I Just Don''t Know

[ItsMe]

My FI and I got engaged about three weeks ago. He picked out the ring all on his own.

We started talking marriage about a year ago, so I knew a ring was coming eventually, I just didn''t know when. I started trying to give him ideas of what I wanted a couple months ago, but by this time he had already purchased the ring (which I didn''t know) and was planning the proposal.

I love him dearly. There is no question he''s "the one", and I want to marry him. What I just don''t know is...if I love the ring. The diamond is of good quality, and though it''s only a half carat, size is not the issue. I just don''t know if I like the setting. Some days I like it and some days I hate it. (And on those days I''m afraid my attitude is less than positive...)

We plan to upgrade the diamond down the road, and he''s fine with that, but we''ve never discussed the setting. I don''t know if I should broach the subject of changing the setting because I don''t want to hurt his feelings. I know he chose it with me in mind, but it seems all he got from what little info I did give him is that I wanted "diamonds in the band". In his defense though, I was never very specific.

What do you all think of the ring? And, would you say anything to FI about the setting?

 

[ItsMe]

Oh my gosh! Why is it so big?? I''m so sorry!! Obviously my first post! Let me try again. So, so sorry!

 

[D&T]

first off, Congratulations and your ring is beautiful! If you plan on resetting or upgrading in the future, I would try and wait on it until the time is right for the upgrade then talk about it as to not hurt his feelings, you can get a completely different setting then and put a colored stone or so in this setting if he's sentimental about keeping it. If you don't think you'll hurt his feelings now about the subject, and if there is a return period - then maybe discuss it?

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Congratulations on your engagement!
I think that your ring is very pretty, but what matters most is that YOU love it. You know your fiance, how do you think that he would take the news that you are not totally in love with your ring?

 

[ItsMe]

Trying the pic again. Crossing my fingers as that first attempt was quite embarrassing!

 

[NYCsparkle]

the setting is beautiful, but if you aren''t happy then change it...my friend had a similar issue and didn''t want to hurt her fiances feelings....so she waited until they were wedding band shopping and fell in love with a band that didn''t match her e-ring so the only "logical" thing to do was change her e-ring to match that setting. her fiance was happy that he could make her happy knowing how much she wanted a matching wedding set.

...maybe you could wait to do something like that so no feelings are hurt

 

[lilyfoot]

If the ring is still within a return or exchange period, I''d definitely speak up about it.

If the ring is NOT, then I wouldn''t say anything. You say somedays you like it and somedays you don''t. It''s not like you outright loathe it. Maybe you just need a bit more time to fall in love with it?

It''s obviously a beautiful ring, but if it''s not making you happy then ...

 

[AprilBaby]

It sure is blingy! I like it. But then I don''t have to wear it, you do. I would return IF it was in the return period. Otherwise I like picking a wedding band that needs a new e-ring setting.

 

[mariel]

I think it''s yummy! Congrats!!!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Your setting/ring is beautiful. If you''re planning to upgrade, maybe just try and enjoy the ring as is. It''s not a permanent ring and you don''t want to hurt your FI''s feelings.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 11/3/2009 2:27:23 PM
Author:ItsMe
My FI and I got engaged about three weeks ago. He picked out the ring all on his own.

We started talking marriage about a year ago, so I knew a ring was coming eventually, I just didn''t know when. I started trying to give him ideas of what I wanted a couple months ago, but by this time he had already purchased the ring (which I didn''t know) and was planning the proposal.

I love him dearly. There is no question he''s ''the one'', and I want to marry him. What I just don''t know is...if I love the ring. The diamond is of good quality, and though it''s only a half carat, size is not the issue. I just don''t know if I like the setting. Some days I like it and some days I hate it. (And on those days I''m afraid my attitude is less than positive...)

We plan to upgrade the diamond down the road, and he''s fine with that, but we''ve never discussed the setting. I don''t know if I should broach the subject of changing the setting because I don''t want to hurt his feelings. I know he chose it with me in mind, but it seems all he got from what little info I did give him is that I wanted ''diamonds in the band''. In his defense though, I was never very specific.

What do you all think of the ring? And, would you say anything to FI about the setting?

The original setting of my ering was a split shank and I liked it at first but after a while it began to look more like a ''cocktail ring'' to me rather than an ering. I eventually changed the setting to a solitaire and I couldn''t be happier with it. My FI was a bit disappointed at first but he agrees now that the new setting looks way better AND the valuation has gone up despite the tcw going down (the split shank had pave diamonds). I would see how your FI feels about you changing the setting and take it from there....

