I can''t plan this wedding!!! (Long)

[dani13]

Hi girls-

I am getting so frustrated with this wedding-planning thing. FI and I have been engaged for almost 7 months, and we have absolutely no plans yet. We were both in grad school, so you would think now that it is finally over, we would at least have some decision as to where we want to get married, the date, etc...but NOTHING...

We live in NJ, and my original thought was to have a destination wedding (I was thinking Miami beach, since it is one of our favorite places), but FI shot that down, since his parents are like 70 years old and havent flown in 30 years...they hate it. He also felt that it would be a PITA in terms of planning...but I was looking foward to just having something small, intimate, and by the beach...and most importantly, a wedding that would not break the bank. The prices around here are just INSANE.

So then, we thought of somewhere in New England, since it is very beautiful there and we love it there too. We had plans to see Tiffany1976 and Lovelylulu's wedding sites this past weekend, but last minute canceled the trip because we decided it isnt what we really want. CAN YOU SEE WHY I AM GETTING FRUSTRATED?

Ideally, we would love to do something in NYC- a really cool venue with a view...but FI doenst seems to understand that it is so much $$$, even though we are looking to have a smaller wedding (probably around 80-90 guests). So far, I have called a few places, and everywhere in the city is SO EXPENSIVE and has minimum requirements (125 people) for the number of guests...

I just really want to elope, or do a destination... even if we had it in Fla or whatever, we would probably not have more than 50 guests, and to me that would be more fun..Am I being selfish by feeling that this is our day and we should do what we want- his parents can always take an AMTRAK train if they dont want to fly...Oh, and I have to add that they are contributing NOTHING to this wedding- my parents are giving us a significant amount of money towards it, but it will not cover the whole wedding, so the last thing we want is debt. But seriously, his parents have made no attempt to help out (they didnt help out his 2 older brothers either). And the kicker is his father is a retired dentist who did very well, but literally has probably held on to the first dollar he ever made...hate to say this, but they are SO CHEAP!! Do they have the right to dictate what we do? I dont want to upset B about this though- he is a very chill person, and the last thing I know he wants is his parents upset over this. But seriously, am I wrong? Because if I am, someone please call me out on it!

This is causing me a lot of stress, and it just doenst seem worth it...at the end of the day, we are just trying to get married, RIGHT?? Help!

 

[ellaila]

Hi Dani,

Oh I SO feel your pain!

I''ve had to deal with some of the same situations you are and I don''t know how many times I''ve said, "Please can we just run away somewhere just the two of us?? PLEEAAAASE!!" because I hate all of this!

We too are having a small wedding (originally just the two of us - really! - but somehow it worked its way up to about 42 total), so we had the same issues with places having minumum guest requirements. And a lot of places that don''t have requirements stick the small parties in the ugly rooms! No fair!

To top off our frustration, we wasted three weeks (oh, by the way, we got engaged in April and are getting married this September, so we didn''t have much time to begin with!) on this one place we thought we wanted. I say "wasted" because the woman there was incompetent and never got back to us with dates and/or prices -- after THREE WEEKS. And that included two trips down there to meet with her in person. OY OY OY.

We now are thisclose (just waiting for the contract) to booking our wedding at Castle Hill in Newport, RI. It''s lovely, the coordinator there was a delight, and though it''s not cheap, because we''re having such a small wedding, it''s mostly affordable for us. So if you haven''t ruled out New England entirely, I suggest checking it out! (http://www.castlehillinn.com/) They''ve got the prettiest little spot outside for ceremonies I have no idea what it would cost for a wedding of your size, but can''t hurt to look, right?

And yes, yes, yes, try not to lose sight of what''s important here -- you two!! It''s so easy for things to get blown out of proportion, but try and step back now and then and remember what it''s really all about. It''s about celebrating your love for one another -- it''s not about going into debt (though that''s easy to do!), and it''s not about impressing others. It will be frustrating for sure -- I don''t think there''s anyway to avoid that! -- but as long as you two can get it in sync and know what''s important for you both, then that''s the first step! The parents issue ... hmmm. That''s a tough one. I hate to say it, but like you said, if his parents aren''t contributnig anything, I don''t think they should be your #1 concern with planning the day. Of course you want to be considerate of everyone, but let''s face it, someone is going to be upset no matter what you do! If you make his parents happy, then you likely won''t be. If you make yourself happy, then maybe his parents won''t be. If you make your great godfathers'' nephew happy, then your fiance''s niece''s second cousin won''t be happy. Just do the best you can and remember -- it''s only a few hours out of one day!!

