How would you arrange this...

[Prana]

Hello to everyone, I''m a long time lurker. I don''t post often, but I do read often, and you all are just so wonderful.

I''m getting married next May. Our venue is an old mansion on the water. I''m a little worried because we will likely have to separate seating- there are three rooms, one main room where the majority of guests will be as well as the bridal party, and two smaller rooms, one for additional seating and one for dancing.

I love our venue, the only drawback is the separate seating. If we do in fact have to separate our guests, who do I decide to put in the "other" room? Would you feel slighted if you were seated off of the ''main'' room? I don''t want anyone to feel as if they are less important to me because I seated them in another room. The rooms are adjoined by a large door, but still not the same room. I guess I just feel a little awkward about it.

Any creative ideas or opinions out there? What guests would you likely sit in the other room? Many venues that I looked at had this same type of layout, so I guess it''s not that strange.

Any opinions will be greatly appreciated!

 

[Munchkin]

We ran into that a lot when we were looking at the mansions in Newport, RI. In the end we realized we couldn''t fit all our guests without a tent, anyway, and moved the whole thing to Boston.

We thought we would put most of our young friends in the smaller, "additional" room. We figured that they would be more likely to move themselves onto the dance floor/would be less likely to be seated the entire wedding, anyway. Plus we knew that we could spread the seating arrangement by word of mouth ahead of time, so people wouldn''t be offended.

 

[Prana]

Our mansion is right down the road, in CT. I think I''m just making a big deal out of it, a lot of people have their weddings at venues like this, so I guess it''s not that big of an issue. I just feel like it might be awkward.

Thanks Munchkin!

 

[Loves Vintage]

Well, I think you are right to be concerned. Honestly, a lot of people would be offended to be put in the second-tier seating because they will perceive it as a reflection of how you value them in your social circle. A co-worker recently told me a story about a wedding he and his wife attended. There were about 300 guests, and they were put in the second room and felt like they were not really a part of the wedding. His wife was livid, not just because she was in the other room, but also because among all of the first cousins, she was the only one that was put in the second room.

So, I guess, it would be best to be consistent about who is seated where. I like the idea of putting the younger guests in the second room.

Sorry to be a bit of a downer about this, but I think your concerns are valid.

And, I'm from CT too!!

 

[Prana]

Yay CT!

We are trying to keep the guest list <120, and if we do, we may be able to fit everyone in one room. My idea was to also put the younger crowd, which would mainly be our friends and my cousins in that room. I''m just hoping that we can put everyone in the one room.

Now let me ask this question. Would you rather be more cramped for seating, meaning more tables placed into the larger room, or have separated rooms?

The caterer we chose works this venue a lot, and they said that the only times guests would really be at their tables was during dinner. Everything else would take place elsewhere in the other rooms and on the patio of the mansion. They were surprised when my mom and I mentioned that we were kind of uncomfortable with the seating arrangements, as they said they had never had a problem with guests feeling left out.

I don''t know. Hopefully only 100 people will come and we will be able to have one big happy wedding in one room. hahaha.

thanks for your opinions!

 

[Clio]

A good friend of mine had this issue at her wedding, and she dealt with it by having a sweetheart table in each room. She and her husband split their time between the two rooms. It made their dinner a little disjointed, but it did make sure the guests didn''t feel slighted.

 

[Clairitek]

I didn''t take the time to read the responses but I just wanted to mention that if you do have to split guests between two rooms then please make sure you don''t do anything like first dance, toasts, etc. without letting the people in the little room know. The only way this could happen to me as a guest at a wedding and annoy me is if I miss that sort of thing.

 

[Prana]

Thanks Clairitek.

The caterers and event coordinators work very carefully with the DJ and everyone involved to make sure nothing like this would happen. Actually everyone will be asked to come to the dancing room and surrounding patio (the rooms with the tables will really only be for eating) for all of those important events. The venue is sort of a ''get up and walk around'' type of place. I have hired a DJ who is also a strolling musician, to make it more cohesive and interactive for everybody during cocktail hour and dinner. My mother is so afraid of guests being offended that she offered to sit in the room with whoever was in there, just so nobody felt bad!



I really appreciate everyone''s input, and how you would feel if you were a guest at this type of venue.

Please keep responding!

 

[Prana]

Clio- sorry I didn''t see your response right away!

That does sound like a good idea! I never thought of that. I figure that we will be walking around through most of the dinner anyways- I want to make sure that I see all of my guests.

thanks again!

 

[LilyKat]

I would DEFINITELY try to keep everyone in one room, if that is even vaguely a possibility - I''d much rather be a bit cramped as a guest in one room, than in a different room. In your position I would rather cut down on my guest list than risk offending anyone.

If you absolutely have to do it, splitting your time between the two rooms (with the sweetheart table idea) would be the way to go. Just make it clear to the people in the second room from the start that you will be joining them later (to avoid them grumbling throughout the first half of dinner - I''ve seen this happen!)

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I would just try to stay consistent. Maybe split it into family in one room and non-family in the other? I feel like people would find that more understandable since it wouldn''t reflect a personal judgment. Even if it meant not having as may people in the "main" room as you could fit.

I''m actually planning to put 2 extra seats at all the tables to the fiance and I can table hop during dinner. I''ll be too excited to really sit and eat anyways, so might as well go around and spend some time with everyone.

 

[Prana]

LilyKat and Makingthegrade-

I agree with both of you. I would like to think that nobody would feel slighted by this, and I think that if I have to, I will put family in one and friends/coworkers in the other. I also like the idea of a sweetheart table in both rooms.

Or maybe we could just sit right in the doorway between the 2 rooms haha.

 

[swingirl]

I would feel slighted to be placed in a separate room. Everyone knows the room where the bride and groom are seated is THE room. Putting your co-workers there is probably better than splitting up your families. But expect there''ll be some water cooler discussion about it.

 

[Prana]

I agree. My mom and I are pretty set on having everyone in the same room, even if that means being a little cramped.