I believe I had my first bridezilla breakdown...

[anchor31]

And hopefully it''ll be my last. I''m under a lot of pressure lately and having an absolutely insane first half of term (and not much rest), and last week I had the worst case of PMS in years... I don''t exactly have wedding planning on my mind right now I have to say. I know I wasn''t exactly in my right mind, so bear with me. I''m just venting here.

FI and I got into an argument about the tuxes, of all things. We both have three weeks off at Christmas and I thought we''d use the week before Christmas to get some things done for the wedding, and told FI we could make an appointmet to pick the styles we want for the tuxes.

He shrugs and says "Oh, I''ll do it sometime next spring. Everyone''s just too busy for that right now." Everyone? Who said anything about everyone? FI thinks we can''t pick the tuxes ourselves for other people, but why the heck not? Knowing the 4 men we need to get tuxes for, it will be near-impossible to get them all at the same place at the same time. My dad is away for work every other week, the GM works all the time except Sunday PM (and the store is closed) and my FI''s father is everything but reliable and I doubt he''ll even want to show.

So I just blew up. I started ranting about how the big wedding with everyone was his idea to begin with and I''d rather just have eloped, so I was trying to keep this as simple as possible, but no, he always has to make things more complicated than they are and involve everyone so that everyone can get an opinion and try to screw up our plans, plans that I''ve been working my butt off on for the last 6 months and am trying to get out of the way so I can concentrate on my school, how I''m sick of him always being so opinionated about the wedding and not being willing to compromise but I have to do the work because when it comes to actually doing something he suddenly doesn''t seem to be interested anymore, and how he just does''t seem to realize how much work it''s been for me since March and takes it for granted. I finished my rant by a very elegant "I''m sick of it, I''m sick of planning this wedding for you and if you want it to be this way, you plan it, because I am done." And I walked away and cried...

It''s not that bad in reality, but I guess I am feeling a little under-appreciated. It''s true that I would rather have eloped, and I do try to keep things as small and simple as I can (money is also an issue because of his dear parents (

), hence the hard research work), but everything always seems to get a life of it''s own and get a lot bigger and a lot more complicated than I would like. In reality, J has been somewhat involved, seeing the vendors with me and being part of the decisions, but I guess I do feel like he''s been rather inflexible and not too much help with the researching and stuff. I''m tired and I just want this to be over with... I don''t want to have to deal with this anymore, but something always keeps popping up.

On the day after, we talked again and I tried to explain how I feel calmly. I told him that maybe he thinks wedding planning all fun for me, but it''s not. Right now, it''s draining and I''m tired of it. I asked him to take care of the tuxes and the mini-moon because I will not be doing anything about those. On the other hand, he''s not much of a planner and one heck of a procastinator, so I kind of wonder if leaving this in his hands will just be more stress for me...

I really, really wish this was all over and done with. Or that I would have had money to hire a wedding planner. Or that everyone would just shut up and do as I say? Hm, the big green monster seems to be rearing its ugly head again... I guess I should go curl up with a warm cup of tea and a funny movie, or else I''ll blow up again!

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

 

[oobiecoo]

Aww... sometimes you just have to let it out! Sometimes I feel like I''m doing all the planning myself and we are on a tight budget so it hasn''t been easy. I''ve talked to FI about it and told him how I feel... so now I give him wedding stuff to take care of. But he is a HUGE procrastinator also so we both agreed that I would give him reasonable deadlines of when things need to be done. That way I don''t have to start stressing about his responsibilities until he actually passes the "due date". Maybe you could give your FI dates of when you''d like those things to be done?

 

[surfgirl]

Aw anchor, I"m sorry you''re having a moment...And more sorry that you feel you can''t elope, as you wanted to. You know, Mr. Surfgirl and I were talking yesterday about how my cousin''s upcoming wedding is turning into this big thing with stupid issues coming up and people getting pissed off and how happy we were to just elope and have our wedding be about us getting married and nothing else. So...why cant you elope? If he doesn''t want to deal with wedding planning, why not just do it!?! If his parent''s dont want to be involved, why not? Do you parents support you eloping? If so, I say go for it and be done with it...However, if that''s not possible, then why not sit down together and make a spreadsheet with timelines for who has to do what and when. Then check in with each other once a week to see where you''re at with getting it all done...Make him pick up some of the slack!

