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I feel like crying...

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anchor31

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
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I showed the WF setting to my boyfriend, but the total cost of the ring is too much for him. I tried to find solutions, but he started giving me reasons why he shouldn''t put that much money in a ring. It really hurt me because just yesterday he told me he didn''t care about the price and now he''s telling me I''m being unreasonable, so I said something really insensitive (and apologized right away because I realized how petty and stupid it was) and we ended up almost having a fight over this.

Maybe I am being unreasonable, I don''t know. What I was hoping for was small compared to most PS rings, but PS rings are by no means standard. And most people in Québec just don''t spend a lot of money on rings; I guess he''s not an exception. He wants to put it on a house instead, which is fair. But I tried to be reasonable, I make it a rule in my life to always try my best.

Maybe I tried too much to do my best. I researched and researched and researched, and finding PS turned out to be both a blessing and a curse. I found it trying to get advice on the pre-proposal symptoms my relationship was going through at first and it helped me much more than I would have hoped for in that department, and I ended up becoming a diamond junkie. My standards went way up. And now I know that, diamond-wise, what I will get will not meet those standards.

But my relationship is worth much more than this. I don''t care what I will get. I wish I could have gotten that WF ring, but it doesn''t matter. I''m not sure what will happen now, if it''ll affect the proposal date or not, if we''ll still go shopping on Spring Break or not; it''s too early to tell. I don''t think it''ll change anything; we''ve had spats before and we talked them through. I''ll probably call him tomorrow night to chat, but I swear I''ll never talk about engagement rings again.

I want to thank you for all the help and support you''ve been giving me. It''s great to follow your stories and offer advice when I can too. Right now I''m disappointed and angry with myself, so I''ll be MIA for a while. I''ll keep you posted once I''ve fixed up the mess I made, and I promise that if we go shopping I''ll tell you about it.

My best wishes to you all.
 
OH NO! Anchor, I''m so sorry that you''re dissapointed. like you said, you were trying to do your best and to find a reasonably priced ring. Which, IMO what you are asking for is more than reasonable. Sure, he wants to put some $$ towards a house, totally understandable and smart, but you are asking him to spend less than alot of girls would. Maybe he should think about what you want. It may sound selfish, but honestly you have to be selfish every once in a while. This isn''t some ol'' ring that you''ll wear for a year or so then not again, this is a ring that you would wear forever.

But if you think he will not budge--Have you maybe considered getting engaged w/o a ring then getting that ring that you love in your avatar as your wedding ring? That''s a comprimise that maybe can be met.
 
Awww, Anchor , I''m so sorry to hear that you''re feeling so down! And I''m sorry that you and your BF got into an arguement, and over something that''s made you excited for so long. Big hugs for you
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Just let things go for a while. I know it will all work out! You''ll find another ring within the bugdet or something will give somewhere!! Maybe you could reverse things and get engaged with a wedding band, something simple, and then it will give you and BF more time to save up for your dream ring. Maybe you could receive your dream ring at the wedding ceremony, who knows. Either way, just remind eachother of why you love eachother and why you want to get married. That''s what all this is leading to anyways!
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I''m so sorry Anchor! I know how you feel....hanging out here at PS, we definitely get envious of all the huge bling here. But if you hang out here long enough, you''ll find out that a lot of the ladies here didn''t start out with such big diamonds. How about finding a beautiful ACA and putting it into an inexpensive solitaire? When you get married you can complete the set with the three stone ring.

The smaller you start, the more fun your future upgrade can be! Good luck!
 
Anchor, I'm so sorry! Is the original ring you wanted (the 5 stone from WF) still an option? I remember it being pretty reasonably priced and it sounded beautiful. Yes, some women get 5 stone rings as their wedding bands, but you'll be getting a plain gold band, which will absolutely make your e-ring LOOK like an e-ring (does that make sense?). If your heart is still in a 3 stone, I'm sure WF can make you something amazing within your budget.

Pricescope will make what you originally wanted seem small. I know this because sometimes, while browsing posts, my diamond actually shrinks. After I pry myself from the computer and enter the real world again, I look down at my hand and remember just how perfect a size I have. Remember, a very tiny percentage of women are walking around with 1.5ct stones. Most of 'em are wearing around a half to 3/4 of a carat and that's a GREAT size. Your boyfriend is definitely thinking smart, as mine did. A house is such a better thing to save for then a big honking diamond ring.