Good luck!! And deeep breaths ...

 

[dani13]

Thanks so much Ellalia. You are so right- you just cant please anyone...How exciting you will be getting married (hopefully) at Castle Hill Resort....that place looks beauriful! I considered it, and even spoke to someone there online, but figured it was just a bit out of our budget, and a little too far for alot of my family members. Although, I do think that by keeping it small and intimate it will save a considerale amount of money...good luck with everything!

 

[ellaila]

And you are absolutely correct that his parents could take a train down to Florida! You shouldn''t have to sacrifice what you really want due to others'' hangups. If they literally could not travel because of health issues, that''d be one thing. But since that doesn''t seem to be the case, I don''t think that should hold you back from looking outside of NJ (I assume they also live in NJ?).

We''ve also used the "If you interfere, you''re uninvited!" line a few times with our (well, my!) parents.

 

[firebirdgold]

My 83 yr-old grandmother is flying to Italy for my sister''s wedding. His parents can certainly take Amtrak to Florida!

 

[KristyDarling]

Absolutely they can take the Amtrak!!! I think that''s the perfect compromise between them not wanting to fly and you having your destination wedding. Florida is so beautiful and I''m sure you''ll be able to find something really nice yet affordable there for a small destination wedding! I know zippo about New England, but what about some quiet, romantic beach up along the coast?

 

[dani13]

Thanks- I was really looking for an honest opinion there- I just wanted to make sure I wasnt being unreasonable- besides the fact that his parents are not contributing- they are 68/69 years old respectively, but they are a "young" 68/69- both in good health, active, etc.. they just have unreasonable fears about EVERYTHING including flying on an airplane...oh, I hate to say this (again) I love my FI to death, but if I could trade in his family I would in a minute! His parents are kind, but a little awkward, and his older brother is ok, but his new wife (my future SIL) I cant stand....when my FI and I were dating the future SIL still invited B's x-girlfriend to parties and their wedding last August! It was terribly awkward for me, especially since his x is totally inappropriate, and pulled alot of inappropriate s*** when we all hung out in the past.

B was with his x for 5 years and she became REALLY good friends with the future SIL during that time, and they are still friends now....CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? So I always feel that the SIL has resented me from day 1- besides that we have nothing in common, she is a plain out jerk and know-it-all...she tries to give me medical advice, even though I am a nurse with a graduate degree!!! So annoying!

And when B confronted his brother and sister in law over the issue, they were like,"well, she is OUR friend, so D should just try to accept it as that." Can you tell I dislike them? TOTALLY CLASSLESS.

 

[AsscherGirl]

From on NJ Danielle to another, I can feel your pain - literally!

NJ is out of control with prices for wedding stuff. When we first got engaged (November), we thought it would be great to have a wedding in place with a view of NYC. Well, we definitely experienced a load of sticker shock. We''ve looked at probably about 10 places so far (not just with NYC views) & still haven''t come to a decision. All the places we really loved are too expensive & most of the places we can "afford" (a relative term because there is a part of me that thinks the whole idea is crazy!) are just ok...nothing special...(but at the same time, perfectly acceptable - if that makes any sense!)

I felt a little sad about the whole ordeal for awhile, but recently I''ve taken kind of a different approach in my mind. I''ve realized that the wedding is just one day of our lives & that nobody else will really notice the location all that much. A good party is made by those who are in attendance & as long as everyone is having a good time, they won''t really care if you had pigs in a blanket or some gourmet finger food at your cocktail hour. I still kind of waiver, thinking that I should spend our life''s savings, take out loans, go with the place that cost $275 a person and have "the best day of my life", but the more rational side of me snaps out of that pretty quickly. It is really hard here to strike a balance of cost/presentation.

If you really want to have your wedding in Miami - then you should! Suggest to Fi''s parents about taking a train - maybe they don''t even realize it''s a possibility???

As far as local suggestions, here''s a list of places that I know have NYC views. 80-90 people is a tough number, it''s neither small nor big....but you may be able to work out something if you do a Friday or a Sunday....

