I got SOO angry at my boyfriend this weekend

[loveydovey]

Hi ladies

This is my first thread here. I''ve been reading all you wonderful ladies stories and planned to just lurk while anxiously awaiting my proposal. Well, I had to come out of lurkville to ask your thoughts.

This Saturday was our 3 year anniversary. For the past 2 weeks he''s been hinting that he has something special planned for our day and that i should clear my evening. Well a big part of me was hoping he was going to pop the question, but the bigger part of me told me not to get my hopes up. So Saturday gets here and we go out to this really nice restaurant. I was so sad at the dinner table because the whole day had almost passed and i didn''t get the sense that it was going to happen.

So, at one point he got up and i saw him talking to some people in the back. Then a few minutes later, the waitress asked him what kind of glass did he want. I paid no attention, but then later I thought about it and asked him "what was she asking you about a glass for?" and he was like "nothing." then a couple minutes later, the waitress was walking by and he signaled her over then he whispered something to her and she shook her head ok. OMG!, I thought....this is it. My heart dropped 50 feet! Next thing I know, the waitress is bringing out this gorgeous looking pink wine. I look in my glass (hoping to see a ring) and..........NOTHING.

Before the night was over, I ended up having a stinky attitude for almost the rest of the night. He asked me what was wrong but i didn''t tell him i was hoping for a proposal. So he felt a little bad because he said he feel like he messed up again. I''m such an idiot. I''m ok now today. It''s just that on that day I had built up this great expectation (despite my best efforts) and basically caused myself a letdown.

We are at the 3 year mark now.
He''s told me that he is going to propose this year.
He has told me that I spoil stuff and he''s said before,"why won''t you ever let me surprise you?"
I just have no clue when.
I just keep thinking to myself, gosh it''s almost August!!

Question: Should I just go ahead and ask him which month he plans to do this in? I''m going crazy

 

[absolut_blonde]

Honestly, I understand that being LIW can be agonizing, maddening, anxiety-inducing and just all around not fun.

But... I think you should wait this one out and let him do it. You know it''s going to happen. In fact, you know it''s going to happen by the end of the year-- which is less than 5 months away. I know it''s hard, but i would try to relax and let him do it his way.

It''d be another story if you didn''t have a timeline, but you''ve already got a reasonable amount of info.

 

[Anna0499]

I would not ask when, especially because he has already expressed his desire to truly surprise you. I''m sorry you were disappointed...most of the time it''s best not to get your hopes up but I could DEFINITELY see in your situation how you would think something big was going to happen because all the signs were there! It may have been a huge letdown, but at least you know it''s coming in the next 5 or so months...many women don''t even know that! Hope you feel better!

 

[fuzzers]

Aw sorry it didn''t happen.

I would have fallen for that too! Well I think you''re lucky to know it''s coming by the end of the year.

So I would be patient... don''t ask too many more questions. Let him surprise you!

 

[loveydovey]

Date: 7/21/2008 11:43:10 AM
Author: absolut_blonde
Honestly, I understand that being LIW can be agonizing, maddening, anxiety-inducing and just all around not fun.


But... I think you should wait this one out and let him do it. You know it''s going to happen. In fact, you know it''s going to happen by the end of the year-- which is less than 5 months away. I know it''s hard, but i would try to relax and let him do it his way.


It''d be another story if you didn''t have a timeline, but you''ve already got a reasonable amount of info.

Yes, soooooo agonizing, maddening, anxiety-inducing, and not fun

lol
I''m going to need to relax, relate, and release!

 

[loveydovey]

Date: 7/21/2008 11:43:57 AM
Author: IndyGirl22
I would not ask when, especially because he has already expressed his desire to truly surprise you. I''m sorry you were disappointed...most of the time it''s best not to get your hopes up but I could DEFINITELY see in your situation how you would think something big was going to happen because all the signs were there! It may have been a huge letdown, but at least you know it''s coming in the next 5 or so months...many women don''t even know that! Hope you feel better!

Yeah! And I thought I''d done a good job of not getting my hopes up. I had told my friend the day before and she and I both said it''s a good idea that i not set my hopes on a proposal. I can''t believe I slipped into that anyway

I guess when you say it like that (5 months) it doesn''t seem like that far away

 

[loveydovey]

Date: 7/21/2008 11:49:45 AM
Author: fuzzers
Aw sorry it didn''t happen.

I would have fallen for that too! Well I think you''re lucky to know it''s coming by the end of the year.

So I would be patient... don''t ask too many more questions. Let him surprise you!

Easier said than done, lol! But I will definitely make a strong effort.

I just have always had this insatiable need to know (everything) with every aspect of my life. So, I''m going to really cherish LIW as a sounding board when I feel myself about to do something crazy (like bug him with the when, where, what time, how, etc.)!