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 10/8/2007 4:37:14 PM
Author: surfgirl
...then why not sit down together and make a spreadsheet with timelines for who has to do what and when. Then check in with each other once a week to see where you''re at with getting it all done...Make him pick up some of the slack!

I''m sorry you''re going through a rough patch. I agree with Surfgirl''s idea. My FI and I have had MANY arguements about cleaning (who does what and when it should be done), and we finally put together a spreadsheet of cleaning chores. We made it very specific so that we (my FI) know when a particular room is cleaned thoroughly. Maybe if you apply that type of strategy to planning the wedding, it will get easier.

If it makes you feel any better, you''re not alone...my FI is a complete procrastinator. He finally sat down to print the envelopes for the save the date cards last night after a month of me reminding him about it. I basically had told him not long ago that the wedding is not just for me, but it''s for US, so WE should work together to plan it. I still end up doing more but at least now I know he''s somewhat more invested.

I hope you don''t mind me bringing in my situation into this briefly, but I wanted you to know that you''re definitely not alone with those feelings.

 

[Sabine]

Awe, Anchor, I totally get how you feel! You''re definitely allowed a freak out or two (or five or ten...

) when you need one. I like the idea of setting clear deadlines for your FI to get things done by if you do delegate to him, that way your expectations are clear, and you''ll be less likely to be let down, and therefore less stressed. I do think your FI should be able to take a couple things off your hands entirely since he wants his input to be considered without doing any of the not so fun work himself. That is totally what my FI is doing too, so I feel for ya. We haven''t gotten to tuxes yet, but we''re trying to plan our honeymoon. When I ask what FI wants, he doesn''t know. So I do all this planning and come to him with all these options, and he shoots all them down. Finally I had to tell him that he needed to come to me with some options next weekend cause I was done too. Hopefully now that you''ve let your anger out you''ll recognize the signs of frustration brewing (and maybe he will too!) and you can talk to him and have him help out more before you totally go insane!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Hey, Anchor, I just wanted to say that I''m sorry and that I promise you it will get better. I was in your shoes in that I wanted to elope and he wanted a wedding. I tried to create the most laid-back wedding possible, but would still get stressed on occasion and at those moments I would resent the fact that I was planning something I didn''t think I wanted.

Naturally, now that it''s over I realized that there was no reason to stress and am so, so happy with what we planned and so, so happy we didn''t elope. I PROMISE that it will get better and when it is all over you''ll realize that nobody cares about the tuxes. Or the flowers. Or the cake. They just want to be a part of your day and hopefully they will all be perfectly happy with whatever tux you choose. I put together a couple of options and let them decide because honestly, I didn''t really care. Turns out neither did they...

I completely agree that creating a task list is essential. We did all of the big stuff together (again, this was his wedding, so I wasn''t planning it all), but when it came to little things like apparel, we just split it up. I told him he and his groomsmen could wear whatever they wanted, though we ended up coming up with options together. Basically, I gave him the things that I thought were more important to him. If they didn''t happen (and a couple didn''t), then I didn''t care at all. The things I did care about I just took care of myself, but really I can''t think of anything that either of us decided on without consulting the other.

Look, breakdowns happen, even to the most laid back brides. I once cried in the middle of Wal-Mart while clutching table linen samples and yelling at my husband about how I didn''t care, I hated the wedding and if he wanted it, he could plan it. Then, naturally, I felt like a crappy bridezilla, quickly apologized and that was the last wedding-related breakdown I had because I swore to myself I wouldn''t get worked up over something so silly again.

You will be fine, the tuxes will be fine, the wedding will be amazing and you''ll love every minute of it. It''s just too hard to see that right now. It happens. And soon enough you''ll be laughing about how stressed you were over the tuxes!

 

[anchor31]

Date: 10/8/2007 4:03:02 PM
Author: oobiecoo
Aww... sometimes you just have to let it out! Sometimes I feel like I''m doing all the planning myself and we are on a tight budget so it hasn''t been easy. I''ve talked to FI about it and told him how I feel... so now I give him wedding stuff to take care of. But he is a HUGE procrastinator also so we both agreed that I would give him reasonable deadlines of when things need to be done. That way I don''t have to start stressing about his responsibilities until he actually passes the ''due date''. Maybe you could give your FI dates of when you''d like those things to be done?

Yeah, I should do that. It''s crazy how we never think of the logical alternatives when we''re in the middle of the situation, and then it looks really obvious when someone mentions it...

