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I know that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but you''ve got to be kidding me

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cocolaw

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So I work with this girl--shes nice and we get along, but she is very immature. She cheats on her boyfriend of 2 years constantly, with guys who she thinks have a lot of money, I guess in hopes that they will buy her something...I have no idea. She was crushed when the guy she most recently cheated (who told her that he is an investment banker with jp morgan..but lied) with flat-out rejected her. So she talks all the time about how she can''t stand her boyfriend and wants to break up. Then I started talking about my plans with my bf--who I do not cheat on and love dearly. And suddenly, she wants to marry her bf! She kept cheating on him but also started pressuring him to buy her a ring and really took all of the fun out of the whole process (for both of them). She told him that if he couldn''t buy her a 2 carat solitare (which was always her *dream* ring) that she didn''t even want a diamond. He couldn''t afford that, so she said that she would settle for a gold scroll ring (I do think she convinced him that she would love the thing). She is suddenly demanding that she be engaged before Christmas (which incidently is around when it will happen for my bf and I). Well she found out recently that her bf had not even ordered the gold scroll ring yet and that it was not available bc it''s no longer in production. So now, out of the blue, she wants an emerald cut, 3 stone ring.... JUST LIKE MINE.

I know that I should be flattered by all of this, but its really sad to watch. Her bf has no idea that she cheats on him and always talks about breaking up with him. She was upset that he didnt propose last week and said "oh well...i was looking forward to having a new piece of jewelry"...and what''s worse is that she has asked me to be in her wedding. Her flippant attitude about marraige makes me feel like she is trivializing the HUGELY important, life-changing decision that my bf and I have made together.
 
Errghhh Yuck! Stop talking to her!
 
She''s just very immature. Don''t sweat it, she is obviously quite impressed by you and is jealous of where you are in your life. Just remember that and I think it will put it into a different perspective for you (i.e., pity instead of anger).
 
I know i know...its just so icky!!!! I get copying my shoes, but come ON!
 
Oh dear that marriage won't last. I feel very sorry for her BF, very very very sorry.
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She sounds very immature, like a brat someone who thinks they deserve everything ( I hate when people have that etitlement).

best yo can do is put up with her, and maybe try and convince her marriage isn't for her, someone has to save that poor boy!
 
I wouldn''t talk to her socially at all. I wouldn''t listen to her go on about the people she''s cheating with. It kindof leans toward accomplice and I wouldn''t like it. Just tell her you are in a place of work, and you aren''t there to be social.
 
I wouldn''t find anything flattering about the situation. It sounds like you don''t need to be telling her ANYTHING about your personal life/decisions.

I''d tell her you and your bf changed your minds and decided on a fancy yellow pear solitaire and let her run with it.. heh or it may not be the best idea to fuel the fire. It sounds like she''s changed her mind so many times i doubt her bf will actually go through with buying a ring. And if the poor guy DOES, like ckrickett said, it''s not gonna last.

Then keep the chit-chat to a minimum. With these kinds of people, it''s best to be civil and as nice as can be, but put up a wall around your personal life and don''t let her into the details. If this thing really DOES follow through you don''t want her all yappy trying to compete with you and copying all your wedding plans. If she wants details, I think this is one instance where it''s ok to LIE!!! Or tell her it''s none of her business.. or tell her that you haven''t planned that yet.. or whatever...
 
I would probably tell her in the nicest way possible that I think she''s a crappy person for treating her BF that way. If she openly shares her relationship ordeals, I think you should throw in your .02. (maybe you''ll knock some sense into her)

Anyways, I wouldn''t think tooo much of it, but I agree with everyone else, I wouldn''t go into detail about anything pertaining to YOUR personal life.
 
Uh. This girl sounds like a dip. My question to you is, why do you care?

I mean, I get that you probably confide in her on some level (probably a superficial one because it doesn''t sound like you consider her a friend), beacuse she knows certain things about your life. But again, she sounds like a person you don''t want to really lose sleep over. So don''t. If she''s copying you either she''s trying to compete (at which point you should really ignore it) or she has no itegrity or imagination...so feel sorry for her. At best feel flattered that you have great style and that others notice.

Hon, don''t worry about it.

