I don''t know what to do :(

[MustangFan]

So now I''m inbetween two place. Renault Winery and Rvier Queen here in NJ.

River Queen had no sit down dinner, it Riverboat style (eat when you want, no assigned seat, less structured) OR
Traditional Buffet style where you all sit together and eat buffet, more structure, name cards etc ( I LIKE BETTER)
We can have it any day there, there is no price difference.

Renault is Friday or Sunday only (saturday is a minimum of 100)
Is about an hour away from us (we''d have the ceremony and reception all there)
Has Sit Down
One thing! I don''t want a sunday wedding and FI can''t ask all his friends to take off from work for friday, all this old work buddies still work at the same place and they would have to shut down the whole place for the day, also they live farther north, another hour ride, making it a two hour car ride for them.
I DON''T WANT A SUNDAY simply because I detest the fact that you have to worry about cutting the night shot because people have to get to work and it''s a two hour car ride for some.

I don''t know what to do?

It''s driving me crazy here
I thought it would be fun, but it''s stressing me out.

 

[neatfreak]

It sounds like your decision is made then! If you won''t do Sunday and can''t do Friday, then the River Queen it is.

And a buffet is a sit down dinner, no? Just because it''s not a served dinner doesn''t mean it''s not a sit down right?

 

[neatfreak]

Wait, could you do it Friday NIGHT at the winery? That would be really romantic and if your FI''s friends only live a few hours away they could make it there for a 7pm ceremony.

August usually it''s light out until at least 9 right?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I do not like events that do not have assigned table seating. I find it slightly stressful (maybe it is just me). So I will always vote for the option with place cards.

 

[MustangFan]

Neatfreak,

That''s what I want to do, but FI says he doesn''t know, they still have to take a half day, and the whole shop can''t do that. They''d have to get out at 3 to be there by 6 (an hour to drive home and get ready plus wives, 2 hour drive!) 7 pm ceremony would be nice (sun setting), but 7 would be kinda late to start the ceremony and have dinner at 8, no?

Now he wants me to see if they can do a saturday day, but I doubt it. They''d have to get ready for the evening event (if there was one)
Also there''s no way we are having a ceremony outside in the blazing heat, I''d want to switch it to September.

 

[MustangFan]

According to the Riverboat''s chart August 8th sun sets at 7:45

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/18/2007 11:40:26 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring
I do not like events that do not have assigned table seating. I find it slightly stressful (maybe it is just me). So I will always vote for the option with place cards.

Ditto!

 

[neatfreak]

Hmmmmm. How much more are we talking for the Saturday event? Is your wedding just a tad under 100 or a lot under 100?

 

[MustangFan]

it's not more money it's a minimum of a 100
I have 80 people for my mock guest list and I know at least 10 will not be able to make it, but have to invite them.

FI thinks it'll be no problem to get to a 100, but I don't want that, also doesn't mean that we'll have a 100 in the end either

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 5/18/2007 12:13:38 PM
Author: MustangFan
it's not more money it's a minimum of a 100

I have 80 people for my mock guest list and I know at least 10 will not be able to make it, but have to invite them.


FI thinks it'll be no problem to get to a 100, but I don't want that, also doesn't mean that we'll have a 100 in the end either

Doubtful. I'm sure it's the $. As long as you're willing to PAY for the extra few people, I doubt they would care. Think about it, if you offer to pay for 100, but only have 80, they make a LOT of profit because they don't have to feed the extra 20. So maybe you can negotiate with them. Ask them to figure out how much PROFIT they make per person (if they're willing to do this) and see if they will charge you just that difference. Then you're not paying for food you won't eat and it's less work but more $ for them. Everyone wins.

 

[MustangFan]

I know it''s about the money, I''d not that dumb, they do it in a sly way so it doesn''t look that way.
I don''t want to do that, paying for difference of 30 people is crazy! $79-100+ pp my father would go crazy for paying for people that weren''t even there.
Everyone doesn''t win because my dad will have a terrible time thinking about moeny going out the window.
Weddings Suck!