 

[fieryred33143]

I think that if you have waited 3 years already, what’s five more months? You can wait out the rest of the year to see if he follows through on his promise to propose this year.

I can tell you that there were plenty of PSers that had the same promise of getting engaged by the end of the year, it didn’t happen, they were disappointed, but it did happen several months later. Inquiring as to the specific date will only ruin the surprise for you.

I can tell you that I feel for you. I have gone through times where I thought “ok this is it, it’s going to happen” and nothing. It’s frustrating but the frustration is really my fault because I shouldn’t assume that every single significant thing that happens is going to lead to a proposal. Just take life one day at a time.

Oh and Welcome!!

 

[meresal]

Don't ask him... let it be his thing. Once you ask him what month, he's probably going to tell you Decemeber anyway. I know my FF would.

Also, for my own curiosity... did he ever tell you what was so important that he had to whisper and meet with the waitress on more than one occassion. That sounds kind of mean spirited to me, especially right in front of you. If it was only for a bottle of wine, when he knows you're waiting for an engagement

. Guys can be REALLY dense sometimes.

 

[loveydovey]

Date: 7/21/2008 12:07:54 PM
Author: fieryred33143

I can tell you that there were plenty of PSers that had the same promise of getting engaged by the end of the year, it didn’t happen, they were disappointed,

Oh my, and this is what I''m nervous about! I think this is why I''m so anxious. Before I know it, August will turn into December and I don''t want to be disappointed. If it doesn''t happen this year, then I guess I''ll have to suck it up. But I''m gonna hold out hope and try to be patient as best I can

 

[KCCutie]

Oh, sweetie I feel your pain! My SO has said we''d be engaged before we move in together and we''re under contract on a house right now so every time we leave the house I have at least one quick "I wonder if this could be it" thought. Usually I just put it right out of my mind but the thought is there. Just try not to let it take over. You only have 5 months so try to enjoy these final months as a dating couple. Soon he''ll be your FI so try to enjoy this time with his as your BF b/c once you''re engaged he won''t be your BF ever again.

BTW - What was the deal with the waitress and the glass? Obviously he was trying to do something special but I can''t figure out what it was....was it a special wine?

 

[Blair138]

At the point when my proposal was a week away (BF told me a date it would happen by because we were going on a big vacation), every thing we did together, I convinced myself that it wouldn''t happen-the night he proposed I MADE myself think it wouldn''t and I was really surprised! That being said, when I didn''t have a date, I thought that EVERYDAY was a proposal day. It sucked. I would say that if you know its going to happen by the end of the year, try and relax, enjoy being a LIW-I KNOW everyone on here says it, but I promise it''s true, not that I was a freak, but I do look back on some things before the engagement and wish I wasn''t such a LIW about them

Also-my now FI admitted to this, but guys don''t realize their actions can be misconstrued as proposal-inducing. I had a moment of LIW weakness when I named EVERYTIME that I thought he would propose, Bday, 3 vacations we took, new years, v-day, pretty much everything had passed and I was convinced it would never happen. I know you told him that you were expecting a proposal, but maybe let him know that talking to the waitress and being secretive pointed to that-let him know that you want things to be a surprise, but can''t help but thinking that things like that mean more than they actually do!!! Good luck and hopefully it will come soon!!

 

[allycat0303]

That really doesn`t sound like fun. Especially since it was your 3 year anniversary. I think that sounds like a perfect time to propose, so I would be expecting it too. Keep venting here and try not get too angry at him.

 

[loveydovey]

Date: 7/21/2008 12:11:29 PM
Author: meresal
Also, for my own curiosity... did he ever tell you what was so important that he had to whisper and meet with the waitress on more than one occassion. That sounds kind of mean spirited to me, especially right in front of you. If it was only for a bottle of wine, when he knows you''re waiting for an engagement

. Guys can be REALLY dense sometimes.

He was telling her to bring the champagne out to the table as a surprise. He did this special toast about our relationship and how much he loved me. I told him a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to get into wine tasting and so the special champagne and the new wine glasses (he also got me some bottles of wine) was his gift to me. I''m happy for the thought he put into it, but I just wish he didn''t make it sound all mysterious (signaling the waitress, telling me to clear my evening, telling me to make sure I wear something springy, and that he had a big surprise). Lol, I mean, any girl would think those were hints for a proposal. I don''t know why he didn''t think that I would think that he was about to propose!!

