I AM SO DEPRESSED AND SHOULDNT BE WHILE PLANNING MY BIG DAY

[vaethn]

This is just not fair. I am trying so hard to get past this but my heart litterally hurts. So...I first wrote in that I didn''t like my proposal from my FH and a couple of my friends were unsupportive. I didn''t like the proposal because we were in the middle of an argument when he popped the question. Thanks to all of the wonderful support I found here, I am so past that. I love my FH so much and I no longer even think about the way I was feeling then. So...I cannot wait until I can say that about this one! I mentioned previously that there was a lot of jealousy when we got engaged. Well, recently, the one girl who is the rudest of them all just got engaged to my FH''s friend. Her and her bf had been together for 6 years and my FH and I for only 3 when he proposed. I guess that is why she was envious. Anyways, I find out that shes getting married in the same place that I want to....and she knows it!

Not only that, but when I told her how upset I was, she offered to make sure that our weddings would not be one right after the other. She said that she would make sure that hers was a few months before mine which rude anyways because we have been engaged and planning for months! It didn''t matter anyways though because I told her the date that my family had wanted and two days later she booked it I am just so upset. Worst, my parents told us the other day that they couldn''t make any solid financial committments if we have our wedding next year. My parents have really been affected by the economy and they have asked us to wait until 2011 so that they can help out with the wedding. So, now I am watching someone plan her wedding where I want mine, on the same day and I can''t do anything. I am trying to excite myself with 2011. My parents could help us so we could have the wedding that we really want, I would have two years to plan, and I wouldn''t have to plan my wedding feeling this way. But, it is also hard to convince myself. We got engaged nine months ago and we are ready. We are also probably moving next year so I would have to plan my wedding long distance. I don''t know...I am just really hurting over this whole thing. I am trying to heal but this is tough!

 

[FrekeChild]

This would probably be better served if it was moved over to Bride World Wide.

I am sorry you are going through that. I would stop telling her anything if I were you. She sounds like a little witch.

 

[Indylady]

I am so sorry you are going through this! What a nasty girl. And why the heck does she feel the need to compete with you?

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Hi Nicki, I had a similar issue not too long ago and got some great advice...thread here.

Main thing for me was what her intentions were...if she knowingly was "copying" me or taking my ideas. In my situation, it was definitely not intentional or with malice. It sounds like yours may not be like that...especially if you told her the *exact date* and she went right ahead and booked it! Ugh! If that it is the case, I would be pissed!!

 

[Luckyeshe]

Hey there, Nicki. Sorry you''re going through this. But here''s MHO, don''t tell that friend anything else anymore. Also as for the financial assistance, I know you say that you and your FI are ready, if that''s the case, why not just be married already and just have a delayed reception? Which is more important to you? Marrying sooner or having a big wedding? I''m not quite sure how big your wedding truly is if it''s even big at all, but if it''s a wedding you''ll be needing your parents financial assistance for...Anyways, my FI and I only planned to have a small wedding and not taking any funds from the families. We set some money away that we were ok to spend. What''s important for us is to just be together. What I''m trying to say is that unfortunately, in your case it does not appear that you could have both (marriage this year and the wedding/reception you want). Is there anyway for you to compromise so you can have both? If there isn''t one, which is more important to you?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

You''ve already been engaged for 9 months and your parents are suggesting that you wait until 2011????? If I really wanted to get married, I''d have a very small wedding soon rather than wait 2 years.

As far as the girl goes, there are 52 weekends in a year and you really did not have a date set, so I wouldn''t let it get to you. She''s not worth it. I''d focus on making a decision about whether the 2 year wait is worth it to have a bigger wedding, and then choose a date that is not too close to theirs since you have mutual friends.

 

[misskitty]

Honestly? Between her not being supportive of you at your engagement and booking the date/venue that you told her you wanted...she doesn''t sound much like a good friend. Maybe there''s more to the story, and she''s a great friend otherwise, but from the bit you''ve posted, she doesn''t exactly sound like a gem. I''d just stop talking to her about wedding things at all, and probably consider just not talking to her, period.

 

[jaylex]

Hmm.. what a B!tchy "friend" (if everything she is doing is TRULY out of Malice).

It kinda goes against what some of the other girls are saying but if I were in your shoes, I would probably wait. If you truly want your wedding to be free from any of her "drama" and bad "karma", I would def pick a date in 2011.
Not only would the funds be there... not to mention the extra time you'd have to devote to every wedding detail... but you would also be able to go to this vile womans wedding and see the place you want to get married at and take notes on what NOT to do. (Ex: She put the dance floor by the large fireplace and it was WAY too hot. I need to remember to have the dance floor over there..., or the salmon was really dry... I should make sure to choose a different entree.., etc..")

I think it would really work out in your favor.. plus by the time 2011 rolls around, her wedding will be old news and yours will shine that much more!

oh yeah... and don't let her in on any more wedding details.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 8/9/2009 11:06:20 PM
Author: misskitty
Honestly? Between her not being supportive of you at your engagement and booking the date/venue that you told her you wanted...she doesn''t sound much like a good friend. Maybe there''s more to the story, and she''s a great friend otherwise, but from the bit you''ve posted, she doesn''t exactly sound like a gem. I''d just stop talking to her about wedding things at all, and probably consider just not talking to her, period.