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Weird. I don''t think her antics reflect on you or take away from your relationship with your boyfriend, but I certainly wouldn''t endorse them by being in her wedding.
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i just feel terrible for her bf--he has NO clue and he''s such a nice guy..he is a family law attorney (as ironic as that is)! Oh well....hopefully the wackjob will tire of me and find another girl to imitate soon enough!
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Okay, I''m going to take the "road less traveled" on this one...

First, her cheating is an awful thing, clearly...but since she''s a co-worker and not a close friend, I''d keep the lid on that. I have plenty of employees, and their personal lives aren''t always the cleanest or most pristine admitably, but thats not my business--and I cannot make judgements, because thats not my place. Now...if my best friend for always was doing something I didn''t agree with, I''d make my position on the issue well known. So while you may find her cheating morally disgusting, it''s not something that you should get yourself mixed up in--after all, it will only cause work place drama (and there is literally nothing worse than that).

Secondly, you''re not the only girl in the world who
a. wants to get married and has made the loving decision with SO
b. likes a three stone ring (emerald cut)
c. may get engaged on/around Christmas

While she may be modeling herself and her tastes after yours--in your minds eye, she''s still totally entitled to whatever ring she wants, whatever relationship path she chooses to take and whatever time of year she wants her dream purposal to happen. You, unfortunately don''t have the corner market on those things. I am actually betting on the fact that the day after Christmas LIW will be all a buzz with new bling and purposal stories...and, the part of me that wants to shine light on this subject is curious to know that, if someone "higher" on the list than you gets engaged...does that mean you copied her, or all of them????

The bigger person in this situation will smile, and find a way to be happy for her--even if its the most annoying concession in the world you''ll ever have to make.

Chances are things will bottom out in due time if the relationship is truthfully as skewed as you claim it to be...but until then, put on your big girl pants and be flattered rather than frusterated.
 
I think she's imitating you. From your story, it sounds like she's constantly changing her mind and when she's come up with a new idea, it's conveniently right after you've shared some info about your personal life.

Everyone else has said it (I think Bia said it best)....stop sharing any personal information and keep the chitchat to a minimum. If she's more friend than co-worker and you want to maintain a friendship with her then you need to say something...about her cheating, nagging, copying, etc.
 
Ditto to Italia''s post. If you were looking at a very unique engagement ring and a very unique time to get engaged, then I''d be irritated. But you''re not, so I wouldn''t make more out of it than it really is.

If I were you, though, I would completely disassociate with her. I would only tell her what she absolutely needed to know for work, and I certainly wouldn''t tell her a single detail about my upcoming wedding. And I definitely wouldn''t stand up in her wedding. Ick.
 
I wouldn''t pay her any mind. She''s obviously not someone you want to keep around in your life, so I would keep her as a work acquaintance and nothing more. Just consider yourself lucky that you do have such an incredible relationship with your FF and focus on that. Don''t let her immaturity take away from your happiness, she just doesn''t seem worth worrying over. In the future I wouldn''t share any of my plans with this girl, so that way you avoid having to hear about anymore of her "copycat" ideas.
 
Yikes, sounds like she is very immature and has no clue what she wants! I personally would not talk to her about your plans with your BF, she seems jealous and wants what you have! I wouldn''t not talk to her though, you should still be a respectful person, just don''t talk about "personal" matters. Hopefully she will grow out of this soon, and I also think she needs to be single for a while. Especially if she is cheating, she needs to be ALONE.
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I too would quit talking about your personal life and plans with this co-worker. I would politely decline the offer to be in her wedding without further hesitation. I am also the type of person who would speak up to her about her the cheating and incessant talk about it. I don't condone that behavior and wouldn't want to sit and chat with someone who was doing that to someone they supposedly love. I just couldn't do it, but that's me. Lastly I think I'd comment about her trivializing marriage and the proposal as a means to 'get a new piece of jewelry' that comment makes my stomach turn.
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Good luck!
 
What I''m hearing is that you''re not necessarily bothered by her imitating you, but that her attitude toward her own relationship/marriage somehow reflects on your own relationship/marriage.

Date: 11/18/2008 9:40:45 AM
Author:cocolaw
Her flippant attitude about marraige makes me feel like she is trivializing the HUGELY important, life-changing decision that my bf and I have made together.
To you it''s hugely important and life-changing, but to some people it simply isn''t. Marriage is not a big deal to many people, and nothing can change that.