Wow. I actually revised this about a million times. I just kept thinking of things I wanted to add!
 
Anchor,
I''m so sorry, we always think engagement talk should be just fun, but sometimes there come a few snags. When my bf & I first started discussing, there was a definite sticker shock phase! And I think that''s gone up since I found PS. Maybe my dream ring will really just be a dream, but more important is the commitment...which can sometimes be hard to remember when we''re here on PS going congrats on the engagement now more importantly, lets see the ring! I mean...its a diamond forum so expected, but the most important part is that two people who totally love each other are engaged. Now, when my bf gets frustrated during these talks its more because he wants to be able to give me whatever I wanted to make everything perfect for me, but sometimes feels that he can''t. I tell him it ultimately doesn''t matter, I mean, it does to some extent because if he was blowing his money on something like video games or his car I''d be really hurt that he couldn''t save the money, but your bf wants to put the money into a house for you two to start your future together, I think that''s just as romantic as a ring
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I hope you guys still go shopping over spring break...you never know what you may find that could work for you two. Maybe do what sunkist suggested, or get a plain band and decide to save your dream ring for an anniversary? I don''t know what the budget is, but have you looked into some eternity bands? There is such a range of prices that may work or a solitaire? There are lots of options and I''m sure you two will find one that works for you!

If you do take a PS break, good luck in school and with everything else. Hopefully you won''t stay away for long.
 
Hi Anchor,

I know that must have been really, really hard to hear. I am sorry that you are disappointed. In Quebec, engagement rings are just not the thing, and the francophone mentality is very different from the US, english when it comes to rings.

I can tell you that at the University of Montreal, people freak out over my ring all the time. Teachers (that are WELL ESTABLISHED DOCTORS) always say to me, "Your too young for a ring like that" or "Your boyfriend is crazy" and I spent my whole day in the hospital, surrounded by woman who are Doctors married to Doctors (so VERY WEALTHY), and I haven''t seen a ring bigger then 0.25 carats yet.

I think the important thing to remember is that this is just a cultural factor that weighs in, and nothing to do with you or him (and your relationship). I don''t think the ring you asked for is unreasonable (by any standards), but I can see it being more then he thought he would spend (i.e. compared to what his friends/other people in Quebec would spend). It''s not your fault that your standards went up, that''s want happens when you are on PS. You find out a lot, but then you also want more.

This is a snag. I know you didn''t DEMAND it from him, so it''s ok. You''ll get through it. I think you can always get your ring, in a smaller version, for more affordable, and still beautiful. My boyfriend bought me a 0.5 eternity band, from Lavigeur, and I can tell you that although it''s low quality and small compared to my e-ring, a lot of my friends prefer it to my e-ring. It''s a lovely band, something he picked out for me, and my sentiment and attachement to that ring is much more then I have toward my e-ring.

Hugs! Everything will work out!
 
((((Hugs))))!!! I''m so sorry!!! That really stinks!!! I know this is like completely against how most people surf PS feel...but...it''s not the ring that matters...being married to a wonderful man that you love with all your heart and building a relationship of committment and trust...that''s what matters, and even the ring of your dreams would be a wonderful bonus...it''s just that a bonus...the amount of love and committment in a relationship is note based oon the size of the ering...hand in there it will all work out for the best...I know you''re disappointed...but I''m sure when it''s all said and done you''ll be very happy with the ring you both decide on together!!! ((((Hugs again))))!!!

Amyg
 
Anchor, sorry to hear about your situation. If you really have your heart set on that particular ring, maybe you could pay the difference between what he can pay and the actual price? That way you''re both getting what you want. Just a thought.
 
Oh Anchor, I''m so sorry.
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I think that not only should you look for cheaper rings, you should also make known to him that you''re really not asking for too much, and that this means so much to you. You''d think he want to make you happy (not that he doesn''t already), and get you something he KNOWS you''ve researched and spent many hours looking for. Honey, you''re doing everything possible to find something you''ll love in your budget, we all know how hard you''ve worked. I think you should let him know how sad this makes you, and tell him that to YOU, this is something you''ve been dreaming of. Who cares what everyone else in Quebec is doing, this is your relationship, and it''s a compromise, right? You''re doing all you can to find something in your budget (which he told you something else originally, and then took it back!), to make things easy for him. This is something you''re going to wear forever, and you should love it. Do what makes you happy, and talk to him about it. I''m so sorry, but things''ll get better. We''re here if you need it.
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Anchor31, my fiance had set a very low budget for my ering for the same reason, where he is from people don''t make a big fuss about erings. When he first told me what budget he had I had to laugh, it was so low.

