I don''t know that to do

[Laurenj915]

My plan was to have an 8 pm outdoor garden reception in June.

I wanted it to be late because...
*It will be too hot during the daylight hours in Florida in June.
*I can''t afford flower centerpieces and lots of candles outside will sparkle and look pretty without looking cheap.
*We are having a clear top tent and I think during sunlight hours that thing will heat up like we are under a magnifying glass. *The place we rented looks better at night because they have the grounds lit up beautifully.
*Mostly I wanted a late reception because that was my vision my dream wedding reception.

Now, my future Mother in law said that she was concerned about an 8 pm start time because it is a dinner and people will not eat until very late. So I compromised and moved it to 7. Now my future hubby is saying stuff to me about how people will still not eat until 8:30 or 9 after the cocktail reception, first dances and toasts. He says he is worried that is to late. In reality he didn''t care one bit until his mom started whispering in his ear about it being too late.

I do not want to move my reception to 6 or 6:30. 7 pm makes me cringe and I agreed to do it anyway. Anyone have any ideas about how we could make my mother in law happy?

My first thought it to screw tradition and write on the invitation..
Dinner 7pm
Reception 8pm

We could skip the cocktails and have dinner right away.

Or have people arrive at 7 and have drinks for 30 minutes while everyone is drifting in and serve dinner at 7:30 before the first dance and all that. Couldn''t we just do the toasts during dinner? I know it''s not traditional but dinner is boring anyway and people can eat and listen to a toast.

Is there a problem with doing it this way that I''m not seeing? Is there another way I could do it?

 

[karasue91]

What if you serve appetizers during the cocktail hour? You could write on the invite "Cocktails and hors d''euvres 7pm, dinner at 8"?

What time is your ceremony?

Maybe you could get creative about the order of things during the reception, some people do think its really late to eat dinner at 830 or 9. What if you didn''t have a full dinner but just substantial appetizers and made it more of a cocktail reception?

 

[KimberlyH]

We were married at 7pm, had a cocktail reception immediately following (7:20ish) and served light appetizers; we seated for dinner at about 8:15. It was really no big deal, we just made it clear, through word of mouth, that dinner would be later in the evening.

 

[bee*]

I agree with the others and serve light appetizers directly after the ceremony and then have dinner afterwards. Provided people know that they won''t be having dinner till later I can''t see there being a problem.

 

[Courtneylub]

I''m wondering the same thing for myself. We want our ceremony to be at 8pm (outside July ceremony outside in Houston) and dinner immediately after. The ceremony and reception are at the same site and I''m not wanting the ceremony to last more than 15 minutes. I need to double check when sun goes down, I guess. The ceremony is shaded with several trees as well, so I think I''ll be ok.

I agree with the appetizers and drinks, followed by dinner.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I agree with everybody else--if you have the ceremony at 7 and start serving appetizers at 7:30 with dinner starting at 8 or 8:30, I don''t think that''s late at all. Since you''ll be getting your pictures done before the ceremony when there is still sunlight, the cocktail hour doesn''t really have to be as long.

Quite frankly I don''t even feel that 9 is late for dinner, but I realize that you''re trying to be respectful of your guests. I wouldn''t push the ceremony up to 6:30 if I were you--I''d keep it at 7 or even 7:30.

 

[swimmer]

I just got the invite for a friend''s wedding in Argentina, the wedding Mass starts at 9pm and dinner won''t start ''till 11pm. They will serve breakfast around 2am as we leave. I hear your fMIL that she wants this to be more traditional and older people do like to eat earlier, but this is not the "early bird special," it is your wedding. You could actually cut costs while being extravagant by doing an after dinner reception that is just insane desserts...choc fountains, champagne toasts, fresh fruits, mmmmm. I''m doing a garden wedding in May down south and am concerned about heat as well. Your site sounds beautiful! These days, there are no rules about cocktail hour, dinner start time, etc. You might have to put up with traditionalists questioning, but at the end of they day, they already had their weddings, and it was their choice to conform. It does not have to be yours.

 

[Laurenj915]

The cocktail hour with food and drinks at 7 is our current plan. I don''t know why she is making this a big deal.

Our ceremony is at a catholic church at 1pm, because of Saturday night mass that is their latest wedding time. The huge time gap sucks (for guests who feel like they have to waste a whole day and for me since my makeup and hair is not going to last from 1-7) but at least people will know that the reception is at 7 pm and they have 5 hours to get something to eat or have a late lunch in the meantime. I want to be a good hostess and everything but these are adults who have been to weddings and other events before. I feel like they will handle the 7pm reception OK.

Not being catholic myself I had no idea when I book a night reception that the church we had also booked for that day was only going to let us have the wedding at 1. I feel like this is not coming together very smoothly.

Thanks for your help everyone!

 

[Laurenj915]

By the way, that wedding sound really fun! I would love to go to a wedding that expects you to party until a 2am breakfast!

 

[Courtneylub]

Yeah that wedding sounds awesome! A party that contains people who can hang till 2am is a real party!

 

[Sabine]

I know that at the early Catholic mass weddings I''ve been to, the couple (or parents of) hosted a sort of luncheon in between the ceremony and reception. You could try to suggest this, as it gives OOT people something to do, and maybe if your FMIL knew you were feeding them earlier in the day, she wouldn''t feel bad about them waiting for a later dinner. All the ones I''ve been to have been very casual, people coming and going...sandwhich trays and the like.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 1/16/2008 9:45:10 AM
Author: swimmer
I I hear your fMIL that she wants this to be more traditional and older people do like to eat earlier, but this is not the 'early bird special,' it is your wedding... You might have to put up with traditionalists questioning, but at the end of they day, they already had their weddings, and it was their choice to conform. It does not have to be yours.