 

[So_happy]

I want to chime in as a Sunday wedding bride and say that I empathize with the whole ending things early feeling. Our reception is 7-11 (or 6-10...still deciding) and I want a dancing/party atmosphere so I feel like a Sunday could squelsh that a bit. I wish we could have a Saturday wedding but it would''ve put us even more over our budget and I reeeeeeeealy wanted the venue I now have.

I took the objective route and actually went thru our entire guest list, which is only 100, and made a flash judgement on whether I thought they''d need to leave early or not that night. I thought of thier distance home (for those for whom driving home is even feasible) and thier liklihood of staying till the end no matter what. It turned out the majority of those that had long drives home (2 hrs) were also our closest and dearest family and friends and I know would stay no matter what. Since those OOT guests are my biggest concern in regards to the ending time of our wedding, I didn''t even look at the locals as they have only a 10 minute drive home and could leave at the very end if they wanted and still be home in bed by no later than 11:30pm.

It turned out that there are only 4 guests that I feel might need to leave early and have a long drive home. When I realized that I had been stressing about 4 guests, I decided to have the cake cutting occur at 9p instead of 10p and then began getting excited that I''ll have a gorgeous venue for alot cheaper due to my Sunday choice Only you know your guests but I wonder if this process could be illuminating for you as well?

 

[Gypsy]

Can you negotiate an extra hour with them instead of the 100 person minimum. So that maybe you guys could pay more per person because you will be getting an hour more time there. Or something?? Not sure if that''s really helpful, but I was trying to think of creative solutions.

 

[cdt1101]

MustangFan-I also live in NJ, and recently got engaged. We haven''t started looking at places yet, but I have a lot of the same concerns you do. My thoughts on a Friday: I''m not sure what area of Jersey you live, but if it''s central/north traveling on a Friday in NJ is a NIGHTMARE in the summer. Especially if most are coming from teh north driving south. Just something to keep in mind. Because what would normally be a 2 hour drive will most likely be at 3 hours.

just something to think about....

 

[MustangFan]

Gypsy I''ll keep that in mind


Yes I live in central Jersey and a lot of North Jersey friends, so yeah we definitely know about traffic! lol
You''re right it''ll probably take 3 hours to get there. This is making me more confused

 

[MustangFan]

I forgot to mention that my dog is a diabetic and need his insulin at a certain time, this will also be a problem since everyone I know and trust will be at the wedding, and yes that includes neighbors! ARRGGHHH so stressed!

 

[Gypsy]

Honey, just board the dog for the day... at a place that will give him the shot. It''s going to be okay. I promise. Deep breathes.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 5/18/2007 12:34:38 PM
Author: MustangFan
I know it''s about the money, I''d not that dumb, they do it in a sly way so it doesn''t look that way.

I don''t want to do that, paying for difference of 30 people is crazy! $79-100+ pp my father would go crazy for paying for people that weren''t even there.

Everyone doesn''t win because my dad will have a terrible time thinking about moeny going out the window.

Weddings Suck!

I didn''t mean to imply that you were dumb, but you said in another post that it WASN''T about more money, and it is. You also said that your FI said that you could easily get to 100, so I was thinking that if you were at 90, laying out a bit of $ to get the right day for you might be worth it. Thats all.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/18/2007 12:34:38 PM
Author: MustangFan
paying for difference of 30 people is crazy! $79-100+ pp my father would go crazy for paying for people that weren''t even there.

Everyone doesn''t win because my dad will have a terrible time thinking about moeny going out the window.

Weddings Suck!

Whew. Time out! Neatfreak didn''t say to pay $100 per person for 30 ghost-people ... she said attempt to negotiate with the vendor & meet somewhere in the middle. Say if they are making $25 PROFIT on each guest ... your 30 "ghosts" would be $750 of lost profit -- maybe they''d split the difference, and this whole problem could be solved for $375???

BTW-- everything about a wedding is "throwing money away" if you look at it like that. You have to keep the BIG PICTURE in mind & be able to explain THE BIG PICTURE to other people in a way they understand. Is it worth $750 for a Saturday night wedding? In the big scheme of things??? How much is having a Saturday night wedding WORTH?? Who cares WHO gets the MONEY or WHY -- it''s what YOU get out of it that counts.