Then we started looking at rings and he promptly realized that his budget was not going to buy something he would be proud of, so he started budging a bit. Once I found the ring I wanted, it was over 4 times his original budget but I was so in love with it that the first time we saw it I had tears in my eyes. At that moment he knew he was going to have to spend the money that he never thought he would, because no other ring would make me as happy. Mind you, my ring is a .25 so we are not talking many thousands here.

Now, when he catches me staring at the ring with a big smile on my face dozens of times a day, he says that the money he spent on it was the best spent money in his entire life.

What I''m trying to say is that there is a chance your sweetie may come around, especially if he knows you have done your best to find something within his means and that the ring you have your heart set on will bring such a smile to your face.

Good luck,
Regalada
 
Sorry to hear about the awkward conversation. I think for a lot of guys it''s a shock when they find out how much diamonds cost. The first time my BF and I went ring looking he was grumpy by the time we came home because he was in shock over the prices. I''m just hoping to ease him into it and of course I realize I''ll have to compromise some too so he doesn''t have a heart attack. Hopefully you and your BF can find some sort of happy medium, ie. either smaller stones in your ring or maybe a lower color or something. I think it''s hard when boys have it in their head an amount that they want to spend, but they don''t necessarily think about the fact that you are the one who is going to wear this forever. I''m hoping that in time, he will at least see your perspective on this and maybe offer to meet you at least halfway on this one. Sorry it''s so tough. Good luck!
 
Oh Anchor, I''m soooo sorry!!!!! Is it possible to get the three stone with all 3 being about the same size instead of having a larger center stone? There must be sooome way you can work it out! And like everyone said, the worst that happens is that you get a placeholder now and work your way up to an upgrade/anniversary ring later! Just remember - you are NOT being unreasonable, so don''t feel guilty. If this really isn''t something he''s comfortable with (yet
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) then just agree to let him choose the engagement ring on the condition that he gets you the 5 stone for your wedding band, or gets either that or the 3 stone for you as an anniversary present in the not tooo distant future. Saving for the house is a very smart and good thing to do, but engagement rings hold a LOT more sentimental value for women than they do for men, so you need to just make it clear to him that you''re not being materialistic and selfish (b/c you''re not!) but that this is just something that means a lot to you. As much as the ring isn''t the important thing about getting engaged, you still don''t want to go into the commitment to spend your lives together with a feeling of disappointment or resentment, and he isn''t going to want to feel that he let you down. So have a long talk with him and try to get him to understand that it isn''t a materialistic issue, but a symbolic start to your new life together! Good luck!!!!

(And don''t stay away from PS!!!)
 
Wow, reading your responses almost made me cry all over again. I am so lucky to have people like you to turn to for support and advice. Thank you so much. *hugs everyone*

I was just talking with my SO. Everything''s fine. We are still going shopping on Spring Break. We talked about different possibilities like having it made to fit his budget, finding something similar, etc. because he really likes the way it looks too. I guess we''ll see what we can find and how things go in term of budget. He said he really wish he could give me that ring, but for the engagement date he has set (
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He has a DATE!!!), he just can''t afford it. I told him I didn''t care if he proposed without a ring, we''ll see. So, I''ll keep giving him suggestions, we''ll go shopping and keep an open mind, and who knows what we can find?

Regalada - I''d like to see your ring! Do you have pictures?

Albi - I don''t think I could stay away from PS even if I wanted to. I was so sad and angry with myself last night, but I don''t know what I''d do if I didn''t have all of you to talk to.
 
Hi Anchor,

I have not followed your whole story before this post, I remember seeing a post about 5 stone rings. I am not sure about the size of the stones, but is it possible to get one stone at a time over a few years? Maybe the first stone set in a solitaire to wear until you have accumulated the rest? Or if the three stone ring is what you prefer, then buy a small stone from a vendor with an upgrade policy and just keep upgrading and upgrading until you have what you want. It may take time, but when you have exactly what you want, you will feel really great knowing how far you and your (then) husband have come : )

Another option would be to have the exact, perfect setting made, then put a high quality sim in instead of diamonds, then down the road you can replace them with diamonds.

