Huge set back for me

[Izzy03]

I need to vent to others in my situation because my friends and co-workers think I am being dumb. My BF and I have only been together for 9 months and I am very young (22 turning 23 in March). My BF asked gave me a beautiful David Yurman promise ring after only 6 weeks of dating. He said that he knew he wanted to marry me, he just wanted a proper courtship because my family is very old fashioned.

I thought for sure a proposal would be coming for Christmas, New Years, or my birthday. My BF has taken me to Tiffany "just to look" and I fell in love with a $15,000 Novo. My BF was quite successful in real estate in the past so we both thought that a ring so expensive would not be an issue. Well the real estate market was brutal this year and there is no $$ for a ring. I can tell that he is frustrated as well. To make things easier for him I have been trying to create a Novo replica that will only cost about $5,000.

I am starting to feel angry that I am doing all this research for rings and that now a proposal wouldn''t be a surprise because I am going to have to show him exactly which stone and setting to buy and where to buy them. Isn''t this his job?

Okay, I am almost done, I promise! I thought about purchasing a Novo-like setting (I found one for $1500) and giving it to him, telling him it was his to finish whenever he could afford to. Would that offend most men?

 

[heather318]

I personally picked out my ring and my FI bought the exact one I told him I liked.. Otherwise, I''m not sure what I would have ended up with!? It can be frustrating that you have to pick the ring and pretty much show him exactly what you want.. But let''s face it, as amazing as guys can be at times, some of them lack that part of the brain! I would hate for you to get a ring that you are not completely in love with because you didn''t show him what you wanted.. Giving him setting choices and letting him go from there might not be that bad of an idea..

Just don''t let it get to you that you are having to help pick the ring.. The proposal is still going to be a surprise and that should be all that matters!

 

[bee*]

I picked out my ring with my bf and it didn''t ruin the surprise of the proposal when he did it. I wouldn''t buy a setting now. Wait until things pick up and he can afford to get you the ring. In the meantime, start having all those chats that you need to have before getting engaged-where you want to live, kids/no kids, further careers etc so by the time it does happen, you''ll know you''re on the same track.

 

[sunnyd]

my BF made this big ol production about wanting to pick it out himself and have the proposal/ring package be a surprise. so i made him a cheat sheet of all the specs and settings and why i like them to help guide him. then last ngiht he tells me he doesn't want to learn all this stuff to use one time, he'll just sign the check...arg. men...

but i don't think it would ruin the surprise at all, or make it less of a huge deal.

in any event, i'd wait until you can afford the exact ring you want. i don't know, but it sounds like if he doesn't want to look, he may not be ready? good luck, keep up posted!

 

[meresal]

Does he know that you are doing all this? Have you all talked about finding less expensive options? If you haven''t, there is a chance that he could be doing research without you knowing. As far as buying the band, I would not buy it, walk up to him, and say here ya'' go, by any means. I think that you all should sit down and discuss things. I knwo with my BF, the times that I used to get most frustrated were when I would hold things in, and get upset that he hasn''t noticed... the entire thing is completely avoidable if we just suck it up and talk about it. It sounds like maybe you both just need to see if you are on the same pages.

Let us know how everything goes. I hope you get the help you would like

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/11/2007 11:31:05 AM
Author: sunnyd
my BF made this big ol production about wanting to pick it out himself and have the proposal/ring package be a surprise. so i made him a cheat sheet of all the specs and settings and why i like them to help guide him. then last ngiht he tells me he doesn''t want to learn all this stuff to use one time, he''ll just sign the check...arg. men...

but i don''t think it would ruin the surprise at all, or make it less of a huge deal.

in any event, i''d wait until you can afford the exact ring you want. i don''t know, but it sounds like if he doesn''t want to look, he may not be ready? good luck, keep up posted!

I agree with Sunnyd--- He may want to wait until the market comes back around, and then he can get you the ring you fell in love with. You may be ok with settling for less, bc it equals sooner, but he may not be ok with that.

 

[alyson423]

Hi Izzy03: I hope this doesn''t sound too harsh because I really don''t mean it to be. I understand being frustrated about factors outside of your control, such as the condition of the real estate market. But anger about the legwork you are doing for the setting- hasn''t that been your choice? It sounds like: 1) your BF knows exactly which setting you like; 2) he''s capable of doing the same sort of legwork that you have done for lower-priced but similar settings; and 3) he''s as enthusiastic as you about getting married. If he could swing it, it sounds like he would. Try to resist pushing too hard. If you end up having to wait until things are good again financially, look on the bright side-- you''ll wear the ring of your dreams for the rest of your life, you have time to wait, and, most importantly, you have a BF ready, willing, and soon-to-be-able to spend $15K on your ring! Sounds like a good guy to me!

 

[Izzy03]

Well, he knows that the Novo is style that I have fallen in love with and that the name means nothing to me. He said he has searched the internet like crazy to find Tiffany look-a-likes and hasn''t found one. It took me quite a while to find one as well. While using his computer I found that he had an email from a Tiffany representative with price quotes. When I asked him about it he told me that the ring I wanted was going to be more than he anticipated. So all this research I have been doing is to make things easier on him because I see that he is trying. I think even a $5,000 ring is not an option right now! I am just going to show him some good sites I have found and leave the rest to him.

 

[MoonWater]

That setting doesn''t look very distinctive to me. Is it really that hard to find something similar? What am I missing in its uniqueness?