However, I can''t understand what impact that would have on the importance of your own marriage. Marriage is what each couple makes of it, not what the general population believes it to be--and if you and your boyfriend believe it to be an important, life-changing decision, then it is. For you. What on earth does it matter what other people say/do/think about that decision? I''m sure that the people you know have any number of opinions on your decision to get married. Some people think it''s amazing and a huge deal, some people think it''s stupid and that you''ll ruin your relationship, some people think you''ll be getting divorced in 5 years, some people don''t care either way but hope that you''re happy... none of it matters. Sure, we all (on some level) want people to think that the things that are important to us are important in general, but the reality is that that is out of our hands, and we all do better if we realize that.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that the way she behaves--even if it is to imitate you--has absolutely nothing to do with your life/decisions/etc. You are you and she is an entirely separate person with a completely different set of morals, values and goals. She''ll live her life the way that she wants to, and it doesn''t have to have any impact on the way you live or see your own life.


Sorry for the rant, I didn''t mean to lecture, but the whole "her wanting to get married trivializes my wanting to get married" thing somehow kicked up a current marriage battle that''s going on in my neck of the woods. I feel very sensitive to that kind of sentiment lately. So, sorry again!
 
Exactly girlie-girl!! I do not know how to use the quote feature, but I had the same stomach-turning reaction! It''s one thing to be immature and materialistic, but to drag the boy into the middle of it is just terrible! Obviously I''m not gonna say anything to the boy, and I just kind of nod and go along with whatever she says (because this IS a work friend).

And if she gets the same ring...Emerald center stone, with 2 trapezoids, a big halo, on a graduated pave band
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...then I just get to look at another pretty piece of jewelry all day and realize that the ring means different things to each of us. I guess I can, and HAVE to just deal with the fact that people really do enter into marriage for different reasons.
 
Well, this girl just sounds icky. I would be tired of listening to her all day long, too!

Like previous posters pointed out, it''s good to realize that her trivialization of the institution of marriage has absolutely no bearing on your awesome relationship and upcoming engagement. It''s very easy for people to get caught up in comparing and sizing up others'' relationships, but many fail to note that no two relationships can possibly be the same! You''re lucky you have such a good thing going, and I''m sure that fact hasn''t escaped your "friend." She clearly sees you as someone to aspire to!

Anyway, none of what I just wrote is anything new. I''m sure you understand all of it in the abstract, but I can definitely see why you''re frustrated with your coworker.

What I really wanted to say is that your ring sounds AMAZING! I have a very big place in my heart for ECs, and traps are my latest infatuation. If you have any pictures of your ring, please post! (I understand if you''re hesitant to do so--maybe the coworker lurks!) I''ll be excited to see it once it''s on your finger.
 
I wouldn''t be in her wedding. Imagine the bridezilla she will be!
 
Yuck! Dont talk to her anymore about your SO and the plans you have! Or tell her you changed your mind about your dream ring and you now want whatever ring style you personally do not find appealing AT ALL, haha. Imitation can be flattering, but at this level it just irritating and very unhealthy on her part. Plus, you dont need the bad energy shes causing you. Her expectations sound very unrealistic though, and it seems like things have already fallen through with her previous plans. Dont sweat it too much. Even if she does get engaged its not the same type of engagement youre looking forward to at all, it''d be all for show.
 
What a sad sad girl.

Personally, I''d start changing up my ering plans, and see what happens. Well, tell her that you''re changing it anyway.
 
Date: 11/18/2008 10:28:23 PM
Author: SailorsSweet<3
Yuck! Dont talk to her anymore about your SO and the plans you have! Or tell her you changed your mind about your dream ring and you now want whatever ring style you personally do not find appealing AT ALL, haha.


That''s a good one!!! And it doesn''t even have to be unappealing, just make it something so totally, completely different in style from what you want that it really won''t bother you at all if her guy actually DOES buy it (yikes for him!). Example: "Oh, I tried on that emerald-cut 3 stone, but I fell in love with something totally else at the jeweler''s!! Now, I just love the look of a sapphire-and-diamond eternity band channel set in in white gold since I tried it on, I can''t stop thinking about it....it''s SO modern and elegant...I''m definitely getting THAT instead...."
 
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