So, the list:
Hyatt Regency Jersey City
Highlawn Pavillion
Chart House
Newark Club
Liberty House
Arthur''s Landing

I''m sure there are more, but I can''t think of any right now.

Good luck!

 

[dani13]

Thanks so much, Danielle. I have considered some of those places, but for their prices, you might as well go into the city...I do agree with you, its only 1 day, but then again, its a day that will never happen again, and while I agree that you should not go into debt for the wedding, we really want to have something nice and unique and different. So we decided to cut the guest list a little bit (do I really need my grandpa's sister's sister to be there?)lol- my mom's side is a big fat Italian family, but they have to understand that weddings are expensive and all can not be invited....our rule is that all immediate family will be invited, including my mom and dad's sisters and brothers and some of my cousins (but not all) and when it comes to friends, if we havent talked to you in a year or more you are not invited. It just gets too crazy...

So we are hoping with the smaller guest list, maybe we can have what we want around here. We dont want a big, formal wedding amyway...we want something a little less formal and fun, and different. We are going to see this place in NYC on Sat, Penthouse15- have you heard of it? It has a rooftop terrace with a great view of NYC...I think PS member ELEPRI got married there, I keep looking for her to talk to her about it, but she hasnt posted in awhile...she has some pics somewhere on this site....

 

[chickflick]

Just a suggestion, and not because I''m doing the cruise ship thing and wonder why more people don''t consider it because it''s so stress-free and inexpensive. I know that many cruise ships leave from NY Harbor and offer package weddings with ceremonies and receptions on the ship, or in Central Park (which would be my dream!) If you haven''t considered it you should check it out with the cruise lines. In your situation I would suggest Royal Caribbean because I understand they allow up to 100 non-sailing guests (we''re limited to only 50 with Carnival). Your in-laws would just have to travel to Central Park or to the ship if you had the wedding onboard before you embark like we''re doing. Of course, you do have to take the cruise for your honeymoon so I''m not sure what your plans are there, but it''s a thought.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Oh Dani, I totally feel your pain. I started planning my wedding right after two or three major hurricanes (once of which was hurricane Ivan!). Talk about having hard time finding a place to have the ceremony/reception! Oh and hotels? Forget it. If they didn''t have damage, they were charging two to three times their normal rates! BTW, I live in Pensacola, FL. The entire wedding process is stressful in itself, but when you add problems that you are having and that I had, it makes it double stressful.

Despite all the initial hangups and the fact that I''ve had little to no help from my fiance, I managed to get everything planned and scheduled. I still worry that I won''t get all the little details done in time (I only have 5 weeks left!!). The main reason for this is because I''m hand-making everything and it''s so time consuming. Also, I have no one that can help because teaching them how to do it will take longer than if I just did it myself.

I also understand the travel issue. I''ve had SO MANY declines with my RSVPs because all his family and friends are in PA and all mine are in OR.

The only advice I can give you is:

Try to compromise about the travel issue. I think AMTRAK is a great idea!

And if you''re worried about starting the planning, maybe you and your fiance should dedicate a night or two (or three!) a week to just wedding planning. During these nights, talk with each other about what you both want and find a happy medium or compromise and start compiling lists of places to call and visit. I think organization and communication is key and things might go a lot easier.

Have you considered Pensacola Beach for a destination wedding?? It''s not as far into Florida, it''s not as crowded as Miami Beach and the sand is as white as ever. Also, I think the prices might be more reasonable. Just a thought...

 

[San Diego Bride]

oh, dani, do i feel your pain! we knew we wanted a destination wedding so it wouldn''t turn into a huge event that we didn''t want. we started planning our chicago weekend wedding... we had the ceremony site booked and many details worked out. we thought since it was in the middle of the country people would be flying equal distances so everyone would be even. and you can always get good airfare deals. everyone would be happy, right? WRONG! my family was incredibly difficult and just about refused to go. it was an awful time.

i am a first generation american with a very traditional hispanic family so it''s usually expected that children do what their parents wish. (yes, this is a big generalization and i don''t mean to offend anyone, but it is my experience with my culture). i finally had to tell my family that it was our day and, while we valued their opinions and contributions to the wedding, we needed to have a wedding that we wanted. i know to most people this seems like a no-brainer thing to say, but for me this was a BIG DEAL especially since my parents are paying for the wedding. there was a lot of yelling and a lot of tears that weekend, but we all got through it. in the end we moved our wedding to san diego since that was where we met and fell in love. ironically, my family was more ok with this (even though it meant a longer flight, etc.). i think it was probably because they felt they had a little bit of say in it. if they had their way it would be in miami with >200 people in attendance, if we had our way it would be in chicago with ~30 people, but the compromise is san digo with ~50 people.