I''m not going to ask him which month, but I think in a few days I''m going to see if i can get him to give me a hint unknowingly. I''ll feel a lot better if i had a tinsy weensy hint

 

[meresal]

Date: 7/21/2008 12:25:12 PM
Author: loveydovey

Date: 7/21/2008 12:11:29 PM
Author: meresal
Also, for my own curiosity... did he ever tell you what was so important that he had to whisper and meet with the waitress on more than one occassion. That sounds kind of mean spirited to me, especially right in front of you. If it was only for a bottle of wine, when he knows you're waiting for an engagement

. Guys can be REALLY dense sometimes.

He was telling her to bring the champagne out to the table as a surprise. He did this special toast about our relationship and how much he loved me. I told him a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to get into wine tasting and so the special champagne and the new wine glasses (he also got me some bottles of wine) was his gift to me. I'm happy for the thought he put into it, but I just wish he didn't make it sound all mysterious (signaling the waitress, telling me to clear my evening, telling me to make sure I wear something springy, and that he had a big surprise). Lol, I mean, any girl would think those were hints for a proposal. I don't know why he didn't think that I would think that he was about to propose!!

I'm not going to ask him which month, but I think in a few days I'm going to see if i can get him to give me a hint unknowingly. I'll feel a lot better if i had a tinsy weensy hint

I think that this was wrong on his part. But like Blair said, guys just don't think the same way we do.

Also, how does your bf react when you ask him about the engagement and time frames? There have been a few ladies on here that have stated that guys tend to push it further away, the more we L'sIW talk about it... be sure you're not hindering his plans or your chances at an earlier proposal by asking for a time frame. He wants it to be a surpirse, maybe just letting it be, is the best idea. Just my .02

 

[Amzizzle]

I''m sorry it didn''t happen that night...I''ve been there to,I once thought he was going to propose on my b-day and it didn''t happen and I was almost in tears.We are also on the three year mark.Don''t worry thought guys are crazy sometimes,and they do eventually get it right lol!

 

[jcarlylew]

Also, how does your bf react when you ask him about the engagement and time frames? There have been a few ladies on here that have stated that guys tend to push it further away, the more we L''sIW talk about it... be sure you''re not hindering his plans or your chances at an earlier proposal by asking for a time frame. He wants it to be a surpirse, maybe just letting it be, is the best idea. Just my .02

I agree - My boyf said the SAME thing becuase i was pestering him about getting the ring fixed (we''re using my gma''s ring). *sigh* oh well! Its soooo hard not to get your hopes up. but then i try to think of something else i really want insted (ha...like there is anything) and at least it would be one of the two!

and yes, my boyf is just as dense. he took me to the best italian resturant there is in seattle, and no proposal. eegads!

 

[customcushion]

DO NOT pressure your BF or ask him when he will propose. Not a good idea.

 

[purrfectpear]

You know ladies, just because he mentioned that he planned to propose sometime in the next 365 days, does not make him "mean" or "wrong" every time he tries to treat you to a nice dinner out, or surprise you with wine. Think about it rationally, OK

The poor guy can''t be on pins and needles every moment worrying about what you might be assuming in your LIW neurosis

Sit tight till 12/31/08

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 7/21/2008 1:48:11 PM
Author: purrfectpear
You know ladies, just because he mentioned that he planned to propose sometime in the next 365 days, does not make him ''mean'' or ''wrong'' every time he tries to treat you to a nice dinner out, or surprise you with wine. Think about it rationally, OK

The poor guy can''t be on pins and needles every moment worrying about what you might be assuming in your LIW neurosis

Sit tight till 12/31/08

Purrdectpear is right! Personally, I think it''s awesome that your men do these things for you!! I always try and discourage the "what if" behavior many women get when they are an LIW for this very reason. I know how badly it hurts because I did it to myself once before. I always say it is better to be pleasantly surprised than bitterly disappointed!

 

[toolips23]

hello lovey and welcome to PS!

You and I are in very similar situations. My BF told me that we are going to get engaged some time this year and the waiting has been driving me crazy. But I find that coming on here, reading about other people, researching diamonds...it helps A LOT!!!

Try and occupy yourself with other things and trust that he will come through like he said he would.

Hope everything works out and if you want to talk and commisurate, I''m here

~toolips23

 

[meresal]

Agree to disagree. I was looking at this situation as any random night (in which case I do believe what I said earlier would hold true) However, since this was an Anniversary, any girl should be excited that her BF went to so much trouble to make it special... even if there wasn't a proposal.

But, I think most of us DO agree that her asking when it will happen is not the right thing to do.

 

[Bia]

Let him surprise you.

This is the advice I got (and took) from all these lovely women...let him surprise you. I almost didn''t and it caused more grief than it should have. Remember that this is his deal too...plus I am still waiting! It''s not easy, I can relate honey.

