I may have found the perfect stone to go with my perfect man!

[fatafelice]

Now how do I get them together?!

First of all, Congrats to all of the Newly Engaged Ladies! I love seeing others get crossed off the list!

I haven''t been posting much lately because I''ve been trying to keep my obsession to a simmer, but I''m off work today and I think I really need some advice.

I was *hoping* that is was going to happen over Christmas, but it turns out that was all in my head. I should have know better anyway, since it would have meant that my BF would have had to do all the work on his own and in complete secrecy. As it stands now, I don''t think he has done anything. Last week, in a moment of weakness (for both of us) I broke down and asked how much he had in the "special account." He took a second and replied that it was only X amount of money...definitely a long way away from what we had discussed as a budget for the stone (FYI: I told him that I would pay for the setting so that he could spend more on the stone and I wouldn''t have to compromise my dream custom setting). I felt a bit deflated after hearing that, since despite a bonus at work, it would be a long time until he would have enough saved, what with the mortage and bills to pay and all. My dreams of an Oct. 2006 wedding were in the toilet.

I then decided that I wasn''t going to let money for the "perfect" ring get in the way of our happiness. I told him that I would be okay with a diamond enternity style band that I could ultimately wear as a wedding band. I even showed him one online that I love. He looked, but I don''t think he loved the idea. Plus, then we would have to save for an ering in addition to a wedding.

After Christmas came with no proposal, I told myself that we would sit down and have a long talk after New Years.

Fast Forward to today. I was doing my usual WF search for a great cushion when, BAM!, I actually found my dream stone! I am still waiting for the cert (they might be out on holiday), but the listing has everything I want. NO small feat when it comes to finding and old-cut cushion...I have been looking for months! I am so unbelievably excited that this might be the one, but I am also faced with the possibility that I may miss out on it b/c my BF isn''t ready to take action.

If he is telling the truth, he doesn''t currently have anywhere close to the amount for this stone...but he could have been trying to throw me off. Also, he has said in the past that he was thinking about borrowing from his 401(K) to pay for an ering, but I always thought waiting and saving would be a better idea. Now, I really don''t want to miss out on this stone, and that option is looking a lot more appealing.

I know what you''re thinking, and I normally would say, if you cannot afford it, it isn''t meant to be and something better will come along. But I think this stone is PERFECT for me and when you are talking about antique cushions, that is a rare thing.

So how do I handle this? We have never really decided how to orchestrate the whole thing. He has mentioned several different scenarios in the past... from wanting to propose with a stand-in so that I could pick my own stone, to wanting to do everything himself and completely surprise me. I''m not sure I really care either way, except that I know WAY more about diamonds in general (and cushions in specific) than he does. And I know that I want this cushion (provided the cert doesn''t show that it is a modern cushion)!!!

Should I just let it go? Should I tell him this is what I want and suggest that he borrow from his 401K? I would offer to pay for it myself, but he has already said he won''t let me. ARGHHH! I am so conflicted!

I am SO sorry for how long and rambling this post is, but any and all advice is welcomed!

 

[fatafelice]

Update: No cert until Monday or Tuesday as the manufacturers are out until then.

But on the bright side, I guess that means it won''t be sold and it gives me more time to talk to my BF.

BTW, have I mentioned that Denise at Whiteflash absolutely ROCKS!

 

[larussel03]

Wow, this is a bit of a toughie. I know how you feel, you''ve found something perfect, it took months to find, but he may not be ready to pay for it, yet you know if you dont get it now, then you may have to wait another 6 months until you find another. If you want to bring it up to him, I would mention that you found this perfect cushion cut that you''ve been looking for and explain why it''s a big deal, so that he understands what the big deal is with this stone. I wouldnt ask him to dip into his 401k, unless he offers again, just in case he''s not totally comfortable with it. If he brings it up again that means that he is comfortable with it. Maybe he''d let you contribute a bit towards the ring too, it doesnt hurt to ask. Going into debt over a ring isnt always a good idea, but if it''s a rare find, and you commit to paying it off before starting to save for a wedding, it may not be a bad idea at all.

 

[jcrow]

can you take out a loan in either of y''all''s names? or both?

it''s such a difficult situation- when you find THE perfect stone. when expectations are high the quanities become much more limited...

i guess you can look at it 2 ways. either this is not your stone, move on and know that there is something better out there on your y''alls financial timeline, or know that this is your stone, and move on it somehow.

either way- good luck.

 

[Rhapsody]

I know how much it sucks to watch your dream stone go to someone else because you dont have the money. We were set to buy a stone about this time last year when my boyfriend got in an accident on the way home from visiting some friends in the mountains after christmas, slipped on some ice and spun off the road. 4000 dollars in body work later, my hopes were dashed. I had saved the image of the stone and stared at it longingly for months. He offered to buy it for me on credit and looked into taking money out of his 401k. There was a 35% penalty for taking money out now (!) and when I figured how much we''d be spending for the stone if we bought it that way it wasnt worth it.

The dream is just that, a dream. I''m trying to be zen about it and tell myself the dream diamond can come later. Although it would have been nice to have everything at once, I''ll take things as they come.