as for the flying thing, i don''t get it. some of our family members aren''t coming to the wedding because they think it''s too far to fly or too inconvenient yet 8 family members from spain and argentina. bottom line, if it''s important they''ll fly. or they can take a train.

all that having been said, have you asked his family what they want? would they be more interested in helping you guys out if they thought they were a part of the decision making process? or do you just need to have the difficult discussion with them? as hard as it might be maybe you just need to tell them that the wedding will be in miami and list your reasons why. then tell them it''s really important to you that they be able to travel comfortably and try to help them problem-solve (nonstop flight, amtrak, etc). they might be more willing to work with you if they think you''re really thinking about them.

as for venues, it''s been a while since i''ve been in new jersey, but i what about a bed and breakfast or an inn in western jersey (near princeton), or a wedding in cape may. that''s such a great city. eastern pennsylvania surely has some great options too.

it seems you need to have "the talk" first though. you don''t want to waste your time planning to just have it un-done.

good luck!

 

[selflove]

I say you do whatever you have to do in order to have a wedding that will exclude that nasty SIL!!!! Yuck!! So sorry she''s going to part of your family.

Are you sure that weddings in Florida will be much cheaper than in NJ/NYC?

If you want a beach wedding, what about a very informal ceremony on one of the NJ or Long Island beaches? Then a nice dinner at a restaurant nearby with your 40 or so guests? At least that will keep the price down.

They do have nice beaches in Long Island, don''t they?

Have your read Chi''s thread about her quicky-planned wedding? I think she saved herself a year''s worth of stressing out that most of the rest of us lived to tell about!

 

[dani13]

Selflove-

I am sure you are right- Miami is very expensive, somewhat like NY- but I do like it there. I am very open to a lot of options though...I have checked into a few places at the NJ shore...I know LI does have some nice beaches, like in the Hamptons, but I have not been there since I was a kid. And the Jersey shore-well, I have never been a big fan.

I think I am just aagravated because I felt like it would be easier than this- and like I said I love my df, but his family is just terrible. I dont want to exaggerate, but they really are not a nice, welcoming family. Not like my family doesnt have its problems, they do, but they are nice people and welcomed my FI with open arms, and I have to believe that no one in my family would EVER do anything to B (or anyone else) like what his brother and wife did to me by putting me in an uncomfortable situation with FI's x-gf. It is even worse that B tried to intervene and tell them they were wrong to invite the x to family functions because of me, and they just shooed him away like a fly. FI's brother is completely whipped over his wife and whatever she says goes....

That was just flat out wrong...my FI even admitted that his family is somewhat unreasonable and that he always prefers going out with my family over his- how sad is that? At least my family are "real people" and when we go out to dinner or whatever we talk about normal life things, no politics and theatre- everytime I am with them, I go to my "happy place" because I cant stand it, it is so terrribly uninteresting, boring, and fake!! I told my mom this and she was like, "are you sure you want to marry him? Because you dont marry just the man, you marry his family too." She really loves B, but she feels bad that I have to marry into that family. I told her "of course I want to marry him", but as far as his family is concerned they just flat out suck.I am sure there is worse, but they are pretty bad. It is amazing that B is as nice as he is and I am always so suprised at how he is so different from his brothers....

Thanks for all of your help, ladies. It feels good to vent a little...I think my problem is more of "I hate this family" issue rather than "I cant plan this wedding issue"- ya think?

 

[AsscherGirl]

Date: 5/30/2006 12:23:51 PM
Author: Dani
Thanks so much, Danielle. I have considered some of those places, but for their prices, you might as well go into the city...I do agree with you, its only 1 day, but then again, its a day that will never happen again, and while I agree that you should not go into debt for the wedding, we really want to have something nice and unique and different. So we decided to cut the guest list a little bit (do I really need my grandpa''s sister''s sister to be there?)lol- my mom''s side is a big fat Italian family, but they have to understand that weddings are expensive and all can not be invited....our rule is that all immediate family will be invited, including my mom and dad''s sisters and brothers and some of my cousins (but not all) and when it comes to friends, if we havent talked to you in a year or more you are not invited. It just gets too crazy...