As an aside, Pricescope are absurd standard to try and match : ) I am sure you are aware of this, many of the ladies had to wait years and years and YEEEAAARS to get the diamonds that they have today. A house will be something that you guys will have and live in for a great deal of time.

I wish you well, and hope you keep posting : )

Bridget
 
Anchor- I''m so happy you''re feeling better!! And that you are still going shopping. it seems to be a thing guys go through. Once they realize that diamonds have such high value, they wig out. Strange reasons too. It''s a general reason of ''oh man, that''s way over my budget, I can''t afford it'' to ''will I not be a good provider in the future if I can''t do something like this now?'' I know it sounds nuts, but I asked a male co-worker and he said ANYTHING related to buying something comes back to them in their mind as to how well they can provide. But of course they won''t tell us that.
 
Hi Anchor, very glad to hear things are ok with you and future FI and that he has a DATE!
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Here''s the thread where I posted a couple of pictures of my ring.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-lovely-etoile-solitaire-is-finally-on-my-finger.30897/.

It looks much more prettier in person, of course
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. It''s a yellow gold Etoile from Tiffany''s. As you will see, it''s pretty small. I wanted a very low bezel setting in yellow gold and when I first saw the ring online, it was love at first sight. FI had to pay the Tiffany price because he wanted to see the ring before buying it, so finding a similar one online to save some money was not an option. He got lucky in that I didn''t want such a thick band and the smaller the diamond the smaller the band so he knew it could have been a lot worse
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.

Again, happy to hear you are proceeding as planned!

Regalada
 
Date: 1/20/2006 12:33:04 PM
Author: anchor31
He said he really wish he could give me that ring, but for the engagement date he has set (
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He has a DATE!!!), he just can''t afford it. I told him I didn''t care if he proposed without a ring, we''ll see. So, I''ll keep giving him suggestions, we''ll go shopping and keep an open mind, and who knows what we can find?
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In all honesty, I wouldn''t choose waiting for a bigger, better ring over him giving you something beautiful when he''s ready. If it''s a sensitive issue (and it really is with guys, they just pretend it isn''t) you''ll want him to know that you''ll love whatever he''s able to give you. If I told my boyfriend I''d rather wait until he could get me a bigger ring, it would have hurt his feelings. Now, I''m not saying you''d choose to do this (I know you''d never risk hurting his feelings) but keep it in mind in case he starts pointing at things smaller than you currently hope for while shopping. Men are proud.
 
Never mind lass, it''s not the end of the world.

You need to talk this through.

Tell him you are sorry, and you would be happy with any ring he bought for you. You might just find that he will feel more inclined to please you, as you have considered his feeling first.

If you don''t end up with the ring of your dreams...then there''s always an upgrade when you are settled and have a bit more money.


Blod
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Date: 1/20/2006 12:52:42 PM
Author: regalada
Hi Anchor, very glad to hear things are ok with you and future FI and that he has a DATE!
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Here''s the thread where I posted a couple of pictures of my ring.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-lovely-etoile-solitaire-is-finally-on-my-finger.30897/.

Regalada
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Regalada, your engagement ring is amazing. I absolutely adore it. I''m a low-setting kind of gal too.
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Anchor, I''m sorry to hear about this. I just want to say that you didn''t make this mess, it takes two. It sounds as though you two have a great, communicative relationship, and I''m sure everything will work out. Please definitely keep us posted.
 
Date: 1/20/2006 9:57:20 AM
Author: amyg

I know this is like completely against how most people surf PS feel...but...it''s not the ring that matters...being married to a wonderful man that you love with all your heart and building a relationship of committment and trust...that''s what matters, and even the ring of your dreams would be a wonderful bonus...it''s just that a bonus...the amount of love and committment in a relationship is note based oon the size of the ering...hand in there it will all work out for the best...I know you''re disappointed...but I''m sure when it''s all said and done you''ll be very happy with the ring you both decide on together!!! ((((Hugs again))))!!!

Amyg
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Oh, you do? How do you presume to know what "most people surfing PS" feel? Just because folks here are really into diamonds, you assume it means they don''t care as much about the sentiment and reason behind it? Think again.