+1

let me ask this question tho, has she ever mentioned wanting her wedding there. That might be a place that she has thought about having it for awhile. I mean she was with her b/f 6 years she might have done some pre planning. The way she seems to be going by with things tho is uncalled for tho.

 

[Still_Waiting]

Oh, man! I don''t even know what to say, except that I''m one more listening ear. It doesn''t sound like that girl is a friend at all...since you''ll be moving, I''d say it''s high time to "move" her right out of her life. I''m sorry this is making life so miserable for you!

 

[gwendolyn]

Hmmmm.....for the sake of the thread, I'm going to play devil's advocate.

<--me


So, my thoughts are these:

1. She's such an extremely sad, pathetic, and non-thinking individual that her ONLY idea for when and where to be married would be to copy your EXACT plans because she literally doesn't have two brain cells to rub together to come up with her own ideas. Seems unlikely that someone would be so dumb and be someone that you willingly associate yourself with, but y'never know.

2. She really is a vindictive, nasty woman who values your distress over all other things, including the day that is supposed to be one of the happiest of her life. If this is the case, perhaps you should celebrate! I mean, how often is it that anyone rates of *this* extremely high level of importance, besides the bride and groom themselves? Maybe you should be honoured! And then get her out of your life, if making you miserable ranks highest among all other things, yes?

3. She's been thinking of having her wedding at this same place too, made the move on it as soon as she was engaged, and the date you had picked was one of the few they had available, possibly the only one at the time of year she wanted to get married. And, since you have been engaged for 9 months and haven't yet pulled the trigger on this place, maybe she figured you weren't going to anytime soon. Plus, if there were only a few dates left, she also would've known that the date probably wouldn't stick around forever, so she nabbed it.



I know that weddings bring out the worst in people and that they can always surprise you (in the not-so-good kind of way), but really, I'd probably roll my eyes at characters 1 and 2 if they appeared in a soap opera because of their lack of believability. Sounds like the previous incident involving this friend (when you got engaged) was nothing more than a bout of LIWitis (how many DOZENS of threads are in this forum of ladies getting upset because someone they know got engaged and they didn't, especially someone who's been together half the time? you can't sympathize at least a little with her?), and that now she's just moving on making the wedding she's been waiting a long time for to become real. Can you blame her, especially when your plans aren't solidified yet and you've had 9 months to plan, and now might not even be getting married next year anyway? Maybe you're being just a touch unreasonable here?



But again, just playing devil's advocate--don't know this woman from Eve.

 

[Nomsdeplume]

I understand that you are bitter. The situation sucks. Unfortunately, nothing is going to improve it. You have three options.
1) Cut all ties with this girl, and don''t attend her wedding.
2) Try to keep your venue, date etc and end up in a Bridewars showdown.
3) Change your plans, and move on.
Is there nowhere else that would be just as good, or better, than the location you wanted to use?
2 years isn''t that long. I know plenty of people who have been engaged for longer. The wedding sounds important to you. Why not wait til you can have the one of your dreams? By that time the whole "wedding stealing" drama will be over.

 

[ringless]

I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I KINDA know how you're feeling... I'm not yet engaged, but most of my friends who haven't been in very long relationships are getting married before me and it kinda stings to see that, but at the same time I'm really happy for them. I know God has a plan and my time will come when it's meant to be. I say the same for you! Hang in there and just be happy you're able to get married, that you're engaged, and planning a beautiful wedding..whenever it will be

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 8/11/2009 5:38:58 AM
Author: gwendolyn
Hmmmm.....for the sake of the thread, I''m going to play devil''s advocate.

<--me



So, my thoughts are these:


1. She''s such an extremely sad, pathetic, and non-thinking individual that her ONLY idea for when and where to be married would be to copy your EXACT plans because she literally doesn''t have two brain cells to rub together to come up with her own ideas. Seems unlikely that someone would be so dumb and be someone that you willingly associate yourself with, but y''never know.


2. She really is a vindictive, nasty woman who values your distress over all other things, including the day that is supposed to be one of the happiest of her life. If this is the case, perhaps you should celebrate! I mean, how often is it that anyone rates of *this* extremely high level of importance, besides the bride and groom themselves? Maybe you should be honoured! And then get her out of your life, if making you miserable ranks highest among all other things, yes?


3. She''s been thinking of having her wedding at this same place too, made the move on it as soon as she was engaged, and the date you had picked was one of the few they had available, possibly the only one at the time of year she wanted to get married. And, since you have been engaged for 9 months and haven''t yet pulled the trigger on this place, maybe she figured you weren''t going to anytime soon. Plus, if there were only a few dates left, she also would''ve known that the date probably wouldn''t stick around forever, so she nabbed it.




I know that weddings bring out the worst in people and that they can always surprise you (in the not-so-good kind of way), but really, I''d probably roll my eyes at characters 1 and 2 if they appeared in a soap opera because of their lack of believability. Sounds like the previous incident involving this friend (when you got engaged) was nothing more than a bout of LIWitis (how many DOZENS of threads are in this forum of ladies getting upset because someone they know got engaged and they didn''t, especially someone who''s been together half the time? you can''t sympathize at least a little with her?), and that now she''s just moving on making the wedding she''s been waiting a long time for to become real. Can you blame her, especially when your plans aren''t solidified yet and you''ve had 9 months to plan, and now might not even be getting married next year anyway? Maybe you''re being just a touch unreasonable here?




But again, just playing devil''s advocate--don''t know this woman from Eve.

that''s what I was thinking