So we are hoping with the smaller guest list, maybe we can have what we want around here. We dont want a big, formal wedding amyway...we want something a little less formal and fun, and different. We are going to see this place in NYC on Sat, Penthouse15- have you heard of it? It has a rooftop terrace with a great view of NYC...I think PS member ELEPRI got married there, I keep looking for her to talk to her about it, but she hasnt posted in awhile...she has some pics somewhere on this site....

Dani - I''ve heard for the Penthouse15, and I believe I saw some pictures online somewhere (maybe it was here!). I''m sure anywhere in the city with a view is just gorgeous!

I totally see your point of view also. For us, we have a large guest list (our "must-haves" is about 200!), so compromising on location was really our only option if we wanted to invite all those people. I think my fiance would be happy to cut out about 1/2 the people, but marriage is all about compromise, right?

Also - I''m sorry to hear that you don''t really get along with Brian''s family. I know that can tough, but it sounds like Brian has a good understanding of the situation and is realistic about "who they are". Good luck with everything - I really hope it works out for you!

 

[lovelylulu]

Dani: I found the thread with the PSer who got married at Penthouse 15, but I don''t think it has all that much info... Penthouse 15

I''m sorry that you have a difficult SIL and an ex that just won''t fade away into the past. BUT, at least your fiancee understands how you feel and stood up for you. Even if your SIL is too selfish/rude/etc. you''ve got your man behind you and that is what matter most. truly.

i think a wedding in miami would be perfect! and amtrak is completely manageable.

 

[dani13]

Thanks, everyone for all of your help....I guess I have to just accept the situation as it is, I love my FI and that''s all that counts...you are all right, he does have realistic expectations of his family, maybe thats my saving grace...

We are going to check out Penthouse 15 in NYC this Sat., and we are also hopefully going to go up to RI (Newport area) in a few weeks to see a venue up there. I sent away for some info a few months ago from the same place PS member Ellaila may be getting married (Castle Hill Inn in Newport). It looks like such an amazing place- a resort right on the cliffs by the ocean...so I reviewed all of the info they sent me again, and emailed them yesterday. RI may seem like a nice compromise- beachside like I originally wanted, but not so far that people (mostly his parents) cant drive there...so we''ll see! Also, by having it in RI, we can keep it small and intimate...I cant see alot of my "older" family members making the trip out there...

I''ll let you know how it goes, and everyone thanks so much again for all of the support...you guys are the best!

 

[ellaila]

Dani,

Good luck with Castle Hill -- Alicia there is *wonderful*!! Hopefully we''re making our plans official today -- yay!!

Keep us posted with what you decide!

 

[dani13]

Date: 6/1/2006 8:07:00 AM
Author: ellaila
Dani,

Good luck with Castle Hill -- Alicia there is *wonderful*!! Hopefully we''re making our plans official today -- yay!!

Keep us posted with what you decide!

Ellaila-

I just got an email from "Nell" at Castle Hill. He (or she) told me that their minimum for a Fri night wedding is 100 people, and for a Sat it is 125, and that if we cannot make those numbers, they will transfer the guest requirement to a spending requirement...did the same thing happen to you? I know you said that you were having like 45 guests, so how did they work it for you? I explained that ALL of my guests are from the NYC/NJ area, so at max I would have around 60 people....Geez, I wouldnt think a place that does so many destination wedding would have such a hefty requirement....so I was just wondering how you are working it all out, and what the #''s were like for you, like in terms of the spending requirement. Also, what day of the week are you having it on, and which menu will you choose? Nell said that if we picked the $250, 5 hr menu that the site fee would be waived...sorry for all the questions, I am just confused a little now....

Please let me know! Thanks so much!

 

[CareBear]

Dani, having just gotten married last weekend I completely understand your frustration. Wedding planning is a hard, hard job. My suggestion is that you start with a budget. Don't even look at any venues, dresses, caterers that are out of your budget. That would only frustrate you. Also, I would suggest you pick a place close by (driveable distance) esp since you plan on having close to 100 ppl. Planning a wedding hundreds of miles away and coordinating that many ppl is gonna be tough! You don't want to be overstressed before the wedding and not enjoying urself!

