Hurting. Just getting it all out.

[Keepingthefaith21]

Welcome to my pity party ladies. I’m just feeling so down I do not know what to do with myself…

On Monday FI went into the Dr. to have an infection in his arm lanced. While he was there the Dr. felt several smaller cysts and immediately ordered surgery the following morning to remove and test them. The tissue has been sent out to pathology and we’re waiting for results. In the interim, squeamish me has had to change his packing daily, drain the wound and make sure no further infection has started – oh and make sure FI takes his antibiotics on time.

While I was trying to keep myself busy with all of this stress I started to notice our dog didn’t seem like he was doing well. He had been vomiting on and off for a few days and by Tuesday he had pretty much abandoned eating. When I got home last night he was completely lethargic. I tried to give him some animal crackers thinking something bland would sooth his stomach when I noticed he was very dehydrated. I lead him over to his water bowl and gave him a little nudge to drink. He drank but within 5 mins he was throwing up.

I have a very rocky history with this dog. He was FI’s before we met and although I did my best to make improvements in his doggy life, we just never connected. Despite that fact, I am capable of understanding how much he means to FI and simply put: my heart began to ache at seeing this animal wilting away. I convinced FI to take the dog to the local animal emergency room where, $800, later we have no diagnosis and therefore no prognosis.

We’re hoping he was just dehydrated but…

Tonight FI is going to be bringing the dog home. FI wants to let him come home, spend time with him and basically see if he can have a turn around. I’m torn because as much as I understand the difficulty in letting go of an animal, I am not okay with watching that animal suffer just so that he can remain in our lives a little longer. I feel this horrible sinking feeling that FI is not going to be able to do the right thing and left in the wake of his inability to let go will be me. Ladies, I can’t even fathom how much potential hurt this situation holds for me. I am just not strong enough to watch an animal suffer.

On top of this, I am still worried about what is going on with FI’s health. I’m just a walking disaster area. I haven’t stopped crying since Monday and I’m trying so hard to keep it to myself but it’s getting so hard. I am using PS as my outlet to let someone somewhere know that right now my heart is hurting and I don’t know what to do.

 

[dragonfly411]

keepingfaith - I"m sorry to hear you are going through such horrible things all at once. I''m sending dust for SO and the dog. Did you have him tested for parvo? and Tape worm? Has he had runny stool? I''m keeping my fingers crossed

 

[jcarlylew]

big huge *hug* to you! I''m so sorry your week has been unfair-stressful. I''m sorry to hear about your BF''s cysts - thank goodness your doctor is a good one, and knows to check it out when he sees it. As a chronic sufferer of polydonial cyst (tail bone) i know how much 1) it sucks 2) antibiotics suck 3) changing dressing sucks. I really empathise with you here.
But here is a giggle for you - at least with my tailbone cyst, i truely can say what a pain in the ass it is

I''m wishing you the best with your dog as well. Hopefully he will turn around real quick.

Speedy recovery for your bf, dog and your feelings of worry, i hope all turns out well.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Thank you Dragonfly - He is over 10 years old and as far as I know he was vaccinated against Parvo many moons ago. At first the vet thought there was an intestinal blockage. When the x-ray''s came back without any clear cut proof of a blockage they moved onto liver or kidney disease.

I don''t know a ton about dogs but I do know that it is not completely unheard of for a blockage to slip past the keen eyes of a veterinarian - especially at 2 AM. I have asked that they have their specialist in radiology CAREFULLY review both x-rays again for this very reason. His symptoms point very clearly to those of a blockage and he does love to eat lots of things he is not supposed to despite our best efforts to stop him from doing so.

My only other thought is that he got into something toxic. I have no idea what he could have gotten into without our knowledge but he''s crafty.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 8/21/2008 3:44:33 PM
Author: jcarlylew

But here is a giggle for you - at least with my tailbone cyst, i truely can say what a pain in the ass it is

Thank you for the giggle. I REALLY needed that!

 

[absolut_blonde]

Aw. I''m sorry you''re having such a rough time right now. It seems like everything goes wrong all at once. I feel for ya, taking care of your SO and all. I am squeamish too and it would be really hard!