 

[waterlilly]

I like the idea of maybe waiting until you are wedding band shopping to suggest changing it. That gives you time to see if you fall in love with this one and decide what would really make you happy if you decide you still don''t want it. You could have the stones made into your wedding band if you are thinking of getting a plain setting for the e-ring, maybe?

Unless, of course, as others have suggested - you are still in the return period and can return it much easier now than later...

By the way, I really like it, do you have more pics?

 

[ItsMe]

Wow! You guys are really nice!

As soon as I hit "submit" on my earlier post I literally thought I was going to have a panic attack! I already felt somewhat guilty for not being in love with the ring, even more so for saying it out loud (well, through the keyboard that is) as I haven''t admitted this to anyone. So, your support and kind words mean a lot. Really.

And, actually, I do have a couple more pics.

 

[ItsMe]

One more...

 

[packrat]

I like it! What is it specifically you''re not loving? Do you have a profile pic close up? The side view looks neat!

Don''t feel guilty about not loving it-it''s your ering and it''s important!

I like D&T''s idea of a new ering and then using this setting for a colored stone!

 

[clgwli]

I am curious too what about it you don''t think you like? Personally I think it is a nice setting. It has some bling but not overwhelming the stone.

I would suggest try it with wedding bands first. If you really don''t like it, then be gentle and gradual about talking about it. Honestly there are things that I thought I would love on me and then when I got them on I hated it. So being a bit vague like you were isn''t anything bad. It can happen. If you don''t hate it now I wouldn''t say anything for a while.

 

[blackberry16]

I believe that you can absolutely say something about the setting. If you don''t love it now, IMO you probably won''t ever be completely thrilled with it. The style of a setting is very specific for each woman and you should be comfortable with yours. My sister doesn''t like her setting and she never said anything now she is 3 years into the marriage and hates her ring. Just tell him that you love the diamond but that the setting isn''t really "you". It has been my experience that most men want their ladies to be happy and proud of their rings. I think the longer you wait to tell him the worse he will feel when you finally do. Coming from someone who changed her setting 5 years in, it is sooooo worth it to be thrilled with your entire ring and my hubby is so happy that I am so in love with my ring.

 

[Luckyeshe]

Congrats on the engagement, ItsMe!! The ring looks great on your finger! But if you''re not happy with it, then if your FI is within the return period, you may want to say something now. I agree with the other ladies, that you have to have something that you love. But if there is a chance you could love this ring, not just like it, by trying it on for a bit, then stick with it. If not, better to be honest now and get a new another one that you''d be happy with.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I think it also depends on the kind of guy your fiance is, some guys are all about practical and have no sentimental attachment to the rings they pick out. Others are 100% attached to it and see it as their crowning relationship achievement, haha. You probably know him well enough by now to have an inkling how he''d respond to the idea of a reset.

 

[SB621]

Date: 11/3/2009 7:53:58 PM
Author: blackberry16
I believe that you can absolutely say something about the setting. If you don''t love it now, IMO you probably won''t ever be completely thrilled with it. The style of a setting is very specific for each woman and you should be comfortable with yours. My sister doesn''t like her setting and she never said anything now she is 3 years into the marriage and hates her ring. Just tell him that you love the diamond but that the setting isn''t really ''you''. It has been my experience that most men want their ladies to be happy and proud of their rings. I think the longer you wait to tell him the worse he will feel when you finally do. Coming from someone who changed her setting 5 years in, it is sooooo worth it to be thrilled with your entire ring and my hubby is so happy that I am so in love with my ring.

I totally agree with blackberry. Rings are not cheap and personally I would be more offended if you wore it and didn''t love it. I see that as a waste of money. I would much rather tell my finance the truth. If you are 50/50 about it I would still tell him. Have him go ring shopping with you and pick out something together. Trust me if you are 50/50 then you are probably not happy. You should be thrilled with your ering and it SHOULD give you goosebumps when you look at it.

Goodluck!

 

[tyty333]

Well, I have to say personally, I like it. But if you dont...determine if you can live with it 5 years or so until you
can do that upgrade. If you dont think you can...then I would mention to your F that you just arent loving
it and see what he has to say.

Before speaking with him (like others have suggested), go try on various types of bands, including non-matchy.
You may find that it really gives you a different feel about your ring and you may be able to wait till the upgrade.

 

[motownmama]

I think it''s really classy and beautiful!!! It sounds like picking it out on his own was important to him. This is always dicey, but I know personally I would keep it. I agree that bands will make the look different. What don''t you like about the look, btw?

 

[ItsMe]

Many of you have asked what it is I don''t like about it... I think it''s just that in certain lighting conditions I don''t like the way the pave looks. Unfortunately, those conditions exist in my office where I spend 9+ hours a day. (Yucky fluorescent lighting and light green-gray walls.) Maybe I could hire someone to walk around shining showroom lights on my hand all the time.