Do you have any friends who have planned a wedding before? They can usually give you the most insight. I have a friend that got married last year who kept me sane throughout the process.

As for the future in-laws, don't let them bother you. They are no obligated to contribute to the wedding therefore you are not obligated to plan anything that pleases them. You pick the location, they will just have to show up!

Hang in there!

 

[ellaila]

Hi Dani,

Well, we are having ours on a Sunday afternoon -- I''m sure that makes a difference pricewise. We''ll have about 42 people total (incl. us), and we''re having an outdoor ceremony and then using the Ocean Room, which is a small dining room facing the ocean. We''re not having any band or DJ or anything like that -- just a nice dinner and cake We were told there is a $5000 minimum for food and drink; we are using the "Silver Package," which is $120/person (two-course dinner, passed hors d''ouvres, champagne toast, cake), so 42x120 = $5040, so we''re right on track. Add to that the cocktails, and we''re above and beyond the minimum! There is no add''l fee for renting the room (unlike other places we looked at), so I really didn''t think the $5K min. was too bad. In addition, there is no rental fee for the chairs for outdoor ceremony or for the rain tent in case of bad weather -- again, there were charges for these things at other places. The $5K also includes the wedding cake -- you just work with the bakery they use, and you can have whatever cake you want! So all in all, I thought it wasn''t too bad a deal!

We have to book the photographer, the florist, and the JP on our own, but that''s not so bad. We looked at a few other places, and you need to rent *everything* -- chairs, tables, linens, etc. -- plus get a caterer, florist, band, blah blah blah. This just seemed like a nice simple solution! It''s a bit more money than we had wanted to spend but after looking around a bit, we really think this is the best option for us. And we''re cutting costs where we can -- we''re making our own invitations, doing our own centerpieces (though getting bouquet and arbor decorations from florist), are having a photog for just two hours and getting digital negatives and rights so we can print our own photos.

It''s so frustrating isn''t it how things just go up in increments of thousands?! It''s crazy.

 

[dani13]

Thanks Carebear, that is great advice...I think all said and done we probably are going to stay around here for the wedding, just to avoid any major headaches....

Ellaila- See, I wasnt even given the option of the "Silver package"- yet. I emailed Nell and told him/her (is it a man or woman?) that we cannot make those minimums, and our numbers are smaller, therefore we are looking to have something a bit smaller and more intimate. The only options Nell sent me for the menu was the $175 per plate or the $250 per plate, which I thought was a little high.... I haven gotten a response as of yet, but I will let you know whe I do and what they tell me....thanks so much for your help....

Did you book your wedding there yet?

 

[ellaila]

I don''t know who Nell is -- my contact was Alicia Corraine, and she was really helpful! -- but I would assume it''s a woman.

We definitely got different options than you did -- we saw a Silver Package for $120/person; Gold for $150; and Platinum for $195. Our room is small though -- only holds six tables -- so I assume our minimum would be less than if we needed a bigger room, so maybe the bigger rooms just have more expensive wedding packages?

Keep in mind, too, that on top of these prices, you pay a "taxable 20% service charge, 7% RI State Tax and 1% RI Food and beverage tax," which makes that $5K leap up to about $6500!! Just something to keep in mind ...

Isn''t wedding planning just as fun as everyone said it would be?! It''s enough to drive a person to drink!

 

[dani13]

Tell me about it!!! I just want to convince FI to fly out to Vegas one weekend and do it there! I am SO not kidding- I just have no desire...I thought I would feel completely differently than this...but when you start to think of all of the money that is going to fly out the window...it is enough to make you nauseous...

I wonder why the difference in prices? Is this a destination wedding for you and your FI? I will have to inquire....

