I am stressed-out

[zhuzhu]

It has been so stressful in school lately. My comprehensive exam is coming up in 2 weeks. From the questions/suggestions my committee members provided in my last meeting, they do not seem to understand the direction of my research because they themselves came from all different backgrounds. My fiance lives 3000 miles away, and even though he is wonderful and supportive, it is still so sad that I don''t have his shoulder to cry on when I get completely frustrated and freaked-out with bs from the school. Sorry to vent like this, but the stress from finishing up my phD just seem so overwhelming these days....

 

[bstraszheim]

Dear Zhuzhu,

I am sorry that school is so stressful for you, with the added stress of your fiance being so far away, (my (now) husband and I did 8000 miles of long distance relationship for 6 months while we were engaged, so I really do understand how tough it is!). I hope that you can take some comfort in knowing that the stress will come to an end.

I would suggest that you just take a long, hot bath, perhaps do a manicure/ pedicure, drink some soothing tea and just go to bed. Relax. If you can't take care of yourself, you won't be able to do what you need to. Also, know that you have support here on PS!

I wish you well,

Bridget

 

[snow_happy]

Hi zhuzhu --

Is this your last defense? I wouldn''t worry about the committee. In a way, I think it''s good because you can define your direction without having an "expert" in your field to tell you it''s wrong Therefore, in essence, you can teach them what you want to teach them about your field. The whole graduate program is a huge emotional rollercoaster in my opinion! Good luck and I''m sure you will do fine. If you are at the end of your research and PhD program then you should be the expert in your field/research anyways so be confident in the hours and work you have put in

 

[zhuzhu]

Thanks Bridget and Snow-Happy for your kind words.

It is hard to be in east coast when your future is in west coast with 3 hours difference. My fiance will sometimes get up at 4AM to call and wake me up so I don''t oversleep from speaking to him until 2AM (its really crazy).

Well, I am having my comprehensive exam in May, and hopefully defend in December this year. In between the two exams I have a preceptorship where I will conduct a study at UCLA for 2 months this summer (just 3 hours away from my fiance!!! ).

Thanks for all your warm support!

 

[sydneycasandra]

zhuzhu-

Sometimes grad/professional school can be really frustrating; you start to wonder where all your hard work has gone! Remember all that you have had to go through in your life to make it to where you are now; about to become a certified expert in your field of study (what do you study, may I ask?), about to get married to the man you love, and do a preceptorship in sunny california near him! "Keeping your eye on the prize" so to speak sometimes may help you to see that all the little scary things (thesis defense, LD relationship) are just that; little. You wouldn''t be where you are in school if you weren''t intelligent and hard-working, and you wouldn''t be getting married if you didn''t have someone that loves and cherishes you. You have a whole lot going for you! Good luck!

 

[zhuzhu]

AntiguaBride, thanks for your kind words, and reminder of what''s important. I do research in genetic epidemiology, basicly we aim to determine susceptibility genes in complex-model diseases.

 

[foxngiraffe]

Zhuzhu,
I am sorry to hear about all your stress, if it helps, when i was in grad school at NYU, my fiance was not only living a couple hundred miles away most of the time, but he then was stationed in Afghanistan for 4 mos., which as you can imagine made our relationship very difficult communication-wise.
All I can say is that we made it...and heres what i used to get me through all my exams, work, and missing him and our communication.
he too would call and wake me up at odd hours, whenever he could get to the satellite phone---cherish it, and stop what you are doing to take it, even if its sleep...it de-stress you to hear his voice.
Use email!---i can''t stress how much i used this one....there are certain things written that warm the heart more so than spoken words can. seeing it in writing, makes it real....we would write journal entries to each other through email....and print them out if you can....i would print out the emails and if i didn''t hear from him for a night or too, instead of being stressed or worried about something i couldn''t control....i would open the drawer to my bedside table and read an email from a month ago or recently....
it really helped...also...take people, friends, up on going out to have some coffee....a night out can do wonders to de-stress and distract your mind...i also took up yoga heavily and got back into my running regimen.
take baths...and tell him about them..!
anyway...i hope that helps...and know that it will pass...and it will make the time that you do spend together so worth-while...we savor every moment we have together, even if we are getting the oil changed on our cars...and you will too...the time apart makes you appreciate what you will have together...
trust me!
good luck on exams...and know that grad school passes too...and theres nothing else like wearing that gown with the special collar!!! and continue to write!

Date: 4/16/2006 6:42:44 PM
Author: zhuzhu
AntiguaBride, thanks for your kind words, and reminder of what''s important. I do research in genetic epidemiology, basicly we aim to determine susceptibility genes in complex-model diseases.

 

[FireGoddess]

I know what that feels like, and you will get through it! The best you can do is try to make them understand, but they might need to think out of their comfort zones a little bit and walk away from the fields they''re used to! Just try not to freak too much - you''re almost there! (At least you have a shoulder to cry on...at the time, I wasn''t dating anyone and my cat just didn''t know what to say to make me feel better

although her purring helped

)

All the suggestions you''ve been given are great. Just try to relax yourself when you feel like you''re about to get overwhelmed.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

oh good luck on your exam!!! I am stressed out too but for different reasons so I can relate.

 

[zhuzhu]

Just want to give a big THANK YOU for everyone here, for holding my hand during my pre-exam melt-down.

I am happy to report that I passed the comp, and am now officially a PhD candidate. This means I am on the right track to finish up what''s left of my research and get out to an exciting new job....... and GET MARRIED!~~~~

I have more time to start look at gowns, will post pictures of the gowns I try on later, THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE!!!