Regarding the dog - even if the issue is something terminal, it might just take your SO awhile to come to terms with that. I posted about this before, but my dog got very ill suddenly last month and was rushed to the doggie ER. My parents were given the option of putting him down but declined to do so at the time because they weren''t sure it was ''the end'' for him & they just weren''t ready to give up hope. They took him home and he had about 3 really good weeks at home, almost totally back to normal. Then he got sick suddenly again, this time much worse. By then, my parents had come to terms with the fact that the end was near, he wasn''t getting better and that the kindest thing would be to put him down. So... sometimes it just takes people awhile to really face the fact that they will have to let a loved one go, you know?

Anyway... sorry for the long post, but maybe that will help give you some perspective from the pet''s owner''s point of view. I hope things look up for you soon!

 

[ams0124]

Keepingthefaith, I''m so sorry your feeling so sad and that all of these things are happing all at once. HUGS!!
All I can say is to stay strong and things will work themselves out in the end. I agree with absoulte_blonde about how some people have a harder time letting go then others. Give you FI time and he''ll soon see what''s in the best interest of the dog. In the mean time do your best to make the dog comfortable give him lots of love when he gets home, if he is coming to the end of his life my suggestion is to make it as calming and painfree as possible.

Lots of dust to you...and strength too!!

On a separate note:

Date: 8/21/2008 3:44:33 PM
Author: jcarlylew
big huge *hug* to you! I''m so sorry your week has been unfair-stressful. I''m sorry to hear about your BF''s cysts - thank goodness your doctor is a good one, and knows to check it out when he sees it. As a chronic sufferer of polydonial cyst (tail bone) i know how much 1) it sucks 2) antibiotics suck 3) changing dressing sucks. I really empathise with you here.
But here is a giggle for you - at least with my tailbone cyst, i truely can say what a pain in the ass it is ;)

I''m wishing you the best with your dog as well. Hopefully he will turn around real quick.

Speedy recovery for your bf, dog and your feelings of worry, i hope all turns out well.

Jcarly: My BF had surgery for this right after we first started dating (a little less then a month)...I ended up having to "move in" with him for a couple months to help him clean out the wound right above his butt crack!!! It was truely the fastest way we could have ever gotten to know eachother....and he definitely had to learn to trust me pretty quick!!

...I think I deserve a HUGE ring after that ordeal...LOL!!!

 

[jcarlylew]

eww im soo sorry. Boyf offered to help me last year "look" at the area (i thought it had come back) and i gave him a look of horror

. only my mama can look at my tailbone like that!

sorry for the thread jack KTfaith, but hopefully this is funny enough to at least make you thankful you''re not cleaning out a tailbone

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 8/21/2008 4:25:02 PM
Author: jcarlylew
eww im soo sorry. Boyf offered to help me last year ''look'' at the area (i thought it had come back) and i gave him a look of horror

. only my mama can look at my tailbone like that!

sorry for the thread jack KTfaith, but hopefully this is funny enough to at least make you thankful you''re not cleaning out a tailbone

I am enjoying it! I thought an arm pit was pretty gross but right near his bum...I''m not so sure I''d be able to do it without making a bunch of really bad jokes!

 

[dragonfly411]

Keeping faith - the blockage recheck sounds like a good plan. Could he have found something he''s allergic to? Macadamia nuts? I DO hope you feel better!! Things will get better!

 

[Deelight]

I am so sorry KTF

I hope your puppy and FF get better soon

My kitty had the same problem with the vomiting and lethargy a little while ago and it was caused by him eating something stupid (he does this often) and irritating his bowel, he didn''t have a blockage but he was really sick, vomiting and lethargic and just down right down. The vets kept him on a potassium drip for a couple of days (all the vomiting caused a massive drop in his levels) and under observation and he got better and was back to his silly tricks and eating stupid things again in no time.


Chin up chickie I hope everything takes a turn for the better soon

 

[Blackpaw]

Oh no you poor thing

*hugs* for you. Keep the faith keeping the faith, things always get better you know, even when there seems to be no way out. (My SO had a health scare not long ago and I know nothing really helps so more *hugs* i think).

I really hope the pup and your FI get better real quick.

 

[LaraOnline]

Erk! Two seriously sick loved ones at one time, in one house... that sounds awful.
Try not to fret to much, right now, about what the 'correct' thing to do is, regarding your pet. Dogs are like the best amongst us, they tend to take it one day at a time.

So, take yourself slowly, be kind, and forget the dirty dishes for a minute. This little storm shall pass. Enjoy the sweetness of being with those you really care about, at a time when they really need you. It's wonderful to be able to show your love!