I think that''s a completely inaccurate read on your part. I love everything about my stone, and I was anal about the details, but I''d have been happy accepting a lollipop ring for $2.98 if it came with the request to be my husband''s wife. The proposal and the promise of a life with him was FAR more important than the ring.
 
regalada - Your ring is beautiful! I like low settings for solitaires too. Future FI... My, that sounds sooo nice!
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EBree - You''re right, men are proud. He told me he wants to "do it right", with an nice ring and everything, or not at all. So I said I appreciate that very much, and I''ll be happy with whatever he can give me.

Cinderella - I''m happy to tell you we''ve talked and things are fine. Like in any relationship, we''ve had a few misunderstandings before and we''ve always resolved them with apologies and a good discussion.

As always, thank you for your advice. It really helps.
 
Date: 1/20/2006 1:39:10 PM
Author: aljdewey


Date: 1/20/2006 9:57:20 AM
Author: amyg

I know this is like completely against how most people surf PS feel...but...it's not the ring that matters...being married to a wonderful man that you love with all your heart and building a relationship of committment and trust...that's what matters, and even the ring of your dreams would be a wonderful bonus...it's just that a bonus...the amount of love and committment in a relationship is note based oon the size of the ering...hand in there it will all work out for the best...I know you're disappointed...but I'm sure when it's all said and done you'll be very happy with the ring you both decide on together!!! ((((Hugs again))))!!!

Amyg
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Oh, you do? How do you presume to know what 'most people surfing PS' feel? Just because folks here are really into diamonds, you assume it means they don't care as much about the sentiment and reason behind it? Think again.

I think that's a completely inaccurate read on your part. I love everything about my stone, and I was anal about the details, but I'd have been happy accepting a lollipop ring for $2.98 if it came with the request to be my husband's wife. The proposal and the promise of a life with him was FAR more important than the ring.
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I completely agree, Alj. We just happen to love diamonds and want to get the best we can if our DH's are kind enough to WANT to get them for us, and do our research just as you would with any major purchase. However it isn't all about the ring for us, my Husband's love and support is FAR MORE MEANINGFUL than any diamond and he knows that. Anchor I know this will work out for you and when the time is right you WILL get your lovely ring! I had to wait a long time to have the gorgeous rings I do now, but you will get there.
 
Date: 1/20/2006 1:52:28 PM
Author: anchor31

EBree - You''re right, men are proud. He told me he wants to ''do it right'', with an nice ring and everything, or not at all. So I said I appreciate that very much, and I''ll be happy with whatever he can give me.
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He sounds like a keeper! I hope you find something perfect
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Anchor, it''s a temporary setback. Like most folks, you won''t get your dream ring *now*, but you''ll be proposed to now. And I''m sure that, when financial circumstances improve with age, the door will be open for indulging in your dream ring in the future.
 
Actually, I know for a fact that many times people tell LIW's to just get engaged without a ring, since that is NOT what matters, and many times the LIW's agree, but it's mostly the MEN that don't want to go that route, male pride and all. So in reality most PS'ers may adore stones and some like them big but that is not what the engagement is about at all.

Anchor...good luck, you will figure it out!! I agree that even if this first ring is not what you had entirely hoped for from an aesthetics perspective, there is only the future to look forward to as you both build a life together, hopefully great things will happen and we will see you back here in year 5 or 10 saying I am building my absolute dream ring! I do believe that things you have to wait or work harder for can be MORE worth it in the end than if it was handed to you!

Personally I think something like a 5 stone ring or even an antique vintage wide band or similar would be superb for something different and yet still affordable. Good luck gal!!
 
Date: 1/20/2006 1:59:28 PM
Author: EBree


Date: 1/20/2006 1:52:28 PM
Author: anchor31

EBree - You're right, men are proud. He told me he wants to 'do it right', with an nice ring and everything, or not at all. So I said I appreciate that very much, and I'll be happy with whatever he can give me.
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He sounds like a keeper! I hope you find something perfect
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He definitely is. Looking at other options and smaller rings is fine with me, I can't wait for him to propose!
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Mara - Thank you for your support.
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I'll keep you posted when we'll go shopping on Spring Break!
 
Anchor- I''m so glad you''ll be sticking around- you''d be missed if you went away! I think the fact that he is willing to shop and look is GREAT and you''ll find something that will comprimise for you both and it will be beautiful! Once he sees your support in the budget process it will only strengthen your relationship.
 
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