music thing........that is, once more, something I had never considered and probably woudn''tve, had you not incidentally wrote about that.

To that end, I am actually curious as to what the other weddings you''d attended had you do that felt unnecassary. Perhaps knowing what is superfluous/unneeded will be as usefull as knowing what isn''t? Also, did you have your bridal party stand a certain way...meaning did you "flank" them so that they were diagonal to the other guests or did you have them stand perpendicular to them? At what point do you hand over your bouquet? I imagine right away? Or do you wait a bit and give it up when the ring exchange part begins? Or, actually, do you hold hands the whole time? That would be nice!

Lastly, did you run the rehearsal yourself or did you, as was suggested by others, pass this task on to someone else?

Thank you so much for detailing this for me!!!

 

[nytemist]

Well, with the bunch of weddings I''ve been in, a few put way too much detail on things like counting the numbers of steps of the BM in front of you before you started to walk down the aisle, or making sure you were perfectly in time with the music, or being sure your steps were precisely one in front of the other. I guess those are more bridezilla issues than anything. It may have been more that some had such a large party that the bride and groom had a hard time getting everyone''s attention to listen to the instructions being given. We were so casual that I didn''t fixate on things like that. My focus was making it to the altar without tripping on the dress or having a heel slip on the hardwood floor.

I asked my BMs to come in shortest one first. She is 5''1", my other two BMs are 5''10" and 5''11". Since the end of the function room was an alcove shape, they stood angled behind me. They stood following the curve of the wall sort of. (I''ll try and find a pic to post). MY MOH was last so she would be right behind me. After I got to the altar I handed her my bouquet right then since we were doing the handfasting. My left hand and his right hand were bound at the wrist and we had our other hand free to read our vows. My MOH also had Ian''s ring on her finger, ready to hand to me when I needed it.

I was commander of the ship. The head chef (who also acts as coordinator of weddings since the place is so small) offered pointers here and there but was thrilled that I already had a plan of action.

 

[nytemist]

In this picture you can kind of see how they were standing...