Thanks for the tip, I appreciate it.

 

[Independent Gal]

I''m joining the empathy camp. It''s pretty much the same with my FI. Initially, it was him who wanted a wedding. But now it''s me who''s doing all the planning and getting stuff done, and yet he always seems to have a strong opinion about things and to nix things I was excited about. I gave him specific tasks to do, but I don''t have high hopes that they''ll get done, at least not in a timely way.

Yes, it''s frustrating! And so, it''s natural that you''ll bubble over now and again. Just make sure you apologize if you hurt his feelings, use some of the gals'' great suggestions, and when you feel like you''re going to explode, go to the gym or for a long run and hopefully you''ll feel better!

But you''re not alone sweety! We hear ya!

 

[Gypsy]

Oh honey I totally understand, so I''m pitching a tent in the empathy camp too. Weddings are frustrating! I have no advice just big ((((HUGS)))), I do feel that if the larger wedding is his idea, he should chip in to plan it.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 10/8/2007 4:37:14 PM
Author: surfgirl
Aw anchor, I''m sorry you''re having a moment...And more sorry that you feel you can''t elope, as you wanted to. You know, Mr. Surfgirl and I were talking yesterday about how my cousin''s upcoming wedding is turning into this big thing with stupid issues coming up and people getting pissed off and how happy we were to just elope and have our wedding be about us getting married and nothing else. So...why cant you elope? If he doesn''t want to deal with wedding planning, why not just do it!?! If his parent''s dont want to be involved, why not? Do you parents support you eloping? If so, I say go for it and be done with it...However, if that''s not possible, then why not sit down together and make a spreadsheet with timelines for who has to do what and when. Then check in with each other once a week to see where you''re at with getting it all done...Make him pick up some of the slack!

About eloping... Our families would totally freak out; I know his mother, my parents, grandmother and godmother would be very upset. I know it sounds harsh, but I don''t really care. With the exception of his mother, I love them all dearly but... I don''t even understand why my wedding is so important to them. To me a marriage is a very private, sacred thing, and I we need is each other and God. I don''t need anyone else around me, or flowers or dresses to make it more special, or better or stronger.

However... J does not want to elope. He wants the dream wedding. After he proposed, he started telling me about this wild fantasy that involved white tuxes with tails, limos, a cathedral and a luxury hotel... Let me tell you that I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to scale everything down. I''ve done a pretty good job of it even if it''s still too much for me; the budget constraints have pretty much helped him realize his fantasy was insania, and his parents'' refusal to contribute hit him pretty hard. Still, he wants to have the party. Whereas I abhore big family gatherings and avoid them as much as I can, he likes them and wants one. He wants to celebrate with family and friends. I feel like I just can''t take that away from him. I, on the other hand, might actually enjoy it in the end... And most importantly we''ll still be married, and to me that''s all that matters.

We''ve discussed this and came up with the idea of having a private symbolic (and possibly secret) ceremony before the actual wedding. We don''t know if this would work out though, so I''m thinking about exploring with him to possibility of having a ceremony with immediate family only and/or whispering our vows to each other.

Anyway, spreadsheet it is. Thanks for caring.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 10/8/2007 4:53:23 PM
Author: zoebartlett

Date: 10/8/2007 4:37:14 PM
Author: surfgirl
...then why not sit down together and make a spreadsheet with timelines for who has to do what and when. Then check in with each other once a week to see where you''re at with getting it all done...Make him pick up some of the slack!

I''m sorry you''re going through a rough patch. I agree with Surfgirl''s idea. My FI and I have had MANY arguements about cleaning (who does what and when it should be done), and we finally put together a spreadsheet of cleaning chores. We made it very specific so that we (my FI) know when a particular room is cleaned thoroughly. Maybe if you apply that type of strategy to planning the wedding, it will get easier.

If it makes you feel any better, you''re not alone...my FI is a complete procrastinator. He finally sat down to print the envelopes for the save the date cards last night after a month of me reminding him about it. I basically had told him not long ago that the wedding is not just for me, but it''s for US, so WE should work together to plan it. I still end up doing more but at least now I know he''s somewhat more invested.

I hope you don''t mind me bringing in my situation into this briefly, but I wanted you to know that you''re definitely not alone with those feelings.

Thanks. I''ll do that, or try to at least.