With all that said, if you can look at your finaces and say you can afford to for all practical purposes throw away the money for the penalties and the cost is worth not waiting, do it. I hate waiting, but I hate being broke more. You have to do what feels right, not just at the moment but what you will feel best about when you look back on the situation in 5 or 10 years.

Good luck! I hope you get your dream cushion.

 

[allycat0303]

Fatefelice,

Well that''s a tough call, if the cushion you want is really rare. If you really, really want it, then I would take out a loan rather then dip into a 401K. For me anyways, retirement fund is only taken out in a matter of LIFE OR DEATH. Actually I''m that way about loans too, (I don''t even own a credit card). However, everyone''s financial situation is different. Are the payments for a loan going to make you uncomfortable financially in any way? How long will it take him to save up the actual amount in cash needed? Is this diamond worth it? I would discuss it with your boyfriend, sit him down, and tell him what you think, and find out what he thinks. Find a solution that you both feel comfortable with.

Personally, for me, engagement rings are luxury items, so it was really important for my boyfriend to pay cash for the purchase. If not I would have a) waited longer or b) Gotten something smaller, but maybe you had fiance-to-be can come up with an option c. Good luck!

 

[Mara]

I agree with ally who said that diamonds are a luxury purchase, I really believe in paying cash and buying what you can afford. Yes sometimes if you know that the big bonus is around the corner then putting it on a 0% card for a month or so is not a big deal at all as long as you aren''t paying interest or extra just because you had to have it now.

Unfortunately that may mean passing on what seems like the perfect stone right now...because it''s not the right time.

I would never have wanted my husband to be to dip into his 401k for my engagement ring, no way no how! You can always get a stone later and trust me the perfect stone always comes around again at some point. If it''s not meant to be etc etc you know the drill. It is sad to see the stone that looks so right for you so within your reach but really if it''s not right then don''t force it! Sounds like he''s not ready, you''d have to really ''sell'' this one big time and it may lead to resentments later etc etc...the planets do not even remotely sound aligned here. So my advice would be to let the whole thing take it''s course naturally....as hard as it may be. Patience!

 

[appletini]

feta: I know how bad you want to the perfect stone. However, borrowing from a 401(k) is one of the worst financial decisions a person can make, this should not be done unless it is a true financial emergency. I had my eye on a 1.2 F SI2 med flour at WF for months and then it sold, I was devasated and realized my now FI was not the one that purchased it, but shortly after when my FI was ready, the stone I have now became available, it all worked out. So be patient, and remember that there will always be another "perfect" rock. You don''t want to start off your marriage in debt, and even though retirement seems so far away. when it finally becomes a reality many, many, years from now, you will be so glad that you didn''t give into your temptation...beautiful rings are always worth the wait. Best of Luck. I''ll keep my fingers crossed for you. *hugs*

 

[fatafelice]

Well, it has been a while and I thought I would share how things are going. I talked to my BF and he completely understood how important this was to me, which I apprecaited. We both agreed that borrowing from the 401K was a bad idea (I truly always knew that, just had a moment of diamond-induced weakness!). We also agreed that we(I) would wait to freak out/make a decision until we knew more about the stone. Hence, I haven''t been around much lately. I''ve been trying not to obsess.

The cert came in and looked like a modern cushion (Sigh), but everything else looked great. I thought about it for a day or two and decided that since finding an old cushion has been so hard, I would consider a modern stone. I emailed back that I wanted to ask the manufacturer if it was a modern or old cut. And then about two weeks went by. I didn''t hear anything from WF, but I decided that maybe that was because they couldn''t get the info or my email hadn''t gone through. Either way, I told myself, it was for the best since we couldn''t afford it right now anyway.

Well, I am not a patient person. I finally broke down and emailed again. Lesley got back to me immediately and told me that the reason I hadn''t heard back before is that Denise had left and they were trying to sort out her customers and communications. She found out from the manuf. that it was in fact a modern cushion (Sigh), but I decided that I would not have piece of mind and be able to "let it go" if I didn''t see it. The money was worth it to me. And who knows; I might love it.

They brought the stone in and sent me pictures. The IS looks great (for a cushion) and I tried to love it, but I don''t think I do. Good news, I guess. So I will be emailing Lesley back and telling her to release my hold on the stone.

Back to the drawing board, I guess...

 

[fatafelice]

Did you think I ws going to leave you without pics?!

here''s the 40x

 

[fatafelice]

here''s the IS

 

[fatafelice]

sarin

 

[fatafelice]

So, not quite "chunky" enough for me. I''m still searching for an old mine or similar. But this could be a great stone for one of you!

LINKand specs:

Item Code: 9174982
Price: $7,326.00
Report: GIA
Shape: Cushion
Carat: 1.52
Color: I
Clarity: VS2
Depth: 64.6
Table: 57
Girdle: STK-TK
Polish: Excellent
Symmetry: Excellent
Culet: Slightly Large
Fluorescence: Strong Blue
Measurements: 7.01-6.52X4.21
Length/Width: 1.08

 

[fatafelice]

There is actually a comparable stone listed by WF that is an older style cushion, but is a little out of budget because it is a G. Also, it doesn''t have any flour., which I really love. So, I''ll keep that one in my back pocket, just in case. Maybe after waiting so long, I deserve a more expensive stone!