 

[Bia]

So sorry to read this KTF. I am totally with you--watching a pet suffer is very hard. My mother had to be very patient with my father when our childhood doggy got sick...my father didn''t want to let go even though it was evident that our pup was very sick. It took him a couple of weeks but after we all discussed it, my dad finally saw that the one suffering the most was our dog and not us. Its very hard because a person can love a pet as much as a family member--my pup is like a child to me, even though in reality she is a dog, I just don''t see her like that...

Talk to him. Compromise somehow. Maybe your dog will get better. If it looks like he''s not, then you have to deal with it. Just let him know that you''ll be there for eachother if the worst case scenario unfolds.

I wish you guys, and the doggy, the best news possible (doggy and BF). Remember to take care of yourself too...BF needs you right now. *hugs*

 

[gwendolyn]

Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through all this hurtful stuff--it''s hard enough to be worried about one family member, but two at the same time?! That''s just completely miserable.

I had a cat that was very, very dear to me and I thought I wouldn''t be able to say the word to put him to sleep after he was sick with kidney disease for so long, but the vet told me I''d just ''know'' when it''s time, and I think your FI will realize the same thing. Even when you love an animal with all your heart, you just get that hollow feeling in your chest that tells you that this is the end; it''s only going to get worse and more painful (for everyone) from that point on.

There''s not much you can do other than what you''ve been doing, sweetness. Keep taking good care of your FI, and maybe have a talk with him about how it *is* his decision about when to put the dog down since it''s his dog, but that there''s no going back when he gets that awful feeling that it''s time. It''s very hard, but I think he will know it''s what he needs to do.

I''m so very sorry. I hope you get some good news, or at least some helpful information, soon. Sending you lots of love and well-wishes, my dear.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

I wanted to share an update:

First, FI''s tests all came back NEGATIVE. Phew!!! We have to keep our eye on the wound as it heals and if any new cysts develop they will remove them and test them each time. HUGE weight off my shoulders when we got the results.

Unfortunately we had to have the doggy PTS. He had a small bowel obstruction and after the radiologist reviewed the x-rays he informed us he saw an additional mass which seemed to be the cause of the blockage which he believed to be a tumor. The vet was not giving us a good prognosis even with surgery so we made the decision to end his suffering.

I spent some time feeling guilty about the rug - wondering if I had removed it when it started to show signs of wear, would the dog have bothered to mess with it? When we were left alone for a bit I began sobbing uncontrollably and apologizing to FI. I felt responsible for the dog eating the rug. I think the vet may have overheard us because once our pup had crossed the Rainbow Bridge she carefully explained that his death was not our fault, that often times when an animal feels a blockage they will eat odd things in an effort to "push" the growth out. Hearing this made me feel a little less guilty but it was still a hard night.

Even now, there are certain aspects of our lives that are not the same and feel almost bizarre to us such as not having to rush home to walk him, being able to put bags of groceries on the kitchen floor while we unload the car, not hearing him bark at firecrackers or when someone knocks on the door. It will take time for things to feel normal again.

 

[sunnyd]

Oh KTF, I''m sorry to hear that the dog had to be put down.

That''s always so sad, but I''m sure you both know that it was the right thing to do. I know what you mean about life changing. It''s hard.

At least your FI is fine though, that''s a silver lining I suppose. Hugs!

 

[ams0124]

KTF,
I know that there''s not much more I can do then to say I''m thinking about you and give you *hugs* but if that helps at all I''m glad. At least your doggy isn''t suffering anymore...that doesn''t make you miss him less, but it can be comforting when you focus on it.

On a happier note however, I''m glad to hear that your FI is doing fine...that''s a relief for sure.

I hope things start looking up for you and him!

 

[jcarlylew]

ktf - I am so sorry to hear about your dog, but your doctor is so right. our loving pets do funny things when they know they are not well. All i can offer is charish those memories with your dog.

as for your boyfriend - HOORAY! i''m so glad ot hear that the tests came back neg. Do not get discourage if a cyst comes back - they''re known for that

. I''m glad to hear that your boyf is healthy!

keeping you in my thoughts!

 

[dragonfly411]

Keeping Faith - Thank goodness for your boy that the test results were negative. I am so sorry to hear about the pup, but you guys made a great choice in not allowing him to suffer! So a big Kudos to you for that. I hope you feel better, and maybe you can look forward to having a together dog in the future.

 

[katamari]

KTF, so sorry to hear about your pup, too. But, also very glad to hear that your FI will be fine. I hope things get back in order for you soon.