 

[fatafelice]

I don''t have any advice, but I totally empathize. DH was awful about getting his wedding tasks done, and never seemed to understand exactly how much work and how stressful wedding planning actually was. I am SO not looking forward to going through all of this all over again.

Hang in there! And remember, you love him. (this may become a personal mantra to help you avoid violence)

 

[anchor31]

Date: 10/8/2007 4:58:56 PM
Author: Sabine
Awe, Anchor, I totally get how you feel! You''re definitely allowed a freak out or two (or five or ten...

) when you need one. I like the idea of setting clear deadlines for your FI to get things done by if you do delegate to him, that way your expectations are clear, and you''ll be less likely to be let down, and therefore less stressed. I do think your FI should be able to take a couple things off your hands entirely since he wants his input to be considered without doing any of the not so fun work himself. That is totally what my FI is doing too, so I feel for ya. We haven''t gotten to tuxes yet, but we''re trying to plan our honeymoon. When I ask what FI wants, he doesn''t know. So I do all this planning and come to him with all these options, and he shoots all them down. Finally I had to tell him that he needed to come to me with some options next weekend cause I was done too. Hopefully now that you''ve let your anger out you''ll recognize the signs of frustration brewing (and maybe he will too!) and you can talk to him and have him help out more before you totally go insane!

Ugh, I totally get you. We''re planning on having a mini-moon on the week-end of, and then a bigger trip around Christmas, and it''s a nightmare. Which is why I want to hand it over to him, because then I won''t have to deal with him saying he wants to go to Italy and then two weeks later, after I''ve done some research, saying "what if I want to go to Mexico?" So yeah... I''ll probably tell him to plan our mini-moon by Feb and our honeymoon by July, and that''s that.

 

[cara]

Ohh... you are not a bridezilla. You are not having a bridezilla moment. You are having real issues that need to be addressed.

If its any consolation, I had a lot of similar issues. We are a pretty egalitarian couple, but somehow gender roles descended upon us once we got engaged and most of the planning fell to me. Partly becase my now-husband was then working crazy hours, but still he had a lot of opinions about the wedding and in general is someone with opinions on aesthetics and styles. He would have picked out my dress if I let him!

So I often felt like I was somehow executing his vision, and he didn''t appreciate all the effort or thought I had put into the planning. It was very frustrating, and I had to point it out to him several times when he criticized something or wanted more options after I''d spent days researching something. While talking with him about this helped some, nothing helped more than giving him a ton of wedding tasks to do once his work hours let up and I was burned out. After two weeks of wedding tasks, he was singing a different tune!

But he did drove me nuts when he intentionally refused to do some of his tasks in advance, like shop for his ring or the guys tuxes, insisting that "tuxes just need to be done a month out" and that he wouldn''t be as picky as me when it came time to pick out a ring. Lo and behold, it took him months to settle on a ring (which he still isn''t thrilled with) and he only gave the guys a week and a half to get measured for their tuxes (a deadline which my flaky brother failed to meet, so he had to wear a suit instead.) Now I realize many guys are easygoing and don''t care about wedding details, but if your guy wanted this wedding, he really has to back up that desire with some action (planning and decision-making) and not just lay it on you.

So, I would approach this as marriage 101. You need support and backup here, for the rest of the planning, in order to have some chance of enjoying the rest of your engagement. You also will be dealing with a procrastinator (apparently) once you are married, so you might as well come up with some techniques for getting him to do important tasks without you going crazy micromanaging or him feeling nagged.

I would really sit down with him again and lay out the list of everything that needs to get done and your anticipated timeline for doing it. If he wants to push the timing of some items a bit, you can discuss it, but you should jointly agree on when things need to get done. AND you should definitely have him in charge of some things. Frankly, anything that he cares about and you don''t is a perfect candidate for that. Then discuss your progress on tasks and the timeline every few days, if not daily. Not to keep tabs on him, but because wedding planning is a substantial part of your life for the next few months. If he really isn''t doing his tasks on time, then you need to sit down with him again and discuss, because there is no point marrying someone who wants something fun but sticks all the work on you. I''m serious.