Also don''t ruin special nights out just because you''re expecting a proposal! You''re anniversary dinner sounded like a wonderful attempt on his part to be romantic and demonstrate how much he loves you! Remember, he might have something completely different in mind, that doesn''t involve any of the things YOU have in mind, so again, I can''t stress this enough, let him surprise you.

Congrats on three years!

 

[loveydovey]

Date: 7/21/2008 1:48:11 PM
Author: purrfectpear
You know ladies, just because he mentioned that he planned to propose sometime in the next 365 days, does not make him ''mean'' or ''wrong'' every time he tries to treat you to a nice dinner out, or surprise you with wine. Think about it rationally, OK

The poor guy can''t be on pins and needles every moment worrying about what you might be assuming in your LIW neurosis

Sit tight till 12/31/08

I agree wholeheartedly with you! I felt so silly the next day and so I cooked some shrimp (his fav) for us to eat, took out my new wine glasses, popped open one of the bottles of wine he bought me, and we enjoyed a nice relaxed meal at home. He was happy and so was I. It was an overall happy weekend

 

[loveydovey]

Aww you guys have no idea how much you have helped me. I appreciate each and everyone''s input! I

this forum already!

I''m going to sit tight until Dec 31 and continue to enjoy my time as a lady in waiting!

 

[meresal]

Date: 7/21/2008 2:14:30 PM
Author: loveydovey
Aww you guys have no idea how much you have helped me. I appreciate each and everyone''s input! I

this forum already!

I''m going to sit tight until Dec 31 and continue to enjoy my time as a lady in waiting!

Glad to hear it!! Welcome!!

 

[Blair138]

And come here ANYTIME you feel a LIW breakdown coming on-I swear it helps!!! I''m not a LIW anymore, but I still love reading these and posting cause all the ladies on here are so awesome and helpful!!!

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 7/21/2008 11:37:25 AM
Author:loveydovey
He''s told me that he is going to propose this year.

He has told me that I spoil stuff and he''s said before,''why won''t you ever let me surprise you?''

I just have no clue when.

I just keep thinking to myself, gosh it''s almost August!!

Question: Should I just go ahead and ask him which month he plans to do this in? I''m going crazy

You aren''t listening to him and you''re sort of making it all about you and not him as well. He''s been very clear with you. He''s already told you he will propose this year and that you spoil surprises for him. He wants it to be a surprise so why would you think you''d have a clue when he''ll do it? The poor guy wants to do it his way so let him. It''s not like you haven''t talked about it, you have. He''s told you what he wants. So let him do it his way. Why would you want to ruin that experience for him by pushing him? Getting engaged is about two people, not just the woman, right?

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 7/21/2008 11:43:10 AM
Author: absolut_blonde
Honestly, I understand that being LIW can be agonizing, maddening, anxiety-inducing and just all around not fun.


But... I think you should wait this one out and let him do it. You know it''s going to happen. In fact, you know it''s going to happen by the end of the year-- which is less than 5 months away. I know it''s hard, but i would try to relax and let him do it his way.


It''d be another story if you didn''t have a timeline, but you''ve already got a reasonable amount of info.

It''s actually HORRIBLE being a LIW...so I feel for you, being married is so much better (for me) than all the waiting and wondering, the adrenalin 24/7...
Having said that, you already understand that it is going to happen this year...and if that promise is ''fair-dinkum'', why not let it unfold?

Your man obviously went to some lengths to give you a memorable anniversary treat - and you spoilt it by being a nasty sulk. Try not to be difficult while you''re waiting for your ''dream'' to happen, he doesn''t have to marry you, you know!

Are you worried that he''s pulling your leg re marriage? If not, if he seems *on track*, he deserves a loving and respectful future fiance.

 

[Dreamgirl]

I can relate to you. My difference is that I don''t think a proposal is going to happen just yet. Though, on July 2nd we celebrated out 10 year anniversary. (not sure if you read about it since you were a lurker) We went to eat out as well. Of course I had the "Oh, I wonder if he will propose!!!" thoughts and giddyness running through my head. But a part of me knew it wasn''t gonna happen. And it didn''t. I couldn''t help but feel a little sad about it.

It''s crazy cause I knew it wouldn''t happen but still felt sad.

I love surprises but am terrible when I know a surprise is coming. BF will want to surprise me with a proposal and I always hope I have no clue its coming because if I do, things will go haywire! lol I will bug him to no end about it if I knew when exactly it were coming. And Id probably do the same thing as you if my boyfriend went and spoke with a waitress and everything he did. I mean, how could you not think he was up to something if he was doing that!

But Im thinking if your guy told you it will be this year, then its coming soon girl so try and keep calm about it. If he wants to surprise you, then Id bet he does it on a random day (because its more of a surprise this way) rather than a big day like anniversary or holidays.

I wish you all the luck!