We are definitely outside any return period. I think I''ve decided to keep quiet. I do think that saying something would hurt his feelings. I know he had to save for a while to buy it, and I know he really tried to find something he thought I would like. I actually *do* like it, I just don''t think it''s what I would''ve chosen for myself. Truthfully though, if given the opportunity I''m not sure I even know what I would choose (to wear every day for the rest of my life!).

Anyway, thanks again for all of your suggestions, and for saying good things about my ring. Not that I think any of you lovely ladies would say anything otherwise.

But it''s nice to hear.

 

[D&T]

Date: 11/4/2009 1:03:30 PM
Author: ItsMe
Many of you have asked what it is I don't like about it... I think it's just that in certain lighting conditions I don't like the way the pave looks. Unfortunately, those conditions exist in my office where I spend 9+ hours a day. (Yucky fluorescent lighting and light green-gray walls.) Maybe I could hire someone to walk around shining showroom lights on my hand all the time.

We are definitely outside any return period. I think I've decided to keep quiet. I do think that saying something would hurt his feelings. I know he had to save for a while to buy it, and I know he really tried to find something he thought I would like. I actually *do* like it, I just don't think it's what I would've chosen for myself. Truthfully though, if given the opportunity I'm not sure I even know what I would choose (to wear every day for the rest of my life!).

Anyway, thanks again for all of your suggestions, and for saying good things about my ring. Not that I think any of you lovely ladies would say anything otherwise.

But it's nice to hear.

yay! glad your keeping.

now you have at least a year - five year to think about that upgrade

later

 

[diamondseeker2006]

A lot of people here will keep the original setting and set a colored stone in it if they have to use the original diamond for the upgrade. That way you can show him you want to keep the setting for sentimental reasons, but still get a setting you love for your permanent set when you upgrade. Meanwhile, it is pretty and you can enjoy it knowing that you''ll be able to change it later!

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 11/3/2009 3:34:53 PM
Author: NYCsparkle
the setting is beautiful, but if you aren''t happy then change it...my friend had a similar issue and didn''t want to hurt her fiances feelings....so she waited until they were wedding band shopping and fell in love with a band that didn''t match her e-ring so the only ''logical'' thing to do was change her e-ring to match that setting. her fiance was happy that he could make her happy knowing how much she wanted a matching wedding set.

...maybe you could wait to do something like that so no feelings are hurt

I think that the ring is beautiful, but if you really want to change it, then I love NYCsparkle''s idea!

 

[motownmama]

Since you sound like you''re keeping it, do you have any more pictures? I really think it looks gorgeous on your hand!

 

[clgwli]

Date: 11/4/2009 1:03:30 PM
Author: ItsMe
Many of you have asked what it is I don''t like about it... I think it''s just that in certain lighting conditions I don''t like the way the pave looks. Unfortunately, those conditions exist in my office where I spend 9+ hours a day. (Yucky fluorescent lighting and light green-gray walls.) Maybe I could hire someone to walk around shining showroom lights on my hand all the time.

We are definitely outside any return period. I think I''ve decided to keep quiet. I do think that saying something would hurt his feelings. I know he had to save for a while to buy it, and I know he really tried to find something he thought I would like. I actually *do* like it, I just don''t think it''s what I would''ve chosen for myself. Truthfully though, if given the opportunity I''m not sure I even know what I would choose (to wear every day for the rest of my life!).

Anyway, thanks again for all of your suggestions, and for saying good things about my ring. Not that I think any of you lovely ladies would say anything otherwise.

But it''s nice to hear.

Just remember also you may not be in that office forever I know a lot of office settings are not good for jewelry in general. I think drab lighting and colors just make most jewelry look blah. I know mine always did. I just kind of ignored it after a while!

I am glad you did decide to keep it and be quiet for a while. Just try to look at it as often as you can in the good lighting. I know what you mean about not knowing what to pick for yourself. I''ve been working with my husband for a 10 year upgrade and I cannot find a setting I really like to save my life. I have a feeling it will never happen

 

[cutechick0021]

I felt the same way you did. Dropped my now husband plenty of hints and he ultimately went with what he liked. I changed the ring to make it more "blingy" and what I wanted (going broke in the process), snd i''m still not happy...changed it 3 times to be exact...broke his heart in the process. I''d say out of exeprience don''t do it. It''ll really end up costing you both one way or the other

 

[Stone Hunter]

I think your decision is the right one. When you upgrade the diamond it will require a new setting. So live with it for now, maybe think about better office lighting!!

It is a nice setting, I''m sorry it''s just not you.