"I am too old to be a trophy girlfriend...."

[roppongi]

Hi PSers:

Last night DH and I went to dinner with two other couples to celebrate a large client win at The Ritz Carton. The six of us were seated next to two very attractive women; one looked quite sad/unhappy and the other one looked to be very concerned. I was sitting directly across from my husband and to my left was the sad woman (I was also directly across from her friend).

Cocktails were ordered as we looked at our menus, the mood at our table was jovial, and the men were all very, very happy. I was chatting with one of the wives and we heard muffled tears, it was the woman sitting to my left. I turned to look at my husband and caught eyes with her friend who was holding her hand. Muffled tears turned into sobs as she said loud enough for everyone to hear, "I am now too old to be a trophy girlfriend...no one will have me anymore. I spent the best years of my life with this man and now my life is over."

Our table was silent. What was to be a celebratory dinner was turning south very quickly as we had not even ordered our dinner. Our waiter came by to take our orders and also heard snipets of the conversation that was going on next to us. "I hate him....I want him dead...He doesn''t know what he''s missing."

The six of us tried really hard not to listen and just enjoy the evening. The sad woman then looked over to us and our table and saw my rings and just went off. She said to my DH, "Is this your wife? How old were you when you got married? How big is her ring, that''s a big ring!" She looked at me and said, "How big is your ring? Can I see it?" And a few other comments. DH smiled at her and said something very sweet. If she had seen the rings on the wives of the other women at the table she would have gone crazy...they were huge.

I guess other tables started to complain and the manager was sent over and they were told very nicely that it was time to go. Her friend looked embarassed, the check was paid and they left.

After they left we were able to enjoy our dinner and a very nice evening.

I felt like I was in an episode of Sex and the City (gone bad). I felt quite sad for this woman. It really made me think about marriage and commitment. Clearly they must have been together for a long time and it ended with nothing for her?

Has this situation ever happened to you? What would you have said to this woman? I am still thinking of her this morning.

Roppongi

 

[IrishBreakfast]

Oh boy. I don''t have any advice for you - I think you, your DH and the Ritz Carlton handled it about as well as possible. When people are that upset, there is very little you can say but kind words go further than harsh ones. Poor girl, she must have been in some real distress to lose the plot like that. Here''s hoping some day soon she realizes that her life is most certainly not over and that some good, decent man would be happy to ''have and to hold'' her. Who wants to be a trophy girlfriend anyway! Yikes!

 

[Lorelei]

Roppongi, I just wanted to say hi ! Good to see you my dear!

 

[gwendolyn]

Her comments make me sad too, whether she meant that she couldn''t compete with a trophy girlfriend for her husband''s affections, or that she had always seen herself as a trophy wife, doesn''t anymore and therefore feels she has lost her worth.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/8/2008 4:17:22 PM
Author:roppongi


Has this situation ever happened to you? What would you have said to this woman? I am still thinking of her this morning.

Roppongi

better luck next time!!! . you''ll always get a bigger rock second time around

how old was this woman?

 

[roppongi]

Hi Lorelei....

Thank you for the warm welcome, it has been a while since I last posted and have missed all of you.

Irish and Gwen...I don''t think she was all together there, perhaps one or two extra cocktails,thus not realizing what she was saying or how loud her voice was carrying. The whole thing was just very sad, it put a damper on my night.

Dancing Fire...she didn''t look very old at all. Maybe early/mid thirties, very attractive. I would think that any man would be excited to have her as his girlfriend/wife.

When they got up to leave I just smiled at her and her friend. What I wanted to do was give her a hug and tell her that the right man is out there and you''ll find him when you least expect it.

 

[Kaleigh]

That is sad... Sorry it put a damper on your evening. But nice to see you back here!!!!

 

[Miranda]

Oh my! That poor unfortunate thing. She must have been really upset to make such a spectacle of herself. I cannot imagine behaving that way in public. I''m glad to hear you were able to have your celebratory dinner after all of the drama. I think you handled it correctly. There is nothing you could have said to help her. And hopefully she did get something out of the relationship. A lesson perhaps. It won''t make her feel any better now, but, down the road I think she''ll be a bit wiser. Unless, of course, she''s like a friend of mine who makes the same mistakes with the same kinds of men over and over and over and over.

Congrats on landing the big client!

 

[strmrdr]

That is sad that a woman would think that way.
They are often ones that there is a decent single guy they know and they wont give a second thought to.

 

[perry]

It is a very sad commentary on how people value themselves. People''s value is much more than skin deep.