 

[ellaila]

Well, we've got our contract at home right now and hopefully will sign it today and book this thing already! But if for some reason, it doesn't work out at Castle Hill, then we are DONE with trying to plan anything. We'll just run off somewhere and get married just the two of us ... I'd be perfectly happy with either option! As I've told my fiance before, all I want is him, a pretty dress, and some cake, and I'll be over the moon

We live in Boston, so CH isn't a destination wedding for us, but more like a nice getaway day trip for most of our guests. That's one reason why we decided to do it there actually (well, and also b/c we got engaged in Newport) -- I figure you can get a pretty room anywhere, but you can't get a pretty location just anywhere! I couldn't tell you about any function hall I've ever been in for a wedding -- what I rememebr are the ones that were outdoors or on a beach or someplace like that. I figure we may as well give our guests an excuse to go to a beautiful location for a day

Oh, and by the way, the maximum occupancy for our dining room there is 40 guests (and ooops, right now, we've got a total of 43 people invited, including us), so I definitely think that the size of the room is a factor in the different dinner packages. But that's just my guess ...

 

[dani13]

Date: 6/2/2006 9:27:13 AM
Author: ellaila
Well, we''ve got our contract at home right now and hopefully will sign it today and book this thing already! But if for some reason, it doesn''t work out at Castle Hill, then we are DONE with trying to plan anything. We''ll just run off somewhere and get married just the two of us ... I''d be perfectly happy with either option! As I''ve told my fiance before, all I want is him, a pretty dress, and some cake, and I''ll be over the moon

We live in Boston, so CH isn''t a destination wedding for us, but more like a nice getaway day trip for most of our guests. That''s one reason why we decided to do it there actually (well, and also b/c we got engaged in Newport) -- I figure you can get a pretty room anywhere, but you can''t get a pretty location just anywhere! I couldn''t tell you about any function hall I''ve ever been in for a wedding -- what I rememebr are the ones that were outdoors or on a beach or someplace like that. I figure we may as well give our guests an excuse to go to a beautiful location for a day

Oh, and by the way, the maximum occupancy for our dining room there is 40 guests (and ooops, right now, we''ve got a total of 43 people invited, including us), so I definitely think that the size of the room is a factor in the different dinner packages. But that''s just my guess ...

I agree- the only weddings I remember are the ones that had a really cool venue or and/or something special about the location...other than that all the weddings seem to blend into one...

Funny though, that I was not even given the option (as of yet) by CH to use a smaller room...I told them that I was only expecting about 40-60 guests- who knows? Nell hasnt responded to me yet...

I hope everything works out with the contract today- its going to be so pretty there! Keep us updated!

 

[dani13]

Date: 6/2/2006 9:39:29 AM
Author: Dani

Date: 6/2/2006 9:27:13 AM
Author: ellaila
Well, we've got our contract at home right now and hopefully will sign it today and book this thing already! But if for some reason, it doesn't work out at Castle Hill, then we are DONE with trying to plan anything. We'll just run off somewhere and get married just the two of us ... I'd be perfectly happy with either option! As I've told my fiance before, all I want is him, a pretty dress, and some cake, and I'll be over the moon

We live in Boston, so CH isn't a destination wedding for us, but more like a nice getaway day trip for most of our guests. That's one reason why we decided to do it there actually (well, and also b/c we got engaged in Newport) -- I figure you can get a pretty room anywhere, but you can't get a pretty location just anywhere! I couldn't tell you about any function hall I've ever been in for a wedding -- what I rememebr are the ones that were outdoors or on a beach or someplace like that. I figure we may as well give our guests an excuse to go to a beautiful location for a day

Oh, and by the way, the maximum occupancy for our dining room there is 40 guests (and ooops, right now, we've got a total of 43 people invited, including us), so I definitely think that the size of the room is a factor in the different dinner packages. But that's just my guess ...

I agree- the only weddings I remember are the ones that had a really cool venue or and/or something special about the location...other than that all the weddings seem to blend into one...

Funny though, that I was not even given the option (as of yet) by CH to use a smaller room...I told them that I was only expecting about 40-60 guests- who knows? Nell hasnt responded to me yet...

I hope everything works out with the contract today- its going to be so pretty there! Keep us updated!

Ellaila-

You wont believe this, but Nell mentioned NOTHING about your package, or anything cheaper than a $40,000 spending minimum (not including tax and tip) for a Sat night wedding, and a $22,500 minimum for a Fri/Sun wedding!!
ARE THEY CRAZY??? Why wouldnt they offer me something different, especially since I explained that this would be a SMALL, DESTINATION-LIKE wedding for us? Nuts!

So I emailed her back saying that I "knew someone" that was given different options for packages, and nicely questioned why I wasnt offered the same...it really doesnt make sense, and she needs to give me an explanation...