On the particular of the tuxes, you can safely tell him that no male in the wedding party expects to have input into the tux decision. In fact, I am fairly certain that if he asked him groomsmen to show up at the tux shop on a Saturday not to get measured but to pick the style, they would all beg off! But he could ask around if he wanted. But not in the spring

 

[anchor31]

Date: 10/8/2007 5:06:58 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Hey, Anchor, I just wanted to say that I''m sorry and that I promise you it will get better. I was in your shoes in that I wanted to elope and he wanted a wedding. I tried to create the most laid-back wedding possible, but would still get stressed on occasion and at those moments I would resent the fact that I was planning something I didn''t think I wanted.

Naturally, now that it''s over I realized that there was no reason to stress and am so, so happy with what we planned and so, so happy we didn''t elope. I PROMISE that it will get better and when it is all over you''ll realize that nobody cares about the tuxes. Or the flowers. Or the cake. They just want to be a part of your day and hopefully they will all be perfectly happy with whatever tux you choose. I put together a couple of options and let them decide because honestly, I didn''t really care. Turns out neither did they...

I completely agree that creating a task list is essential. We did all of the big stuff together (again, this was his wedding, so I wasn''t planning it all), but when it came to little things like apparel, we just split it up. I told him he and his groomsmen could wear whatever they wanted, though we ended up coming up with options together. Basically, I gave him the things that I thought were more important to him. If they didn''t happen (and a couple didn''t), then I didn''t care at all. The things I did care about I just took care of myself, but really I can''t think of anything that either of us decided on without consulting the other.

Look, breakdowns happen, even to the most laid back brides. I once cried in the middle of Wal-Mart while clutching table linen samples and yelling at my husband about how I didn''t care, I hated the wedding and if he wanted it, he could plan it. Then, naturally, I felt like a crappy bridezilla, quickly apologized and that was the last wedding-related breakdown I had because I swore to myself I wouldn''t get worked up over something so silly again.

You will be fine, the tuxes will be fine, the wedding will be amazing and you''ll love every minute of it. It''s just too hard to see that right now. It happens. And soon enough you''ll be laughing about how stressed you were over the tuxes!

Thanks a lot for sharing that. I try to tell myself all that, but when things are rough and I''m stretched thin and he drops bombs on me like that, I almost feel like I''d sooner kill him than marry him. Well, maybe not kill him but... Ugh.

I am a pretty laid back bride. Or I was. At least, I like to think so and I''ve been told that by my BM, my mom, grandmother and godmother. But then everyone tried to make these demands, and I don''t feel so laid back anymore. I sent my mother into a panic attack when I told her to "just find something simple and blue to wear"... And now I have to take her and my grandmother shopping. And things like this just keep pilling up. I figured that if J wanted to take his boys shopping then I wouldn''t have to go, but no, it has to be them AND me. What next, I''ll have to take his mother shopping too? Plan the trip for every OOT guest we have? What is it in the phrase "I don''t have time" that people don''t understand? Not to mention that I am neither a fashion expert nor a travel agent.

Whoa, freaking out again. Breathe, anchor, breathe. I shouldn''t be concentrating on anything but getting through my midterms right now anyway.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 10/8/2007 5:40:10 PM
Author: Independent Gal
I''m joining the empathy camp. It''s pretty much the same with my FI. Initially, it was him who wanted a wedding. But now it''s me who''s doing all the planning and getting stuff done, and yet he always seems to have a strong opinion about things and to nix things I was excited about. I gave him specific tasks to do, but I don''t have high hopes that they''ll get done, at least not in a timely way.

Yes, it''s frustrating! And so, it''s natural that you''ll bubble over now and again. Just make sure you apologize if you hurt his feelings, use some of the gals'' great suggestions, and when you feel like you''re going to explode, go to the gym or for a long run and hopefully you''ll feel better!

But you''re not alone sweety! We hear ya!

Well, although it''s a crappy situation to be in, I''m kind of glad to know I''m not alone. Thanks Indy!

 

[anchor31]

Date: 10/8/2007 5:46:30 PM
Author: Gypsy
Oh honey I totally understand, so I''m pitching a tent in the empathy camp too. Weddings are frustrating! I have no advice just big ((((HUGS)))), I do feel that if the larger wedding is his idea, he should chip in to plan it.

Hah, my thoughts exactly. We''ll see what happens...

 

[anchor31]

Date: 10/8/2007 5:57:45 PM
Author: fatafelice
I don''t have any advice, but I totally empathize. DH was awful about getting his wedding tasks done, and never seemed to understand exactly how much work and how stressful wedding planning actually was. I am SO not looking forward to going through all of this all over again.