That was my EXACT thought swimmer!

I too think 9 pm is FINE for dinner as long as the guest aren't arrive at 3 or 4 pm!

Don't move it up anymore. 7:00 cocktails (keep them light) *:00 seating and 8:30 first course is FINE. The cranky old folks can just deal for one night.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 1/16/2008 5:42:34 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 1/16/2008 9:45:10 AM
Author: swimmer
I I hear your fMIL that she wants this to be more traditional and older people do like to eat earlier, but this is not the ''early bird special,'' it is your wedding... You might have to put up with traditionalists questioning, but at the end of they day, they already had their weddings, and it was their choice to conform. It does not have to be yours.

That was my EXACT thought swimmer!

I too think 9 pm is FINE for dinner as long as the guest aren''t arrive at 3 or 4 pm!

Don''t move it up anymore. 7:00 cocktails (keep them light) *:00 seating and 8:30 first course is FINE. The cranky old folks can just deal for one night.

I say, to heck with the *cranky* people! Let them send their regrets to the reception; who needs *crankies* at your party??!! DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. Period. You already compromised on the 1PM ceremony. It''s not your MIL''s party. (Unless she''s paying!)

 

[isaku5]

Date: 1/16/2008 5:42:34 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 1/16/2008 9:45:10 AM
Author: swimmer
I I hear your fMIL that she wants this to be more traditional and older people do like to eat earlier, but this is not the ''early bird special,'' it is your wedding... You might have to put up with traditionalists questioning, but at the end of they day, they already had their weddings, and it was their choice to conform. It does not have to be yours.

That was my EXACT thought swimmer!

I too think 9 pm is FINE for dinner as long as the guest aren''t arrive at 3 or 4 pm!

Don''t move it up anymore. 7:00 cocktails (keep them light) *:00 seating and 8:30 first course is FINE. The cranky old folks can just deal for one night.

Speaking as one of those "cranky old folks" who usually has dinner over at 6pm, I think that as long as it''s clear on the invite that hors d''ouevres will be seved at 7 and dinner at 8, there''s no problem at all. At the last wedding we attended in August, the outdoor ceremony was at 4pm followed by cold drinks (alcoholic and non)between 4:30 and 5 while pictures were being taken. Small hors d''ouevres ( finger food) arrived about 5:30 and were served until about 7:30 after which guests found their way to dinner (buffet) about 8pm. No complaints that I heard. We all had a great time visiting with people we knew and others we''d just met.

I wouldn''t advise waiting until 9 for dinner because that''s when we"cranky old folks" like to get ready for bed (just kidding!)". If you want to keep your guest list small and comprised of the younger folks, say in the invite that dinner will be at 9pm. Keep in mind, though, that some of us are very generous with gifts or $$$.

 

[DMBsGirl]

wow, your MIL sounds like a pain in the you know what!
I will be having my ceremony at 7:30 pm, cocktail hour from 8-9:15, and THEN my reception. I haven''t had a complaint yet about it being too late for dinner. Cocktail hours are so packed with food that it shouldn''t be a problem. My wedding will end at 1:15 am and I think that is AWESOME!

 

[sunnyd]

There's plenty of time between ceremony and reception for people to eat. I eat every few hours anyway!!!

But besides that, do people usually do dances and everything before dinner? At all the weddings I've been to (which granted is only 2

) they've done all that stuff after dinner. Maybe you could do that if people wanna eat first?

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Hi Lauren,

Ditto what the others have said about your reception not being an early bird special. If you''re having a later dinner, just make sure to start serving heavier hors d''oeuvres asap.

However, there might be a bigger problem: that is a *HUGE* gap of time between ceremony and reception. (I had assumed from your original post that you were contemplating having an on-site wedding immediately preceding the reception.) Now, it might not seem like that big of a problem to you, but... well, I guess the best way is to share a story. A relative of mine had a very logical reason for having a late evening reception (starting at 8 p.m , cocktail hour at 7, end time 1 a.m.), but the church was only available at noon. He and his fiance booked it anyway, had 180 "yes" RSVPs, and... only 20 or so people showed up for the ceremony!!! They pushed back the start time first 15 minutes, then 30 minutes, waiting for people to show up... and nope, it was them, their ten attendants, and 20 other people in a church that sits over a thousand.

Frankly, had it been me as the bride, I would have been sooooo disappointed. They couple in question paid for it themselves, and they were already so freaked out by the $60,000 tab that they decided to cut costs by not hiring a wedding planner. Had they hired one, perhaps he/she would have told them the inevitable outcome of the 6 hour gap; as it was, I wonder if the couple came to feel like all of the "friends" they paid $250/head to invite were just a bunch of freeloaders. I recently told this story to a friend of mine. He was aghast at the impropriety of the masses, until I told him the timeframe; then he said, "A 6 hour gap? Are you kidding me? Geez, no wonder no one showed up. Did they not consider the inconvenience to their guests at all?"

Anyhow, I suppose I just wanted to point out while you were still early in your planning that the 7 hour gap might create even bigger problems you might have overlooked; any chance you can find a different church with a more accommodating schedule if you''re dreaming of an outdoor late-night reception?