About 2 weeks ago I visited and old set of friends (as I was driving by where they live - several hundred miles from here). Don still is proud of his wife - Eleanor; and she of him. I would put them in their late 70''s or early 80''s. Now that is a trophy wife.


I agree with storm... Gals who view their value only as being able to show off for their husband will rarely look at decent single men who would love to have a wife who looks so good. It is a shame too... (as I continue my search).


Perry

 

[isaku5]

That''s so sad, but as Strm and Perry said, she probably wouldn''t be interested in a guy who would treat her like a queen...but wasn''t handsome, successful, rich etc.

Was her dinner date one (or all) of the above?

 

[miraclesrule]

That''s probably why I don''t enter into deep relationships lightly. I have been burned a few times. Although that was mostly my fault for choosing the wrong men. Well, trusting the wrong men actually. Now someone has to show me that they are good people...otherwise I don''t let down my guard. It sucks to be so vulnerable and then find out you got played. But as the title of the great break up books states "It''s a break up because it broken". She probably needed this to happen because the right guy is looking for a single lady.

I suspect the wound was still really fresh and really raw, otherwise she probably wouldn''t have behaved like that in public (but then there was the alcohol). I hope she "snaps out of it", as Cher said in Moonstruck.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I feel for her...to a point. She sounds like a hot mess with very little self-esteem, so more than anything I hope she focuses on that. The reason I have a hard time having sympathy for her is because she knew she was a trophy girlfriend and is simply upset that she didn''t get promoted to trophy wife. She SHOULD be upset that she was ever considered a trophy girlfriend to begin with--I should hope that she believes she can bring more to the relationship than just her looks.

Does anybody remember that fake email or forum post from the woman who considered herself attractive, but couldn''t seem to find a man who made a certain amount of money (I think it was $500k or something?) who wanted to marry her? Then a guy who met her requirements replied and told her that the reason trophy wives don''t work is because the man''s assets appreciate while the only assets she has (her looks) depreciate, so women have to bring a lot more to the table. Even though it was fake, the point is valid--she needs to read that.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 6/8/2008 11:16:10 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
I feel for her...to a point. She sounds like a hot mess with very little self-esteem, so more than anything I hope she focuses on that. The reason I have a hard time having sympathy for her is because she knew she was a trophy girlfriend and is simply upset that she didn't get promoted to trophy wife. She SHOULD be upset that she was ever considered a trophy girlfriend to begin with--I should hope that she believes she can bring more to the relationship than just her looks.

Does anybody remember that fake email or forum post from the woman who considered herself attractive, but couldn't seem to find a man who made a certain amount of money (I think it was $500k or something?) who wanted to marry her? Then a guy who met her requirements replied and told her that the reason trophy wives don't work is because the man's assets appreciate while the only assets she has (her looks) depreciate, so women have to bring a lot more to the table. Even though it was fake, the point is valid--she needs to read that.

I agree with you. Who wants to be a Trophy anything, I do feel bad for her but I rather be a "Girlfriend" or a "Wife" (equals w/my SO, no trophy anything).

 

[krisvrn]

oh that is pretty sad. I hope she finds happiness!

 

[tanuki]

I can remember seeing letter after letter to Dear Abby over the years from sad women who stuck with some guy for the best years of their lives hoping for a marriage which never occurred and in the end whatever was wrong with the relationship that kept them from committing in the first place eventually led to their splitting up. In some cases the guy was married (although I''m not sure in this case if this woman was a girlfriend for years of some single guy or if he was married).
I think her rule of thumb was if he wasn''t going to get serious in five years to cut your losses and move on.

It''s sad that whatever relationship she was in didn''t work out - but the fact that she was worried about her ability to be someone''s "trophy girlfriend" speaks a bit to her perspective on relationships (that she seems in it for financial gain).

 

[AmberGretchen]

I totally agree with NEL and Skippy - what a sad way for any woman to see herself.

I think I would have advised her to think about what she could do with her life for herself - every woman, in my opinion, should have the means to support herself, and should also make the time and take the effort to find things she loves to do and takes pride in, independent of any man.

I love my DH very much, and am thrilled that we are together, but if something horrible happened tomorrow, I take great comfort in knowing that I have maintained my own identity and could be independent if I needed to, financially and otherwise. I have things and people in my life that I love to spend time with, as an individual.

How sad that this woman had so much of her self worth tied up in how she looked and wanting to be supported by a man - what a waste. I would have told her how sorry I was she was in the situation, but that she needed to think long and hard about what she could do to be proud of herself as a human being, and not need a man for financial support or to make her feel worthwhile.

I''m sorry this experience ruined your lovely dinner - it sounds very unpleasant and disturbing.