Hang in there! And remember, you love him. (this may become a personal mantra to help you avoid violence)

Trust me, I will not be doing this again EVER. And thanks for the tip. I do have to remember that.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 10/8/2007 6:12:19 PM
Author: cara
Ohh... you are not a bridezilla. You are not having a bridezilla moment. You are having real issues that need to be addressed.

If its any consolation, I had a lot of similar issues. We are a pretty egalitarian couple, but somehow gender roles descended upon us once we got engaged and most of the planning fell to me. Partly becase my now-husband was then working crazy hours, but still he had a lot of opinions about the wedding and in general is someone with opinions on aesthetics and styles. He would have picked out my dress if I let him!

So I often felt like I was somehow executing his vision, and he didn''t appreciate all the effort or thought I had put into the planning. It was very frustrating, and I had to point it out to him several times when he criticized something or wanted more options after I''d spent days researching something. While talking with him about this helped some, nothing helped more than giving him a ton of wedding tasks to do once his work hours let up and I was burned out. After two weeks of wedding tasks, he was singing a different tune!

But he did drove me nuts when he intentionally refused to do some of his tasks in advance, like shop for his ring or the guys tuxes, insisting that ''tuxes just need to be done a month out'' and that he wouldn''t be as picky as me when it came time to pick out a ring. Lo and behold, it took him months to settle on a ring (which he still isn''t thrilled with) and he only gave the guys a week and a half to get measured for their tuxes (a deadline which my flaky brother failed to meet, so he had to wear a suit instead.) Now I realize many guys are easygoing and don''t care about wedding details, but if your guy wanted this wedding, he really has to back up that desire with some action (planning and decision-making) and not just lay it on you.

So, I would approach this as marriage 101. You need support and backup here, for the rest of the planning, in order to have some chance of enjoying the rest of your engagement. You also will be dealing with a procrastinator (apparently) once you are married, so you might as well come up with some techniques for getting him to do important tasks without you going crazy micromanaging or him feeling nagged.

I would really sit down with him again and lay out the list of everything that needs to get done and your anticipated timeline for doing it. If he wants to push the timing of some items a bit, you can discuss it, but you should jointly agree on when things need to get done. AND you should definitely have him in charge of some things. Frankly, anything that he cares about and you don''t is a perfect candidate for that. Then discuss your progress on tasks and the timeline every few days, if not daily. Not to keep tabs on him, but because wedding planning is a substantial part of your life for the next few months. If he really isn''t doing his tasks on time, then you need to sit down with him again and discuss, because there is no point marrying someone who wants something fun but sticks all the work on you. I''m serious.

On the particular of the tuxes, you can safely tell him that no male in the wedding party expects to have input into the tux decision. In fact, I am fairly certain that if he asked him groomsmen to show up at the tux shop on a Saturday not to get measured but to pick the style, they would all beg off! But he could ask around if he wanted. But not in the spring

Well, I think I needed to be told that... And I''ll probably will have to read it again a couple of time. Thanks. A lot.

 

[jas]

Ooh, girl, I was exactly where you were a year ago! I wanted to elope, DH wanted dream wedding...put a lot of the planning on me.

Allow yourself to be less than perfect...it''s so hard to live up to the happy-go-lucky-bride thing all the time! It doesn''t make you Bridezilla, it makes you the anti-Stepford Fiance.

You re-engaged with your FI afterwards. That''s good. You didn''t rip out his spleen with a spork. Even better.

You will still get married and life will be wonderful. That''s best of all!

I am no help right now because I have PMS myself and I"m all like, "Yeah! Rage against the machine, girl!"

But I do hear ya!

 

[anchor31]

Date: 10/8/2007 8:47:20 PM
Author: jas
Ooh, girl, I was exactly where you were a year ago! I wanted to elope, DH wanted dream wedding...put a lot of the planning on me.

Allow yourself to be less than perfect...it''s so hard to live up to the happy-go-lucky-bride thing all the time! It doesn''t make you Bridezilla, it makes you the anti-Stepford Fiance.

You re-engaged with your FI afterwards. That''s good. You didn''t rip out his spleen with a spork. Even better.

You will still get married and life will be wonderful. That''s best of all!

I am no help right now because I have PMS myself and I''m all like, ''Yeah! Rage against the machine, girl!''

But I do hear ya!

Oh, jas, thanks for making me laugh. You always do when I need it most. Thanks.