We paid through the NOSE for a location & date we wanted ... because it was WORTH it to us. Not that we didn''t get TOTALLY EXPLOITED. We had to come to terms with giving people we didn''t like loads of $$ in order for US to get what WE wanted -- & what we wanted for our GUESTS. (A holiday weekend in prime fall foliage season in that particular barn). And I''d do it again.

 

[littlelysser]

Date: 5/18/2007 12:34:38 PM
Author: MustangFan
I know it''s about the money, I''d not that dumb, they do it in a sly way so it doesn''t look that way.
I don''t want to do that, paying for difference of 30 people is crazy! $79-100+ pp my father would go crazy for paying for people that weren''t even there.
Everyone doesn''t win because my dad will have a terrible time thinking about moeny going out the window.
Weddings Suck!

I understand that you are stressed out...but mean and snitty posts are really not the way to go.

And, well, I think you''ll kind of regret being this stressed about wedding stuff. Don''t forget what the day is really about. You and your FI, getting married...surrounded by the folks that love you. It is not about being all annoyed and stressed, certainly not when you''ve hardly even started planning it!

And it seems like neither place is really working for you. So why not keep looking?

And the dog is easy - Like Gypsy said...just board him.

 

[So_happy]

Our initial guest list started out at 75 and that''s where we WANTED it to stay at. However, perhaps having to do with the fact that you are generally trying to remember the names and faces of ALL the people in your world that you love and care about in a couple sittings, names get forgotton. I bring this up because our list has grown to 100 and may very possible end at 105. And the extra several guests were literally instances of "omg I can''t believe I forgot so-and-so!".

It is very possible your list will also grow to 100 from your present 85 quite easily and in the meantime, trying to negotiate in the manners previously discussed by others would be a great way to get what you want in either case.

OR start with your 85 and add in 15 guests that you would really like there like coworkers or something........I only recommend this because you mention it is not about money...I think?

 

[jesterjigger]

I went to a wedding in NJ that was on a Riverboat...I think it was the River Queen, I know there was another boat that docked near the same area. It was a really cool experience. The wedding itself was near the ocean at a gazebo along the beach. Then the reception was on the boat. It was lovely. She had a live band on the second floor that played 80s hits mostly. On the first floor they had piped in older music (jazz/big band, etc). The food was great, it was a pasta bar deal. Then they cut the cake upstairs. I have to say I was *very* worried about going to the wedding, I was offered the option of brining a guest but didn''t have any one that I wanted to bring. There wasn''t assigned seating and the only people I knew were the bride, her mom, and her grandma. (We''d met on a different horse related messageboard and hung out all the time spectating horse shows) It worked out ok, I ended up spending most of the evening with her older relatives, she had a lot of friends from high school and all of them were on the second floor dancing and stuff to the band. The bride and groom made sure to split their time pretty evenly between the two floors. After the cake was cut and eaten then the boat brought out fresh baked chocolate chip cookies that were super yummy! The view was beautiful, it was early October, so it was still fairly warm. And even when it got colder as the night progressed the boat was still warm in the interior areas.

Due to the atmostphere she didn''t have to spend much on decor for it to look nice either. She used a simple large, shallow bowl filled with water and a giant flower floated on the water. Then when the boat docked she and her husband waited at the end of the dock and handed a favor to each guest as they left the boat. The photographer also got a shot of everyone in the front of the boat that attended the wedding and the bride and groom in the middle. Overall it was a really cool wedding...the best I''ve been to.

 

[MustangFan]

apologies to anyone that thought I was meaning mean, it didn''t mean it that way
It''s hard to say what you really mean sometimes.


That does indeed sound like the Riverboat! All the way to the chocolate chip cookie, we went with Sharon and she very nice and friendly. It makes it easier for us I think if there''s no assigned seating, that way you can mingle more and not stuck at the same table. At least that is what she told us is the perk side to it. I haven''t found anything else that seems fun and different, and I''ve looked! Can anyone make a suggestion for a person in central NJ?

 

[dmamsquared]

Winery in Shamong Twp. Burlington County. Valenzano Winery

http://www.newjerseywines.net/facilities.ph . Looks very nice. I would think that their prices would be competitive. Tell them that you are considering Renault. It would not be a bad commute. It is in the pinelands. Mt. Holly, Medford, and Lumberton, are the closest towns.