On a better note, did you book the wedding with them? B and I are going to look at that place (loftspace) in NYC today. I am secretly hoping that we dont fall in love with it, because if we do, it is going to cost a pretty penny, which is kind of what I didnt want...but B feels completely different about it, that its our "one day" and we should make it what we want...blah blah blah....

 

[ellaila]

Hi Dani,

We mailed our contract yesterday, so it''s official -- holy crap, we just booked our wedding!!

I bet Nell is trying to sell you on the Chalet, which is where I think they have most of their weddings. That was already booked for our date, so we didn''t even see it or hear any prices for it -- you can bet if we heard the words "22,500 minimum," we wouldn''t be having our wedding there!!

We are just in a small dining room in the main building. Though our dining room will be private, we won''t have the whole building to ourselves. So I think the Chalet is more of a fucntion hall, so you''d likley rent the whole thing. I''m sure that''s part of that whopping price they quoted you!

Well, I''m so sorry this is being such a nightmare for you! We only looked really looked at one other place before Castle Hill (though I checked a million places online and got discouraged by the info I saw there), and I know how frustrating that was for us -- but something will "click" for you guys soon, it really will. Good thoughts! Stay positive!

How''d that NYC place go?

 

[dani13]

Hi Ellaila,

Update: I did get an email back from Nell, explaining the whole scenario: it is exactly what you said- she was trying to sell me on the Chalet, since I told her we would be expecting around 50-60 guests. She said the ocean room would be out if that was our number, since it only holds about 40 guests...she was very nice about it, and said to give her a call to work something out in the ocean room if we would like, but our guest count would have to be lower....

Congrats on booking your wedding! How exciting! That is such an awesome venue- it is going to be so beautiful! So when is the official date? Looking foward to hearing about your wedding planning and seeing your ideas....YAY!

We did go check out that place in NYC yesterday- even though it was raining on our drive in...we saw a place called Penthouse 15, which is a loft space on W 37th st. It is in a pretty building, and the space is really cool. The best part about it though is the rooftop deck- it has a 360 degree view of the city- the Empire state builiding, the Hudson river, etc. We could get married up there, there is enough room for seating for alot of people- it was really awesome. We both liked it a lot.

We are going to check out a few other places too in NYC, I think we finally decided to do something there. It is a special place for both of us, we love the city, and even though the destination thing appeals to me too, I dont want to regret not having a bigger wedding with ALL of my family and friends.....hopefully we can come to a decision soon (I just hope we dont break the bank, ya know?) I''ll keep you updated! Thanks for asking! Looks like things are looking up for both of us!

 

[ellaila]

I just checked out the Penthouse 15 Web site -- what a fantastic place!! Like I said before, I think you will just feel a connection with a place when it''s "the one" (you know, like you did with your fiance and your e-ring hopefully!

) and you will just KNOW! The photos on that roof deck are just so gorgeous ....

And it''s so important to do what''s right for you guys in terms of the guests you want there. (Trust me, it''s really hard telling people that they''re NOT invited to your wedding -- that''s the bad part about having a small wedding, for sure.) It will all come together for you guys, it really will. There will have to be compromises on some things but you just *have to* splurge on others! If the location you want is more $$ than you had planned on spending, then cut back on your flowers or something. For us, our splurges are the place, the dress (not obscenely expensive by any means, but more than I expected to spend), and my bouquet. Our places to cut costs are centerpieces (will by something DIY), my hair (I''m having a friend do it), and getting a photographer for just a few hours rather than the normal "wedding package," not having wedding favors (I''ve always just thrown them out when I get them at other weddings anyway!), etc. I don''t think that years from now, I''ll be looking at my wedding photos saying, "Damn! I wish I''d spend $100 more on each of my centerpieces!" so I think cutting costs there is just fine. But I definitely wouldn''t want to be saying, "Damn, I wish we had booked that other place that we liked better but didnt'' want to spend the extra money to get .... (sigh)"

What date are you guys looking for? If it''s going to be next year, you''ll have time to try and save some money, so that''d be good! Like you said, you don''t want to break the bank, so if you''ve got some time to build up a little cushion, that''d really help!

Oh, and our wedding is this coming September 17! I can''t believe that it''s all happening so fast for us ... but I''m so glad it is! All in all, we''ll have been engaged for just over five months by the time we get married! Wow!